The Curse of the Law

Sometimes I still can't believe all that God is doing in my mind and heart.  It's like I've woken up and saw that life is beautiful.  It always has been but I had been in a sad slumber.  At one time I felt like life was too burdensome and by the age of 34 I was done.  I was weary and didn't want to keep "fighting the good fight and keeping the faith."  It was just too hard. I never knew I wasn't meant to carry the burden of my own "humanness."  Hope that makes sense.

• Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20

• For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all  of God's laws. James 2:10
  

• But those who depend on the law to make them right with God are under his curse, for the Scriptures say, "Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the commands that are written in God's Book of the Law." Galatians 3:10

• The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. Romans 8:3

• Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us. Galatians 3:13

Get it?  It's incredible! Because I only believed in saving grace but not sustaining grace, I believed my good works was what was keeping me saved and in right standing with God.  Well, of course I tried with all my might but to my HUGE disappoint, I failed often.  I thought maybe I was failing because I didn't go to enough church services or because I wasn't praying hard enough.  Now I understand why a perfectionist mindset was killing me.

Legalism = Perfectionism

I had a legalistic mindset.  No one could do it and no one before me could do it except Jesus Christ.  THAT'S why he came and  became the perfect sacrifice for us.  We are no longer held under this perfectionist mentality.  Thank God.  Before if someone asked me if I believed in sustaining grace.  No way.  Yes we are saved by grace but we are on our own after that.  Boy, I was wrong and definitely still put myself under the curse of the law.  This is what explains my spiritual exhaustion.  

• Legalism- Thinking we are made righteous because we live righteously.

• Grace- Living righteously because we've been made righteous.

• Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

What?  God's throne of grace?  Where has this scripture been all my life?  I've aways looked at it as the throne of judgement or throne of condemnation.  Never, ever as the throne of grace.

When Jesus died on the cross He not only gave us the gift of saving grace but of sustaining grace. 

Insert taken from webpage: Laws on Top of Laws

"The problem with the Pharisee’s is that they had, over centuries and centuries of following God’s Law, added their own laws on top of God’s Law. Breaking God’s Law was so abhorrent to them that they added more laws to keep them from the things that would keep them from the things that would tempt them to break God’s laws. In many ways, it is not a bad idea. If I have an alcohol problem, I should not drink, but having alcohol in the house is a bad idea, and even going to a bar with friends should be out of the question. Constantly surrounding myself with temptation is a bad idea. If A leads to B which leads to C (and C = sin), then don’t do A or B. Take away the temptation that leads to the sin, right? So, by that logic, if working on the Sabbath is sin, maybe I should cease from doing any labor, any “work”, anything physical, right? 

Nope. Taking your traditions and beliefs and elevating them to be equivalent to God’s Law is wrong, but holding others accountable to your traditions is wrong too, according to Jesus. Even more than that, withholding good on the Sabbath is a sin, as Jesus has shown.

 

God is after my heart, and He is after your heart. He doesn’t admire your laws, standards, rules, righteousness or holiness. Your righteousness is like filthy rags to Him. No. He wants to save you from yourself. He want to see Christ in you, your only hope of glory. He wants us to behold the glory of the Lord, and therefore be transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. Jesus is your only hope, He is my only hope. Only Christ pleases God. Only Jesus lived a perfect life that I could never live and died the death I should have died because of my sin. Only He is worthy. Only His righteousness will cover me."

When we constantly focus on sin and don't do this don't do that, it actually can cause our minds to focus exactly on those things!  Rather, let's put our focus on Christ.  I'm amazed that now I completely put my trust in Christ, in His grace, those temptations aren't nearly like they used to be.  I was told, "well, that's because the devil is done with you and has no reason to fight you."  Nope, there really is such an amazing freedom and peace when we put our trust in Him rather than in ourselves.  When we understand we are no longer living under the law.  When I decided to stop living under the law, it took the power away that sin had over me.  Yes, I'm human.  Yes, I'll make mistakes.  It was never about perfectionism.  It's about our heart.

•  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So do not be attracted by strange, new ideas. Your strength comes from God’s grace, not from rules about food, which don’t help those who follow them. Hebrews 13:8,9

 God bless!!!

How Church Became My Idol

Whenever something is heavy on my heart I always have to come to my blog.  My blog always has helped me think through tough times or just changes in my life. 

My spiritual and physical life has changed in so many ways that I can't even begin to count my blessings.  I mean, I try to but it's soooo much!  I still deal with old fears but it's lessening as the months go by.  Whenever I talk to old friends that think like I used to, the fears come back.  It's such a heaviness that my heart almost can't carry the weight.  I finally understand the scripture...

"Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

I know to many people they've heard this a thousand times.  To me it's life changing, powerful, and freeing!  Jesus wasn't just throwing out a nice phrase.  It's literal!  Stop focusing on trying to fight your flesh with works.  Focus on drawing nearer to Him and see what happens.  I love this scripture.  :)

I used to hear "my yoke is easy" and think it wasn't easy at all.  I had so many things I had to do to make God happy with me!  To make it to heaven.  Gosh, it was so hard and with my large family I just couldn't do enough things to make God happy.  I began to mentally break down and have serious bouts of depression. I don't mean feeling sad here and there. DEPRESSION where getting out of bed was a chore.  The burden of my works was so heavy that my spiritual back was breaking.  

