How Different Will It Be with Siblings 3 Years Apart?

38 weeks pregnant and no dilation.  That's fine!  :D  I'm STILL enjoying being pregnant.

I can't believe my youngest two kids will be 3 years apart!  Now I'll know what it's like to have kids 1, 2, and 3 years apart.  I had my first three kids within 3 years.  They are now all best buddies.  IT still worked out with my kids that are 2 years apart.  What will it be like with a 3 year gap?  This should be interesting and Juliet SHOULD be potty trained.  Everything has to be her idea.  She really wanted panties and potty training toilet.  She was soooo happy when I presented it to her till a couple days later when I suggested she try to potty on it.  The look on her face when she realized this was something that wasn't her idea anymore.  So now she pulls up panties over her diaper and tries to act big walking around in them.  Cheater pants!!!  I've been changing diapers for so many years I've learned when they are ready they are ready.  I think when Jaxon gets here, I'll focus on it a bit more.  Right now I have my ONE baby in diapers and it makes me happy.  :D

Today we got locked out of our house and had to break the chain lock to get in.  Two of our kids had their leadership class, chain locked the front door, then ran out through the garage while it was closing.  Well, we don't use our garage for the van so didn't have the opener with us. So now I'm in panic that Juliet is going to escape midday right out the front door.  EVEN though we have it locked with a child proof handle.  I'd better replace that chain lock asap. No joke. Houdini's copy cat lives here.

Extremely Dark Week (37 Weeks Pregnant)

Wow, last week was definitely the worst week I had gone through in my entire pregnancy.  It was a painful, dark time and the only time I wished for Jaxon to come out and quick. 

It started Easter day when my son started throwing up and was feverish.  The night I woke up and threw up really bad.  I figured it was no big deal because by the next day, although another kid started coming down with it, Kyle was already back on his feet.  Okay, so it's a 24 bug.  But then it kept going and getting so bad I had to lay in a dark room for most of the day and nights.  Usually at night I struggle with acid reflux and heartburn during pregnancy but this was taken to a new level.  Once it hit about 8pm at night, I was in serious pain and throwing up bad.  Then nothing was staying down including water.  Finally I just went to the hospital because I hadn't been able to go potty in 2 days.  It was getting scary.  It took 3 bags of fluid to finally get me to be able to go.  They sent me home but nothing changed and was back in 2 days.  It took another 3 bags of fluid.  At night I finally just started crying because that time of the night was coming where I was throwing up acid and I was worried it was gonna be like this for 2 more weeks till Jaxon comes.  The acid was now going through my GI track and hurt very bad.  It takes a lot for me to cry but I was balling and balling because I couldn't spend the day with my babies and nights I couldn't sleep till I finally felt relief around 5am, when the sun was starting to come up.  The day after my second trip to the hospital my doctor prescribed me Protonix, which is a stronger version of Prilosec.  Only a half hour I took it all pain left and I haven't had a problem since.  Seriously?  That's all it took?  It was like the clouds instantly left and I slept like a baby for the first time in 2 months.  Thank you, thank you!

 I didn't want my last weeks with Jaxon to be a nightmare.  I look forward to every day but I embrace each day.  I've learned to enjoy living in the moment rather than thinking fun is around the next corner.  I felt serious guilt wanting Jaxon to come out and I felt robbed of my last pleasant weeks with him in my womb.  This is been such an amazingly, joyful pregnancy.  When a mom is that sick, taking care of kids is extremely difficult.  Charles ended up taking off work to care for them.  I'm so excited to have my life back, my babies back and I don't complain anymore about how many times I have to potty being pregnant.  Not being able to potty for 2 days at a time was extremely scary.  Not to mention being only able to eat one meal a day. 

Here's to an amazing 12 days before Jaxon is here!  I may lose sleep again once he comes but at least it'll be for a sweet, little one.  Not some dumb sickness.  :D

The 37 Week Pregnant Procrastinator

Oh my gosh!!!  I'm a huuuuge procrastinator.  You know why?  I realized that I'm 37 weeks so I need to buy a stroller, car seat, outfits, and diapers and asap.  So you know what I did?  I ordered it all (except the outfits) within 5 minutes on Amazon.  AND THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE.  Bam!!! We only purchase a certain kind of diapers, car seats, and stroller.  We always buy a new stroller with each baby because we use and abuse the previous one sooooo much.  This family is so darn adventurous!  We seriously wear out the stroller so much it's good just for donating and that's it.  Not even a resale. 

So I was talking with my family about a good day to be born on.  I told them as long as it's not on a prime number day or an odd number.  My exception would be the 25th as far as being an odd number (clearly not a prime number).  Did I ever tell you I have a thing with numbers?  I don't want to end up with an odd number of kids.  This complicates things for me because I think eight kids is a great and fun amount.  However, I don't feel done.  So, if I have another one, I'm just gonna have to make it 10 so we don't land on nine!  Who knows though because no matter what, God is in control. At least 9 is not a prime number.  Ha!  (Such a nerd).  By the way, 16 is my favorite number.  :D  No, I'm not gonna have 16 kids!  Ha ha!

With one of my favorite guys that help sick kids. Ronald McDonald!

Macaroni for 60!  Eek!

I've been getting way behind on housework lately.  Sometimes I just spend so much time with the kids and I neglect it.  My husband keeps reminding me to stop being a robot and have more fun.  He doesn't like to see me cleaning all the time.  However, larger families do come with more cleanup.  Even though we do chore time, my work load like meal times and laundry is naturally heavier. Holy cow, but not like the other night when I had to make my homemade macaroni for the Ronald McDonald house for sick kids!!!  I had to take the recipe from 4 servings to 60.  So instead of measuring individually, I just took the 1/4 cups and 2/3 cups and times it by 15.  Then I lectured the boys about why it is important to know how to multiply fractions mixed fractions.  Now they get it.  Next time I'm gonna have them convert it when I cook so they can see why we need it. Hands on is so much better!

Anyway, my back is burning sitting down to type this.  Hi to all my blogger friends!!!

