I Am a Friend of God - Morning Studies With My Kids

Today the  kids and I were having a bible study in the morning which we try to keep as a normal routine.  Lately, I've been so excited to share with the kids when I have been learning in the scriptures.  The mood of our studies have definitely changed over the last few months and our talks much, much more meaningful.

We always start our studies off with praise songs but usually just with us singing together.  I realized I should put my smart tv to use and find praise songs for kids on YouTube.  We could all sing together.  I found the song I am a Friend of God by Israel Houghton. 

John 15:15 ESV          

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.


James 2:23 ESV        
And the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God.
  
Sometimes I try to be a bit sneaky by throwing in a lesson about what we are currently dealing with behavior-wise.  Today, we just started out with praise songs and when I saw this song I just had to share with the kids some things on my heart about this subject.  It a fun interaction with each other and ended up going for an hour.  That's great!  That means everyone was into the discussion.  Otherwise it is sometimes only 15 minutes.  Each day is different.  :)

An issue I've been really dealing with is sibling rivalry.  Me and the rest of America.  More importantly, the subject of forgiveness.  Many of my kids in the past have said they don't know if God forgives them and they are scared.  I saw them pray to God, confess things to Him, and really pour out their heart.  Yet, they still felt fear.  I really feel that it's hard to give forgiveness when we don't feel forgiven.  It's hard to give love when we don't feel love.  Hurt people hurt others.  I held a lot of bitterness in my heart towards people the last few years because I really didn't understand God's love.  I didn't really believe he forgave me. I didn't UNDERSTAND forgiveness.  So how could I give it?  We've been really, really, really focusing our morning studies around this area.  

  What a blessing it is I get to have all my babies with me throughout the day!  My life is so ABUNDANTLY blessed.  Kyle, my 10 year old, walked up to me today while I was doing my chores asked me, "No really mom, what did you REALLY want to do when you grew up?"  I told him I always wanted to be a mommy.  He was like "yeah right."  For real!  I told him in elementary school we had to stand up and say what we wanted to be and that's what I said.  A mother.  To me that was the best, awesomest, coolest job I could ever have.  :D

Living in an Unwanted Fish Bowl- Large Families in Public

Today I got a chance to talk to my dad and that doesn't happen often.  So naturally when he calls I run to the phone as fast as I can.  Otherwise I won't talk to him or another 4 or 5 days or so.  He's a hard worker for sure.  I've never in my life seen anyone work as hard as him with little or no complaint.  Today we were talking about personality types and how there are four different types.  He said there is the social extrovert, the demanding (something like that), the analytical, and something else (can't remember).  I asked what I am and he quickly said the social extrovert.  I'm not sure that's me anymore. 







Alllll growing up I loved being social with anyone, any animal, anything that moved.  Ha ha.  I had no problem talking in front of big crowds of people, singing, acting on a stage, or getting to know any person and was very comfortable making new friends.  Then.... my rose colored glasses began to be lifted.  Kids, if handled with care, wear rose colored glasses.  They don't imagine that walking down the street could bring harm or that terrible things can happen.  Everywhere they go is an adventure and they don't have the worries us parents have. 

Somehow over time my rose colored glasses were lifted and I saw life in a harsher light and so I had to wear my shades.  I saw how vicious girls (women) can be as far as judging each other's bodies, homemaking skills, talents, etc.  Instead of accepting each other for differences and seeing the beauty in it, judgements are made. 



Large family mamas fall into a special category because of being put into a fishbowl.  It doesn't matter where we go we have people staring at us, watching our ability to handle our children, and seeing how the kids interact with each other.  I don't blame them because I would do the same.  I love to watch how mamas do it with so many kids.  It's fascinating.  The hard part is hearing the comments.  You don't know whether you're gonna hear harsh words or kind words.  Over the years I've begun to pull myself into a protective shell.  I'm not sure how healthy it's been.  I don't like being watched and this week was particularly hard because I had extra kids.  I went to IKEA with 10 kids and I felt like I was part of a circus I didn't want to be in.  I like to SEE the circus but not be part of the act.  It's easy to want attention when you never get it because you have a couple of kids but I get it every little place I go.  My old friends from the past have no idea how shy I've become.  They are used to loud Jenny who doesn't mind the spotlight.  However, when you are hurt, whether attacked in person, online, through anonymous hate mail, by family, or what used to be good friends, it's easy to slide into a shell like a turtle for protection.  I hate that I've become this person. 