It's much harder fighting for righteousness when I'm living my life based off of works.  Here is a silly but important example.  The other day I was watching a show on TV while the kids were sleeping.  A part came on that I didn't really feel was good for me to see.  Without even thinking I just got up and got something to eat in the kitchen to let whatever it was pass by.  I mean, I didn't even have to think about it.  To avoid it, I automatically just got up and walked out the room.  While in the kitchen it dawned on me how much something inside of me is beginning to change.  Before, I would have felt much more temptation to see what it was and maybe even fought myself for a bit to watch it.  I was so confident in my works based mentality that I trusted in my own strength to fight against temptations.  I was sure that if I made a mistake I was going to go to hell.  Therefore, when I made a mistake, I felt so condemned I just wanted to give up.  Since I have began to focus on just drawing closer to Jesus, that it's by grace we are saved (not just saving grace but sustaining grace) temptations haven't been able to hit me nearly as strong.  Of course I'm human and humans face temptation but it's almost like the blows are softened.  I always thought that if I had believed in "greasy grace" then I would just fall into every sin possible.   When you truly accept Jesus as your savior, not just for fire insurance (although that'd be my very first reason) but because you have a longing to draw closer to Him and know Him, you'll find that Jesus really didn't intend for serving Him to be heavy and burdensome!

 In fact, before I felt guilty if I missed a church service.  In a way, church became my idol.  I went to church not to make Jesus happy, but to please others around me.  I was going so many times a week because I felt if I didn't, God would be displeased with me or people around me.  I didn't go because I was excited to hear from God.  I went to please man.  I even felt pride in the fact I went so many times a week. That made me holy, right?  At times I snubbed my nose at people because they weren't as faithful as me to all the weekly services.  Yet, I felt horrible guilt if a kid was sick and I couldn't go, I felt an urge to call people around me or post on facebook why I wasn't there. I really, really think "church" can be an idol.  Since I have removed myself from that mindset I have had such a renewing and longing to not only learn about God at church but to study at home.  Yes, I did it at home before but this time was different.  Sometimes I can't wait to sit down study scripture, watch a sermon or listen to one.  Church now isn't the only place to receive but GLADLY in my own personal time.  Now, instead of praying once in the morning and "getting it over with", I find my self praying throughout the day as I see the needs or just want to praise Him!  Once you LOSE THE RULES, you find that relationship you've been longing for all along.

My prayer is that friends or people out there struggling with legalism or a works based mentality might be free from those chains.  I only share because I'm excited for what God is doing in my life and I so long to see others be free!  :)

As if I'm Meeting You for the First Time

Dear God,

  I feel as if I never really knew You.  I knew ABOUT You but completely misunderstood everything You've done for me.  I see so much more now.  Did You allow me to go through the valley to let me see how much I desperately needed You?  So I would come looking for You rather than sit back in my chair thinking I already knew it all? I deceived myself thinking I had earned Your favor.  I didn't know that before I was saved, I was a slave to the law.  Once I asked You in my heart, I was under Your grace. All I can say is......

THANK YOU

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

On no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

Every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

The Law of Grace/Taking Baby Steps in God's Word

I found this amazing app on my phone where I can find series of sermons according to what I really am going through in my life.  It's obvious what I've been talking and thinking about lately.  Daily I'm studying, researching, listening to sermons on it.  I guess what I so hungrily want to know is exactly how God's grace works.  I hear it over and over again about how we are saved by grace.  Well, what about after that?  Are we still earning our salvation?  A friend alerted me that Robert Morris did a whole series on this and I could download his app on my phone to hear any of the sermons anytime.  It's just easier that way because I can't always been on the computer.  I listen to sermons online from my church but this is a subject I've been really studying.  Well, what do you know!  I found 2 particular sermons in the series that answers the questions for me.  I would LOVE to share.

The Law of Grace -by Robert Morris

and

The Gift of Grace -by Robert Morris

I wish I could just embed video here but there wasn't that option.  Wow, wow, and wow!  I just cried and cried listening to both of these sermons.  He said something really powerful in it.  Unless you really have tried to live under the law, how we can't, how heavy it is, impossible, it's hard to understand the need for grace.  I am totally paraphrasing here because it's hard to remember exact words. OH, HOW I VERY MUCH understand what it's like to live under the law and I was dying, was crushed, underneath it.  I thought it was a trip how he mentioned, you know when you are living under the law because one day it just gets so heavy you say you can't do it anymore.  It's just impossible.  It IS impossible!  I went 7 months still bewildered and seemingly running in circles in my mind as to what I believed anymore.  I just didn't really want to think about it anymore because it all seemed overwhelming.... till I began to learn a little bit more about grace.  People that have said I'm full of it and just am making excuses for sin, it's because some think sin is used as a free card to go sin for a day.  They are missing it by a long shot.  The vidoes just really answer so many of those questions.  I implore friends to watch it when you get the chance!  If you download the Gateway church app, you can look up sermons, then series, then Overwhelmed by God's grace.  Or just click on links above. 