Getting Adjusted to an Even Larger Family

With the added family here and the extra kids (and 2 more adults), I'm truly surprised how much as human beings we can stretch without breaking.  I literally expected the worst.  I did have a family living with us back in 2009 but it was a different situation and I was also different.  I couldn't handle a whole lot of stress and I really did feel I was gonna break.

As soon as the 3 extra kids moved in, we added them to the daily chore list.  Just to make the transition easier for them, I took the easiest chore from each of my kids so they can just get used to everything.  It's working out well so I don't think I'll be changing it at all.  I'm not saying their chore is like picking up one piece of paper, I just didn't want to overwhelm them and give them the hardest ones right off the bat.  My kids are keeping their main chores as is.  

I figured I was so stretched I couldn't possibly have any more kids after this 8th one.  After seeing how it's been with 10 kids I realize, it's very possible to have a lot of kids without going insane and finding myself in a corner sucking my thumb.  It is a little bit different because my kids know the routine.  Usually we do the same thing daily.  We eat in the morning, bible study, homeschool, lunch, chores, play, dinner.  Then at night after dinner they were always in their room at 8:30pm sharp.  They learned to never come out unless they are quietly using the restroom and going straight back to their rooms without talking to anyone else in another room.  It was mommy and daddy's quiet time.  I think that's the main challenge and getting the kids that aren't used to that routine, used to it.  As of now, we'll get them into their room but they'll come out for 4 hours straight with requests.  That's the main thing I'm hoping will change over the next few months.  :)  But if that's the only problem I'm facing (except house gets way dirtier faster), then I'm a blessed lady.

Today I'm 4 months pregnant.  Wheeeeee!!!!  My little boy is growing, has a very strong heartbeat, and I've only gained 4 lbs so far.  Hallelujah.  Ha ha.  I'm still thinking his name will be Jaxon but don't you think Dash is more appropriate for a boy name in this family?  Ha.

We Are Having a Boy!

I'm so relieved.  Sigh.  I'm only 13 weeks pregnant but I got the blood test done that lets me know if the baby is high risk for anything.  It says the baby is good. 

I was a little worried about having a girl again because girls are so much work.  Agh.  Very emotional. Then again, I thought it'd be neat for Juliet to have a younger sibling to play with.  Oh, well.  It works!!

I've always liked the name Jackson but I don't like that spelling. I was thinking about either Jaxon, Jaxson, or Jaxsen.  What do you think?

Ivy and her friend Kerrianne at project

I'm on antinausea pills right now.  Bleh.  Several days ago I had the flu really bad and almost had to go to the ER because I couldn't hold down any water or food for a long time.  The water is the more dangerous part.  Thankfully, it only lasted 24 hours.  I was so relieved because the very next day I was supposed to volunteer on an outdoor project.  I felt soooo weak when I first went out there but felt stronger as the day went on.  There is a huge project next door to my house and we were doing tile art on the wall.  Pretty cool!



11 Week Ultrasound

11 weeks

Yesterday was an emotional day for me thinking about my ultrasound with the last baby in April. It was a 9 week one but baby was measuring too small and was dying. So yesterday at my 10 week checkup and having my scheduled ultrasound, I cried. I really didn't want to go in and I cried missing Genesis.  I cried all the way to the OB's office, just worried of bad news. I smiled right away when I saw this on the screen because I knew everything was okay. They actually changed my due date so I'm 11 weeks. Baby is growing, healthy, has very strong heartbeat. Now it's tears of joy. My new due date is April 27.  I can't believe I'm having a baby in a different month.  Wow, so different.  My older six kids have birthdays all two weeks apart and then Juliet made her own month.  Now this one is due two weeks before her.  :)

I told the doctor how nauseous I was and she prescribed me some medication.  Also, because of my age I have to take calcium vitamins and a baby aspirin along with my prenatals.  Well, I took the antinausea medicine last night.  I woke up for the first time without throwing up.  I went an entire day without heaving at every smell.  The only problem is I kept falling asleep everywhere.  Oh my gosh!  I couldn't even hardly wake up in the morning and when I finally made my way to the couch I slept more. I got up to make lunch and that wore me out so I put Juliet down for a nap and then put myself down as well. I slept and slept.  When Charles got home he said I looked like a drunk.  I finally went and took a look at that medicine to see if it had something to do with it.  It says right on the box that it causes drowsiness and don't use it if you need to be attentive.  Um yeah, I'm a mom.  I need to be very attentive.  There is no way I'm taking these pills again.  Since I took two last night, I'm took only one tonight to see if it makes a difference at least.  Ohhhh, my house is a mess now that I've been down and out all day.  Please, lets not have tomorrow be a repeat.  Eek! 

The Terrible, Terrible, Terrible Twos

Oh man, I've been feeling yucky.  The other night I tried to go to the store to buy food to make dinners for the week.  Every aisle made me gag.  I walked out with Cup O' Noodles for everyone.  No joke.  I'm gonna try to go shopping again tonight.  After all, I'm starving exactly every two hours of the day.  I have to have food.  So do they.

Juliet pooring milk over brother's head

Now I'm seven weeks pregnant and I take naps every day when Juliet does.  She literally wears me out so it's not all hormone.  I mean, most of it is from pregnancy but she just has me running all over.  For the sake of everyone's sanity I've been trying to mostly keep her gated in the living room with us with some toys.  She constantly begs for bottles but I give her sippy cups which she hates.  She would rather go thirsty than drink from a sippy cup.  Sometimes I'll cave for the sake of sanity and just give her a bottle.  She'll drink only some of it and then poor the rest over her play kitchen, blankets, and toys.  Wow, I am thanking God that this next baby isn't coming till Juliet turns three years old.  Lets hope and pray she's a tad bit more normal.  But, hey, we are talking about the three year old stage.  The one positive thing I could gain from it is Juliet will be on the road to potty training.



