I'm No Supermom...Not by a Long Shot

I'm doing some research before I make a final decision about this upcoming school year. Basically, my kids are spoiled.  I think they are spoiled rotten at times.  Deprived you say?  Bwahaha!  My kids have memberships to the huge 3 story science center, a zoo membership, gym membership.  They don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn and they get to leasurely eat breakfast every morning.  While they lazily sip on their morning hot tea, they are either listening to a family bible study by me or watching an educational video.  School comes some time around 10am or maybe starts at 11am.  Depends on when mom's brain wakes up.  That only comes after a good dose of coffee.  They get done in a few hours, maybe only two if they really concentrate, and then they start their chores.  If they are lazy about it they finish in an hour.  When they are really good at it they are done in only a half hour.  Yeah, young ones have dissected and learned the insides of some animals before most kids ever get to.  It's weird having a five year old depressed because her older brother got to dissect a frog before she could.  Yeah, my kids have it amazingly good.  I don't have to worry about late nights at church and having to rush them to bed because of school in the morning.  We have such a good life. 

Do you think my kids would be at my feet thanking me for the good life they have?  Noooooo.... they think schooling takes too long and chores take to long.  They've completely forgotten their days of public school that they hated, hated, hated.  They hated the long days, hunger, and bullying. They hated getting lost in the system because the teacher had moved on before they were ready.  They hated the hurried lunches and the lame 5 minute recess.  Did you know they've cut recess waaaaaay down?  When I was a kid we had a good 20 minutes-30 minutes of recess.  I needed to get all that energy out.  I'm sure my teacher begged the principal to give me Benadryl each day.  Something to knock me out so she could peacefully teach the rest of the class.  A week ago I told them I wasn't sure about another year of homeschooling because they aren't appreciating it.  They all cried and hung on my leg.  Please noooooo!  I took a deep breath.  I thought about it while doing cardio at the gym, I thought about it while lifting weights.  I thought about it while swimming my midnight laps.  I thought about it while showering, eating, and just before dozing off.  I ran into a book that just made my heart leap for joy....

Click here to see on Amazon

Wow!  This is about 15 different families that are all in different situations and all homeschool differently.  I needed a way to keep the attention of my kids and it seems what I'm doing isn't working.  It's just not as exciting for them.  I've been devouring this book and can hardly put it down.  There are those perfect parents who seem like they have it all together and their three year old is learning calculus and then there are the ones.... like me.... that give so much to the kids that I'm just happy to shower that day.  Do you know why I go to workout at the gym after the kids are asleep?  Because that's when I have the time.  When I go it's usually 9:30pm-12:30am.  No, I don't sleep in all day.  Heck, I'm writing this at 2am because it's the only time I've had yet I still have to get up with the early risers.

I woke up to this the other day. Juliet trying to figure out how to get
out of her crib.  Okay, she's 12 months! Help!

I get excited when I find a book that just lifts my spirits when I'm lagging inside.  I don't have a homeschool co-op or a support group.  I wish I could have those cheer leaders on the sidelines but I don't.  I have to just keep my faith in God, relying on His strength, my mind in constant study, and my heart resting in God's grace.  That is the only way I can give sooooooooooo much of myself every day without cracking.  I'm no supermom.  Ha...  By a long shot.  I'm related to some but I'm not one.  I just have to work super hard.

 

Good news!  I'm down 10lbs!!!  Aaaaaagh!  NO CARBS and lots and lots of juicing and vegetables.  White meat more than red meat.  I'm learning to make really yummy food and I can eat LOTS of it!  I will share soon on a great Souperman food I now make. Get it?  It's a soup but man, oh man, is it packed of good stuff.  Superman himself might be knocking on my door soon for the recipe. 

Surgery Scheduled for Caleb

This time in our life has been such an incredible challenge.  Just when things look up I feel like my feet get kicked out from under me.  I have to keep getting back up though because I have a life to live, kids to love and care for, a best friend to have fun with, a husband that is amazing, a ministry to serve, and so much more.  God has somehow brought us through.  I'm amazed.

Caleb showing Nana his new car through the phone

Several days ago Caleb was having trouble going potty so we had to take him into the ER.  He was screaming and nothing would come out.  He would have bright red blood in his diaper.  Turns out, he needs to have a dilation done as it's very difficult for him to go and getting worse from irritation.  They don't want him potty training at all until he's healed and it's approved by the doctor.  He's scheduled for surgery on Wednesday.  It was Caleb's 3rd birthday when we brought him into the ER.  Thankfully, that day we had a fun day with him by taking him out and letting him pick out a toy.  I'm just sad it had to end bad but he's getting help so that's good.  Chaz will be getting an EKG soon to make sure everything is okay.  He's complained about chest pains and his heart pounding even when he's resting.  I'm gonna wait till we get done with Caleb's surgery so we can focus on that first.

Happy birthday, Caleb!

Ewwww.....