____________________________________________________
(Notes from one of the sermons I was listening to)

"Grace...
It is a gift we receive, not a goal we achieve.  God is not waiting to see if you are good enough, if you are good and bad, if you add more good at the end of your life you'll get there.  If you believed in Jesus you have received the gift of grace.  Grace is not cheap but it's free.  It's not cheap because it cost the blood of Jesus.  But it is free.  But there are things that accompany salvation, there are things that happen in our lives, souls and minds because we are saved." -Robert Morris
Titus 2:11

Fighting Kids/From Discouraged Mama to Proud Mama

Yesterday I was a bit discouraged. We were trying to do bible study and I'm not kidding, it's like instantly I have things to battle against.  Usually I battle right through it but this time I just walked out.  The kids were getting along until I said bible study and it's like the atmosphere changed.  This is almost a daily issue.  They LIKE bible study time.  I don't know what it is.  Well, I guess I DO.  It's spiritual.  This time I just walked out.  I was done and I didn't want to battle it again. I didn't even work with them on their homeschool or chores. I went in my room with my babies and stayed in there for an hour.  Then I quietly just starting doing my chores around the house.  It's easy peasy doing chores without homeschool to worry about.  Without enforcing chores with the kids.  I didn't sin with my words at all but the kids could see I was sad.  The more quiet I was the more things they tried to do to see me smile again.  It was actually kinda cute. Ryan made me food as a gift.  Ashley walked up to me and played a song on her harmonica.  The rest started doing their chores on their own.  It was actually really sweet.

View of boys through my kitchen window

While I was doing the dishes I looked out my window and saw some workers digging with shovels in the empty field next to my house.  The church nearby is trying to convert it into a park for kids to play.  I knew it was hot out and thought maybe there was a good life lesson in helping for my boys to learn.  I called the boys over and let them see out the window.  I didn't want to force it because then it wouldn't be true volunteering.  I explained what I've always explained about J.O.Y = Jesus first, Others second, and yourself last.  This was a good chance to help out even though it wasn't easy work.  My boys happily got their shoes on and went over.  They asked them, "what can we do to help?"  They were each given shovels.  I was a happy mommy seeing them through my window as they helped do some hard work.

Ryan and Kyle waiting for camera on right. :)

Almost an hour later a news crew showed up.  The boys came running back to our house because they needed permission to be in the video.  I was like, HUH?  They said they were running a piece about the project that was to be happening there.  Of course I was okay with it and thought it would be such a neat experience for them to see behind the scenes video work.  They worked awhile longer unloading stuff from a truck.  Eventually more kids showed up.  I guess they had planned on some kids doing a painting project and wanted to show kids painting together. Then they had my kids working in the garden beds that have been planted out there and then interviewed Ryan about some peppers that were grown there.  The kids went from going over there for maybe just an hour or two to six hours!  They had such a fun day.  What made me so happy is they had such a right attitude about work with no reward, but somehow ended up being rewarded through some really fun experiences that are exciting and new for them.  :)  I went from being a sad mama to a proud mama pretty quick.

Kyle painting a message on a stepping stone

 The girls even got to run over and paint after the camera crew left.  They were like PAINTING! YES!  I'm not a big fan of painting which is why I hardly can stand to paint the walls in my house.  Argh!

Ivy

Ashley

I Am a Friend of God - Morning Studies With My Kids

Today the  kids and I were having a bible study in the morning which we try to keep as a normal routine.  Lately, I've been so excited to share with the kids when I have been learning in the scriptures.  The mood of our studies have definitely changed over the last few months and our talks much, much more meaningful.

We always start our studies off with praise songs but usually just with us singing together.  I realized I should put my smart tv to use and find praise songs for kids on YouTube.  We could all sing together.  I found the song I am a Friend of God by Israel Houghton. 

John 15:15 ESV          

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.


James 2:23 ESV        
And the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God.
  
Sometimes I try to be a bit sneaky by throwing in a lesson about what we are currently dealing with behavior-wise.  Today, we just started out with praise songs and when I saw this song I just had to share with the kids some things on my heart about this subject.  It a fun interaction with each other and ended up going for an hour.  That's great!  That means everyone was into the discussion.  Otherwise it is sometimes only 15 minutes.  Each day is different.  :)

An issue I've been really dealing with is sibling rivalry.  Me and the rest of America.  More importantly, the subject of forgiveness.  Many of my kids in the past have said they don't know if God forgives them and they are scared.  I saw them pray to God, confess things to Him, and really pour out their heart.  Yet, they still felt fear.  I really feel that it's hard to give forgiveness when we don't feel forgiven.  It's hard to give love when we don't feel love.  Hurt people hurt others.  I held a lot of bitterness in my heart towards people the last few years because I really didn't understand God's love.  I didn't really believe he forgave me. I didn't UNDERSTAND forgiveness.  So how could I give it?  We've been really, really, really focusing our morning studies around this area.  

  What a blessing it is I get to have all my babies with me throughout the day!  My life is so ABUNDANTLY blessed.  Kyle, my 10 year old, walked up to me today while I was doing my chores asked me, "No really mom, what did you REALLY want to do when you grew up?"  I told him I always wanted to be a mommy.  He was like "yeah right."  For real!  I told him in elementary school we had to stand up and say what we wanted to be and that's what I said.  A mother.  To me that was the best, awesomest, coolest job I could ever have.  :D

Joy Comes In the Morning - Set Free from The Life of Legalism

*Before you read anything further, know this.  I grew up with a view of the bible that was pretty askew.  I blame this on myself and no one else.  I pieced together my own version of the bible and chose to ignore much of the new covenant that Christ brought.  Of course I knew I was saved by grace, but what about after that?  I believed I had to work hard to keep earning my salvation.  This is not finger pointing at anyone.  Just a work in my own heart I believe God is doing.  I believe He could of done it much earlier on if I had been more open to it and not so determined to create my own Frankenstein faith.  I'll explain....

