Duggar and Large Family Bashing

 

I ran across an unschooling group I'm a part of on Facebook.  I really don't have a Facebook account so I can stay social with people I already know.  I have a Facebook account so I can join groups that I can seek advice from or get ideas.  I've been doing this for a long time.  Even when all my Christian friends quit Facebook because they were told it was evil, I kept it because it was literally the only encouragement I got from anyone.  I recently joined an unschooling group so I could learn a little how they work.  I was shocked when they started bashing large families including the Duggars and said they don't get enough personal time with each kid.  They said way more than that and it was extremely cruel.  I quickly unfollowed the group. 

I want to be free from people who can't realize we're in America and can choose not only our religion but how to raise our kids. No matter if you agree with small families or very large families, both can come with abuse or neglect. I know people that only have 2 children but they are so busy with their careers they ignore their kids. I know other people that have only 2 or 3 kids but ignore their kids to watch TV for hours and hours a day.  That's pretty much a widespread problem.  I have 7 kids and I spend way more individual time with each one. When you barely watch TV, homeschool your kids, and you put your family as priority above any other ministry, it's easy to spend individual time with each one. My kids fight over who gets to be the next buddy when I'm pregnant. When I found out this one was a boy, my little daughter cried because that meant her brother was the next buddy instead. We plan vacations twice a year as a whole family and each of my kids go on individual daddy/kid or mommy/kid dates. So neglect can come in families of all sizes. I have kids of small families that tell me they so wish they could be in our family because it's obvious my kids are so happy and blessed. It's just perspective and opinions. To each their own. Life is way more fun if you focus on the positive and how to help your own personal family than bash families you only know from books or TV.

Michelle Duggar gets mocked for always smiling and is accused of being fake, but I understand that smile.  I rarely yell, I try to always keep my cool, and usually no matter how I feel I try to maintain a positive attitude around my husband, kids, friends, etc. People say I always smile. I am not a robot but I am careful of my attitudes. When you know Jesus and have a close relationship with him, the joy He gives! I have a peace and joy now like never before. Some might see that kind of smile and call it fake, it's not. It's just there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is circumstantial. Joy is unconditional. Of course there are times for sadness and grief, but in general, someone that has peace in their heart, they are often accused of being fake.

 I grew up with no TV, only Christian radio, standards on modesty, no theaters, and no getting close to boys even as friends, no school dances, no prom and I always had watchful eyes on me. Did I feel abused? No. I actually have very, very good memories. My family was just as strict as the Duggars and I had an awesome upbringing! My parents chose the lifestyle and you know what I did? I respected them and now I thank them because while I had friends growing up watching TV shows where teens are talking back to their parents or kissing boys underage, I was protected from all that. Half my friends were pregnant by 16 while I was very much enjoying my childhood safe and sound. The only time I ever got in serious trouble was when I veered off onto my own destructive paths that they warned me from.  Don't assume that kids kept wholesome in their minds and hearts are being left out. I THANK my parents often, no joke, for protecting me from what I saw my friends go through.

Grow up!  It's America!  Different families, religions, lifestyles.  If you don't understand someone else's happiness, don't bash them, be happy for them rather than assume they must be freaks. 

14 Kids and Pregnant Again! Duggar's Original Documentary

The hardest part about being so in tune to my body and knowing I was pregnant since I was only one week along is... I'm only at 6 weeks!  Haha!  It's going by so slow! That's okay.  I think there is a reason a woman's body takes 9 months.  Not only does their body get ready but mommy's mind has to get ready.  I have 8 more months to process the fact that I'll no longer sleep good yet again at night.  I'll be nursing a lot and getting adjusted.  Not that big of deal though.  :)  Done it a few times.  It actually gets more and more enjoyable because the selfishness has died soooo long ago.  At least it should!

I'm soooo excited that a new season of the Duggar's 19 Kids and Counting is coming out on April 1st.  It's such an encouraging show to me.  I've seen them since it was just 14 Kids and Pregnant again.  It's such a cool video and their style has changed so much I'm gonna post it here!  Haha.

14 Kids and Pregnant Again Part 2

14 Kids and Pregnant Again Part 3

14 Kids and Pregnant Again Part 4

14 Kids and Pregnant Again Part 5

I always figure if what they do can work for 19 kids then it can definitely work for my 7 kids.  Often I've taken organizational ideas and homeschooling tips from them.  They are the reason I use Switched on Schoolhouse with some of my kids.  It is such a good program for a large amount of kids homeschooling.  It's expensive to buy at first but you can use it for each kid after.  I love those old vidoes!

Has Michelle Duggar Ever Experienced Postpartum Depression?

