For All to See - Mommies Online

It's hard for me to write when I'm told by people around me what I can and cannot write about.  Instead of it diverting my attention away from the matter, my mind constantly wants to put it all in writing.  This has always relieved my mind of any burdens even though I am super careful what I write about.  Sorry about writing about the camping trip.  I only wrote what happened and never meant any harm.  I never want to hurt anyone.  I guess maybe sometimes it might be hard for me to see the difference between just writing what happens in my life verses slander.  I really, really honestly didn't mean to slander anyone and that is why I wrote about the camping trip but gave no names. 

Since I was a little girl I loved to write.  I used to keep a journal all growing up since 5th grade.  I never wrote it for anyone to see but I also didn't write it to hide anything.  It was like having a friend that didn't judge.  Somewhere I could tell my thoughts without getting in trouble for it.  In 2006 I discovered blogging. I saw it as my online journal for my own eyes but still knowing others could see.  So I don't write to please others or to put up fronts.  I write for me and it happens to be public.  It was never meant to be a means of ammunition for others.  But if it is used in that way, I can't control it. My blog.  My writing.  My pictures. 

Moving on.  I've always had a pretty harsh image of God.  I'm not sure why but in some ways I do know why.  My parents didn't ever give me that image.  I tend to think God is waiting up in heaven, watching my ever move, and waiting for a fall so I can be flick away for all eternity.  Oh, how I hate my view of God.  I think there are just so many churches out there that preach so drastically different that it can be confusing.  Some that are harsh judgment all the time.  You never measure up.  God is always mad.  Then there are the greasy grace.  The kind where sin is never, ever confronted and open sin in the church is accepted and tolerated.  One thing that bothers me is each section of churches that put down each other's teachings. A lot like mud slinging.  I've been guilty of thinking that my church is the only way and all others are false.  I know, I'm so embarrassed to admit that!  I really think if we somehow just compared the doctrine to Gods' word, being careful we don't do our own editing and removing of the bible, and be kind to each other we'd be a much bigger force.  Rather than mud slinging, joining together and really pray for our country.  Pray for our president, whether we like him or not.  Pray for our schools.  Our kids.  Our unsaved loved ones.  Imagine if the born again Christians banded together, put away our petty differences, and worked together to see change in this country.  For 7 years I attended a Christian homemakers group.  Someone had told me it was bad to attend because it wasn't in my own church.  However, those 7 years I blossomed!  I was taught how to be a godly mother, wife, homemaker, etc.  Those weekly meetings did so much for my family I will always be so grateful.  Yes, it was a different church than my own but I learned so much.

 



I say us mommies need not worry about being judged for showing life like it is in our own homes.  Using our blogs as a ministry to show others our triumphs but not be scared to share our weaknesses.  Besides, only showing a perfect side of us encourages others very little.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  Blog for you but keep in mind those you may be encouraging (or discouraging) in the process.  Don't let anyone bully you or tell you what you can or cannot write about.  Be YOU. 

Finding Friends Again

I like my blog.  :D

I truly do because I've made it my own and no matter how many phone calls I've gotten, being told how I should write it, and even anonymous hate mail.... I've made it my own. 

Do you know how cool it is to look back on the history of your own blog and recall all the memories you might of otherwise forgotten?  To read about cute things little ones said or see how much has changed.  It's just soooooo neat!  Would it be an accurate blog if I blogged according to people's suggestions or threats?  Nooooo, it would not.  My bloggy blog.  :D I started writing this in March of 2006.  Ivy was almost 1 year old.  My only regret is I didn't start it back in 2000 with my first born son.  Ohhhhh, you would've really seen some drama.  I was a funny first time mama.  It's almost embarrassing. I couldn't change a diaper right if my life depended on it. 



My house is pretty darn clean right now.  I look around and wonder why it still feels a little icky to me.  It dawned on me that it needs a good paint job in just about every room.  The paint has worn off some from all the scrubbing and just general wear.  I'm no longer able to clean off those prints and marks on the wall because it just needs new paint.  Ohhhh, how I loathe painting.  I always pick the wrong color.  I don't know if I've ever picked the right color.  The one color I got right was because my sister suggested it to me.  Hilarious.  I need to hire this talented lady to come and give suggestions for every room. 