I don't know how to say this without being super emotional, which is not me.  I hide my tears well.  I feel like God has begun a new work in me.  Truly given me joy I have not known for many, many years.  I used to go to bed in fear every night for my soul.  Yes, I did all the right things as a Christian.  I knew to pray and read my bible.  Go to church every week.  Get involved in extra stuff. I did all those things.  However, I still felt like I was paying for my salvation.  When I did those things, I just felt I never measured up. As a mom to a lot of kids, doing a lot of activities seemed too hard at times.  There are just those days where a kid is sick, or I'm exhausted from a long day, I just felt I couldn't go to an extra event.  Whatever it was, I felt I couldn't keep up.  So if I missed a service or a bible study, I felt so guilty I just knew God was displeased with me for being unfaithful.  Eventually, I burnt out.  I was done.  A dark day had begun for me.  I began to question the existence of God.  I started to question the bible.  Depression began to settle all around me.

Last September I threw in the towel on my faith.  I was confused and couldn't see beyond the current day and it's dark cloud.  At first I was critical of even the existence of God like I said earlier.  Eventually I admitted that of course I knew God was very much alive and real.  He has done some HUGE miracles in my life.  You can't wish away bad kidneys where you need surgery or dialysis.  That was a miracle.  You can't wish away back surgery. I didn't imagine the hours stuck on the floor, not even able to help myself up because of the spasms of pain.  To be freed instantly and free for 15 years is no accident.  That was the healing of God.  So, yes, I know God is real.  I just felt He had turned His back on me.  I hadn't done enough to keep Him happy so he must be done with me.  Okay, so now I admit I know He's real. 

I became quiet......

I quit every single activity of good works and was just STILL.  I went to church, heard from God, sang the praise songs.  That was it.  I was tired and weary.  Slowly through the messages I began to see a light dawning in my darkened, seemingly endless tunnel of depression. Sometimes I would even be sitting in service and a verse not even being discussed in the sermon would jump out at me.  What?  I never saw that before.  How?  I've read the bible through several times.  How could I have not seen this?  Moments like this God was piecing together for me.  Answers I had never seen before.  Still I had the question. Does God love me?  Does He take me as I am right now?  No good works?  The Jenny that doesn't have much to offer?  Just a broken heart?  This is all I have God.  BROKEN.

Over the last seven months of little pieces of the puzzle coming together for me and brought me back around to the cross.  To Jesus and the gift He gave.  NOT the Jesus I had created over the years.  Jesus, the only Jesus, that the Bible speaks of.  Several months ago in my dark days I was given a book called Own It. I just tossed it aside as another religious book in my collection.  Yesterday, around midnight, I started to head toward the dishwasher to load of some dishes before I went to bed.  As I walked towards it, my eyes landed on the book I had tossed aside months earlier.  I felt a drawing to it.  I thought, "Maybe I'll read some of it after I do the dishes."  Then a thought immediately followed, "Dishes can be done later.  If you do the dishes first, you may never read the book."  This time I listened.  I even left the dishwasher open and just headed to the living room with the book and my bible in hand.  With praise music in the background softly playing I opened the book with not a very big expectation.  I've heard it all before, you know?  I was a Christian kid raised in church.  What could I learn from this book?  I was surprised.... Here is a passage that brought me to tears.

Own It 

Leaving behind a borrowed faith

 "The trouble with renting your faith is that it puts all of the reliance for salvation on self effort rather than on God. When that happens you wear out quickly; you feel burnt out and tire easily of the hard work of obedience, which you believe leads to your salvation. This is what happens when you see a hardworking religious person who has walked away from their professed faith. They put all of their hope in their ability to be good, rather than in God Himself. When they run out of strength, they run out of their payment for the faith and end up losing their rental. But when you own it - really own it- you have no need to make payments in order to keep it because it already belongs to you. This is called justification. You don't have to justify yourself by working hard to gain God's approval."

Where did I get such a harsh view of God?  That I had to pay for my salvation?  I don't know.  I blame it on myself. I've had the bible in front of me my whole life.  I think I pieced the bible together the only way I knew how.  I picked and chose what I wanted to see.  Like it says in the book Own It, I was created my own version of a Frankenstein faith.  Not very pretty.  Anytime I saw the word "grace" I  attached the word "greasy" in front of it.  Grace was a dirty word to me.  I couldn't accept it because that was too easy.  In a sense, because I didn't accept the gift, I made myself my own God.  I wasn't serving the God of the bible.  I was serving my own beliefs.  I wore myself out in the process.  I make a pretty lousy god.

I believed my whole life that I was making payments for my salvation.  Now, I NEVER would have said that but deep down I did believe that.  I had to work to please God. I grew upset often when I felt I wasn't paying enough.  I was sure I would easily lose my salvation like you could easily lose a house.  As long as my payments were late, I was in danger of my good standing with God.  34 years of that and I guarantee you that can cause some serious bouts of depression.  