 

I know people say, "Well, you're the one that has a blog.  That's what put you in a fish bowl."  True.  However, I meant it as a journal escape for myself and also a way to document changes in my life.  I just love to write whether I had no followers or 1,000.  I love followers!  Mostly I have amazing followers.  Whether they are stalker followers.  People that visit secretly but never let me know they came.  Admirers that have this vision I'm the perfect homemaker but don't really know me as a person.  Friends that know me in real life and come to visit every now and then.  Haters that come just to have something to fume about.  Then I have the faithful followers, blogging friends I met online years ago that I've enjoyed hearing from and love to also visit their blog.  ;)  I've helped to put myself in a fish bowl because of blogging and I know that.  However, that's not a bother.  Mostly it's just being out in public... in real life. 

I promise you that I never intend to make myself appear as someone different.  I might withhold things to protect myself and my kids and because some things are just no one's business.  I have been accused of pretending to show a perfect side but believe me, I just blog because I love to blog.  I don't blog for applause, or a show.  I blog about what I love and care about.  I blog about our adventures or misadventures.  I don't blog because I need to air out my dirty laundry nor do I look for sympathy or praise.  You know you are a true blogger when you can't imagine going a day without getting things off your mind and onto your blog. I have a secret blog no ones knows about.  Not even my bestest of friends. :) 

I think it's time I ask God for help in opening up my heart again and not being so afraid to be watched.  After all, about 80% of comments I get are positive when in public.  "The kids are respectful, well behaved, act good in a restaurant, and can sit still."  It's those few weirdos that are just angry I have more than 3 kids and have to give the evil eye or say something.  I can't let the small percentage get to me.  I know I say that but I need to practice it.  Having a tough shell without it being a hard shell if you know what I mean.  After all, I'd rather have smile wrinkles than sad ones. 

 



Like it or not, I am in a fish bowl.  "God, can you just paint it a little rose colored... for me?" 

Anorexic Christianity

Today I got so MUCH done while the kids were in their one day a week school.  Wow!  It's super easy to clean while they are gone!  So THAT'S how moms do it.  Ha ha.  It's so nice for the breaks on Monday.  I use the breaks for either errands or cleaning house really well.  So far I think I like the part about getting the house clean!  It's super easy to get dinner ready early too.  Wheeeee!  Okay, a bit excited here.

Last night in church I was just feeling frustrated with myself about some things.  Maybe not feeling like I'm good enough as a Christian.  I know in the past I've been judgmental about other people and how they act.  I just held those feelings inside of me and I didn't realize that over time it was just eating away at me.  Before I knew it I felt spiritually anorexic.  I spent so much time focusing on how others were doing that I forgot to feed myself.  Maybe it was that or listening to too much unhealthy chatter.  Last night during praise and worship my eyes wandered over to a gal who I've had some issues with in the past.  I know she's lost her temper at people, including my best friend.  I saw her raising her hands and really just focusing on praising God.  It was totally genuine.  Then it really hit me.  THAT'S why we are here.  We're not here because we have it all together.  We come to church because we desperately need God.  I need God.  I've hurt others and been judgmental when I had no right.  Instead of looking at the crowd with a tainted view, this time I saw a people just like me.  We are all there for many of the same reasons.  We live in a world that celebrates fame, money, immorality, and condones murder.  We constantly hear blasphemy, words of hate, bitterness, and have our eyes violated just trying to go to the mall.  A church is a place where we can be refreshed, hear from God, take in a big breath, then go out again to be a light in a very dark world.  In order to make it I need to be reading my bible and praying every day.  Not refreshing yourself every day in His Word is like not eating and paying attention to the natural urges of your body wanting nourishment.  It lasts for so long till you feel really weak.  The world offers only junk food, and when you're full on that it's hard to accept what's good and nourishing.  I need to take the time out of my day, NO MATTER WHAT, and do that.  