I really feel like God has gifted me a new friend that I had seen but almost overlooked because of my busyness.  She was always sitting on the right side of the church, towards the front.  She seemed a bit shy.  I kept looking over at her and wondering why I hadn't went over to say hello.  When I did, I was pleasantly surprised!  She is a good cook and very good mom.  I can't believe I almost missed out on her awesomeness.  I need to get some lessons from her on her awesomeness.  She's not a perfectionist, she's real.  I like real.  When I find a real person that loves God first, family second, everything else last, that's my kind girl!  Lately, I've been bombarded, literally, by people I've been running into that just have brought back that joy in my heart.  People that make me realize that there is still soooooo much good in people and I had just been too busy to see it.  This world can be a very harsh place.  It's good to have good friends. Real friends.  Not the Stepford Wives type.  Heh heh. 

Finally Mastering the Art of Less Clutter

This past week I have come to realize what a huge difference and change that has happened in me as far as housework goes within the last year.  It used to be that we had so much stuff I felt I cleaned alllll day.  If someone was to come over then I actually dreaded it because it meant I had to clean the whole house.  Trust me, it was a lot.  We just had TOO much stuff and the kids would scatter it everywhere.  Daily.  If we knew someone was coming over that night then we would start cleaning early morning to get it all done in time.  I know.  Sooooo sad.  I finally just got fed up with the stuff and started dumping it all.  Needless to say, I have learned to not get attached to junk.  That's all it really is in the light of eternity and what really matters.  Proudly, the kids have learned this over the years and they do their own decluttering now. They hate clutter!  Haha.  I'm so happy.  The past few times we were gonna have people over I started to realize that we only had to pick up and clean in under an hour's time.  What a difference!!!  I used to dread someone coming over because it meant I had to freak out and clean like a mad woman for a day or sometimes even a day and a half.  My sis finally told me it was time to just get rid most of it. I really didn't know how till she taught me how to do the red carpet treatment.  Just bringing out everything from one room (except big furniture) and into the living room.  Put back what you what and donate the rest. It'll make you sweat but it works.  I was tired of my life revolving around clutter.  (I'll post a how to below)



My husband's been telling me I need to relax more.  I had even stopped blogging less and wanted to stay on top of things more.  Charles told me that I don't need to keep cleaning the same stuff over and over throughout the day.  It's okay if toys are out and things get a bit messy from play.  Just have fun with the kids, take time to blog or read a book, and enjoy life more!  We can all day basic chores throughout the day and get our work done, but we don't have to go in circles doing it.  I love my husband!  We all do our chores at noon where we are thorough but we do another big pickup just before he gets home so daddy can walk into a neat house.  :)  Since it only takes 1 hour to get our work done at noon, it's a pretty quick pickup by the end of the day. Man, decluttering like a mad lady was soooo worth it. When I do laundry I keep a donated bag nearby.  As I fold I can see what should be donated and put right into that bag.  It doesn't make it back into the kids' closet to decide later.  Right now I have a huuuuge donation bag just from doing this the last week of washing. 



Although I can be hard on myself, I'm glad I am. I'm happy I'm not okay with living in a life of clutter and feeling trapped.  It took me awhile to see how much our cleaning has changed and how much easier it's gotten.  I just realized it a couple days ago. I looked around, looked at my son and said, "Kyle, have to realized how easy our chores have gotten?"  He said, "No.  Just kidding, mom!  Yes, it's much faster to clean now!"  :D Ahhhhhh..... The constant learning, relearning, getting mad at the clutter and doing the work was worth it.  I'm now working on a full laundry system to make it more organized.  My sis gave me a great idea so we've been implementing it!