Juliet poking her brother's eyes

Lately, or shall I say the last several months, Juliet has been stripping off all her clothes and her diaper and running around naked.  I will redress her constantly because I have boys in the house.  She'll quickly restrip.  The problem with this is the peeing and pooping.  Today, during her nap hour, she was supposed to be resting but I caught her naked with poop smeared all over her bed.  Ohhhhhhhh, this girl..... To make it more challenging, every single time she knows she did something bad, she will kiss me like crazy.  Kiss my leg, my hand, my arm, my foot.  Then she'll give me the most winning smile ever.  Today when Ryan was in trouble and had to sit alone somewhere, Juliet went up to him and kept giving him kisses knowing he was in trouble.  She was wanting him to feel better.  Ha. 

Help me, Lord!  These terrible twos are the worst I've ever gone through.  Eek, I'm starving again.

My Scare at 6 Weeks Pregnant

I haven't written in a few days because I had a scare.  I'm only six weeks pregnant but about 4 days ago I started bleeding and my stomach hurt.  I thought, "Uh oh, here we go again."  Out of fear I was going to lose this baby just like Genesis, I cried and cried on my bed.  I eventually came out and ask the kids to pray for me.  They were quick to.  They vividly remember surrounding me on the bed when I was in pain letting go of Genesis.  When I asked, they all gathered in a circle holding hands and prayed their hearts out for this baby.

Feeling in limbo, I mostly laid around and DREADED going to the bathroom.  Everytime I did for two days it was a reminder of the bleeding.  I put a post out on facebook asking for prayer.  Soooo many people responded.  I know some people say they also bled in their pregnancy.  The reason I was scared was because bleeding was following the pain in my stomach.  Like a cramping.  That is a very bad sign and it was identical to my last experience.  

My mom taking the girls during my doctor's visit

I hate feeling like my life is on hold but not knowing what to do, I mostly did nothing.  I could only think about this little one.  I had hoped that even though the baby is teeny tiny that maybe if I did nothing, it'd be safe.  I know more than likely, if I lost a baby it just meant something was wrong with the baby.  I don't know.

Eventually I went to the ER with a heavy heart and prepared for the worst.  They gave me an ultrasound to make sure the baby had a heart beat.  Can you believe that when most people find out they are pregnant, there is already a heartbeat?  I mean, I'm only 6 weeks and I saw that teeny little baby's heart beating on the screen.  Wow.  Even better, it was a good heart rate.  They gave me another Rhogam shot since I was bleeding.  Of course they sent me papers home about a possible miscarriage.  Still, after seeing that heartbeat, I had hope.  

My heart broke when I found out my high risk pregnancy doctor dropped me because she didn't feel I was high risk anymore.  She said I've had lots of healthy babies and there was nothing to worry about.  Well, I had to be off and running to now find a brand new doctor I've never had.  Argh.  I don't like this process because I've had a BAD one before that we almost took to court for some very bad things she did.  I almost lost a baby at 28 weeks 5 years ago because of her negligence.  I was scared in meeting a new one now.

After two days of bleeding it stopped. I held my breath in hopes it would stay that way.  Two days later the bleeding hasn't returned but, ohhhh, how scary. At first I was preparing my heart to lose another baby but then decided that it was not at all faith to be like that.  I fully remember how much faith I had last time and still lost Genesis but then decided that no matter what happens, I need to understand that God is in control.  He has my Genesis with Him right now.  And whatever happens with this baby, God is so good.  Whether I have this baby here on earth or someday in heaven, that's still a beautiful child of mine I've been gifted with!  

I saw my new doctor today.  Oh boy, what a type A personality she has which scared me right off the bat.  I like successful people and all that are go getters but some can be rude without meaning to be.  Or they come off as blunt.  But she slowly won my heart over when she said "Oh, have as many babies as you want.  That's your business and no one else's!"  Ha.  She's blunt all right.  But she's great towards large family mamas which is what I needed.  Funny enough, even though my other doctor dropped me, this doctor will be sending me to my old doctor for some visits and scans since I'm 35 years old and pregnant.  So ha!  My other doctor has me partially back.  However, I was feeling a bit old as a pregnant mom being I have to go somewhere special because of my age. 

I'm praying for a full term, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. :)  Would you please pray with me?

Pregnancy Blessing After Loss

Unless my body is tricking me, I took 2 pregnancy tests and they came out positive.  I was starting to wonder about my body after the miscarriage in early April.  

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was pregnant and then my husband got a $1.50 raise.  I woke up with a smile because, yeah, that's a happy dream!  Haha.  Last night I just randomly bought some pregnancy tests but didn't think I was pregnant.  Well, I had my suspicions but lately I haven't been trusting my body too much.  I felt like it had dealt me a bad blow this last pregnancy. Well, it immediately came out positive even though I'm so early. So I took another one this morning and, yep, it was positive just as quickly!  

I jumped up and down and told my husband who was just as excited.  In fact, I don't remember him being THIS excited before.  I mean, he's always been really happy but I saw how hard the miscarriage was on him as well.  One day, not long after losing Genesis I was moping around and grumpy.  I was being short with him and he said, "Don't you think I'm hurting too?  Don't you think I miss Genesis?"  That broke my heart.  I always hear women talking about pregnancy loss but I've never thought to think how the husband is hurting too.  I realized how selfish I was acting and stopped being so rude.  Well, he was REALLY excited when I told him about this time.  Can you tell by his text in the picture?  Tee hee....

Well, one half of my dream came true, that raise would be awesome.  Just sayin'!  No matter, God has always provided.  I'm sooooo richly blessed in so many ways and I'm not talking just about material ways. God is so good.

A Pain I Never Wanted to Understand

Everything's stopped in our house. The cleaning, homeschooling.... I'm just laying down a lot.  The house looks like the pits.  Stomach hurts still and my back.  Today the pain was bad.  Not horrible but enough to make me catch my breath.  Tomorrow I go in to have a look inside through an ultrasound.  Hopefully everything is good and healthy.  I found out today that when I was in bed that day miscarrying, Kyle was standing outside my door crying.  Charles told me that when he rushed home to be with me, he found Kyle like that.  I feel so sad I didn't know.  No matter how I felt, I would have brought him in, pushed away the pain and just hugged him.  Makes me sad.