Homeschooling each week starts again and this time I feel like I have a fresh start.  This time I'm not pregnant, not on any bed rest, not facing any huge things.  I can just focus on my kids.  :)  I'm excited.  Crossing my fingers here.  Well, having faith would be more like it!  This is gonna be a good year.

Autism Awareness 2012- My Son's Aspergers Diagnosis

This is Autism Awareness month and so I  wanted to talk some about Chaz and what it's been like the last 6 years since I found out he has Aspergers.

Chaz 11 years old

Sometimes I don't mind talking about it but other times (like now) I have a hard time with it.  It's not because I'm ashamed or because I am in denial.  Sometimes I get sad because I want the best for him in life and it kills me that I can't just fix everything for him.

My baby Chaz

Autism (or Aspergers) can come with bullying and he's had his fair share.  There is a reason I homeschool Chaz and it's not just because of other kids.  I have major trust issues even with teachers.  He's had a couple of good ones and a couple of really bad ones.  He's been mistreated by his teachers and been put to shame in from of other children.  Do you think it's normal to have a young child depressed and suicidal?  No, it's not normal.  I didn't know he had a teacher that was putting him out in the hallway of his school every day with his own desk.  He was told he can listen but can't be in the classroom with everyone else.  He was called the school freak because not even the teacher wanted him in the room.  Was I told about this by anyone?  Did anyone ask my permission before doing that?  Nope.  I was told everything was going fantastic by his teacher and other staff members.  He's been beat up, choked, mocked, etc.  I can't talk about it or write about it without crying.  The boy I carried for 9 months, nursed for 5, cared for, and loved, was having to leave his safe home every day and face a harsh world.  I didn't know he was mentally beaten down till he started writing about wanting to kill himself.  That was it for me.  My boy was coming home and staying with me.  He's not a freak.  He may be different but he's God's perfect creation and he was gifted to me.

Chaz (left) playing with his brother 12 months younger

You want to know how I found out he had Aspergers Syndrome?  Well, he was a pretty tough toddler and would never look me in the eye before he was five.  I figured he was just a really tough kid.  After all, I had 3 boys within 3 years and had my hands full.  Chaz was majorly delayed in potty training and I was beginning to worry he was going to go to Kindergarten in diapers.  He did have some speech issues but like I said, he was my first kid.  I didn't really know what was normal behaviors.  I have to admit I was relieved when Chaz got to school age.  Taking care of him was really, really tough and I looked forward to that break in the day.  I took Chaz to his first day and crowded in with other parents at the school.  Everyone was excited that their baby was growing up.  I looked around the white room and the tables and chairs that were set up.  Was Chaz really gonna sit in those chairs like a big kid?  Really?  I had an unsettling feeling in my gut when I left him there.  As I was leaving I looked back and saw his eyes wide looking at me.  I figured it was just mommy nerves and left to celebrate our kids' first day with other friends.  Soon after I get a phone call that I needed to come get my son because he had bit his teacher on the first day.  Crud.  I picked him up and brought him home hoping the next day would be a better day.  The next day I drop him off but get a phone call half way through the day again.  I needed to take Chaz to the hospital.  Chaz kicked his teacher, ran from her and then ran straight into a metal door splitting his head open.  Really?  He must've been freaking out.  I called Charles and he came with me to the school to pick him up.  Was Chaz freaking out and crying?  Nope. When I went to pick him up from school he was just smiling and happy to see us. He was calmly talking to us as if there were no hole right in the front of his forehead.  It was so deep we could see his skull and he wasn't even complaining.  The school called and said that there are only 3 strikes allowed and Chaz already had his second.  Being that Chaz has only been to school 2 days, that didn't leave a lot of room.  I pulled him out that day and enrolled him in another school.