My firstborn Chaz

I've been hearing some mommies talk about experiencing postpartum depression and feeling alone. It makes me sad because I know exactly what that feels like and very much went through it alone with my first child. I had never heard of it and had it so bad.  I really needed help but not a lot you can do when you've never heard of it before and you are afraid to tell anyone.  I would sit in our apartment while my husband was at work and the most horrible thoughts would go through my head.  Through encouragement from my husband somehow I got through it but it wasn't overnight.   Not only was I very alone in trying to figure out how to take care of a new baby, but there were major hormonal factors having a play in my body and mind also.  Now, when I see a new mom and she has the wild look in her eyes, I HAVE to walk over and encourage them.  I know that look from a mile away.  Of course postpartum depression doesn't happen to the mom with only her first baby, it can be with the 4th baby and happen more than once.  It's really tough.  I hope most people know not to judge moms like this as they often just need either a friend to help them through or help from a doctor.

Anyhow, here is a great article from Michelle Duggar.  Yes, she's experienced it too.  ;)

Has Michelle Ever Experience PostPartum Depression?

How to Train for Less Sleep with Newborn

Yesterday I took Kyle and Ivy in to see if they needed glasses.  After waiting in the waiting area for an hour (whyyyyy?) they finally get called back.  Turns out they both need glasses.  Both have a hard time seeing their schoolwork in front of them.  However, Ivy's is much worse and she also has stigmatism.  What???  I asked, "are you serious?  Do you think that's why she's struggled so much focusing on her schoolwork?"  She said a BIG yes.  Well, Ivy went a full year of kindergarten not learning much of anything.  She just seemed to be in lala land most of the time.  She'll get her glasses next week and I'm SO CURIOUS to see if it's gonna help her to concentrate.  I really, really hope that has been the issue all this time.  

How to train for less sleep with newborn baby? Here is how.  I could hardly function most of yesterday because I haven't been sleeping well.  The night before I could sense the dog wanted to be let out to potty which means I might as well check on the kids.  I like to see if anyone looks cold, put them back in bed if they rolled off, get myself a drink, take those vitamins I forgot to take, use the restroom, let the dog back in, notice he has no water in his bowl, remember to turn down phone so it doesn't wake up kids in the morning, pick up a couple of things off the counter and put away on my way back to bed, check that the doors are all locked, remember that I forgot to transfer clothes from washer to drier before I laid down earlier, take some TUMS because of heartburn or acid is killing me, then finally make my way back to the bed.  By that time it'll take me some time to fall back asleep.  Then, I woke up every half hour because I was worried I wouldn't hear the alarm clock for the appointment the kids had. I sleep right through alarms or sometimes they don't go off.  Argh!  My sleeping is just crazy and this routine can happen at least a few times in one night.  Although, on a positive note, it is training for having a newborn wake up all night.  (Grin)  Okay, then it's worth it.

Click to
view on Amazon

The good news is my friend and I signed up for the homeschooling convention that's happening in the summer!  WHEW!  We are so excited and can't wait.  My favorite people of all time will be there.  The Boyers have 14 children and were some of the first to homeschool their kids in their area.  Talk about pioneers of homeschooling! They didn't have all the whistles and bells you can buy now.  I really admire what they have done and how they've stayed true to their faith, family, and raising their kids up in Christ. They didn't just talk about Godly values, they lived it.  Well, they are coming to the convention this summer and they are the first people I'm gonna look for.  I read this book back when I had maybe 3 kids.  They definitely were a big influence on helping to change our thinking about children and having a large family.  I read about this family before I knew anything about the Duggars.

Ashley playing ballerina

Here spring break is coming and my van is out of commission.  Whyyy?  My husband doesn't work all week and we've come up with all kinds of great ideas.  Swim at Nana's heated pool?  Visit the zoo and have a picnic since we have a membership?  Go to the mall during the day while all the teens at home are all sleeping in?  Visit a really neat museum?  Go the airstrip to watch planes land and take off?  Go to Christian skate night at the nearby skating rink?  We have tons of fun ideas.  Wellll, I guess we'll have to get creative and hang around at home.  Phooey.  :)

Lacking the Character Quality of Hospitality

I had a get together at my house and made dinner for everyone.  I purposefully had it yesterday because I wanted a goal of finishing my project.  Technically I'm not done because I still have the office, but just knowing that every other room was done in the house was good enough for now.  I needed a boost to make me want to finish decluttering the bathrooms (under the sinks) and to do some detail work.  Sometimes when you've been working on a project every single day for 9 days, you can feel worn out mentally.  Not so much physically for  me because my energy level is oddly always so high.  Just a hyper person in general.  The past few days I've woken up with a smile on my face knowing that my work load has been 80% lightened because of a decluttered house.  I haven't been waking up with a sigh of heaviness having to think about the huge workload ahead.  I even had a party last night at my house so there was 5 adults and 8 kids.  Normally the cleanup is huge but this time it took me about a half hour to get everything back together again.  Whooooa, maybe I can have more of a social life again.  :)

