Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Good Friends Are Hard To Find


My husband and I were having a discussion in our van today while driving home. He asked me what I felt a good friend was. I said that (for me) it was someone who is not temperamental, not easily offended, doesn't overuse their friends, understands boundaries in asking favors, understands that family comes first, loves God, talks respectful and positive of other people, is not cynical, and fun and upbeat to be around! Also that I am able to talk about things close to my heart and they will keep those secrets quiet. I have such a hard time trusting people because I'm so afraid to get betrayed again. It's happened so many times in the past. My husband pointed out some things to me of my characteristics that might scare people. Charles' words:

"With you, it's 'what you see is what you get'. There is no hiding around the bush with you. You don't act one way in front of someone but then secretly think something else about them. If you don't like them, you just don't hang out with them. You don't waste your time. If you have a problem with someone, you are upfront about it rather than go and talk about them behind their back to other people. That is what I love about you is that you are not a fake. You are the same girl at home as you are at church."

He reminded me that although sometimes that can scare people, it's better than being friends to someone who you have no idea if they are talking about you behind your back or they are shallow. I come from a family that doesn't hide around the bush. They just like to have fun, be goofy, be truthful, and be honest about our feelings towards each other or with circumstances. I think this is why I tend to hang with just a friend or two at the most and that I'm happy to just hang out with my husband and kids. I don't like shallow people. I don't waste my time. My dad always told me that if someone is willing to gossip to you about other people viciously, be guaranteed, they will do the same thing to you with their friends. I like my dad's wise words. :) Lately I've been really searching my heart and dealing with things not only in my own heart, but what kind of people I hang out with also. The bible says "Bad company corrupts good morals". I really believe it and I've experienced it as I'm sure everyone has at times. That's just life. I'm not into clicks and will never be a part of one. I look for the person that doesn't have a circle to be in. Sometimes, you find gold in them. They might've just been looked over because of the way they dress, or their style (or lack of it), or that they are shy, or quirky. I pray that God will reveal what things in me are hard to like as I pray that God will bring friends to me that are Godly and can see that the glass is half full! Life is wonderful. I do believe in forgiveness. But where is the line? When do you say, "Okay, now you've crossed the line way too far. I forgive you but that's enough. No more. I can't trust you anymore." This part is hard for me. I've made mistakes and I want to be forgiven also. So where is the line? This part remains hard for me to figure out.

9 comments:

Danielle said...

Sounds like your husband is a keeper! (: HE really lifted you up and blessed you with his words! Good friends are hard to find and keep. I am so blessed in a little church to have several great friends! Maybe you appreciate them more when there's less to choose from (I grew up in the McMinnville church which is significantly bigger) but it also makes me be friends with someone that isn't just exactly like me! I love that part!

Anonymous said...

Great advice!

Hugs!

Anonymous said...

What an awesome family you have! Your husband gives great advice and your children are beautiful. Thanks for sharing this post on friendship. I struggle with the same thing. Now, I have something to think about. Blessings! And thanks for reading my blog.

Daddy Forever said...

Shallow people are exactly the reason why I don't like to go to parties where I don't know most of the people. I have no idea if the people I meet are really who they seem to be or just people faking it.

Anonymous said...

Its so easy to put a front on in a blog. What about your negative attitudes towards people? What if we wrote down all the things that you have done towards other people? You know sometimes its hard to be friends with you. Its not just those people have the problem.

Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

I can't speak for Virginia, but usually when someone has a problem with me and posts little snippy comments on MY blog anonymously, I don't listen very well. I usually consider the points a person makes in a signed email or a telephone call, though.

Why don't you try that?

Virginia, whatever is going on behind the scenes here this morning, please know that I prayed for you and your commenter and for a spirit of peace. Hugs!

Virginia Revoir said...

Mrs. C, I didn't write a blog about anyone in particular. Just thoughts in general that I've had in some past experiences. However, I do know who wrote that one comment and she has been a tormentor of mine for quite a while. I just ignore her. It hurts to be treated so badly but I've learned that you can only do your best, do what's right and forgive. I don't know why she won't leave me alone. I don't mess with her. Thank you, Mrs C., for your encouragement. Good friends are hard to find.

The Husband said...

It's funny how "Anonymous" people have the boldness of a lion but they are really cowards. My wife really is the BEST friend anyone could have and has greater character than any woman I've ever met. Lately she has been used by God and done a lot of good and helped a lot of people, and that makes the devil real MAD. So some backlash directed from "hell" is expected. And believe me she has been getting it. So please pray for her, she is such a kind hearted woman and blessing.

Anonymous said...

I agree anonymous people are so bold! Why not give your true identity? In fact, people need to think...Would God be please with what I'm writing?

It's the people with the big hearts that get stepped on the most.

Lots of hugs!