Well, this place kindly gave me two lobsters to bring home and cook.  I NEVER buy them and thought maybe it'd be easy.  Well, I unwrapped them at home and couldn't believe what I saw...  Yuck!   It had eyeballs and everything.  I had thought maybe they gave me parts, I don't know.  Now I know why I never buy these because they are so gross looking.  I was being a total wimp and asked my husband to put it in a pot for me.  We looked up a video online on how to cut apart a cooked lobster.  By the time it was done I'd gotten over my fear of these mini monsters and we ate it just fine. Still, I won't be buying one of those anytime soon.  

Moms Don't Get Sick Days

Boy, I haven't been blogging a lot.  There are some major stressful things happening in my life right now and I've been really sick with some sort of stomach bug.  It's so hard to be sick like this AND take care of your kids.  Earlier, I laid almost all my kids down for a nap except for the older ones and laid myself for some merciful sleep.  It's not like a mom can call off for a sick day.  Diapers still need to be changed, kids fed, but forget about cleaning.  Phooey.  The pain in sooo bad right now but I love to blog and it brightens my day.

coupon inserts ready to be torn out and stapled

Second step after putting together by pages,
stapling, then finally cutting out to put in book

This week I've been couponing every day getting ready for another major savings shopping trip.  It takes a good weeks worth of work and is tiring but the results are just awesome.  I'll be happy when it's done.  However, if I didn't get behind and immediately put my coupons away every week that I get from the Sunday paper, it would be so much easier to keep up.  Sigh.  I never seem to learn this.  Okay, so I've been going to the store every week to buy papers for the full price.  I used to go the 99cent store to get them for half the price but because they order very few papers it would always run out within 10 minutes.  I found a different store that also charges $1 for the Sunday paper and they have waaaaay more.  So now I'm getting my papers for half the price every month again.  Yay!  That's another savings.  

Juliet 2 weeks old at the zoo

Juliet is a dream. I know I say that a lot.  I just feel like with each baby I'm learning to appreciate things so much more.  With my first I couldn't wait for their first steps, first teeth, first everything.  Then I couldn't wait for them to crawl, walk, talk.  Then I was excited when they turned five and go to school.  Always waiting for the next thing.  Now, over a decade later I'm realizing that time flies way too fast (I also say that on here a lot) and I just can't help but appreciate things I never appreciated before.  For example, I have been changing diapers nonstop since the year 2000.  Seriously, there has never been a break for almost 12 years.  My first few I dreaded diaper changes.  I would sigh and be like "well, I have to change ANOTHER diaper."  Now, I will wake up all hours of the night to make sure Juliet is dry and just snuggle her up and talk to her.  Before I would be afraid that would wake her but I love to see her chubby cheeks under the moonlight that streams through the cracks in my curtain.  Every moment I get with her is special.  I love giving her a bath and seeing how she calms when you put water on the top of her head to rinse off the shampoo.  It's special just playing with her tiny, wiggly toes.  She messed up her outfit?  That's okay, what other cute outfit can we find?  So much has changed over time and you just start to realize that you will NEVER get those moments back so just love each one.  

Autism Awareness 2012- My Son's Aspergers Diagnosis

This is Autism Awareness month and so I  wanted to talk some about Chaz and what it's been like the last 6 years since I found out he has Aspergers.

Chaz 11 years old

Sometimes I don't mind talking about it but other times (like now) I have a hard time with it.  It's not because I'm ashamed or because I am in denial.  Sometimes I get sad because I want the best for him in life and it kills me that I can't just fix everything for him.

My baby Chaz

Autism (or Aspergers) can come with bullying and he's had his fair share.  There is a reason I homeschool Chaz and it's not just because of other kids.  I have major trust issues even with teachers.  He's had a couple of good ones and a couple of really bad ones.  He's been mistreated by his teachers and been put to shame in from of other children.  Do you think it's normal to have a young child depressed and suicidal?  No, it's not normal.  I didn't know he had a teacher that was putting him out in the hallway of his school every day with his own desk.  He was told he can listen but can't be in the classroom with everyone else.  He was called the school freak because not even the teacher wanted him in the room.  Was I told about this by anyone?  Did anyone ask my permission before doing that?  Nope.  I was told everything was going fantastic by his teacher and other staff members.  He's been beat up, choked, mocked, etc.  I can't talk about it or write about it without crying.  The boy I carried for 9 months, nursed for 5, cared for, and loved, was having to leave his safe home every day and face a harsh world.  I didn't know he was mentally beaten down till he started writing about wanting to kill himself.  That was it for me.  My boy was coming home and staying with me.  He's not a freak.  He may be different but he's God's perfect creation and he was gifted to me.

