Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Moms with ADD

Aaahhh!  I'm so excited I stumbled onto this book, Moms with ADD, at the library!  I've known for quite awhile I have ADD and I definitely know from looking back at my childhood.  However, it can be really hard at home trying to be organized.  Whoo.  I AM TELLING YOU.  The sad part is that many moms with ADD are accused of being lazy. That is not true at all!  I work harder but not smarter.  I'll work my butt off all day and still not have that perfect house.  Here is a part in the beginning of the book that is like reading about myself.

  • It's hard to be a mom with ADD some cases, girls are hyperactive.  As children, they're seen as "tomboys, and as women, theyre perceived as highly energetic or manic.... (Whoo, ain't that the truth).

It's also true that women with ADD share traits that can sometimes make it hard to function optimally, especially when you also hold the role of mother.  Traits such as distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity, and the already mentioned inattentiveness don't seem useful when you are trying to rear one or more children in our non-ADD world.  In this world, you're supposed to color inside the lines, go slow, and eat all your vegetables-among various other expected standard behaviors.  It's hard to be someone seen mostly as a person who forgets everything, is off on her own planet, or is foolishly impulsive and sometimes just plain silly.  The name calling can be tough; ditsy, absent-minded, space cadet, or worse- crazy or lazy. I know this intellectually and I also know it personally, as do most of my readers

A lot of that is so true.  Women can sometimes not understand what its like for an ADD person to function.  HOWEVER!  I personally see ADD as a gift in some ways.  ADD women are good at juggling many tasks.  I have high amounts of energy and my mind goes a million miles per hour it seems.  James Dobson said that with some help, ADD moms could really use it to their benefit and BOY do I believe that.  I think it's actually been a gift to me and I'm glad I have it.  Most of the time.  Other times it can be hard.  I may have a lot of energy, but as I said before, I work harder.  Not always smarter.  I've had family (not my mom. Need to clarify) in the past look down on me for this.  They are both perfectionists and you can be sure they keep everything perfect.  It's so awesome for them.  However, I can do the same thing IF, and a big IF, I sacrifice time with those I love.  Some people, housekeeping comes so naturally (not saying they don't work hard), they have time for all the other stuff.  Not with ADD.  ADD people can be extremely forgetful and has a very hard time finishing tasks.  There was a time in my life where I let people pressure me into being that perfect housewise.  I look back now and I feel so sad how much I put it above my boys at the time.  Wish I could go back and just cuddle them more and cherish that time with them.  I cannot have it all.  I have to say that the fact I can sit through a 45 minute sermon at church is just a miracle in of itself.  You should see how fast people tell me I chew gum or shake my leg.  I don't know I'm doing it. Sometimes I feel like standing up and dancing and then sitting back down.  I drive myself nuts I tell ya. 

Now that I've said that.  I am happy I have so much energy.  If having ADD means I can handle juggling so many things at once, even though not perfectly, have so much energy, can have supercharge moments to get things done, can handle having so many kids, then..well, I guess it's not so bad after all!

Are there any other moms out there that relate?


momto9 said...

girl...give me some of that ADD:) I could use a good dose right about now!
And poo poo to those people that bug you!

Virginia Revoir said...

I know! I love how much energy I have! The only thing is I can't concentrate very well and I can't organize for poop. I tend to forget what I'm doing a lot and with so many little ones here all day long, I am mostly homeschooling than keeping on top of things. Then my housework piles up so fast. I get overwhelmed easy with such a large task. It's hard to explain. The reason why it's ADD/ADHD is hard on women that stay at home is because they are expected to keep a tidy house, cook, clean, launder, care for little ones and stay on top of it all. ADHD can make that seem impossible at times. I wish I could work smarter and not harder. So I'm not sure. I like the energy but I'd trade to have the ability to organize and process stuff easier.