Some things I've been doing lately have also helped.  My kids were constantly going through cups throughout the day.  I got an idea from the Duggars to just use paper stuff to throw away.  I've been buying paper plates and plastic cups. At the beginning of each day I get out 8 cups, put their name on it, and that's their cup for the entire day.  They stay in the kitchen in one spot and they get thrown away when everyone goes to bed.  Even if we had a different cup for each meal of the day per person, that would be 24 cups a day I would have to wash.  I just get them in bulk from Costco or Sam's Club so it'll last awhile.  Of course in the picture there are 9 cups because Ivy's friend was over.  :)

Another reason I wanted to declutter was I knew I was lacking in a certain character quality.

Hospitality

vs.

Loneliness

Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those God brings into my life.

Hebrews 13:2

How could I do that if my house was never in order?  I mean, I had really busy days.  Waking up with the kids, feeding them breakfast, getting the little ones dressed, having everyone do their chores, clean, homeschool, make lunch, clean, throw clothes in the wash, homeschool, lay baby down for nap, homeschool, clean till Charles comes home, make dinner, clean up mess, get kids in bad, throw another load in the wash, deal with phone calls, lay kids down.  I mean, the process can be pretty heavy the larger your family is.  If someone called and said, "Hey, I'm in the area, do you mind if I stop by?"  That would normally throw me in a panic.  I'd either have to make up some excuse and turn them down, or stop everything my family is doing and clean really fast.  90% of the time I couldn't have them come because it wasn't enough cleaning time.  Is that hospitality?  No way.  In the middle of my Declutter One Room a Day project, my sister called.  She and her daughter wanted to stop by since they were in the area.  I paused and looked around me.  I had torn the whole house apart and literally, it looked like we were moving.  You couldn't even see the floor.  We were taking each room at a time and dragging it all out to the living room to go through.  I desperately wanted to tell them yes but I was too embarrassed and said no.  After I hung up I cried while I worked and then I was angry.  That was the last time I was gonna have to say no because my house was messy.  Even though I was so angry at myself for it, it motivated me even more to continue my daily project till I was finished.  These days people can be so exclusive and my grandma amazes me because she always has an open door.  I want to be that person too.  I don't mean allll the time, but in reality, how often does that really happen?  But when someone does call me, I can finally say, "Sure, I'll see you soon."

Is Michelle Duggar Trusting God or Just Being Selfish?

Ever since the news came out about the Duggars losing their 20th child there have been some big online debates.  Some are sad for them, angry at them, don't give a crud, can relate, or are quick to judge and want everyone to know.  

I know everyone is entitled to their opinion.  This is America, right?  What happens when you get a lot of people who believe their way is right and that's that?  No arguing with them.  If you disagree with them they'll make fun of you, mock you, swear at you, insult you.  What causes this kind of anger in people over just a disagreement in beliefs?

I'm so glad I don't live in a country where how many kids I have is forced on me.  Whether I want one kid or 20, that is my business.  Not anyone else's.  Whether a doctor tells me it's healthy for me to have another one or not, that's my business.  Whether people think we make enough money or not, well, that's also our business.  Just as you have your own.  Welcome to America.  

Why is there such an anger towards large families these days?  People act like this is a new thing. Do people remember life before birth control pills?  My grandma remembers.  She had 9 kids and my husband's grandmother had 10.  She gave birth to her last child at the age of 45.  Having your last child at this age was common.  Yet, people are attacking Michelle Duggar for being pregnant at the age of 45.  Why?  Is it not Michelle's body as it was yours when you got your tubes tied?  Did the doctor force you to do that?  No, you were given a choice.  I think people who have such a dislike towards large families wouldn't of liked living in the days before birth control or the understanding of Natural Family Planning.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3

Remember when having kids was considered a blessing from God?  I don't know if maybe after reading the bible several times through I somehow skipped any scripture on limits but please correct me if I'm wrong.  Where in the bible does God give limits?  I know the world can give TONS of worldly advice on the matter.  Money, doctors, health, material things, age.  I'm still waiting, and have been for a long time, for someone to point out the only opinion that matters to me and that's from the Word of God that there is a limit.

My pastor said it well.  He said, "People who treasure things above children just can't understand how someone who puts children above things can enjoy it so much.  They just don't get it.  Your children are your treasures.  Not material things." 