I'm tired of laying around.  Every time I say I'm done just laying around, I'm knocked back on my back from exhaustion or from pain.  So I'm taking this week and this is the first time I'm not gonna fight it.  I don't ever take a week off from my work.  I don't like doing that.  I have to though because whenever I think about going back to my daily routine I just feel more tired.  Do I really work that hard every day?  Wow.  I guess I'm always so full of energy I can't ever stand to just sit around.  I enjoy being busy.  I told my husband I have no energy and it must be hard for people who always feel like this to be motivated.  He said, "Welcome to my world."  Really?  Wow, that would be hard.  

Since it's only been two days since miscarrying, I hope the energy comes back soon.  I always think I'm fine and then I just break down sobbing several times a day.  How do people just throw away their babies by choice?  Thousands upon thousands?  Oh gosh.  I'm crying over my little 9 week sweetie in the womb and people walk to the abortion clinic like it's going to the dentist.  What has happened to our nation? God, help us!  These are real human beings we are talking about with their very personality and looks written right into their DNA.  My kids' personalities still are a lot like when they were even in my tummy.  Kyle, my wild one, was also wild in my stomach. That boy would use my hip bones as a jumping point.  He was a very painful boy to hold in my tummy.  Guess what?  He's the same way now. 

I had some warning signs about this pregnancy not going well.  First off, I had told Ivy in the beginning that I would soon start to have morning sickness.  I've always had it with every pregnancy.  She asked me almost every day of those few weeks if I had started getting sick.  I kept saying no.  I wasn't worried till I had hit the 8 week mark and still no sign of morning sickness.  I thought that was a little odd.  Another thing is the word miscarriage kept going through my mind the entire time since I got pregnant.  I just kept brushing it away in my mind because I thought it was just me being worried.  I've always had good, strong babies.  I even started writing on my wall calendar each week that I was progressing in pregnancy.  Every Thursday it would be another week.  I started writing them ahead of time.  I always write all the way up to week 40 for every pregnancy.  It's just fun to stare at it every now and then and count down.  Something told me to stop and so I did.  Then I tried to ignore it by going to week 20.  Then I quit there.  Sigh. Woman's intuition?  I don't know. I know next time I'm pregnant I'm not complaining about morning sickness.  I'm gonna rejoice.  For me it's a sign of a healthy pregnancy. 

I'm sorry to the mommies for all the times I didn't understand what it was like for you to miscarry.  Many a times I've had mommies tell me.  I would tell them I'm so sorry yet not truly understand.  It's so much worse than I thought....

My Miscarriage Story at 9 Weeks

I'm a writer not for attention. I just write for my heart.  When I write it's very much like therapy for me.  So please know if I'm writing about something hard I'm going through, it's not for attention.  I just have to.

Right now I feel shaky and sick.  Since miscarrying a day ago, to my surprise I feel exactly like after I have a baby full term. My back and stomach hurt.  All for such a tiny little one that only made it 9 weeks.  :(  Doing much of anything feels like I hiked a mountain.  Finally I had to take some heavy meds to take away the pain and finally it worked.  I never resort to it but it had been prescribed for me for ulcers before getting pregnant.  I just never took them because I won't take anything above a regular Tylenol if I can bear the pain.  Just a good rule for me so it's there when I really need it which is maybe once a year.  I needed it today and yesterday. :P

Wednesday I was using the restroom and noticed some pink blood. Right away I thought, "Uh oh."  I never get that with any of my pregnancies. I've never spotted. I was definitely worried and was determined to call doctor first thing in the morning.  The next morning I called them and they immediately scheduled for me to come in.  The bleeding had gotten progressively worse and was now bright red.  Charles rushed home from work so I could go get an ultrasound.  I was very nervous when I got there and didn't want to see screen.  I did but I didn't.  It's a beautiful dim lit room with a big screen on the wall for mom's to easily see.  I couldn't help it.  I had to look.  I saw a beautiful little baby next to a yolk sac. I was sick waiting for her to say whether or not she saw a heart beat.  She said she saw a flicker and tried to see closer.  I was happy but still worried because to me the flicker of the heart didn't seem very fast.  She got a heart rate around 58 bpm which is only half of what it should be. She thought maybe she was wrong so had me hold my breath while she kept measuring and measuring.  It wasn't good.  Also, baby was measuring small for 9 weeks.  Baby was alive but obviously struggling.  I watched that tiny heart flicker and my heart wanted so bad to tell it to speed up!

The nurse had me go into a consult room.  Uh oh.  I've never been to that consult room I had always seen before.  I've always been in the examination room with my healthy pregnancies.  Whenever I would pass the consult room I would look at it and feel bad for the mommies that might hear bad news in there. Now it was my turn.  A lovely doctor came in and sat down next to me. She said the prognosis was not good and most likely baby was dying. She said to prepare for a weekend miscarriage and told me what to look out for.  I half listened because I didn't want to believe it.  I got up and walked out with a heavy heart.  

I called my husband as I was driving home to give him the news.  We both were sad.  Then I told my mom. Then I just didn't want to talk anymore.  I laid down on the bed.  I was holding my bladder, not wanting to go to the restroom, because every time I did I had to see more blood. I figured if I just didn't go potty and see the blood then nothing bad would happen. 

I called my parents and asked if I could go somewhere with them that night.  I had to get out of the dreaded house where I thought something bad might happen.  We had so much fun going to Rustlers Rooste, hearing the bands play, and eating steak. What a lovely night!  My heart was carefree forgetting about everything.  Then I had to go to the bathroom at the restaurant Now I was not having to use a pad because bleeding was more.

Once I went home I felt it was time to face the music.  I felt resolved to what was going to happen.  I laid down and looked on my facebook.  A sweet friend and her husband had written me a long letter about faith.  Not just accepting whatever bad new I hear.  At least pray.  They were right.  I had just given up without even praying but just a little bit.  I was quick to be defeated.  I have seen God heal my babies before right in the womb. I had seen God spare baby Juliet when my body was trying to miscarry her at 11 weeks.  I had seen God help me while almost going into labor with Caleb at 7 months.  Major miracles.  The doctors even called them miracles.  Why not for this one?  The baby at least deserved mommy to fight at well for this one.  I stayed up and prayed and prayed.  I would fall asleep praying and then wake up and pray some more. Then I turned on my TV to my recorded preaching messages of Robert Morris, The Blessed Life.  It just so happened the only sermon I hadn't watched was about The Power of Prayer.  I forced myself to pull out my bible late at night and watch the sermon. I prayed till I fell asleep late into the night.  Now whatever happened I felt I had at least placed it into God's hands and not man's. 