You can see the scar where Chaz was stitched up

The next school wasn't nearly as strict and the room looked a lot more friendly.  I had a better feeling about this one and he had the sweetest teacher.  After a few days she started calling and telling me about some troubles she was having.  I really didn't know what to do as I figured it was just some behavior issues.  Rolling on the floor under the desks?  Licking the floor?  Hmmm.... Odd, but I had no idea what to think about it.  While the other kids were working, my son was in his own little world.  I was starting to get desperate as I got report after report of my son's behavior in the classroom.  I was feeling like a pretty crappy parent I guess I should say.  My shoulder started to droop each day as I went to pick him up.  On a particular day I was feeling really defeated when the school counselor walked up to me and asked if he could talk to me.  He had done some research that week for my son and printed out what he thought Chaz might be dealing with.  The title of the paper said Aspergers Syndrome.  I could tell he was a little hesitant suggesting this to me not knowing how I would take it.  He read some of the list to me and it was like he was reading about Chaz.  My heart lifted as I realized that maybe all this time Chaz was dealing with something bigger.  This meant I could get some help.  Mr. Chavez looked relieved that I wasn't offended but I'm sure he couldn't miss the sadness in my eyes.  I was happy there might be some answers but sad that there might be an answer to all this.  My son?  With the reports from the teacher and the school counselor, notes from mommy, observing Chaz, he was quickly diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.  The doctor said there as no doubt whatsover that he had this and sent me home with my mind whirling even more.  Where do I go from here?

Chaz 8 years old

I've made mistakes along the way with trying to stumble along different paths.  Do I put him in a self contained classroom?  NO.  I discovered that he copies behavior and since the rest of the class was pretty wild, cussed, and threw tables and chairs, Chaz would also do these things.  After a year of that mess I found a different school and wonder of all wonders I found an angel of a teacher.  She just happened to have trained to work with Aspergers kids in New York for 3 years.  NO WAY!  She taught regular first grade and said it was no problem whatsoever to teach Chaz in her classroom.  She taught me everything she could about Aspergers and how to help Chaz.  She was an angel teacher and I wish I could go back and give her a big hug for everything she did.  She took one of the times of my life and made it feel like it was gonna be okay. She gave me the confidence I needed as a parent to help him.  Chaz no longer was rolling on the floor but doing very well.  He was given a seat in the front-left.  He was still sitting with the kids but much closer to the teacher's desk.  He was given a visual schedule and 5 minutes warnings before each task was to be done.  He was given an assistant to sit with him during math and language arts hour to help him focus.  Chaz was given more breaks and was even allowed his own snack time.  Since his legs were more sensitive than usual the teacher bought a cushion for his chair he had to sit in every day.  This lady UNDERSTOOD Chaz.  I will always be so grateful to her.  Unfortunately when kids advance in grades they change teachers.  It pretty much went downhill from there trying to find teachers who could work with Chaz.  I think most of the problem is just ignorance.  If teachers don't understand Aspergers then they aren't going to know what works for them.  I communicated as best I could but often was just treated like my son was naughty and he just needed to be punished.

Chaz and I 2009

I didn't have the best support.  Some said I would ruin his life by pinning Aspergers on him.  Some felt I just needed to spank him.  One lady at church even went as far as to say my son was demon possessed.  Yeah, that one hurt.  Charles and I felt very alone in our journey and really didn't even know whether or not we were gonna medicate Chaz.  After trying for a week of medicating Chaz and seeing him actually get worse, we never medicated since.  So far our stance is that we will only medicate if he becomes a danger to himself or anyone in our family.  Over the last 6 years I've gotten advice from so many people who tell me what I need to do.  Not one of them ever had to deal with someone who had Aspergers but I know they were just trying to help.

Chaz's best friend Dexter also has Aspergers

Yesterday I was at a Behavior Health center and was able to talk to someone about Chaz.  I told the man that I needed a new doctor for Chaz but was very hesitant.  He asked what my fears were but I drew a blank.  As I sat there in silence for a minute, I realized why.  So many people I trusted had actually hurt my son more.  Even though there were a couple of good teachers and a good doctor in the mix, he's dealt with a lot of bad.  I've been holding my son in a protective embrace and have a hard time opening up to trust someone with my son.  I know this doctor can help Chaz, but what if he does what another doctor did?  His original doctor that helped us get so far was one day just gone.  I wasn't given a warning at all.  He was assigned a new doctor who was very cold and didn't care to talk to me at all. He talked to us for 10 minutes and try to change Chaz's diagnosis all together.  He knew nothing about Chaz but wanted to just get us out of there.  I left and never went back.  I know it's time to find a new doctor that can work with us but I'm gonna have to open up and talk about everything again.  This will be good for us since as Chaz gets older we deal with new issues.  I hate that he can't make friends and that kids give him funny looks when he tries to talk and relate with him.  I'm happy he made friends with another boys that has Aspergers.  I wonder how he will be as a teen or ask an adult?  All those things I worry about but I try not to.  I just have to take one day at a time.