Chaz (left) playing with his brother 12 months younger

You want to know how I found out he had Aspergers Syndrome?  Well, he was a pretty tough toddler and would never look me in the eye before he was five.  I figured he was just a really tough kid.  After all, I had 3 boys within 3 years and had my hands full.  Chaz was majorly delayed in potty training and I was beginning to worry he was going to go to Kindergarten in diapers.  He did have some speech issues but like I said, he was my first kid.  I didn't really know what was normal behaviors.  I have to admit I was relieved when Chaz got to school age.  Taking care of him was really, really tough and I looked forward to that break in the day.  I took Chaz to his first day and crowded in with other parents at the school.  Everyone was excited that their baby was growing up.  I looked around the white room and the tables and chairs that were set up.  Was Chaz really gonna sit in those chairs like a big kid?  Really?  I had an unsettling feeling in my gut when I left him there.  As I was leaving I looked back and saw his eyes wide looking at me.  I figured it was just mommy nerves and left to celebrate our kids' first day with other friends.  Soon after I get a phone call that I needed to come get my son because he had bit his teacher on the first day.  Crud.  I picked him up and brought him home hoping the next day would be a better day.  The next day I drop him off but get a phone call half way through the day again.  I needed to take Chaz to the hospital.  Chaz kicked his teacher, ran from her and then ran straight into a metal door splitting his head open.  Really?  He must've been freaking out.  I called Charles and he came with me to the school to pick him up.  Was Chaz freaking out and crying?  Nope. When I went to pick him up from school he was just smiling and happy to see us. He was calmly talking to us as if there were no hole right in the front of his forehead.  It was so deep we could see his skull and he wasn't even complaining.  The school called and said that there are only 3 strikes allowed and Chaz already had his second.  Being that Chaz has only been to school 2 days, that didn't leave a lot of room.  I pulled him out that day and enrolled him in another school.

You can see the scar where Chaz was stitched up

The next school wasn't nearly as strict and the room looked a lot more friendly.  I had a better feeling about this one and he had the sweetest teacher.  After a few days she started calling and telling me about some troubles she was having.  I really didn't know what to do as I figured it was just some behavior issues.  Rolling on the floor under the desks?  Licking the floor?  Hmmm.... Odd, but I had no idea what to think about it.  While the other kids were working, my son was in his own little world.  I was starting to get desperate as I got report after report of my son's behavior in the classroom.  I was feeling like a pretty crappy parent I guess I should say.  My shoulder started to droop each day as I went to pick him up.  On a particular day I was feeling really defeated when the school counselor walked up to me and asked if he could talk to me.  He had done some research that week for my son and printed out what he thought Chaz might be dealing with.  The title of the paper said Aspergers Syndrome.  I could tell he was a little hesitant suggesting this to me not knowing how I would take it.  He read some of the list to me and it was like he was reading about Chaz.  My heart lifted as I realized that maybe all this time Chaz was dealing with something bigger.  This meant I could get some help.  Mr. Chavez looked relieved that I wasn't offended but I'm sure he couldn't miss the sadness in my eyes.  I was happy there might be some answers but sad that there might be an answer to all this.  My son?  With the reports from the teacher and the school counselor, notes from mommy, observing Chaz, he was quickly diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.  The doctor said there as no doubt whatsover that he had this and sent me home with my mind whirling even more.  Where do I go from here?

Chaz 8 years old

I've made mistakes along the way with trying to stumble along different paths.  Do I put him in a self contained classroom?  NO.  I discovered that he copies behavior and since the rest of the class was pretty wild, cussed, and threw tables and chairs, Chaz would also do these things.  After a year of that mess I found a different school and wonder of all wonders I found an angel of a teacher.  She just happened to have trained to work with Aspergers kids in New York for 3 years.  NO WAY!  She taught regular first grade and said it was no problem whatsoever to teach Chaz in her classroom.  She taught me everything she could about Aspergers and how to help Chaz.  She was an angel teacher and I wish I could go back and give her a big hug for everything she did.  She took one of the times of my life and made it feel like it was gonna be okay. She gave me the confidence I needed as a parent to help him.  Chaz no longer was rolling on the floor but doing very well.  He was given a seat in the front-left.  He was still sitting with the kids but much closer to the teacher's desk.  He was given a visual schedule and 5 minutes warnings before each task was to be done.  He was given an assistant to sit with him during math and language arts hour to help him focus.  Chaz was given more breaks and was even allowed his own snack time.  Since his legs were more sensitive than usual the teacher bought a cushion for his chair he had to sit in every day.  This lady UNDERSTOOD Chaz.  I will always be so grateful to her.  Unfortunately when kids advance in grades they change teachers.  It pretty much went downhill from there trying to find teachers who could work with Chaz.  I think most of the problem is just ignorance.  If teachers don't understand Aspergers then they aren't going to know what works for them.  I communicated as best I could but often was just treated like my son was naughty and he just needed to be punished.

Chaz and I 2009

I didn't have the best support.  Some said I would ruin his life by pinning Aspergers on him.  Some felt I just needed to spank him.  One lady at church even went as far as to say my son was demon possessed.  Yeah, that one hurt.  Charles and I felt very alone in our journey and really didn't even know whether or not we were gonna medicate Chaz.  After trying for a week of medicating Chaz and seeing him actually get worse, we never medicated since.  So far our stance is that we will only medicate if he becomes a danger to himself or anyone in our family.  Over the last 6 years I've gotten advice from so many people who tell me what I need to do.  Not one of them ever had to deal with someone who had Aspergers but I know they were just trying to help.