That night I dreamt I watched as the baby's heart dropped.  I felt as if I was literally watching her die right before me on a screen.  Just as the baby was dying in my dream I woke up and it was morning.  I kissed my husband goodbye as he left for work.  I mentioned to him I would miss him terribly.  It was a long day ahead of me not knowing what was gonna happen.  I just laid in bed drifting in and out of sleep.  A few hours later I felt a twinge of pain in my stomach.  Uh oh.  The doctor said it would be like menstrual cramps so that's what I was looking out for.  When I started having to breathe thru the pain I began to cry and cry.  I knew what was happening.  My baby had died just like I dreamt.  I called Charles and he rushed home.  Thank goodness because there was to be another 2 hours of contractions and I needed someone to be with the kids.  This was NO menstrual cramps but like stage 2 of labor for me.  For me, first stage is menstrual cramp type pain.  Second stage is breathing thru real contractions.  But just like a friend said, not over the whole stomach but in small area.  It was extremely painful.  Finally I took some heavy medicine for pain but it didn't even touch the pain.  When contractions subsided I fell asleep for 2 hours.  When I woke up I passed a huge blood clot.  It wasn't the baby.  The clot was like the size of a small orange.  It was huge.  I laid back down and a couple more hours later I passed something else and this time it was the placenta with baby.  I pretty sure baby was with it but I just couldn't tell.  Doctor said some can see baby real easy and some can't. I couldn't as well so I kept it all together.  I cried and cried.  I told the baby I loved him/her and placed it in a container.  

I fell back asleep and woke up to hearing my husband crying and saw him writing a letter to the baby. He said he wanted to name the baby Genesis.  I had mentioned the name before to him before knowing I would miscarry.  I told him I was sorry I lost his baby but we both knew the baby just struggled and couldn't make it.  I was exhausted and just laid in bed for rest of the night.  the whole ordeal was exhausting and nothing like the nurse and simply told me.  Much harder.  Kinda would have been nice to have a heads up .  :P  Maybe for some it's just like menstrual cramps.

Today I woke up and didn't want to be home.  I called my parents and went out to breakfast with them.  Then my husband and kids took me out.  Charles bought me a maternity shirt.  It didn't make me feel sad.  I knew he was doing it to show me I would have another baby some day.  I wanted Genesis but I accepted the shirt as a gift.  He just has such a sweet heart.  I tried to just feel happy by being away but it only worked for a short time.  I desperately missed baby Genesis.  I knew he/she was at home in a little container with a love letter, rose, and a newborn baby hat they'd never wear inside.  Finally I went home but my body was exhausted and in pain from not just taking it easy in bed.  I'll take the hint.  I can't run from it and just need to lay down.  Let my body just heal.  I fell asleep for a several hours but woke up in the middle of the night to write this letter.  Feeling shaky but I had to write it.  Maybe some mommy out there reading this and going thru the same thing can find someone who relates.

I may have only been 9 weeks pregnant but we had already picked out baby names, laughed and dreamt about this baby.  Charles and I mentioned how we couldn't WAIT to meet him or her in November.  I was barely pregnant and we were so impatient!  :)  Charles and I love EVERY single baby God gives us.  No matter how tiny.  We truly feel we have just missed out on another beautiful baby with a personality built right into him/her.  A PERSON we won't know till we are in Heaven. 

I love you, baby Genesis.  I CAN'T wait to meet you but I have seven beautiful blessings here to care and love.  I promise, promise, promise we'll be reunited again.  I love you, so, so, so much and I will sing to you every year.  Your birthday into Heaven is April 4, 2014. I won't forget it.  I know I've said it a hundred times but I LOVE YOU.

Love, Mommy

Goodbye My Little One

Dear little one, 

I've technically only known you for 7 weeks because they calculate pregnancy with an extra 2 weeks tagged on. I'm writing you now because I know my womb is still caressing you before letting you go to your home in Heaven. My body is painfully working to let you go with contractions every two minutes. 

I've loved every single day you've been in my tummy. I loved picking out names and dreaming with your siblings about what you might be like. I loved hearing the kids excitedly talking about you. They know Jesus is taking you home and they are crying. They love you so much. I told them we can see you again but we will miss you till then. 

Two days ago I started bleeding and worriedly called the doctor. They quickly brought me in to see how you were doing. I saw your precious little body. I saw your heart beating. I also saw how hard your heart was working to keep going. I knew before the doctor told me that you were having a hard time. I'm so happy, so, so happy I got a chance to see your little heart beating before saying goodbye. Wow, what a privilege. You are adorable. 

It was hard for me to accept I wouldn't get to meet you in November like planned. I so much couldn't wait to meet you that I was wondering how I was gonna make it till then. I already couldn't wait to hold you and being you were still so little, I was in a bit of a rush! 

Please tell our loved ones in Heaven hello. They get to see you before me. While you are there, know that you have seven other siblings that you'll one day get to meet. What a big reunion we will have!!!

Daddy said he's naming you Genesis because your life is just beginning even though your new home is in Heaven. He's such a sweet daddy. He talked to you in my tummy almost every morning before work. 

Hugs and kisses, little baby. I love you so much. I promise I'm coming eventually. You are my 8th baby wonder and I loved every single day with you. I will miss you so bad.

Love, Mommy

Cheapest Pregnancy Test vs. Overpriced. Which One?