Our family at the Science Center 2011 (Chaz top left)

One thing for sure is that I love Chaz with all my heart.  He's my firstborn and my son.  Chaz has taught me more about unconditional love, PATIENCE, forgiveness, and tolerance like no other.  I can't imagine missing out on a kid like him. :)  It's not hard every day but we sure have our moments.  Challenges change as he gets older but he never has to doubt whether or not his parents love him, support him, and he knows he has the biggest cheerleaders in this family.

Sibling Rivalry: Learning to Make Amends and Forgive Early

Who ever thought when I first started a blog back in 2006 that I would find the blogging world to be a source of encouragement, laughter, joy, sadness, empathy, understanding, etc?  Somehow it became a place where people who think alike can find each other and receive encouragement.  In times where we didn't agree, a stretching.  Back when I started the blog I only had 4 kids and was not planning to have any more and was listening to everyone that said to stop.  The stretching came when I read blogs about large families and I wasn't sure I agreed with them.  I realized that I was just giving others the steering wheel in my life rather than God.  With you guys, I felt like somehow we've created a cyberspace invisible link where we can give strength to each other when needed.  Does that make sense?

The girls are so excited about Juliet getting closer to coming.  I'm 31 weeks now and even though she is pretty mild, the kids are finally being able to feel her kick.  She has no where to hide now, she's running out of space.  Ivy tonight was so excited to finally feel Juliet kicking her hand.  Ashley (4) came up to me the other day with toilet paper and asked if she could wipe Juliet's little butt.  I told her she had to wait till Juliet came out.  I assured the girls I would let them learn how to care for her. It's their turn now because my last baby was a boy and the boys wanted to be the one to learn with him. Ashley reminds me every day that she will change Juliet's butt though and doesn't want me to forget it.  LOL.  

Anyhow, I've been really working with my kids on the matter of getting along.  I know it's soooo normal to have some sibling rivalry and it's going to happen.  However, I CAN teach them how to handle an argument and make up properly.  I get so sad seeing families grow up and kids go their separate ways.  Grown adults that can't get along is just sad.  It happens though and I see it all the time.  I asked myself, "How can I at least teach them to handle a problem and get over it?"  Ivy has a best friend who she really loves.  There were times they'd be together and both would turn on Ashley.  This was not okay at all.  I don't care if Ivy is just showing off with her friend, it's not acceptable.  Finally I took Ivy aside and told her that she will no longer have friends over till she's not only mended her relationship with her sister but that she learns that sibling relationships are important.  I told her that Ashley is not only her sister but her best friend.  They are only two years apart and should be able to work things out.  I said, "Kerrie may be your best friend but your sister Ashley is your best, best friend."  I really kept off any friends that wanted to visit her for a bit till Ivy started learning to enjoy her sister and work out fights.  When they do fight I have them come to me, face each other and hold hands, to say sorry, I love you, you are my best, best friend and say they forgive each other.  If that doesn't work I find some way to make it a little bit silly to they get in a better mood and really do work it out.  Often they are hugging after it all and run back to where they were hand in hand.  Can I do that when they are older? Well, not so much but I want them to have the idea of quick forgiveness and moving on when they are little.  Now, Ivy has surprised me by telling me that she loves her friend Kerrie but Ashley is her best, best friend.  She tells me she enjoys her company and they have definitely gotten a lot closer.  Since they have worked this out I've allowed her friend to come over more often.  Now they all 3 play together really well.  ;)  I know some people just let their kids hash it out, slam doors, and talk about each other on the phone to their friends.  The problem with that is they are learning nothing about working it out and it's sad.  The problem needs to be worked out before the sun goes down.