How to Do a Red Carpet Treatment

I say the "Red Carpet Treatment" because when we empty out a room, we put
it all onto the red carpet in our living room.  That way we aren't tripping over
stuff.  Yes, it got piled pretty high onto the rug and couch.  :)

1. Empty out one room completely as if you are moving except for major furniture you know is staying.  I moved everything into the living room.  

2. Get a bag or box labeled "Giveaway" and "Throwaway".  Then I put back what was obvious of what was going back into the room and I would put it back immediately.  As I was filling up the room with my favorites and for sure staying, I knew quickly when to stop because I loved how nice it looked.  I didn't want to reclutter it because the room looked so beautiful without all that stuff!  It made it sooo easy to throw all the rest out.

3.  At the end of the day take a break and go donate the stuff.  If you want to do a yard sale make sure to take the stuff OUT of the house completely.  I put everything onto our back patio.  

4.  Each day I did one room and I did not stop for 8 days.  I made sure each room was completely and totally done with all the messes cleaned up from it before starting the next room.  We ate very, very simple that week because I didn't need to be making bigger messes that would make me feel discouraged.  

5.  If you blog, blog your successes!  After my whole house was finished, since I didn't want to do a yard sale but my friend did, she came and picked up all the stuff off my patio.  Get rid of it fast!

Perfection is for Guest Visits Only - Not Everyday

Recently someone contacted me about possible being in a TV show and wondered if I was interested.  They were looking for families that feel like they don't have enough time together and would like to work on being closer together.  I thought about that and realized we don't qualify at all.  I constantly have thought about this and tend to evaluate where my relationship is with my husband and kids often.  I don't feel that I have any regrets in the area of spending time with my kids or husband.  No, I don't revolve everything around my kids but we do try and stay really connected.  I know, I know, I know that the key to being close with my kids when they are older starts when they are young.  I'm not going to wait to build a close relationship till they are adults.  I realize that now some of their concerns or small talk may be silly but it's important to listen because it'll gradually mature. I want them to know that if I'll listen now, I'll listen then.  I get sad when I hear people blow off their little one because the concern little Johnny is having seems silly.  It's important and really big to them. 



Most of my days consist of spending time with my kids and training them.  Often I won't blog or do anything else until I feel like I've met the needs as much as possible.  Ahem.  Hence the reason I tend to not blog AS often as I used to.  Sometimes at night when I'm thinking about getting on the computer, there has been several times that a kid needed to talk to me about something personal to them.  As much as I wanted my free time, I knew they really meant it.  I have a teenager in less than a month and another one in a year.  It's snowballing on me since I had three kids in three years when first starting a family. Their talks are getting more serious about issues of the heart.  I'm SOOO glad they feel they can open up. 

One of my three sons come up to me recently and told me they are experiencing thoughts in their head that are not good.  He said he fights them but they come back sometimes.  I asked in general what I thought it might be.  He looked embarrassed to tell me but did.  I said, "Well, I figured out the problem.  You are turning into a man.  You aren't there yet but what you are experiencing is temptation.  It's not a sin to be tempted.  Only when you let your thoughts dwell on them or you act on it."  He looked relieved and gave me a hug.  See?  It's stuff like that! I'm so glad they know they can trust me.  That they can openly talk to me.  Some day they will be grown up and out of the house.  I will make the time to be available because some day they won't be here and I can have all the time to do whatever I want.



My days can be sooooooooo hard at times and there are days I fall back in bed at night and just fall asleep almost before my head hits the pillow. It's a good kind of exhausted.  The kind that no matter how hard a large family can be, it is worth every minute of it.  My laundry piles rival the mountains and the dishes never, ever, ever end.  As soon as we clean it starts to fall apart but I'd rather just be happy for our two chore times a day than yell at them all day to quit messing up the house.  Yeah, it can get frustrating to have it look like it does at times but I realized that I was always going in circles after them to pick up, pick up, pick up.  I started to sound like a mean ol' broken record.  I finally settled on the fact that two chore times a day to pick up are sufficient and we can always do a perfect, to the T clean, if we have visitors.  So, if you walk in and my house looks perfect, you are the only reason why.  Perfection just isn't my cup of tea and couldn't be even if I wanted it.  Unless I want to go nuts.  Ha.