Chaz's best friend Dexter also has Aspergers

Yesterday I was at a Behavior Health center and was able to talk to someone about Chaz.  I told the man that I needed a new doctor for Chaz but was very hesitant.  He asked what my fears were but I drew a blank.  As I sat there in silence for a minute, I realized why.  So many people I trusted had actually hurt my son more.  Even though there were a couple of good teachers and a good doctor in the mix, he's dealt with a lot of bad.  I've been holding my son in a protective embrace and have a hard time opening up to trust someone with my son.  I know this doctor can help Chaz, but what if he does what another doctor did?  His original doctor that helped us get so far was one day just gone.  I wasn't given a warning at all.  He was assigned a new doctor who was very cold and didn't care to talk to me at all. He talked to us for 10 minutes and try to change Chaz's diagnosis all together.  He knew nothing about Chaz but wanted to just get us out of there.  I left and never went back.  I know it's time to find a new doctor that can work with us but I'm gonna have to open up and talk about everything again.  This will be good for us since as Chaz gets older we deal with new issues.  I hate that he can't make friends and that kids give him funny looks when he tries to talk and relate with him.  I'm happy he made friends with another boys that has Aspergers.  I wonder how he will be as a teen or ask an adult?  All those things I worry about but I try not to.  I just have to take one day at a time.

Our family at the Science Center 2011 (Chaz top left)

One thing for sure is that I love Chaz with all my heart.  He's my firstborn and my son.  Chaz has taught me more about unconditional love, PATIENCE, forgiveness, and tolerance like no other.  I can't imagine missing out on a kid like him. :)  It's not hard every day but we sure have our moments.  Challenges change as he gets older but he never has to doubt whether or not his parents love him, support him, and he knows he has the biggest cheerleaders in this family.

33 Weeks Pregnant and Remembering God's Healing

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and so hoping the baby turns in the right position soon and does it on her own.  My acid reflux is under control because of Prilocec so I'm grateful.  ;)  MAJORLY grateful.  Who knew that acid was a big cause of my morning sickness?  I mean, I can still get worked up fast like if you mention something gross or if someone does a stinky right next to me.  Orrrr, riding in a car with a friend who does a tootie while I'm driving.  They're laughing while I'm gagging with my head out the window.  Haha.  My doctor said that most pregnant women don't realize that if they can get a control of their acid, it'll prevent some or all of their morning sickness.  It's gone down about 90% for me.  I'm eating better (meaning less) and not needing food to take away the nausea.  Now I have to remind myself to eat because I'm just so busy.  My energy level is awesome and this has been a fantastic pregnancy for me.  

My kids hanging out in my hospital room
while mom was very sick because of kidneys

Some people who are new to my blog don't know the miracle God did for me.  I wasn't supposed to have any more kids because my kidneys were so bad.  If got even the tiniest urinary tract infection I was to rush straight to the ER.  In my last pregnancy it hit me fast.  I was just bending over to put my shoes on so we could walk around the mall when the pain hit me so bad I fell to the floor.  I had no warning whatsoever and the drive to the hospital was agonizing.

 It was very much like giving birth, the pain was so bad.  I was hospitalized at 27 weeks and was unconscious for 6 days.  It was a horrible and scary time.  Somehow we made it safely to the 39 weeks and Caleb was born healthy.  However, I was to schedule surgery as soon as possible for my kidneys and could possibly end up on kidney dialysis.  A little bit after I had Caleb, an evangelist came to our church and called people forward that had kidney problems.  I was in pain that whole night while sitting in service.  I went up to get prayed for and the pain left.  Surgery was cancelled but the true test my doctor said was seeing how I was gonna do with this pregnancy.  Pregnancy can put a strain on everything, especially on my kidneys.  My doctor said it is truly a miracle.  She had been nervous this whole pregnancy.  I have been on bed rest at some point with every single one of my pregnancies (because of my kidneys) except this one.  God is real and He still heals.  We just have to ask.  :)

The revival service I attended

The reason I wanted to share that is because I needed to remind myself.  My faith has been at an all time low, more than ever.  In the last 3 years we were dealt a major financial blow, lost some friends due to their anger of me being pregnant with my sixth child (in 2009), and dealing with other issues.  Things done against me where no one else could see because this person was so secretive about it, literally for the last 3 long years.  In the end, this person getting told on, everything was denied to make me look like a fool.  Being I have to see this person often, it's very awkward for me.  It's caused such a weariness inside of me and a loss of another friend.  I stayed out of church for about a month because I was questioning my faith.  I do believe God is real.  I see Him all around me working in people's lives.  But was He still real to me?  These last 3 years were rough.  I just want to see a breakthrough.  I finally pulled myself into church last Wednesday but I felt so dead inside.  I wanted to cry the entire half hour song service as I just sat there listening to the singing voices around me.  I truly, truly need God's strength right now.  I can't forget that God does heal, does save, and is very much alive whether or not my faith is there.  