The biggest thing I have learned recently,  I had it all backwards.  I hated the word grace because then I had to really believe God was my loving father.  That He had saved me and I really had to have faith that it was free.  I couldn't believe that before.  I thought grace meant it was a free card to sin whenever.  So I threw the grace word out the window and never uttered it.  Now it was all about how good I was.  How many services I attended.  Extra activities outside of the regular services was like earning extra credit with God.  He had to be pleased now.  Instead, I've understood and accepted His gift.  I am saved, yes by His grace.  But I don't have to get on a treadmill to keep the gift.  Instead of focusing on how good I am, I focus on just getting closer to Him.  By doing that, all those other things fall into place out of a longing..  Yes, I am human.  I WILL make mistakes.  But I don't have to live in fear every night that I've made a big enough payment for that day to escape hell for another day.

Thank you, Jesus, for making Yourself real to me.  Thank you for helping me through the days of sorrow, for bringing me joy once again.  Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.  Please keep ministering to me and revealing more of Your Word to me.  I know now I should have been more focused on knowing You, becoming closer to You.  Not on myself and how many good works I can do.  I now know this was pride and that got in the way.  Please forgive me.  I'm so grateful for Your saving grace.  How sweet it is.  

Slavery to the Law- Falling Away from God's Grace

Lord, for so long I believed You loved me but with condition.  I thought that You waited impatiently to see when I'd slip up so you can flick me into hell.  I always saw you as a disapproving Savior who was always angry.  I thought I had to show through my works that I was saved and the more I did the more You approved of me.  If it's true in Your Word, that we are saved by grace and not by works, please plant this assurance in my heart.  I know, I know, I know it says it.  I am trying so hard to make my heart believe it.  I feel like this immature child asking You to teach me how to tie my shoes for the hundredth time.  I know it's so simple for others.  It's not simple to me when for so long I lived in fear I would displease people around me and displease you. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins." Ecclesiastes 7:20

 

Okay, I get that.  Everyone knows that's true.  How come it took me 34 years to find that scripture when I've been reading the bible ever since I could read?  Why is it that I try so hard to live for you yet I always feel like I'm looking over my shoulder?  That I'm about to get caught for doing something that I'm not doing wrong?  Feeling like I always have to be perfect or be kicked out?  When I have to stay home from church, the guilt eats me alive.  Don't we go to church to be taught and refreshed?  To learn more about You but not because we are trying to earn points with you?  Why is it that I feel like I've let you down when I can't do it all perfect?   Jesus, more than ever I need Your peace.  I pray for wisdom, discernment, and need to really, really know You.  Not what I thought I knew about You.  But to know Your heart.  I want to know You like never before.  Not as the punisher in the skies looking to see if I've earned enough points to maintain my salvation status.  I need to see clearly.

 

Recently a friend pointed out to me that the Christians are one body of Christ.  That we are not separated by fellowship of churches.  We are all ONE body of Christ.  Makes me sad when I hear Christians point the finger at each other and accuse the other church of not being as holy.  If a body attacks itself, won't there be less accomplished?  Won't there be injury to the body?  I wish we could work together and realize we have the same goals.  To make heaven our home and share the gospel message of Jesus Christ.  I'm going to leave the church judging of who is better and who is more righteous up to God.

"So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law. Listen! I, Paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God, then Christ will be of no benefit to you.  I'll say it again.  If you are trying to find favor with God by being circumcised, you must obey every regulation in the whole law of Moses.  For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ!  You have fallen away from God's grace.  But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us.  For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or being uncircumcised.  What is important is faith expressing itself in love." Galatians 5:1-6

I know this is talking a lot about earning our way.  I don't want to be a slave to the law.  I realize I am saved by God's grace.  Robert Morris said it really well in one of his sermons.  He said we don't earn our way to heaven but once we are saved by grace we do earn rewards in Heaven through our works.  Makes a lot of sense.  We sew seeds here and reap rewards in Heaven.  We are happy to do things for Christ, Jesus said to preach the gospel to the world.  That's important!  How selfish can I be to forget that at times?  I have heard God's message my whole life.  I need, need, need to spread the message.  But I know I wouldn't be doing it to KEEP my salvation.  I already am!  But how selfish would that be if I didn't? 

Jesus, please help me not to be a slave to the law.  Help me to enjoy life as you intended.  There is joy in living for you.  It shouldn't be this mind hassle I go through.  I pray that you would bring Your Word alive in me. Amen.

Delivered from Depression

This past week has been an amazing week.  My son Ryan has been going through a rough time since going to a new church.  He was told his best friend is never allowed to see him again since his parents changed churches.  It really, really hurt Ryan.  He had been pretty moody lately.  Not just these last couple of months but really for awhile.  I hadn't really seen the evidence of him having a relationship with Christ.  I have been praying for him that he will.  But since losing his closest friend, I could tell he was hurting even more.  He became even moodier and in turn was taking it out on everyone around him. Well, our church youth invited my boys to a youth convention.  I guess our youth leader knows the singer that sings on the radio. Well, when they had the concert, the guy pulled the alter call and my son said his heart hurt.  He prayed the sinners prayer.  He said, "Mom, I just felt reborn!"  The changed I've seen in him is drastic.  The depression has lifted, the moodiness is gone, and he has had joy I haven't seen in a long, long time.  I'm amazed! 


Today at church my family went up for prayer.  My son Chaz who is 13 got a word.  That God hears his prayers every day.  That he delights in him and has favor on him.  That God not only loves him but likes him just as he is.  I tried so hard not to cry hearing that.  Chaz DOES talk to God every day.  Without asking he will pray, do his homeschool, chores, and without complaint.  I mean, he amazes me.  Okay, one down, six more to go!  Ha! 