When the World Shakes Their Fist

Agh!  Sunday was my blogoversary and I spent it in church. It was a great day! :)  This will be my 1,656th post.  Holy cow, that's a lot of posts.  That's how you know you enjoy writing.  I must've only took weekends off from blogging.

I have sooo much to be grateful for in blogging land.  Seriously, it's been a positive thing in my life and I've met some amazing blogging moms.  I love down to earth mamma's that tell it like it is rather than always sugar coat things.  I've met some amazingly smart ones that make me feel pretty "duh" in comparison.  I've met some that amaze me how many kids they have and they have the joy and stand up for what they believe in.  Children are a blessing no matter what the world says.  The world will mock you, spit at you, tell you that you're flat out nuts.  But remember, Jesus was mocked at and called crazy. He was crucified.  However, even His last words were of forgiveness.  So what if I feel "persecuted" by words for what I believe in? Every time I get down for how someone talks to me about my large family I have to remember that the world ISN'T going to agree and THAT'S THAT.  Even when we had to sell everything, move into a tiny apartment, just so I could stay home, the people shook their heads thinking it was nuts.  Why wouldn't I just get a job?  I had only $100 at the best for groceries every month.  No car.  It was a tough time but some of our very BEST memories.  Did the world agree?  Of course not.  But I had my babies and I knew they'd grow up fast.  Can everyone do that and stay home?  Of course not.  

Today I was  thinking about how grateful I am for my own mom that stayed home with us.  I know not everyone can do that.  Some, no matter how hard they try, have to work to make it.  I will never, ever take it for granted though that I was one of the lucky ones.  Every single one of us in this world can find something to be negative about in our pasts, make excuses because of them, find reasons to never trust again, but that's not a great way to live.  Who wants to live like that?  Sadly, a lot.  Bitterness, sadness, hurt, anger is what makes pharmaceutical companies so rich.  I choose to be grateful for the positives, learn from the negatives, and live for the here and now and of course the future.  The world hates a successful story, at least one lived for Christ.  Hollywood is praised but missionaries, working dads supporting their family, firemen, doctors, soldiers seem to be forgotten.  The real heroes.

Blogging has helped me pull out the positives by sharing my stories.  It's helped me to find the humor in tough day. It's been even better to receive encouragement and even reproof from other blogging friends.  Was a fun 6 years of blogging!

Ideas for Bible Lessons with Kids & Child Training Bible

Funny yesterday's blog was kind of on this topic but this weeks bible study in the morning with the kids has been on Anger.  I found a lesson on anger for the kids and had them draw a picture for me.  I used this lesson on anger called "Anger Scars" and was really wishing I had thought ahead because I would have done the actual demonstration with them.  So instead they each drew it.  I had them draw a piece of wood.  Then told them to pretend they were making holes in it. Imagine every time you lost your temper and say mean things you were hammering a nail into the piece of wood.  After that I explained that when when we go back and say sorry to someone, it's like taking the nail out but what is left behind in the piece of wood?  It leaves a hole. That scar will forever be there.

Then we looked up the definition of anger and the definition of meekness and wrote them down.  The kids really, really enjoyed having our morning bible study be more interactive.

Each of the kids had some really cute drawings of the piece of wood, stick figures looking angry and making others cry. 

Since this whole week we are looking at Meekness vs. Anger, we'll be using this story tomorrow called "Don't Be Angry" and draw pictures of a beautiful scenery with a volcano in the background.  Well, since volcanoes can erupt, it causes major damage and even death.  :(  

I'm always looking for tools that can help with bible study and stumbled on this site called "The Child Training Bible". You just have to see for yourself how it helps to quickly find scriptures for kids when dealing with certain issues.  

Make the truths of God’s Word foremost in your parenting by taking your child directly to the pages of Scripture with this colorfully tabbed Bible with highlighted verses.  You will be ready with The Holy Word of God at your fingertips in the moment you need it!