When Poor Vision Plays a Factor in Learning

I was talking not too long ago about Ivy really struggling in her learning.  She is 6 1/2 but can barely recognize her alphabet.  Recently, I had taken the boys to get their eyes rechecked and get new frames.  I figured I might as well get Kyle an Ivy's checked because we never have before.  I honestly didn't think they'd have any vision problems because they never complain about their eyes. 

Kyle and his funny smiles.  LOL

Well, we got their new glasses and I was shocked how bad Ivy's eyes were.  I tried to look through her glasses and it seriously hurt.  The first thing she said when she put on her glasses is "I can see letters!"  Oh my gosh.  You've got to be kidding me.  I'm so excited to see how she's gonna do now in her school work.  I went ahead and bought a phonics program that we can work together on.  I mean, it's a preschool program.  She's barely seeing some letters for the first time and she's really excited.  That means we have to start back at the beginning.  Kyle's eyes are even worse! He just strains really, really hard to see.  Poor guy.  Ivy's is stigmatism along with poor vision so that's why she wouldn't even bother to try and focus her eyes.  I'm excited to work with her now knowing this probably was a huge factor in her learning struggles!

By the way, even through all tears and crying I can't believe how wonderful my blogging friends are.  Your words of comfort and assurance yesterday meant a lot.  You are amazing.  I don't have much support in my personal life for having a large family and I look to other blogs to learn and be encouraged.  Even though this issue was not about having a large family, you just reached out with words of love.  Thank you.  

When the World Shakes Their Fist

Agh!  Sunday was my blogoversary and I spent it in church. It was a great day! :)  This will be my 1,656th post.  Holy cow, that's a lot of posts.  That's how you know you enjoy writing.  I must've only took weekends off from blogging.

I have sooo much to be grateful for in blogging land.  Seriously, it's been a positive thing in my life and I've met some amazing blogging moms.  I love down to earth mamma's that tell it like it is rather than always sugar coat things.  I've met some amazingly smart ones that make me feel pretty "duh" in comparison.  I've met some that amaze me how many kids they have and they have the joy and stand up for what they believe in.  Children are a blessing no matter what the world says.  The world will mock you, spit at you, tell you that you're flat out nuts.  But remember, Jesus was mocked at and called crazy. He was crucified.  However, even His last words were of forgiveness.  So what if I feel "persecuted" by words for what I believe in? Every time I get down for how someone talks to me about my large family I have to remember that the world ISN'T going to agree and THAT'S THAT.  Even when we had to sell everything, move into a tiny apartment, just so I could stay home, the people shook their heads thinking it was nuts.  Why wouldn't I just get a job?  I had only $100 at the best for groceries every month.  No car.  It was a tough time but some of our very BEST memories.  Did the world agree?  Of course not.  But I had my babies and I knew they'd grow up fast.  Can everyone do that and stay home?  Of course not.  

Today I was  thinking about how grateful I am for my own mom that stayed home with us.  I know not everyone can do that.  Some, no matter how hard they try, have to work to make it.  I will never, ever take it for granted though that I was one of the lucky ones.  Every single one of us in this world can find something to be negative about in our pasts, make excuses because of them, find reasons to never trust again, but that's not a great way to live.  Who wants to live like that?  Sadly, a lot.  Bitterness, sadness, hurt, anger is what makes pharmaceutical companies so rich.  I choose to be grateful for the positives, learn from the negatives, and live for the here and now and of course the future.  The world hates a successful story, at least one lived for Christ.  Hollywood is praised but missionaries, working dads supporting their family, firemen, doctors, soldiers seem to be forgotten.  The real heroes.

Blogging has helped me pull out the positives by sharing my stories.  It's helped me to find the humor in tough day. It's been even better to receive encouragement and even reproof from other blogging friends.  Was a fun 6 years of blogging!

Living the Life of a Traditional Wife

My dog feels like he should be
included on these food adventures

I was so happy to put Friday behind me that I was even happy to go to bed.  I just drug my tired bones to bed, flopped down, and passed out within 5 minutes.  I woke up remembering that today was free breakfast and coffee at IKEA day.  Free breakfast?  For my whole family?  We are so there.  I met my dad and and we all sat together to eat.  At least they did.  I got up constantly to either take kids potty, get drinks for everyone.  Oh, you need ketchup?  I'll be right back.  Or need napkins.  Someone needed butter and more french toast.  Hmph.  And people wonder how I keep my weight off.    I get it done with quick or I'm taking one bite in between getting up.  As frustrating as that can be sometimes, I had an elder gentlemen approach me at a buffet one time while I was getting the little ones their food.  He said he was watching and loved to see a mom serving her family.  He said it's so rare these days.  Really?  I guess that's true but I've really known no different.