Kyle (10) and Juliet (1 1/2)

Wow, I am barely 4 weeks pregnant.  It's hard to believe I've known for a week that I've been pregnant.  Can you believe that it's always the cheapest pregnancy tests that show I'm pregnant the earliest?  I never throw down money on those expensive tests.  Walmart came out with a pregnancy test that cost only 88 cents.  I know, it's crazy.  So, I got 5 of those and 2 expensive pregnancy tests (just for fun).  Guess which ones showed positive and negative?  The cheaper ones right away showed I was positive.  The more expensive ones that tout it can detect early actually told me I was negative.  However, when I used another expensive test a few days later it finally showed positive.  The cheap tests all showed it immediately.  I think it's funny how there are actually $30 tests out there.  Crazy, crazy.  I might've fallen for that with my first pregnancy.  I can't remember.  Haha.

Anyway, baby is the size of a poppy seed at 4 weeks!  Whoa, so tiny!  They have to start somewhere though.  :D  The kids ask me soooo many questions about the baby.  Is it boy or girl?  I tell them, well it's already been decided but we just can't know for quite a bit.  It's a bit nerve wracking they pray for twins but I guess that's already been decided too.  Ha.  It's funny how every one of them it's excited and talks about it so much.  You'd think the older ones would be like "ehhhh....been through this before.  Yawn."  It's a good sign they love their large family life if they are so excited and don't feel burdened by another person in the house coming.  Makes me feel like I'm doing something right.  :D

 We ended up joining back with a gym that's only a mile away from us because they finally, finally lowered the age they are willing to watch kids in the childwatch.  It was soooo silly.  They would only watch kids from ages 2-6.  What was I supposed to do with the kids under 2 and kids older than 6?  I still couldn't work out.  Well, they at least put it from 6 months-6 years old.  I still can't work out because of the ages I have over 6 but under 12.  Only 12 year olds can go around unsupervised.  Well, it's better than nothing!  It's an amazing deal for us compared to our Lifetime membership that was 15 minutes away.  It's less than half the cost so we're saving a ton.  Back to indoor pool fun during the winter!!!  What I love about the place is that every person that joins there has to have a background check.  Any flags at all and they can't join.  Makes me feel a bit safer for me and my kids. :)

Pregnancy and Rhogam Shots

  The other day I took three different pregnancy tests and it came out positive.  So, unless they are wrong I guess that would make me pregnant.  I know my body very, very well so I knew right away when I became pregnant. I'm super, duper, duper, duper excited!  Wow!  I pray I'd be a better supermom to be an amazing mom to these kids but till then I'll just keep trying my best. 

Okay, so I also am in fear right now.  I always have to get that Rhogam shot because my husband is O+ blood type and I am B-.  I've had to have this shot every year since I became pregnant with my firstborn 14 years ago.  When I became pregnant with my last baby, I had to go to the hospital very early on in the pregnancy for cramping.  They actually were expecting a miscarriage.  I then told them that I hadn't had my Rhogam shot yet.  They hadn't even thought about asking me.  Kinda makes me wonder if some miscarriages can be prevented because some don't know about the blood type issues.  Within 10 minutes of getting that shot all contractions stopped and I went home. My body was trying to reject my baby.  Yeah, I'm nervous because I need to purchase that shot asap and it's around $200. Currently looking where to go without having to go to my pregnancy specialist who charges a ton for it. She even told me not to get it from her because it's way more expensive.  I found the shot at it's cheapest at the worst place ever.  If I'd be willing to go to an abortion clinic then I could only pay $40 for that shot. Sorry, I don't think so. I'd rather pay $500 than go to them and fund them any money. 


Anyway, I guess I'll find out for sure if I'm pregnant later but I'm pretty sure I am.  Uterus is achy just like every other time I'm pregnant.  But that's also a sign I need that shot asap.  I love my babies with all my heart.

How I Made Myself Sick and Changing It

Wow, the past few days have been super busy that I couldn't even sit down to blog.  I have to tell you why! 

Friday I turned 34!  Wow, time sure flies.  I've been through some serious illnesses in the last year.  One would be Occipital Neuralgia.  This is like a headache in the nerves.  Medicine through the Neurologist cured that.  Expensive. I had thryoid issues.  Big bills for Urgent Care and testing.  I've even dealt with arthritis.  For the first 10 years of my marriage I had major UTI problems that led to kidney damage.  I was one baby away from kidney dialysis. in fact, while pregnant with my sixth, I landed in the hospital for a week completely unconscious. Why did I have my 7th baby after I was told it would kill me?  Complete healing of God.  In  four years, not only have I not had any kidney problems since a pastor praying for me, but I've only had one UTI from dehydration that healed quickly and never returned since.  I've NEVER had a UTI that didn't go to my kidneys.  The next test was having a baby.  I had her free and clear.  Not ONE issue.  In fact, I no longer need a high risk doctor for having babies.  Kinda sad about that because I have one of the best doctors in the state that is hard to get.  So if God is a healer, I have began to look into His very own creation.  Eating better, and exercising more.  He made the plants and the animals.  Why am I going to so much processed foods?  Am I the cause of alllllll my health issues I've had in 14 years?  YES!!!  When I found out I had arthritis I looked up vitamins that could cure it. Well, I found fish oil and glucosamine, calcium, and vitamin D would do the trick.  Sure enough, I am not walking funny in the morning and biting my lip from the pain.  I no longer need my handicap hang tag for my van mirror.  That was embarrassing for me.  I'm in my early thirties and should not be dealing with arthritis. 

My kids visiting sick mommy in the hospital.  I couldn't even talk to them because I was completely out.  Was very sick and could have died that week.



This weekend Charles and I tried a 48 hour detox.  ON MY BIRTHDAY.  (What was I thinking?)  No cake!  We took the kids to Whole Foods and used the recipe from Doctor Oz's website.  Be prepared because its a bit expensive.  WHY does a burger from McDonalds only cost $1 when my healthy vegetables cost me a fortune?  This is sooooo twisted.  It cost $120 for 2 days worth of vegetables.  Whoa!  I did not go to a regular grocery store where I might have gotten a better deal for a good reason.  Plus, some items would not be available at a regular store. 

Here is an idea of what we did.  Just two of them.

 

1/2 cup pineapple

2 large cucumbers

1 bunch of kale, stems removed (4 cups chopped)

1/2 lemon squeezed

1/4 inch of ginger

1 bunch of mint (1/2 cup)

Put in juicer!