Recently, I heard the argument that it's not fair to the siblings. That EVERY SINGLE person they've met from a large family hated growing up in a large family.  That they had to be the mom and ended up not wanting to have kids when they are older.  Really?  So those 2 people they met are now a blanket for all large families?  Sure you have the parents that try to turn their kids into their own personal slaves but I've seen this in small families as well.  I've even seen this from families with only 2 kids.  Even if you took a poll and found 10 people from large families to say they hated being in one, you cannot throw the blanket over millions that are in one.  My husband's family LOVE being apart of a large family and are all really close.

Living your life according to scriptures will always, always bring hatred from the world.  I've learned that when the world agrees with my way of living, I might need to reexamine my life according the scripture.  Usually, when you are living for Christ (not just saying it but living it), you will get backlash from the world.  Well, smile, because that usually means you're doing something right.  Jesus died on the cross with the world spitting on Him, mocking, cursing, and laughing at him. 

Another argument people use is that large families make their kids work too hard.  Really?  Let's look back and see how kids worked around In the late 1700's and early 1800's.  An article called History of Child Labor points out that a lot of children either worked on farms or in factories for very long hours every day.  Over the years it seems to have turned into the other extreme.  Kids shouldn't have chores, teachers blamed for bad grades, and never even think about asking the older ones to keep an eye out for the little ones while mommy works on some paperwork or makes some phone calls. That is child abuse these days.  Well, the only problem with that is now employers are saying that kids are coming to work expecting an easy day, minimal effort, late to work, early to leave, and is expecting high pay. Whatever happened to a balance?  There is nothing wrong with expecting kids to have some responsibility around the house and even learn some about caring for others.  

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Regardless with what you believe, I think we should all have respect for each other.  I disagree with women using chemical birth control but I don't write hate notes on their page, send them mocking emails, or laugh at them for what I think is a lack of knowledge.  Facebook, TLC, and Saturday Night Live isn't my idea of research. The best thing any of us can do is our own bible study on issues and our own health studies.  We have to come to our own conclusions for ourselves and for our family and bathed in prayer.   In writing this, I am just hoping someone, anyone, will just understand that the best way to win someone over is using some respect and understand that not every person will agree or think exactly alike.

Fighting Mommies on Facebook

Caleb holding his pants up and dancing

My husband and I were sitting in the homeschool room yesterday and just talking about how fast time flies. Baby Caleb walks into the room with just his little diaper on and talking to us.  If he sees you have a drink he will climb onto your lap and try to talk you out of it so he can have it.  I have no idea what he's saying but it's probably some sort of a sales pitch as to why he should have that drink and not you.  Charles said, "I can't imagine not having little ones around anymore."  It's so true.  It's WONDERFUL!  Yet, it's HARD raising kids

I have people all the time say, "Oh, you just wait till they get older, it gets so much easier.  They don't wear diapers, don't need help getting something to eat, and it's easier to go places."  Yeah, that does sound easier on my body but not on my heart.  I loooove having my little diaper babies toddle up to me and take me by my hand to show me what they want. Or show me something their excited about that's tighty held in their little hand.  I love having conversations with the kids about their future even though they are only in elementary school and their minds might change a thousand times before they are an adult.  I love that the girls always want to be just like their mommy and the boys want to be just like their daddy.  Things change fast when they are teens.  

I've almost completely backed out of mommy groups on Facebook because there seems to be so much fighting over different beliefs on raising kids. People having a hard time letting each other have an opinion. There is always the argument of how many kids someone should have and what age they should stop at.  On one extreme, some feel you should leave it up to God and on the other some feel only 2 should suffice. Although there is no law about how many kids someone should have, people fight about it like there is.  If you want to start something really explosive, bring up the subject about vaccines, the Duggars, or spankings.  For the sake of my heart, I had to back out of the groups.  I looove visiting for sake of learning, gleaning ideas from each other, and the encouragement.  However, sometimes there seems to always be the fighters on there looking for a debate to start. I wish, I wish, I wish moms could understand this one point.  If they did, they could peaceably have discussions.  This applies to moms (and mother-in-laws) we know in person and moms we know online.....

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.

Courageous the Movie: Honor Begins at Home (Review)

We don't hit up theatres very often but today we did.  We wanted to support the movie Courageous that came out.  Not only to send a message that we are willing to pay for clean, family, Christian movies, but that we want more of them.  There is SOOOO much filth out there it's just sad.  Normally I would just wait for a Christian movie to come out on DVD or watch it in church but I knew numbers was important.  Sending a message to the box office that people will go to these kinds of films.  It's funny how people tell Christians to be quiet and they shouldn't offend others but it goes both ways.  I am offended when I go out and stuff comes from every angle.  We can't go into a mall without having to warn the boys constantly to not look at the windows of some of the stores.  Soft porn is thrown at my kids at what is supposed to be a safe place for families.  If you go in many stores or even eat at the food court you have to endure the big screens of dancers or even just the sound of filthy music.  Wherever we go in the food court my kids see these videos where women are prancing around in almost nude costumes.  So, don't be afraid to share your faith. The world may want to shut the Christians up but we don't have to go quietly.  This is a HUGE reason I wanted to support Courageous.