My mom always made dinner for us and she truly served us.  I had no idea how hard she worked because she was always taking care of the house, sewing, or doing projects while we were gone at school.  I just assumed the house kept clean on it's own.  Duh.  My mom was a homemaker and my dad worked.  My mom found ways to make side money at home while my dad mainly supported us financially.  For me, there are no blurred lines.  I tend to see household duties in black and white.  I feel like I'm extremely traditional but I love it and it makes it to where there are no hard feelings.  We each know our roles in the house and that's that.  Basically, my husband makes a living for us, takes care of the vehicles, yard work, and takes out the trash.  I take care of the home and all the kids in it.  :) 

I've never expected my husband to get up in the middle of the night to feed my baby.  I've just always felt so blessed that he would lovingly provide for us.  I could never imagine depriving him of rest before being gone all day.  I've never expected him to change a diaper while I'm home.  If he does, you bet he gets a big hug and kiss from me.  I see those extra acts of kindness as just blessings but never expected.  Life is so simple and wonderful this way because I never feel like the lines are blurred and because of it, there is no hard feelings festering inside.

I've never once in 13 years asked Charles to wash the dishes, the clothes, or mop the floors.  He never pressures me to go get a job and I've never heard him ask me once in 13 years.  Often, even several times a week, we express our gratefulness to each other.  Basically, he provides the home and I take care of it.  You can't get any simpler than that!  So many times I've seen couples fight over who does what in the house and I can see why there is resentment.  It's so hard when the lines are blurred and even if couples want that line blurred, it's good to write down what is expected of each other.  Every family is different in how they happily operate and I know my way is considered extreme to some but that's okay.  We are all different.  Thank goodness God gives a free will and we are all not robots.  I do love this life and I know we had discussed this before we even married.  The funny thing is we hardly discussed kids but somehow we ended up with seven.  :)  We figured we'd have two more more but if you told me I would have seven I would've probably fainted.  LOL.

Some call me ULTRA traditional but I just feel ULTRA blessed.  ;)

When Our Day Doesn't Go According to Plan

Remember my big plans yesterday to declutter?  Two words.  Didn't happen.  As soon as I hit "Publish" I got a phone call.  Someone I know has been through some really hard hard physical problems these last few months.  Recently she almost died, about 2 months ago, and was hospitalized.  Had surgeries, came home, almost died again.  I was out running errands one Friday when the ambulance had to come get her.  She is not married, has no children, no family.  Well, now that she is healing she can't drive and is in so much pain all the time.  She called and asked if I would be able to take her some important places.  I knew I needed to but was still a little disappointed about my list I had planned.  All my plans for the day started to melt and fall away in my head.  However, I know what it feels like to live alone, be sick, and have nobody there for you.  I told her to give me 20 minutes and I'd head out.  It took the entire day and when we got back I had just enough time to get everyone ready for church and leave.


I know some people that would use people at every chance they get and frequently expect people to be able to drop their plans for them whenever they call.  I've often had favors asked of me because I'm a homemaker and they just figure I have all this extra time on my hands.  That maybe I'm just sitting around reading a book all day and don't know what to do with my time.  That's not Belinda (fake name).  She's a very, very independent woman who's always taken care of herself.  She put herself through college, got her bachelors, and was debt free by the time she picked up her diploma.  She had a really good career for years till she was injured.  It's not easy for people that have always depended on themselves to survive and take care of basic needs and then one day have to lay in bed with medical people all around having to help them.  When someone like THAT calls and says, "I need you", I know they really, really, really do.

I grabbed my book, my cell phone, and resigned to the fact that our days don't always go according to our own plans.  Taking her to all these places she really needed to go was long but it was hard to watch her just wincing to try and get in and out of the car.  After the last errand done, she cried.  She cried at her situation.  Cried she couldn't drive herself.  Cried that she had to have a team of nurses just to take care of her.  At the end of the day, you bet a thing like decluttering just wasn't nearly so important.  Yesterday was meant for Belinda.

Literally, my days have been so busy that I'm having to write everything into a calendar to keep up.  My doctor probably thinks I'm the worst pregnant patient ever because I forget things, forget my prenatals, forget to return their calls.  I'm not sure if juggling a large family is something I'm very good at.  There are probably a million women that can do it a thousand times better than me.  I do love being busy, hate laziness, and love being surrounded by all these little ones.  I can't imagine living life completely and totally alone with not one family member to stop by and say hi.  Sometimes it does us good to realize that like Job in the bible, it can all be taken away in a flash.  Our home, loved ones, a steady job.  Did you hear about the lady her lost her parents, 3 kids, and her house on Christmas morning in a fire?  They were all she had and she lost it in a fire.  

Fire at Conn. home kills ad exec's 3 kids, parents

Yeah, reading that kind puts it all into perspective.  It is better to love people and use things rather than love things and use people.  My plans can wait another day.

Does God Still Heal?

Every morning my favorite thing to do is get my hot cup of coffee, kiss all the babies that are awake, check my email, and blog.  Don't worry, I only drink one cup of caffeinated coffee a day being that I'm pregnant. If I want any more I just do decaf.  Drinking decaf is like hunting with blanks.  There is just no point.  But, I guess the hunt is still fun.