 

 

1/2 cup almond or hemp milk (plain/unsweetened)

1 tbsp ground flaxseed or chia

1/4 frozen blueberries

1/4 banana

1/2 ice

Blend!

 

 

It wasn't too bad at first but then by the second day I felt really foggy.  I could hardly do simple tasks.  Turns out it was because my body is getting rid of the toxins.  If I had kept going, the energy and clear mind would of came.  The frustrations of forgetting a few items and having to getting ready for church on the weekend made me give up on the last part of the second day.  Charles and I were just hungry and at least only ate some meat and nothing else bad.  Very costly to do this!  However, I dropped three pounds over night like it was nothing.  Had I kept going, it would have been more and more.  I might not ONLY do a detox for 2-10 days but I would like to do this for breakfast every morning. 

 

 

3 really good documentaries I would recommend:

 

 

Hungry for Change

Fat, sick, and Nearly Dead

Food Matters

 

If you were to pick just one, please watch Hungry for Change!  I'm learning so much about why I made myself sick and how.  Pretty obvious since I'm a fast food junkie.  You can rent it on Amazon to watch for only $3 or if you have Netflix it's available on there. 

Guest Post: Live Naturally During Your Pregnancy

Live Naturally During Your Pregnancy
It's so easy to make excuses for eating poorly during pregnancy. Why not have the slice of pie or extra piece of candy? You already know you're putting on weight, so how could a few extra calories hurt? Unfortunately, eating poorly can diminish your energy and make you feel awful at a time when you should be healthy and happy. Instead of junk food and comfort food, take time during your pregnancy to research natural and healthy alternatives.
Getting in touch with your body is a big step to living naturally. You'll want to pay attention to how much energy you have, how your body feels and how what you eat affects you and your growing baby. Try some of these tips to increase your stamina and feel better during your pregnancy:
Prenatal Yoga or Pilates

Exercising during your pregnancy may not seem like it belongs on a list of "natural" things, but exercise secretly has lots of benefits. It makes your body stronger and more able to deal with being pregnant. You'll have reduced aches and pains, which means fewer medicinal treatments. Look for a specific prenatal class to learn poses and exercises that are good for you and your baby.
Drink Water

Water flushes toxins from your system. It also hydrates you and makes you feel better. You'll also feel fuller, which can reduce your need to eat junk food. While you shouldn't diet when you're pregnant, that doesn't mean you have to overboard. Water can help you with that.

Eat Organic Foods

Whenever possible, strive to eat raw and organic healthy foods. Carrots, apples and spinach are all excellent options that are relatively easy to find in organic form. Try farmer's markets if you can, or use coupons at the grocery store to bring the cost down.

Cut the Carbohydrates

Carbohydrates can make you feel sleepy and can lead to additional weight gain if you're not careful about eating them. When possible, try to eat fresh vegetables instead of carbohydrates. Swap pasta for steamed veggies and cut out bread whenever you can. You'll feel better and have more energy all throughout your pregnancy.
You don't have to make dramatic changes to live naturally and healthfully during your pregnancy. Make sure to talk with you doctor throughout your pregnancy. I was fortunate to talk to my doctor about every aspect (eating healthy, cord blood banking, swaddling and more!) Try making a few of these simple changes and see how you feel. You might even get inspired to continue living a healthy and natural lifestyle after your baby is born!

Katie Moore has written and submitted this article. Katie is an active blogger who discusses the topics of, motherhood, children, fitness, health and all other things Mommy. She enjoys writing, blogging, and meeting new people! To connect with Katie contact her via her blog, Moore From Katie or her twitter, @moorekm26

Juliet's Birth Story

What a great experience Juliet's delivery was and even a funny story.  My friend Michele and I headed to my doctor's appointment Wednesday morning at 10am to have the balloon inserted.  I had four ladies in there and after they inserted it they said it might take a full day to work and even over night.  I had doubted it would take that long since last time it worked within just a few hours while walking around the mall.  The balloon was to help me dilate so I had my friend drive for me in case it decide to work right away.  Within minutes I started to have contractions but they were mild and I had maybe a handful of them.  We stopped to get something to eat for about 20 minutes but I ate very little as I was soooo nervous knowing what's about to come.  When I got home I went to the restroom right away and thought something seemed odd so I checked.  My balloon fell out!  Ummmmm... I literally just walked in the door from my appointment and it had already fell out?  It must've been put in wrong or something.  It only falls out when you are dilated to a 4 or 5 and I was barely dilated to a 1 when they started.  The doctor told me to not walk around anywhere but come straight back to the doctor's office.  Michele was there to take care of the kids and so Charles took me back since we knew we'd be going to the hospital right after.

I walked inside and the ladies at the front desk just stared at me with their mouths open.  One finally said, "That was fast!"  I know, I had just left!  The doctor checked and sure enough I was dilated to almost a 5 and was in NO PAIN whatsoever.  In fact, I had only had a handful of contractions and they sure were mild.  She knew I wasn't in any pain but she said I needed to go into the hospital right away.  However, since I was not complaining of any pains she asked me to fake it a little that the contractions were intense so I wouldn't be sent home.  Fake it?  Heh heh.... this was gonna be fun.

Charles and I walked into the hospital hand in hand and I was trying not to be too happy.  My husband thought that was gonna be impossible for me as I'm usually smiling and talking with everyone.  Sure enough when they called me back and asked me how I was doing, I quickly responded... "Good!  Um....well... under the circumstances."  I almost forgot I wasn't supposed to be so cheery.  The nurse hooked me up to the monitors and put a blood pressure on my arm.  I started to breathe heavy so she asked, "What?  Are you having a contraction?"  I responded, "No, the blood pressure band was too tight."  Charles was dying in the corner trying to not laugh.  Since she walked out for awhile, Charles and I were able to joke and talk together for awhile before having to act serious again.  They checked me again and I was dilated to a 5 and although the small contractions were painless, they admitted me and I was moved to the delivery room.  Whoa!  Things are moving and we were so nervous and excited.

