Sunday, June 21, 2015

What God Joins Together...

Yes, I'm a Christian.  I asked Jesus into my heart when I was a little girl.  He has STAYED in my heart since then and I love him.  I'm so grateful for all he's done. But....



Today, I will not punch anyone, kick anyone, or make dirty faces at anyone who hurt my friends.  I will try and stay calm.  No, I WILL stay calm.  That is what Jesus would want me to do.  I can't teepee someone's house.  How in the world can anyone justify interfering in someone's marriage and try to pull them apart?  Especially their own kids' marriages?  Why?  How is that okay?  I have seen this happen over and over and over.  Never from a Christian mom though.  Christian moms should know better because of the scriptures saying for a man to leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife.  That no one should ever come in between them.  A Christian mom KNOWS better.  It HURTS to stand by and watch it happen time after time again. 

Lord, help me to pray for them and not just be angry.  Being angry of the constant pain moms like these cause doesn't help anything.  Prayer does. 

I will pray...

"Jesus, I pray for this awesome, beautiful, amazing family.  I pray you will protect them and keep them safe from anyone that would try to hurt them by coming in between them with a purpose to separate.  I pray you'll protect their hearts and give them joy and peace.  I pray against any curses spoken against their marriage.  You created marriage, I know you can began to work a healing.  Please hold this marriage safely in your hands.  Amen."

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Time is Passing

As a mom, how do I be okay with watching my little ones just grow up and move away.  I sit here at 1am, looking at photos of acquaintances and their kids, realizing that I only blinked and they're grown.  Why does time have to go so fast?  Why?  Can't we hold onto time just a little longer?  In 2 months I'll have a 14 and 15 year old.  Did I do enough?  Did I show them the love of Christ through me?  Do they really know I'd give my life for them if I had to?  Not just in serving my family but in every way.  How do I let go?  Now I understand that look on my mom's face the day I moved out of her house into my little apartment.  Her baby was leaving...

Chaz (6) at school

A bored Chaz (14) sitting through a lecture at a school
It felt so safe when all my kids were 10 and younger.  No need for driving lessons, high school, and no teenage hormones to deal with.  It was simple before.  I only had to worry about toys, pj's, favorite snacks, and teasing.  

Kyle (3), Ryan (5), Chaz (6) being silly
This pic above is how young they were around the time I started this blog.  :D

How is it that some parents are so happy their kids are grown and gone.  I'm still sitting here reminiscing with their old favorite blankies and telling them funny stories from when they were small.  I'm only 36.  I can understand when people say they feel so young, yet their bodies show everyone else their real age. I still remember dreaming of the day I'd get married and have a little girl named Ashley.  Now I have a Chaz, Ryan, Kyle, Ivy, Ashley, Caleb, Juliet, and Jaxon.  Ashley made it on that list. Right there in the middle. Surrounded by love.  Who knew I'd get blessed so many times over?  I could never of imagined. 

Ryan (13) saying hi through our cameras while daddy was away on business trip

Monday, June 15, 2015

Yes, Christians Can Have Peace

These last few months have been a mental struggle for me.  As much as I've tried to put my past beliefs behind me, I somehow have people in my life that follow me to remind me I've gone astray from God.  I know God's promises.  I remember His peace He gave me.  When I had this peace, I was mocked and was told "It's only because you've given up so the devil won't fight you anymore." With that I said,

"You will keep in perfect peace ALL who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on you." Isaiah 26:3-4

"The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace." Psalms 29:11

No, it's not a sign of true Christianity when you're constantly tormented or vice versa.  It's okay that Christians go through trials and it will happen.  However, it's also very possible for God to give peace even through these trials.  Me having peace doesn't mean I'm unsaved.

Yesterday in service I was watching my son in the front raising his hands in worship, next to his best friend who was also lifting his hands in praise.  I was in awe.  So in awe of the changes I have seen in these boys.  Seeing my other son serve in sound ministry and with a joyful heart. Wow!  At their age, I was more worried about when service was going to be over and what we were going to have for lunch.  It's almost been 2 years since we attended our new church and the investment they have put into my kids has dramatically made a difference.  That's not how I was at 13 and 14.  Sometimes I have to shake my head to see if I'm dreaming.  Did God really take me out of deep depression and give me this new life just a year and 9 months ago?  How did I deserve this?  Even when I was shaking my fist at God and asking why.  More like shouting.  He never left me.  Even through the heartache and abandonment by my friends, I shouted and I cried, but He never left me.  He was always there.  I didn't know because I put man's opinion and rules above His.  He never meant for His people to carry such a heavy burden of works.

"For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:30

Yet, as much as I felt burdened by other people's heavy standards, I have no hatred, no bitterness, but a sadness.  I've been there.  I've carried the burden of works and had no peace.  I had none because every night I would question whether or not I did enough to make God pleased with me.  I constantly testified about what God was doing in my life and how He's given me joy and peace.  Every bit of it was a lie.  I knew what to say but never truly felt what I claimed.  I felt like a liar every time I said it.

When I realized a whole section of the bible, tons and tons of scriptures that I once had been blind to, was about how we can't earn our way into heaven.  Not before OR AFTER salvation, I felt like that guy in the movie "Pilgrims Progress". The part where he's standing at the cross and the humongous burden on his back falls off and rolls away.  I thought that part was just for sinners.  No, it was for me.  That heavy burden was of works.  Does my back still sometimes feel sore from carrying that burden for 34 years?  Yes, it does.  But when I remember His promises, that we are saved by grace, not by works, I straighten my back and keep on going.  I can never, ever, ever let anyone take His gift of peace from me.  He doesn't give a select church group peace.  He gives ALL his people peace.

"God saved you by His grace when you believed.  And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2:8-9

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to Him, the power of the life giving spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.  The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.  So God did what the law could not do.  He sent his own son in a body like the bodies we sinners have.  And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.  He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be FULLY satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the spirit." Romans 8:1-4

"You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before who eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified?  This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith?  Are you so foolishHaving BEGUN by the spirit, are you now being PERFECTED BY THE FLESH? Did you suffer so many things in vain, if indeed it was in vain? So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracles among you, do it by the works of the law or by hearing with faith?  Even so Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness." Galatians 3: 1-6

Thank you for Your peace, Jesus. 

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Survival Mode

Okay, sometimes there are days where Juliet puts me in complete survival mode. I feel as if I'm literally just surviving the day. It's gotten that hard. It's like she took the confidence I had in how I raised all the other kids and shred it to pieces. Yet, she can be incredibly cute. Do you know what that means? It means she wars with our heart. Haha. One moment you want to scream and the next moment you want to cuddle her. I would cuddle her AND scream but that might look scary. I've tried gates yet she figured them out. I have one gate left she can't figure out that keeps her in the big living room area. She has closely been watching people open and shut it. She's currently working on it. I keep lots of toys and fun stuff in there yet she's not happy with only having a living room to rule. Have mercy!!!!