The weekend was great because we were back in church and I could put baby Caleb in nursery.  I even got to volunteer to watch the little babies in the Sunday morning service.  Unfortunately, because of all the sickness issues my kids have missed every Christmas practice up until Sunday night.  The kids' play is this next Sunday!  Oh man.... it should be interesting to watch.

I had a friend that is moving out of town.  Her son is best friend's with my oldest.  Well, I wanted to come over and help her sort through her stuff and pack.  So Monday I woke up feeling some pain thinking maybe a bladder infection had started. I felt GREAT the night before so this was a surprise.  Wanting to keep my promise to my friend, I just ignored it in hopes it would go away if I drank enough water.  When I got to her house, right away I started sorting and packing.  A couple hours later the pain was so intense I just couldn't work anymore.  I wasn't showing it to her but I was so upset because I made a promise to help her all day and I knew I was gonna have to quit and go to see the doctor.  With a promise I was gonna return a couple days later, I headed to Urgent Care.  I stopped to pick up my other friend along the way to go with me.  The doctor said the infection was off the charts bad and prescribed me some medicine.  I was SO HAPPY!  Do you KNOW what this means?  For years my kidneys were getting so bad that I could no longer feel any bladder infections because it would go straight to my kidneys and I'd end up in the hospital.  The doctor told me my kidneys were so bad that as soon as I felt a bladder infection I had to go straight to the ER.  Don't call the doctor.  JUST GO AND CHECK MYSELF IN.  That's how bad my kidneys were.  In fact, I would just be doing something around the house and fall over in horrendous pain from my kidneys.  Well, 2 1/2 years ago I was hospitalized and unconscious for a week it was so bad.  I'm only telling you that to understand why I'm so excited that I actually felt this bladder infection and it didn't go to my kidneys.  Not long after my last hospital stay (2 1/2 years ago) an evangelist came to my church.  He called out for someone that has bad kidney issues.  I went up immediately  for prayer.  In fact, I was in bad pain that night.  Not only did I have kidney pain but I was scheduled for surgery because I had Endometriosis.  God healed me that night.  Surgery was cancelled and I have not had any kidney problems since.  That is a miracle. So when I found out that I had a bladder infection starting yesterday, I felt panicky at first.  However, I didn't want to just go and get help like usual because I wanted to see what would happen.  The infection was only in my bladder and didn't spread.  That has not happened to me in about 7 years.  I was able to just get some antibiotics yesterday.  No hospital stay.  Nothing.  I feel like crying because I'm still so grateful God healed my kidneys.  That doesn't mean I can't go and ruin them again.  LOL.  That comes from not taking care of a bladder infection when it starts. If you let it go too long it'll hurt your kidneys eventually.  My kidneys had been so bad I wasn't supposed to have any more kids.  I am soooooooo grateful for God's healing grace.

With having pain meds and antibiotics, I think we'll go to the zoo today with the kids.  Today we have some extra kids with us so it'll be fun to take them all.  Tomorrow I'll be back at my friends house helping her pack. I'm so grateful for medicine and doctors!

Real Life Desperate Housewives

Chaz 3, Ryan 2

I used to belong to this Christian homemakers group.  For the sake of what I'm gonna talk about, I won't say the name of it.  I found the group back when I only had one child and pregnant with my second.  This must've been in 2000.  It was kind of far from my house but I truly needed the support about being a stay at home mom and advice.  I truly strived to be a Godly wife and wanted badly to be a great homekeeper.  Meetings were once a week and a breakfast was always served.  When I first walked in I was in awe.  I'm the kind of gal that always wakes up too late to make myself something to eat.  The kids usually eat but I don't.  Without seeming like I was too hungry, I sauntered over to the breakfast table to grab a plate.  Announcements had already begun and I found a spot next to my friend to sit down while I munched on food.  The usual topic, mainly about organization, I desperately needed to hear.  

When I was single I lived in my own one bedroom apartment. I owned a single bed, one dresser, a table for two, couch for two, two forks, two spoons, two cups, two plates, etc.  Of course also my clothes which were organized.  It was soooo easy to care for.  Now that I had to care for more, I needed the advice.  It wasn't so easy because when you marry, you mesh habits together.

I ended up attending this group up till 2007 and finally decided it was a good time to stop.  It's not that they were boring or a bad group of people. It was fun!  Every week after the initial morning talk we would split up into small groups.  You got to pick the theme of your group.  Teens, toddlers, craft, homeschool, etc.  I picked the toddlers one of course.  Anytime you put a group of very opinionated women together, it can cause sparks.  For the most part I sensed a lot of women really held back things about their personal life for good reason including myself.  Sometimes we shouldn't be so open about personal things.  One woman in particular would talk the ENTIRE time and no one could get a word in edgewise. It was really, really frustrating.  I remember wishing she would either switch groups or quit altogether.  I felt bad thinking this but it would get pretty bad.  Well, one day she did quit but not because it was her choice. She died of cancer.  My heart broke.  I felt so bad for having these feelings towards her.  She left behind a husband and two little kids they adopted together.  :(

As far as money goes, I'm not the jealous type when I see others have a lot of things that I can't have.  I've always thought of expensive things as debt.  Often, two people have to work to afford to have new cars or a big house.  Either that, or hours and hours of overtime.  Just not worth it to me.  Often I would be pulling up in my debt free little two door Toyota with 3 carseats crammed together in the back.  I would park my car in between 2 big Cadillac Escalades and watch as a mom would pull 2 kids out of it.  I used to think, "Whoa.  Two kids in that big hunk of a thing?"  No matter, I was happy and content as I strolled in to enjoy another meeting.  Of course within that same year I bought a gorgeous minivan to fit four kids and fit us better.