We were at the mall and I said, "Hey babe, there is this Christian movie that just came out.  Do you want to see it with us?"  He said yes.  ;)  I was excited that the Duggars played a small part in the movie and that it was for fathers.  We laughed and cried through the whole movie.  We brought all six kids, ages 2-11, and they thoroughly enjoyed it. Charles absolutely loved the movie.

Courageous is about not just being a "good enough" dad but being an extraordinary dad.  Someone that is more than just a breadwinner or someone that is just around.  A dad that is there spiritually, emotionally, physically.  Someone who won't just spend time with their kids in their own realm, but in their kids' where they can better connect.  Kids know when we're all talk.  If they see us one way at church but living another way at home, they are gonna think Christianity is a joke.  If they see us talk about forgiveness but we can't even get over the fact that someone said something bad about us, they are gonna follow our example.  If we talk about morality but sit them in front of movies that violate morals in the bible, who do you think they are gonna follow?    I don't know, Hollywood can paint a pretty picture of sin.  Kids aren't dumb when they are sent to bed and mommy and daddy are watching morally questionable content on TV.  Blasphemy, murder, and fornication seem to be a common theme for most movies from Hollyweird.

If we were to go back to the start of television and films, I don't think we could imagine it would go this far.  It used to be that you couldn't even show a couple sleeping in the same room.  Then it moved to double beds.  Then a single bed.  Now sex right in front of the cameras and pushed into every person's home.  They push the envelope and see how far they can go.  If you put a frog in a pot of cold water they won't jump out.  Slowly turn up the heat and their body temperature will adjust.  You could keep turning it up ever so slightly and they won't even notice they are slowly being cooked alive.  That's what has happened to us.  

God, please help me to not only teach my children what is morally right but to live it in my own by what I listen to, watch, and say.  I don't want my kids to take the bible lightly.  To think it's just an old book with old ideas.  God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  The morals He put in scriptures are the same morals we should have today.  Even in this generation.  It's not called old fashioned.  It's called living a holy and acceptable life before God, our children, and everyone around us.

Please, please, please take your husbands, brothers, dads out to see this movie.  It'll touch their heart.

A Love That Multiplies

Since reading the book A Love That Multiplies I've been convicted on so many levels.  Whether it's about children, cleaning, cooking, my relationship with God, my husband.  The list goes on and on.  In fact, I read it so fast that now I'm gonna have to go back through a study it a bit more. 

I was thinking that since today is not a homeschooling day I should take the opportunity to really clean the house.  The K12 computer I received got a virus and was wiped completely clean.  Thankfully they are sending a repair disk since the computer was supposed to be protected from viruses.  In the meantime, we have been working on only one computer and that can be tough with 4 kids that have to share it.  Because I've had so little time for cleaning the house is beginning to look like Hurricane Messy Kids came through. We do our chores daily but somehow it just got more and more backed up.

Kyle turned 8!

I had a friend correct me about something and she was totally right.  She helped me to see that I can't speak death into my life.  To be careful with my words. I realized my perspective about our finances were completely wrong.  Now I'm seeing these tough times from a different view. God has constantly provided in hard times.  I don't have to have all the best and newest things, I got over that long ago.  I've learned some major lessons about not being wasteful these last couple of years.  I treated money as if there would always be more tomorrow.  Never having a plan or just going out and dropping $50 on one shirt for me without a second thought.  I was a mall shopper and genuinely loved going there to buy clothes without looking at the price tag.  Well now that would make me fall over.  Now we do what the Duggars do and what my mom has always understood, buy used and save the difference.  No matter what it is, we will always look for it used before we'll head off to a regular store. Even if we do go to a new store, we take about an hour searching online for coupons we can print out or finding discount days.  Wow!  I'm so happy for that lesson.  

My dad with Kyle and Caleb

Another area I've been really trying to work on is learning to praise God in the good time AND the hard times. There have been days these last couple of weeks where I felt like I wanted to throw my hands up, go to my room, and just hide under my blankets. Just when I felt like it was too much I realized I needed to find a reason to thank God and tell him why.  I remember standing in the garage and being overwhelmed by the laundry and rather than complain I chose to thank Him that He has continually provided for us.  That my kids are healthy (Amazing!  That changed when we pulled them out of school).  Thanking Him that my husband has a job being that there are still people stuck without one.  These are not easy times for many families.

"Offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually" (Hebrews 13:15)

I am in the process of learning that it's easy to praise God when everything is going our way.  Not so easy when we are overwhelmed, disappointed, or frustrated about a situation.  It's amazing how a quick prayer thanking God right in an overwhelming moment can change the attitude in my heart and mind.

Here is something I printed out this week and pinned on my wall at home to read.  I think you will like it too! :D

Love

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,

but have not love- I am a housekeeper\, not a homemaker.

If i have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements,

but have not love-my children learn of cleanliness, not godliness.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh.

Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.

Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love is present through trials.

Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive.

As a mother there is much I must teach my child,

but the greatest of all is....LOVE.

Am I Willing to Take the Time to Train?

I've been studying the newest Duggar book that is out.  Sometimes when I read a book, I like to share some things I have learned on here.  Just like my own study written here because it's easy to forget over time.  There are some things I have gleaned from them and have implemented over the last few years.  This Character Quality sheet is one of them and its my favorite so far.  I've printed it out and I have several around the house.  The kids' rooms, living room, kitchen, and homeschool room.  Feel free to print it from here!  Just click on picture to make bigger and select to print.  BUT, if you want a much, much better and clearer print out of this picture just go here: http://duggarfamily.com/data/sites/69/downloads/characterqualities.pdf

Anyway, so these last couple of weeks we've been focusing on Truthfulness vs. Deception.  Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts. (Read Ephesians 4:25).  

Well, the latest idea I got from the Duggars is they use hand motions to memorize scripture.  So we thought about the scripture Ephesians 4:25 and we found ones to use, then we said it about 5 times.  It really does help to use the hand motions!  Several times when I started to forget, I would remember the hand motions first and it would help me to remember the words.  The kids really liked participating like that also.  Kind of funny because I made the hand motions for them but it really helped me to remember also.

When I had run into that Free Jinger group last week I heard a lot of their reasons as to why they don't like the Duggars.  I think sometimes being misinformed can cause us many problems when we don't try to seek the truth.  That's why it's good to study something out or at least give people a chance to explain.  Rumor is a bad thing too.  One person can say "Oh, I think someone does it this way" and before you know it, it spreads.  This book really goes into depth graciously explaining exactly how they run and what materials they use.  One of the biggest misunderstandings is that Michele, the mom, does nothing while her kids do all the work.  Another is that the house is always clean.  Or that TLC paid for their house to be built (explained in their first book).  They are not part of the Quiverfull movement and they explain that they just love children and love God. It's really a good book to read.  I figure I can glean some ideas. If they can make it work with 19, surely I can made do with my 6!  :D 

Also, another book we use to tie in our character qualities is Growing with Jesus.  After reading the story in the bible about Jacob's deception to his father and his brother Esau, we tied it in with our character quality of the week.  Then we used Growing with Jesus to discuss confessing and asking forgiveness.  We had such a good time and the kids really listen and pay attention.  

Today I was thinking about the importance of raising my kids vs. just letting them veg, do a little bit of chores, hope they they grow up not be afraid of work.  I got from the Duggar's newest book the true importance of involving your kids in everything you do.  Instead of using errands as an escape, what a great opportunity to teach my kids about using coupons, savings, shopping wisely.  Instead of wanting to get dinner cooked fast, just start a little earlier and get everyone involved.  I have to get over my frustration of always wanting to do it myself and get it done fast.  My kids absolutely enjoy learning to do what daddy and I do and actually prefer it over their toys.  Crazy, I know.  

Ryan packing lunches for one of our many field trips

Am I taking away their childhood?  Actually, I prefer to do things myself but they constantly want to be involved.  Kids have such a hunger to learn but sometimes it's easier to pacify them with other things or even discourage them because they don't do it good enough.  (Because I just want to do it quickly).  That was something I've really worked on this last year.  

Charles helping Ivy learn how to pretend stock shelves

I often have to pray for strength, literally, I would get on the floor and pray that God would help me to be patient and slow to anger or frustration.  Trust me, I work so much faster alone but in the end, what's the purpose of that?  When my husband's grandpa died, all the things his kids said brought tears to my eyes.  He had 10 children and each one told a memory they had about their father. Do you want to know the number one thing they mentioned?  How he took the time to teach them in everything he did.  Whether it was working on cars, cooking, baking, shopping.  Anything. It always took him longer but they eventually learned because of it.  Those words of sentiments made my heart drop realizing I was doing none of those things.  Not only can I teach them, but by working side by side with them I'm also spending time with them.  