I'm No Supermom...Not by a Long Shot

I'm doing some research before I make a final decision about this upcoming school year. Basically, my kids are spoiled.  I think they are spoiled rotten at times.  Deprived you say?  Bwahaha!  My kids have memberships to the huge 3 story science center, a zoo membership, gym membership.  They don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn and they get to leasurely eat breakfast every morning.  While they lazily sip on their morning hot tea, they are either listening to a family bible study by me or watching an educational video.  School comes some time around 10am or maybe starts at 11am.  Depends on when mom's brain wakes up.  That only comes after a good dose of coffee.  They get done in a few hours, maybe only two if they really concentrate, and then they start their chores.  If they are lazy about it they finish in an hour.  When they are really good at it they are done in only a half hour.  Yeah, young ones have dissected and learned the insides of some animals before most kids ever get to.  It's weird having a five year old depressed because her older brother got to dissect a frog before she could.  Yeah, my kids have it amazingly good.  I don't have to worry about late nights at church and having to rush them to bed because of school in the morning.  We have such a good life. 

Do you think my kids would be at my feet thanking me for the good life they have?  Noooooo.... they think schooling takes too long and chores take to long.  They've completely forgotten their days of public school that they hated, hated, hated.  They hated the long days, hunger, and bullying. They hated getting lost in the system because the teacher had moved on before they were ready.  They hated the hurried lunches and the lame 5 minute recess.  Did you know they've cut recess waaaaaay down?  When I was a kid we had a good 20 minutes-30 minutes of recess.  I needed to get all that energy out.  I'm sure my teacher begged the principal to give me Benadryl each day.  Something to knock me out so she could peacefully teach the rest of the class.  A week ago I told them I wasn't sure about another year of homeschooling because they aren't appreciating it.  They all cried and hung on my leg.  Please noooooo!  I took a deep breath.  I thought about it while doing cardio at the gym, I thought about it while lifting weights.  I thought about it while swimming my midnight laps.  I thought about it while showering, eating, and just before dozing off.  I ran into a book that just made my heart leap for joy....

Click here to see on Amazon

Wow!  This is about 15 different families that are all in different situations and all homeschool differently.  I needed a way to keep the attention of my kids and it seems what I'm doing isn't working.  It's just not as exciting for them.  I've been devouring this book and can hardly put it down.  There are those perfect parents who seem like they have it all together and their three year old is learning calculus and then there are the ones.... like me.... that give so much to the kids that I'm just happy to shower that day.  Do you know why I go to workout at the gym after the kids are asleep?  Because that's when I have the time.  When I go it's usually 9:30pm-12:30am.  No, I don't sleep in all day.  Heck, I'm writing this at 2am because it's the only time I've had yet I still have to get up with the early risers.

I woke up to this the other day. Juliet trying to figure out how to get
out of her crib.  Okay, she's 12 months! Help!

I get excited when I find a book that just lifts my spirits when I'm lagging inside.  I don't have a homeschool co-op or a support group.  I wish I could have those cheer leaders on the sidelines but I don't.  I have to just keep my faith in God, relying on His strength, my mind in constant study, and my heart resting in God's grace.  That is the only way I can give sooooooooooo much of myself every day without cracking.  I'm no supermom.  Ha...  By a long shot.  I'm related to some but I'm not one.  I just have to work super hard.

 

Good news!  I'm down 10lbs!!!  Aaaaaagh!  NO CARBS and lots and lots of juicing and vegetables.  White meat more than red meat.  I'm learning to make really yummy food and I can eat LOTS of it!  I will share soon on a great Souperman food I now make. Get it?  It's a soup but man, oh man, is it packed of good stuff.  Superman himself might be knocking on my door soon for the recipe. 