I had been battling depression for quite some time and really tried not to show it on my blog.  I worked so hard to put God and my family first.  In the process of that I was not always able to throw myself into ministries.  I always knew my family was my first ministry.  I just felt like I was on full blown burnout because I felt pressured to do more, more, more.  I couldn't! I knew I was at my limit.  A homeschooling mama is no joke.  It's hard work.  I've gone to college and worked before. Looking back, those jobs I had were a vacation compared to what I do now.  However, no matter how hard I worked at home training my kids up in Christ and academically, I felt like I wasn't doing enough for God.  I felt like I could never pray enough, read my bible enough, go to enough services.  I felt guilty if I was on burnout and had to skip a service.  Almost like I was displeasing God and that it meant I wasn't "faithful". That's further from the truth.  God sees our heart.  God saw those times that I would gather up my little ones in the morning and read the bible and pray with them.  He saw the tears of prayer.  He saw the witness in secret to someone who didn't know Christ.  He sees those things that no one else does.  I've learned that just because others might perceive me a certain way, they aren't God. They aren't the judge.  He is.  I live to please Him and Him alone.  Yes, it's good to have accountability but that can be abused when it's used to spy or make someone feel guilty. 

I've always seen God as someone who is watching me and just waiting for me to slip up.  Waiting to knock me into hell if I mess up too much.  There is a scripture that jumped out at me while I was sitting in church. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins."  Ecclesiastes 7:20

You probably think what's the big deal. Ohhhh, that's a big deal for me. I always put down myself for not being perfect enough.  I hated that I made mistakes.  Or that I gossiped when I shouldn't have.  Or that I thought a bad word.  I just hated that I couldn't be good enough. 

"His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime!..." Psalms 30:5

What?  That was news to me too!  Well, I guess that makes sense.  A GOOD father would forgive his son if he came to him and admitted a mistake.  A dad isn't gonna berate him for weeks on end and turn his back on him because of it.  (A normal, sane, God seeking dad of course). He will be happy his child repented!  It's not the other way around where He can't wait for you to make a mistake so He can flick you into hell.  Because of this thinking I just really had a bad view of God.  I feared him, which I should, but it was a very, very unhealthy fear.  A kind that kept me extremely depressed at times.  Since being delivered of that earning my way to heaven mentality, I feel such a freedom I have never felt before.  In that freedom comes joy.  Not a single day of that depression has come back in two months.  THAT IS A MIRACLE.  My husband has seen the difference.  Praise God!

Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on my even though I was beginning to.  Even though I was beginning to turn my back because I didn't believe you could love someone like me.  Forgive me for being incredibly judgmental of others when I had no right to.  You have forgiven so much of me and continue to do so.  Forgive me for my ungrateful heart in everything you have revealed to me in the past.  Not believing you when you revealed how much you loved.  I feel like I was going around the desert grumbling and never believing in Your promise.  I love you!

Nasty Rumors & Forgiveness

Sometimes it's so hard NOT to defend yourself when you find out that there are rumors flying everywhere about your family.  It makes my heart beat fast, my stomach drop.  Mostly, it breaks my heart.  Why is it that people will spend more time talking about you on the phone than actually just calling to ask?  It's this easy.  Ring, ring, "Hello?  Yes?  Is this Virginia?  Oh hi.  Well, I just have something I've been wondering.  I heard a rumor and it's been bugging me.  Yeah, I know it's not really none of my business but... is your large family on welfare?  No?  Okay, sorry.  I guess maybe I should have not been so busy worrying about other people.  What?  Did I tell other people about that rumor?  Wellllll, yeah.  Sorry about that.  Oh, just one other question, there is this rumor going around that you got your house through Habitat for Humanity?  No?  Well, then how did you get it?  Ohhhh... you bought it.  So you didn't get it for free?  Yeah, I kind of assumed that since you have a lot of kids you probably couldn't afford it.  Yeah, I accidentally... um... sort of spread that rumor too.  Alright, sorry for causing so much trouble."  Click.

Too late. 

Think of it this way. If you decided to walk up a very tall building with a pillowcase full of feathers, what would happen if when you get to the top you dumped them all out?  Those feathers (rumors) will go everywhere.  How do you then undo the damage?  It's about as easy as going around town and trying to find all those feathers.  Almost impossible.  If it's not a rumor that is uplifting or praising, then it probably should be kept under wraps.  When you assume and then spread these rumors, even though they aren't true, you've now caused them to wear a jacket of your lies wherever they go.  Then they are wondering why people are giving them dirty looks or whispering. 

There are two main things I teach my kids.  First of all, love God with all your heart, mind, and strength.  Second of all, treat others the way you want to be treated.  If it hurts someone to spread rumors about them, whether or not they are true, we don't do it.  IF someone tells you something in confidence and says, "Hey, this is between me and you only," unless that person is in danger, it's not a good idea to tell others. Would we want someone doing that to us?  No.  I know it's nice to feel important, but that's not the way to do it.