Anway, just sharing some of my (many, ohhhh so many) life lessons.  I tell people when I blog, I'm just talking aloud.  Always preaching to myself.  :D

Who Wants to Free a Duggar?

A friend recently shared with me not to feel bad about using a "boxed curriculum".  I really needed something that gave me guidelines about where they should be.  I am pretty interested in unit studies since it sounds pretty neat though.  The other day I was kind of perturbed by K12 with all the work.  However, after talking to some mentors, I came up with my own version called K12 Lite.  We still do the work, no skipping on that.  However, if they already know the material, I just have them go straight to the assessment rather than waste hours on repetitive work.  Makes sense, huh?  I had to do that after see one lonely tear roll down Ryan's cheek after being overworked for 8 hours.  In fact, I was so ticked off I almost threw out the program.  Since doing it the K12 Lite way, we got our love of learning back.  Call me a rebel if you like.  I call it sanity.  Instead of homeschooling 8-10 hours a day, we are generally done in about 6 hours. Sounds more like a real school day. 

Recently I was attacked by a group called Free Jinger).  I was told I am suppressed by my husband and am super protective of my friends.  Well, first off, I love my husband like crazy and he in no way is a meany.  He gives me lots of freedom and is a joy to be around.  Now, being protective of my friends is absolutely true.  The only time I ever grow distant to someone is because I feel like they might be a negative influence on my family.  You are who you hang around.  Birds of a feather flock together.  By the way, when they say Free Jinger they mean Jinger Duggar.  So you can get from that how they think big families are torturous to the children.  They based a whole group off of the assumption that Jinger Duggar is a miserable teen. Never mind that she looks happy, enjoys the family, and always has something positive to say.  Her attitude says it all.  I guess maybe Jinger gives some people something to talk about.  Like quilting is to some, bashing families is to others.  I certainly don't want to free a Duggar.  That's obviously a happy family that doesn't need any intervention.  Maybe the focus can be on freeing kids in real broken homes with drugs, abuse, and abandonment?  Maybe focusing on teens thinking about murdering their babies because someone is telling them it's just tissue?  I don't know. Groups like these just baffle me that focus on happy kids in a stable home.  Seems such a waste.

How I Had Lost my Faith

These days I've been only able to blog late at night because of the busy, busy days.  Even with working a full day with very little breaks, I'll lay awake late at night not able to sleep.  I guess more in wonder lately.  Just thinking about the day.  Thinking about issues on my heart.

In the last couple of years my faith had really been shaken.  There were definitely some trials.  Several times God has proven to me that He is real and he does care about the big things AND the little things.  I feel like the Israelites in the desert going round and round and forgetting about each miracle.

My kids got to visit me one time but I don't remember much
of them being there.  They camped out for a few hours.

How I lost my faith?  A couple of years ago my husband had lost his career.  I had just found out I was pregnant with my 6th child.  I don't believe any forms of birth control except NFP (The truth about Birth Control).  So although I was surprised by that pregnancy, we knew it was bound to happen.  :)  On top of if, with no income, our house payments were just too much for us.  I lost some friends because they were angry I was having "yet another kid".  ("Don't make friends with someone who easily gets angry. Don't spend time with someone who has a bad temper. If you do, you may learn to be like him. Then you will be in real danger." Proverbs 22:24-35)


It just felt like a disaster at that time.  I went into a depression and didn't really let anyone know about it.  The worst thing I did was stop praying.  Maybe in the bitterness of things crumbling around me, I was blaming God.  Why?  I don't know.  I told my husband over and over I didn't care about the material stuff.  If we lost it all, so be it.  We'll move somewhere.  Anywhere.  I just wanted us to be together.  Then at 27 weeks, as I was getting ready to go somewhere with my family, I doubled over in pain.  It was like going from no pain at all to the pain equal to labor full force.  Except it wasn't labor.  It was my kidneys.  They had been going bad over the years the doctors said.  To top it off I had just had dental surgery a month before and had some bad complications.  I was rushed to the hospital where I was unconscious for 6 days.  I couldn't eat or barely drink. I didn't even know they put me in an ice machine from a very bad fever while I was out. To top it off, my new OB I found accused me of only coming to the hospital for drugs since I had no fever to prove an infection.  That night my fever soared dangerously and that was why they put me in the ice machine.  (Read about nightmare OB here)