I'm definitely ordering it and can't wait to use it.  :D

Solving Sunday School Dilemmas with Grace

Do you remember when I had a Sunday School dilemma and wasn't sure what to do about it?  Ivy does not read yet so they were going to move her from the first grade class back to the Kindergarten class.  Other than the always-angry anonymous lady I got some really good thoughts on it.  I had been keeping Ivy out of Sunday School because she was too embarrassed to go back to the younger class.  I didn't want to be one of those overprotective mamas that gets offended easy but I also didn't want to force Ivy into the class. Remember when I said I wanted to give them grace because the couple just took over the Sunday School program and were new to it?  After about 2 weeks of her sitting upstairs with the adults the leaders of Sunday School asked if they could talk to me.  I was so nervous thinking the worst that they were gonna be upset with me.  The husband and wife apologize to me and told me it was a wrong decision on their part and they should've gotten my input first.  They said that I was the parent and knows what's best for Ivy.  They felt really bad that Ivy didn't feel welcome into the class with her peers and they asked Ivy (who was standing next to me) if she wanted to go back.  Ivy was so happy and they led her back to the first grade class where her best friend also was.  They truly, truly felt bad that they had forced the issue and said they were so new to leading the program and hoped I would understand.  Of course!  That's a big ministry to take a hold of and I know is not easy.  I'm sooooo happy I handled it with grace rather than being angry towards them in my heart.  I did have that thought in the back of my head that they are new and maybe will change their mind.  I'm so grateful that is resolved and with grace.  :)

On a funny note, yesterday while getting ready in the bathroom, I looked up and saw this.....

I was wondering where our toilet paper roll went AND why the light was out.  Now I know why but the question of "who" is still unresolved.  Ohhhh, kids cause there to be so many mysteries.

Church Shopping and People Judging

Lately I've been noticing something and it got me thinking yesterday about it a lot.  There are sooooo many churches out there. In America you can find them everywhere.  I at least have 10 within one mile of my house.  There are all kinds of churches with all kinds of people.  The same theme I've been hearing is "I don't go there because of THOSE people.

I've been guilty of thinking like that.  Although, I've been to the same church for 12 years I've definitely had negative thoughts here and there.  I think everyone has in mind their favorite type of church. Some look for the programs, others the style of preaching, the beauty of the building, style of worship, sports offered, etc.  Some want it ALL.  Well, I grew up in church so I've heard a ton of reasons why.  The only one I've been guilty of thinking is negativity about the people.  I had been majorly hurt in the past (who hasn't?) and so for many years I would go to church and just try to keep to myself.  Often, while sitting in my seat, I'd look around and just watch all the interactions around me while getting my kids settled for the service.  Once the service was over I would pick up my kid from nursery, get my kids together, maybe say hello to a couple of people and just head out.  I did this for over a decade as a way of protecting myself, never giving thought to how it might look to other people.  Keeping to myself could of come off as snobby or disinterested.  

Ashley playing over the floor vent

Recently, I decided to turn look in the mirror at my hesitancy.  I hadn't gotten close to many people while trying to protect myself.  In the process, I even managed to become shy and really had to push myself just to go up and shake someone's hand.  Even worse, I began to make judgments in my mind towards others.  I had enough of my excuses and decided it was time to reach out again.  No more listening to the negative whether from myself or from cynical people. I have never been shy and always extremely outgoing in the past.  I started to say hi to people I made silent judgments about and spent at least 5 minutes asking about their day.  In the last few weeks I've been shocked at the transformation not only in my attitudes but in seeing my horrible perceptions of people slowly melt away. 

Kyle and Ivy (Right) playing with their friends after church

First off, no church is perfect.  No church has it ALL.  Some might be mega and give you everything you can ever dream of in a church but the preaching or teaching is lacking big time.  That's top on my list above all else.  Does what he preach line up with the bible?  Is there a comprising just to keep the numbers up? There will always be mean, nosy, annoying, and even downright obnoxious people (at least a couple).  Pastors can make mistakes in a judgement call or a rebuke, people can make mistakes in how they treat someone, and I've made plenty. If there is a perfect church, I would ruin it as soon as I walk in. There is just no such thing.  Sure I've been offended but there is a BIG chance I've offended others at some point.  Sometimes without even realizing it.  