*A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. -Proverbs 11:13

I know that it can make ourselves feel better by making others look bad but it's definitely not treating others the way we want to be treated.  Unfortunately, kids can be put in the spotlight. My kids had to hear a lecture from a woman recently that it's just not good to be having so many kids.  Instead of getting angry and talking bad about that person, the next morning in bible study with the kids we discussed it, prayed for that person, then talked about what the bible says about it.  I can't put my head in the sand, my kids hear these cut downs and comments so I have to counteract them with the bible.  Let God be true and every man a liar. 

We will pray for our enemies and do good to those that do harm.  I have to be an example to my kids.  If I don't want them to be talebearers then I too can't be a talebearer.  It's not a Christ like quality so we need to stay far from it. 

*He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip. -Proverbs 20:19

In recent events I've had some nasty rumors flying around about my family but I can't stop that.  I've decided that if God has forgiven me then I NEED to forgive them.  Although I've recently had to cut off some relationships that was bringing my family down, that doesn't mean I can carry a bad attitude around and not say hi to that person if I'm passing by.  I also learned that forgiveness doesn't mean you forgive ONLY if they say sorry. I have to forgive before they do and they may NEVER say sorry.  Being kind to someone doesn't mean I'm befriending them, hanging out with them, and being buddy, buddy.  It just means I am treating them the way I want to be treated. 

The funny thing is in our morning bible study with our kids we are studying the character quality Forgiveness for the whole month.  I know I need this study more than anyone in the family.  While I am teaching my kids and sharing scripture, it has been ministering to my own heart.  What a healing balm to the heart true forgiveness is.  How do we forgive and forget?  Well, it's impossible to forget but when you forgive someone, it means to never bring those sins they committed up in conversation again.  It's done.  Does that mean you have to hang out with them?  No.  But trust me, unforgiveness is not only bad for the heart, but God can't forgive us of our sins (and we've committed many) if we can't forgive others. 

*But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. -Matthew 6:15

The Curse of Hollywood

Can you believe this?  Man, time has changed!  I've always thought the models in the runway were waaaaaay too skinny that it was gross.  When I was a teen I would try and drink Ensure shakes because I felt that I was too skinny.  It didn't work and I didn't gain any weight. I probably thought like that because I wasn't raised with a TV and didn't read the teen magazines so I didn't feel that pressure to be deathly skinny from Hollyweird.  I'm telling you, kids get that vibe from those places. When you are sheltered from that, you don't feel that pressure.  Hollywood has really, really twisted our view of what is beautiful.  I bet half the women in America would not even worry about dieting if it weren't for the sick view of what's considered beautiful.  Of course obesity is unhealthy and that's a reason to diet but I see perfectly healthy women worrying about their weight.  I've been frustrated at myself for my weight and I have to keep mentally slapping myself and telling myself that I just had a baby a month ago.  

Have you seen this?  I love it!  I have it printed out for my kids and I'm gonna frame it.  Talk about taking it down to where kids can really understand it.  I read it to my family with a southern drawl and my husband and kids loved it.  Ha ha.

Ashley has been telling me how much she can't wait to be a mommy.  I was sitting down talking to Juliet and Ashley came up with her dolly and was copying everything I was saying.  Later, Ivy joined with her doll right next to me and they were copying every word. It was so cute.  I've been telling Ashley to just enjoy being little but she insists she's gonna grow up, get married, then have lots and lots of babies and she can't wait.  Heh heh... Fine with me since that'll make me a happy Grandma.  Still, I'm  in no hurry for my own babies to grow up.

Was Motherhood Ever in Bondage? The Evil of Margaret Sanger

I watched a short documentary last night with my family about children being a blessing.  One part talks about Margaret Sanger, the evil that just dripped from her lips.  Whether or not you believe you should trust God with how many He gives you, there is never an excuse to kill a baby in the womb.  Ever.  There ARE other ways to prevent pregnancy without the act of murder that does not involve abortion of any kind (including chemical forms of contraceptives).  

"This is the dawn.  Womanhood shakes off it's bondage.  It asserts it's right to be free"

"The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children."

"The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the breeding into the world of large families."

"The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

1.5 million babies are surgically aborted each year

Sadly, as a result of the abortifacient effects of the pill and other "contraceptives," an additional 8-12 million babies are chemically aborted each year in the US alone. 

Click HERE to read The Truth About Birth Control

It breaks my heart to know I was on the pill (even though it was only for a couple of years) and I didn't know I could still get pregnant.  I had no idea the pill would cause my body to reject the baby and get rid of it.  Ack.  I hate thinking about it.  I haven't touched the pill since I found out about it in 2002.  

Newborn Caleb (2009)

Since finding out about the pill I started practicing a loose form of Natural Family Planning, yes, I've had a few "surprises".  So what?  What incredible blessings they have been to my life.  So did NFP work for me?  Yes, because I could easily get pregnant every year since nursing doesn't prevent ovulation.  I calculated it and I'd have at least 12-13 by now.  I only have 6.  Some believe you should trust God with how many children you have, some don't.  I guess that is something each person needs to pray about and come to their own conclusion.  Either way never involves murder though.

My sixth (Caleb)

Ever since I got pregnant with my 6th (in 2008) I have been attacked mercilessly.  Within a week of finding out I was pregnant I had attacks that blew me away.  Online and even in my personal email box.  A friend even spread lies for everyone to see.  They later said they didn't know the details, but just had some "assumptions" about our life.  It still hurt very bad and bad enough that we left out of state for a week to get away from it.  You can imagine how scared I was to share when I became pregnant with my 7th in 2011.  I had miscalculated my ovulation and it had been a year and a half since my last baby.  I was surprised but yet again I had the attitude and understanding that children are a gift.  I was still terrified to share knowing that with each one I had would come with more persecution from every side.  Online and in my personal life and surprisingly even from Christian folk from church.