3D Ultrasound of Caleb at 28 weeks

Through all of that, I had almost no family around me or friends for support.  It was just my husband and I so he couldn't be with me in the hospital.  My mom mercifully took care of me for a time after I was released.  She is always amazing when she takes over and I remember that about her when I was little.  Even though I was released, the pain in my kidneys was still bad and it puzzled the doctors.  They told me if I couldn't get off the pain killers, my baby would be born addicted to them.  I stopped using the medicine and just endured the pain till a miracle happened (will tell you below).  I wasn't gonna risk my baby.  Finally he was born healthy and we breathed a sigh of relief.  After months of not finding work, Charles was able to find a part time job to hold us up.  He had to look completely outside his line of work but we were just happy he found something.  Anything.  Charles is a very smart guy and it just happened to be that his field was one of the first to go when the economy fell.  When Caleb turned 1, I found out I needed surgery because I had endemetriosis.  It was to be scheduled within a week.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with Caleb

I had reached an all time low in my spirit through it all.  I had no prayer in me.  No faith.  I just piled the load on my own shoulders and kept my lips silent to God.  Sure I believe in Him.  80% of America says they do.  I was forgetting all the miracles along the way just like the Israelites were in the desert.  Instead of going to the promise land, they went round and round.  God performed miracles right in front of them and they eventually forgot about them and would complain.  I had forgotten my miracles too.

*Sometimes when we lose a friend over something that is completely biblical you believe in, maybe a purging is needed of those types of friends.  (What is real forgiveness?)

*While in the hospital, when I was pregnant and having kidney trouble, the main doctor of the hospital found out of my OB's abuse and came to talk to me.  He said I needed to release her (get rid of her) and they assigned me one of the top notch OB's in the state.  She quickly took me in for the rest of my pregnancy and was just amazing.  I didn't know till later that she is a highly wanted OB but only certain cases she will take.

*God provided a job.  Maybe not in the way I expected but the one he was given happens to be one of the most stable out there and said to be for the future and has GREAT insurance plans.  

*Our house payment was lowered drastically and just so happens to be lowered to the exact amount needed to fit in our budget.  Only 2-3% of anyone who applied were able to get our new interest rate.  We were one of the lucky few.

*When one person stopped giving me their hand-me-downs out of anger of our 6th child, 5 more people stepped in their place.  Every time I've said, "We need to head to the store this week to get this person some pairs of pants", no kidding, someone in church will come up to me THAT week and hand me over the exact items I said to Charles we needed.  

*Caleb was born completely healthy when they said that I could of birthed him at 27 weeks because of kidney trouble.  They were able to get my contractions to stop.

*An evangelist called people forward one service who had kidney issues and THAT night my kidneys were healed.  THAT is a huge miracle for me since they said I would need surgery and if I didn't I would be on kidney dialysis.  (Story here of that night)

*The next night that same evangelist called women forward who had endemetriosis.  Man, God had my number. I went forward and that night my pain completely left. Surgery was cancelled.  God had healed me. 

*Even through all the financial crazy stuff that happened to us, somehow we've been able to make it. I know it's not just by some chance.  God made a promise to us back in 2002 that He was gonna provide and He has a blessing on families. He also made a promise to us in 2004 that if we just pray and ask Him, he will guide us in our important decisions.  He will put the right decision in our heart and just be patient.  We will start to see what God is going to do in our family.  

Baby Caleb safely arrives in September of 2009!

Even through all these miracles I was staying silent with doubt.  I was completely bearing the burden on my shoulders and I almost missed it.  Almost.  Finally, it was Michele Duggar's words in a testimony I recently showed on my blog that brought me to my knees. I was trying to bear it all on my own strength.  Sure we can do it for a little bit.  But it's not by might, nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord.  I was keeping a smile on my face but my heart was aching to talk to Him again and really trust Him.  Why couldn't I?  I don't know.  I know my heart was discouraged.  IF ONLY I remembered all His miracles along the way.  Every time I even thought about going and just working at night to get that second income, the door would be shut on me.  Not just shut, it would SLAM shut.  Once again I was trying to do it my way rather than give it to God.  (I'm very, very traditional in my beliefs and believe that the man provides and the woman cares for her household)

My faith was here

This week I am studying Faith.  What is faith?

Faith vs. Presumption
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.  Hebrews 11:1


I'm sharing this in hopes that if anyone is going through trials, this post can be somewhat of an encouragement and a reminder. sometimes it can be hard to remember what God HAS done.  We can quickly forget and complain.  God doesn't promise to give us what we want but He does promise to meet our needs.  Speaking life into your family and situation is sooo important.  Words are very powerful.  Thank you, Marla, for dropping me a note of reminder.  :)  A real friend won't just tell you what you want to hear all the time.  Since sending my prayers up to Him and having that faith again, it's like the burden has been lifted.  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to even just be able to give my day to God and ask for peace and the joy through the day.  I need that because working for 15 hours with small breaks can wear on any person.  But when God puts Joy, Love, Peace, Contentment, Tolerance, Patience, Endurance your heart, it makes the daily tasks so much lighter.