I've  been looking forward to service more than ever since I decide to lay all my dumb judgments aside and give people a chance.  If anything I had to repent of my attitudes.  It's been a blessing to be more involved and get to know people better. The church is like a family.  You can't choose who's in it, only how your attitude responds to them.  How has my attitude been affecting my kids?  It definitely rubs off on them.  I've been really encouraging the ones old enough to walk around by themselves (8 and up) to get to know other kids and make friends.  It's been a joy seeing them more excited also.  I absolutely love our pastor and his teaching which is most important to me.  Sure our kids have Sunday School and Children's Church but after that there really are not many other programs.  However, that's at the bottom of what's important to me so that's not a big deal.  As far as people problems?  Well, it happens.  Just like in a family.  You just forgive and move on.  I would hope people would do the same for me.

Crazy Kid Prank and a Letter Goodbye

My son Ryan likes to play these big pranks on the family but I think the other day his went a little too far.  It still gave us a chuckle but only because Kyle started laughing....after about 10 minutes.  Charles and I were talking in the back room for a bit (about a half hour) and when we came out, Kyle walked up to us sadly and handed us a card.  He said, "Mom and Dad, I have something really sad to tell you.  Just read the card."

I opened the card....

It says, "Dear Mom and Dad, Ryan and Kyle don't have a working heart so I'm just telling you so we can say goodbye to you, Mom and Dad.  Love, Kyle and Ryan."

I looked at him confused and asked him why he thought that.  He held his neck and said he didn't feel his heart "beeping".  I smiled and told him that he wouldn't be standing there if his heart had stopped and then I showed him how to feel his heartbeat.  It took some really good convincing.  With Ryan smiling  behind him I asked him what was going on.  He purposefully showed Kyle the wrong spot to check and then told him it takes about a day or two to die once your heart stops, so Kyle figured he had enough time to write a letter and prepare us for it.  Ohhhh, I felt so bad for Kyle (my 8 year old) and reassured him his heart was still "beeping."  After he realized it was just a huge prank he was laughing about it with Ryan.  What a stinker Ryan is!  I kept the card because I thought it was sooooo cute.

I guess I'd want the chance to say goodbye to family rather than die instantly.  Some say they wouldn't want to be sad and would rather go instantly but since having so many deaths in the family, instant or over time with cancer, I don't know what's worse.  I've had family members die instantly and I wished I could've said goodbye, told them I loved them.  The ones that died over a period of time from cancer, I wonder more what their last days were like.  Does everyone act sad around them all the time?  Does knowing your death is coming soon make you completely depressed and hard knowing you won't see your loved ones grow older?  Agh.  It's just all such a terrible thought.  Alas, it's a reality that happens all around us.  I'm just happy my heart is right before God.  I'm glad I'm learning to quickly forgive wrongs, apologize quickly when necessary, and am learning that some things are not worth fighting about.  Each day is precious on this earth.

Leaving Bitterness and Unforgiveness Behind

It's Thanksgiving and the turkey is in the oven!  Every year I'm so surprised at how fast the holidays seem to come.  Time just keeps flying by. There is so, so, so much to be grateful for.  I'm grateful God is doing a work in my heart about not holding grudges.  It's not fun going through life and watching your back.  I'm learning that no matter how many people have hurt me, everyone's been hurt.  It's impossible to go through this life and never be offended.  Pain from others doesn't give me permission to be bitter and unforgiving.  My God is a forgiving God and has forgiven me of a far greater debt.  I've listened to some parts from a book called The Bait of Satan via audio.  It was amazing and I need to invest in buying my own copy.  With as fast as time flies and how fast these holidays come around, it's not worth shutting people out because of hurt.  Especially when we don't know if this is the last time we will celebrate Thanksgiving with them.  We have no way of knowing.  Just on Facebook this morning a friend posted "Asking prayers to go up today for a family with 10 children, as their father and husband passed away last night of a massive heart attack, very unexpectedly."   I cried and prayed when I heard this news.  Friends, instead of worrying about who did what in the past, remember how much Christ loves them so much more.  Holding onto bitterness twists us up inside and hurts us more than it hurts them.  We never know if this is our last chance to see someone we love (or used to love) and celebrate Thanksgiving.

So, I'm thankful God has put this on my heart as a start to healing and moving on.  Love ya and have an awesome Thanksgiving!  This year embrace someone you haven't in awhile (without strangling them. haha).