8 months pregnant with
baby #7 (Juliet)

This whole pregnancy I've received about 80% negative from people. This time I'm putting my foot down.  I'm not gonna allow myself to be bullied any longer.  I'm not gonna allow my heart to be sad nor will I let anyone make me feel ashamed.  Sure, I worry about what people think.  Don't we all?  I have to be stronger is standing up for what is holy and righteous.  Even Christians attacking large families is wrong and completely unbiblical.  I've been cornered (literally) with accusations, assumptions, and anger from people.  This precious child in my womb is a gift from God and I won't allow her to come into this world wrapped in shame and negativity from others.  If you don't want kids, that is your life and no one is forcing you to have any.  Welcome to the land of the free.  Are you able to murder your own babies here?  Yes, and the government and even your friends will back you up.  But don't attack those that choose to cherish life.  Enough with all the Save the Whales and Hug a Tree.  Those are nice but what about Protect Human Life?  I've yet to see a film like that in the theaters.  If it seems I am upset in writing this post, I am.  This world is so backwards in how it thinks and I am tired of seeing what is pure and clean be so attacked.

When the World Shakes Their Fist

Agh!  Sunday was my blogoversary and I spent it in church. It was a great day! :)  This will be my 1,656th post.  Holy cow, that's a lot of posts.  That's how you know you enjoy writing.  I must've only took weekends off from blogging.

I have sooo much to be grateful for in blogging land.  Seriously, it's been a positive thing in my life and I've met some amazing blogging moms.  I love down to earth mamma's that tell it like it is rather than always sugar coat things.  I've met some amazingly smart ones that make me feel pretty "duh" in comparison.  I've met some that amaze me how many kids they have and they have the joy and stand up for what they believe in.  Children are a blessing no matter what the world says.  The world will mock you, spit at you, tell you that you're flat out nuts.  But remember, Jesus was mocked at and called crazy. He was crucified.  However, even His last words were of forgiveness.  So what if I feel "persecuted" by words for what I believe in? Every time I get down for how someone talks to me about my large family I have to remember that the world ISN'T going to agree and THAT'S THAT.  Even when we had to sell everything, move into a tiny apartment, just so I could stay home, the people shook their heads thinking it was nuts.  Why wouldn't I just get a job?  I had only $100 at the best for groceries every month.  No car.  It was a tough time but some of our very BEST memories.  Did the world agree?  Of course not.  But I had my babies and I knew they'd grow up fast.  Can everyone do that and stay home?  Of course not.  

Today I was  thinking about how grateful I am for my own mom that stayed home with us.  I know not everyone can do that.  Some, no matter how hard they try, have to work to make it.  I will never, ever take it for granted though that I was one of the lucky ones.  Every single one of us in this world can find something to be negative about in our pasts, make excuses because of them, find reasons to never trust again, but that's not a great way to live.  Who wants to live like that?  Sadly, a lot.  Bitterness, sadness, hurt, anger is what makes pharmaceutical companies so rich.  I choose to be grateful for the positives, learn from the negatives, and live for the here and now and of course the future.  The world hates a successful story, at least one lived for Christ.  Hollywood is praised but missionaries, working dads supporting their family, firemen, doctors, soldiers seem to be forgotten.  The real heroes.

Blogging has helped me pull out the positives by sharing my stories.  It's helped me to find the humor in tough day. It's been even better to receive encouragement and even reproof from other blogging friends.  Was a fun 6 years of blogging!

Ideas for Bible Lessons with Kids & Child Training Bible

Funny yesterday's blog was kind of on this topic but this weeks bible study in the morning with the kids has been on Anger.  I found a lesson on anger for the kids and had them draw a picture for me.  I used this lesson on anger called "Anger Scars" and was really wishing I had thought ahead because I would have done the actual demonstration with them.  So instead they each drew it.  I had them draw a piece of wood.  Then told them to pretend they were making holes in it. Imagine every time you lost your temper and say mean things you were hammering a nail into the piece of wood.  After that I explained that when when we go back and say sorry to someone, it's like taking the nail out but what is left behind in the piece of wood?  It leaves a hole. That scar will forever be there.

Then we looked up the definition of anger and the definition of meekness and wrote them down.  The kids really, really enjoyed having our morning bible study be more interactive.

Each of the kids had some really cute drawings of the piece of wood, stick figures looking angry and making others cry. 

Since this whole week we are looking at Meekness vs. Anger, we'll be using this story tomorrow called "Don't Be Angry" and draw pictures of a beautiful scenery with a volcano in the background.  Well, since volcanoes can erupt, it causes major damage and even death.  :(  

I'm always looking for tools that can help with bible study and stumbled on this site called "The Child Training Bible". You just have to see for yourself how it helps to quickly find scriptures for kids when dealing with certain issues.  

Make the truths of God’s Word foremost in your parenting by taking your child directly to the pages of Scripture with this colorfully tabbed Bible with highlighted verses.  You will be ready with The Holy Word of God at your fingertips in the moment you need it!

I'm definitely ordering it and can't wait to use it.  :D