When I dilated to a 6 I asked if they could just break my water since my water never, ever breaks on it's own.  My doctor right away did it knowing that sure was the truth!  Last time when they broke my water it hurt so bad she had to chase me up the table.  Over time my cervix has gotten so sensitive and it's extremely painful whenever they'd check me or break my water.  I asked for an epidural even though I was having no pain at a 6 so they went ahead and set it up.  I'm terrified of the epidural needle but I couldn't really complain since it was going to be a completely painless labor and delivery.

The nurse didn't hear the doctor tell her to give a little bit of Pitocin with the epidural.  She said because I've had so many babies my uterus was a bit lazy.  I guess that's why my contractions were so mild? I got to a 6 on my own but needed a little booster. After only 20 minutes of Pitocin I was ready to push.  Ohhh, I was excited!  3 pushes and she was out and we were already in love!  Wow!  It was a fantastic labor and delivery with no complications.

Juliet Desiree came May 16th on a Wednesday evening and weight 6lbs 12 oz, and 20 inches long.  The nurses kept telling me they loved her name and the funny comments were already coming in. One nurse came in and said "Don't worry little Juliet, we'll find you your Romeo."  LOL.  They kept coming in to make sure I was awake to feed her but there was no worry since I was feeding her on the hour to make sure she kept her weight up.  I've quickly (or over time) learned not to hope for deep sleep anytime soon and learn to soak up all the broken up sleep I can.  I think mommies learn to thrive off of  the short spurts they get with newborns.

I'm still in love and loving every single moment with her.  Loving every moment she is awake during the night.  I think I've just gotten way past the "I hate being woken up all night" phase and just enjoying each moment with them.  Four days after birth we got to go to church and have her first service.  We are all enjoying our time with her and she is doted on by her siblings.  What a blessing from God.  Wow!  I was nervous about welcoming our 7th child but all that fell away when we got to hold her for the first time.  Every single sacrifice we have had to make and will have to make is totally worth it.  Having kids, caring for them, and leading them to Christ is one of the hardest things we'll ever do but also one of the most enjoyable.  The selfishness of this world will never understand that but that's okay... we answer to God.  He created life.  Why should I listen to the world that constantly fights for the rights to extinguish it?


Anyhow, I loved sharing my story!  It's easy to forget all the little details over time so I like to write them down.  God bless!

Will Baby Come Today? (Childbirth)

Ivy caring for her sick dolly

Today is baby day.  I didn't sleep much last night between trying to get ready for the hospital and cramping during my sleep.  I'm not really going in yet till the balloon does it's work.  I have to be at my doctor's office this morning to get it and I am nervous!  That's partially why I couldn't sleep last night so I think I got around 3 hours.  Argh!  Of all days to get no rest.  On top of it my puppy started howling around 4am because she wanted to come inside.  I'm not doing very well at house training her so I've been having to keep her on the patio in the backyard. I finally gave up sleeping around 6:30am and just got up.  Phooey!

The reason I'm having to go in a few days early is not for any worries but because when you have a large family, it's not easy being able to get the help you need at a moments notice.  It's harder and harder to just do things spontaneously and THANKFULLY I have help all the rest of this week till Saturday.  :) 

Anyhow, I was thinking about taking a Tylenol before I go in to the doctor's but that's pointless.  It's like taking an aspirin when you've been hit by a freight train.  I don't think it's gonna do any good.  Heh, heh....

39 Weeks Pregnant and Walking Like an Old Lady

Soooo, the time is finally here.  Baby is coming and my six kids are counting down every single day that is left.  I hear them talk about it in their bedroom in whispers.  It's so cute.  Well, I will be going in for my final appointment on Wednesday and getting the balloon.  I'm super nervous since it dilates me so fast and can be pretty painful when it does it's work.  I'm not in a hurry still to have her but I have to say I'll be happy not to be throwing up and breathing in acid in the middle of the night. Last night I had to sit straight up in bed but when I would doze off I would start choking because I breathed in acid.  It hurts so bad and takes a long time to cough it out.  Then I would fall asleep again and immediately the same thing would happen.  It kept happening so many times I just finally pried my eyes open and stayed awake till my body calmed down and I could sleep.  I guess it was around 4:30am that I could fall asleep.  I'm not too freaked out about losing sleep since newborns cause mommies to lose sleep also.  :D  I'd have to say this is the first time that once I've sat down for too long or got up from sleeping, it takes about 10 minutes of walking for all the body aches to go away.  I chuckle about it because I look like a old lady trying to get up.  However, this has been a FANTASTIC pregnancy compared to all my others.  No bed rest, no being hospitalized because of kidney problems, no medications to keep baby in.  It's been WONDERFUL.  

Mother's Day:

I did absolutely no work on Mother's Day.  Just sat and smiled watching my family play!

Yesterday was a wonderful Mother's Day.  It was not expensive whatsoever.  In fact, my hubby made us lunch, cleaned up the kitchen, and did dishes.  I didn't even know he knew how to operate the dishwasher!  I'm a super traditional homemaker who never asks my husband to do any housework since he's the provider.  So believe me, when he changes a diaper or does something special like wash dishes yesterday, it gives me a HUGE smile.  He wouldn't even let me get a cup of coffee for myself yesterday.  Even though he always makes my coffee wrong, I looooove the gesture.  I just have to sneak in the kitchen and fix it the way I like when he's not looking.  Tee hee...


So on Saturday we changed our access to the internet.  No one can just go on the internet and go wherever they want.  Even though we have Safe Eyes, we still felt like we could be more protected.  Instead, we decide safe places we can go and they can only go there.  So basically everything is blocked except for a small list of places I decided are safe.  I feel a lot better about this and the kids are finding tons of places to play games.  A lot of online gaming has open chat and that's not good for kids.  Especially because half the time the chatting is foul language and who knows what else.  We don't have any video game systems in the house.  There is nothing wrong with them in of itself, it's just that it kills me to see my kids obsessed with that and doing nothing else.  Homeschool is like pulling teeth when we have the systems and they rarely play together.  I've tried soooo many times to have game systems and it just seems to mess up the unity my kids have together otherwise.  Sigh. I have to admit, I miss my Mario Brothers game.  LOL.