Monday, August 20, 2012

Anorexic Christianity

Today I got so MUCH done while the kids were in their one day a week school.  Wow!  It's super easy to clean while they are gone!  So THAT'S how moms do it.  Ha ha.  It's so nice for the breaks on Monday.  I use the breaks for either errands or cleaning house really well.  So far I think I like the part about getting the house clean!  It's super easy to get dinner ready early too.  Wheeeee!  Okay, a bit excited here.

Last night in church I was just feeling frustrated with myself about some things.  Maybe not feeling like I'm good enough as a Christian.  I know in the past I've been judgmental about other people and how they act.  I just held those feelings inside of me and I didn't realize that over time it was just eating away at me.  Before I knew it I felt spiritually anorexic.  I spent so much time focusing on how others were doing that I forgot to feed myself.  Maybe it was that or listening to too much unhealthy chatter.  Last night during praise and worship my eyes wandered over to a gal who I've had some issues with in the past.  I know she's lost her temper at people, including my best friend.  I saw her raising her hands and really just focusing on praising God.  It was totally genuine.  Then it really hit me.  THAT'S why we are here.  We're not here because we have it all together.  We come to church because we desperately need God.  I need God.  I've hurt others and been judgmental when I had no right.  Instead of looking at the crowd with a tainted view, this time I saw a people just like me.  We are all there for many of the same reasons.  We live in a world that celebrates fame, money, immorality, and condones murder.  We constantly hear blasphemy, words of hate, bitterness, and have our eyes violated just trying to go to the mall.  A church is a place where we can be refreshed, hear from God, take in a big breath, then go out again to be a light in a very dark world.  In order to make it I need to be reading my bible and praying every day.  Not refreshing yourself every day in His Word is like not eating and paying attention to the natural urges of your body wanting nourishment.  It lasts for so long till you feel really weak.  The world offers only junk food, and when you're full on that it's hard to accept what's good and nourishing.  I need to take the time out of my day, NO MATTER WHAT, and do that.  

Homeschooling each week starts again and this time I feel like I have a fresh start.  This time I'm not pregnant, not on any bed rest, not facing any huge things.  I can just focus on my kids.  :)  I'm excited.  Crossing my fingers here.  Well, having faith would be more like it!  This is gonna be a good year.
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