One particular day I was happy to announce that I was pregnant with my 4th child.  Usually, how many kids you have was never an issue.  I saw families with up to 8 or 9 kids there but not many.  Many of these moms had maybe 2-3 kids.  As I gave my announcement in small group, a lady says, "That's not right. That is just not fair to your other ones."   I was shocked as I thought this was a group that supported not only staying at home but having children also.  I sat their dumbfounded as no one spoke up and rebuked her.  It completely broke my heart and left me in silence.  That was my first step to pulling away from the group in my heart.  Children are a gift from the Lord and there is just no scripture in the bible you can pull out to defend beating down growing families.  

Because the location of the group, it was held in an upperclass area.  Many of the women were wives of successful business men and CEO's.  I was a happily married woman and loved to share about my family and what a joy it was being married to my best friend.  I didn't really notice the silence in the room till some time later when I would share stories or what went on in my home.  Finally one day a woman piped up, "Okay, okay.  We all know what a fantastic marriage you have."  Huh?  I never bragged about anything.  Often we would all share stories and that's all I did was talk about events and funny things that happened.  I realized later that not many other women shared positive stories about their marriage.  Usually it was just about things they did by themselves or with other women.  Later, as women would share I realized there was something HUGE going on that seemed to be a common but silent complaint.  These women that seemed like they had it all together on the outside, were in fact pretty lonely.  Yes, they could buy what they wanted, eat out when they wanted, swipe their credit cards as they wished. But these were some pretty lonely women.  The reason they didn't like my stories about fun with my husband was because they greatly longed to have that time with theirs.  Successful business men are often on the road a lot or working long hours.  They had a lot of money but at the price of being apart.  Not really enjoying the fruit of their labors in the relationship sense.  My heart broke for these women.  Some of these men traveled weeks as a time away from their family. For the sake of a very nasty commenter I will mention that this of course did not apply to everyone there I'm sure.

One Valentines day, it was a special day for this mom's group.  We were to all bring our husband's in for a Valentines message. I was excited to have my best friend with me to see my mom's group.  Before it started, everyone mingled about and talked.  My husband said all the men talked about was money, more money, and how to make even more.  It was just a one-up kind of talk of who had it the best.  He pretty much felt like a loner while trying to find a normal dude that could just talk about real life.  Well, that didn't happen so we were happy when we could just sit down and hear the message.  Over time, after I had my 5th child, I decided it was about time to leave.  The messages were great, in fact, our speaker is now pretty popular and talks on Family Life Radio with James Dobson.  It took several years for me to see that this was just not a place I could fit in and it wasn't about the money, but the general discontent.  I guess maybe the silent desperation that was there broke my heart.  My life and goals were incredibly different than these women.  Some could even afford to have their own maids but I know all they just longed for a relationship with their spouses more than anything else.  More than money.   

Some husbands would leave their wives for their secretary, one woman was surprised by her husband and taken on an anniversary cruise.  What was meant to be a romantic time together became a nightmare when she found out he did all that to tell her he was leaving her and the kids for another man.  Some that had affairs overseas while on business trips.  Story after story.  I felt like I was living a real life Desperate Housewives show and it became more of a burden to come than a blessing since a lot of time was spent comparing rather than just dealing with real life issues.  With money or without money these situations can happen, I realize that.  I desperately needed a group of women where we could encourage and just enjoy fellowship with each other.

I have not attended a mom's group since then because, frankly, I'm scared. I am a little frightened looking for groups anymore in a more upscale area.   I'm afraid I'll find a group I love, invest time into it, then find out a year later that there are just things behind the scene that really mess with my head.  I afraid of the clicks.  My husband pushes me to try one out but I think my experience really kept me away.  

Probably the closest comparison I could give is either The Stepford Wives (who seemed to have it all together but on puppet strings), or The Desperate Housewives (who completely frighten me with all the drama and deception).  I am not in anyway putting down these women.  Every woman has the dream to marry their prince charming, to still get flowers a decade later, still have that love and commitment.  It's not always like that but if anything we like to have a real relationship with our spouse.  If anything my heart completely broke for them.  Seeing the bags under their eyes, the loneliness, the discontentment.  Of course these stories don't apply to every person that attended there.  It was just hard to see it every week.  I would love to find another group that is healthy and can just give genuine support for one another.  Is it possible to find one?

Have you found a good mom's groups that you feel are healthy for you?