Living in an Unwanted Fish Bowl- Large Families in Public

Today I got a chance to talk to my dad and that doesn't happen often.  So naturally when he calls I run to the phone as fast as I can.  Otherwise I won't talk to him or another 4 or 5 days or so.  He's a hard worker for sure.  I've never in my life seen anyone work as hard as him with little or no complaint.  Today we were talking about personality types and how there are four different types.  He said there is the social extrovert, the demanding (something like that), the analytical, and something else (can't remember).  I asked what I am and he quickly said the social extrovert.  I'm not sure that's me anymore. 







Alllll growing up I loved being social with anyone, any animal, anything that moved.  Ha ha.  I had no problem talking in front of big crowds of people, singing, acting on a stage, or getting to know any person and was very comfortable making new friends.  Then.... my rose colored glasses began to be lifted.  Kids, if handled with care, wear rose colored glasses.  They don't imagine that walking down the street could bring harm or that terrible things can happen.  Everywhere they go is an adventure and they don't have the worries us parents have. 

Somehow over time my rose colored glasses were lifted and I saw life in a harsher light and so I had to wear my shades.  I saw how vicious girls (women) can be as far as judging each other's bodies, homemaking skills, talents, etc.  Instead of accepting each other for differences and seeing the beauty in it, judgements are made. 



Large family mamas fall into a special category because of being put into a fishbowl.  It doesn't matter where we go we have people staring at us, watching our ability to handle our children, and seeing how the kids interact with each other.  I don't blame them because I would do the same.  I love to watch how mamas do it with so many kids.  It's fascinating.  The hard part is hearing the comments.  You don't know whether you're gonna hear harsh words or kind words.  Over the years I've begun to pull myself into a protective shell.  I'm not sure how healthy it's been.  I don't like being watched and this week was particularly hard because I had extra kids.  I went to IKEA with 10 kids and I felt like I was part of a circus I didn't want to be in.  I like to SEE the circus but not be part of the act.  It's easy to want attention when you never get it because you have a couple of kids but I get it every little place I go.  My old friends from the past have no idea how shy I've become.  They are used to loud Jenny who doesn't mind the spotlight.  However, when you are hurt, whether attacked in person, online, through anonymous hate mail, by family, or what used to be good friends, it's easy to slide into a shell like a turtle for protection.  I hate that I've become this person. 

 

I know people say, "Well, you're the one that has a blog.  That's what put you in a fish bowl."  True.  However, I meant it as a journal escape for myself and also a way to document changes in my life.  I just love to write whether I had no followers or 1,000.  I love followers!  Mostly I have amazing followers.  Whether they are stalker followers.  People that visit secretly but never let me know they came.  Admirers that have this vision I'm the perfect homemaker but don't really know me as a person.  Friends that know me in real life and come to visit every now and then.  Haters that come just to have something to fume about.  Then I have the faithful followers, blogging friends I met online years ago that I've enjoyed hearing from and love to also visit their blog.  ;)  I've helped to put myself in a fish bowl because of blogging and I know that.  However, that's not a bother.  Mostly it's just being out in public... in real life. 

I promise you that I never intend to make myself appear as someone different.  I might withhold things to protect myself and my kids and because some things are just no one's business.  I have been accused of pretending to show a perfect side but believe me, I just blog because I love to blog.  I don't blog for applause, or a show.  I blog about what I love and care about.  I blog about our adventures or misadventures.  I don't blog because I need to air out my dirty laundry nor do I look for sympathy or praise.  You know you are a true blogger when you can't imagine going a day without getting things off your mind and onto your blog. I have a secret blog no ones knows about.  Not even my bestest of friends. :) 

I think it's time I ask God for help in opening up my heart again and not being so afraid to be watched.  After all, about 80% of comments I get are positive when in public.  "The kids are respectful, well behaved, act good in a restaurant, and can sit still."  It's those few weirdos that are just angry I have more than 3 kids and have to give the evil eye or say something.  I can't let the small percentage get to me.  I know I say that but I need to practice it.  Having a tough shell without it being a hard shell if you know what I mean.  After all, I'd rather have smile wrinkles than sad ones. 

 



Like it or not, I am in a fish bowl.  "God, can you just paint it a little rose colored... for me?"