Saturday, August 18, 2012

The Need to Feel Needed - Don't Most Women Desire This?

I haven't blogged because nothing bothers me more than being told I am not allowed to blog about a certain thing I'm going through.  I have always blogged my heart and for my kids.  I love to see the changes and seasons of my life.  I am not one to lay my life out on the table for everyone to see but I'm also not one that tries to be fake in any way.  I have stalker readers that report me to people or family if I ever say anything they don't like.  It's really weird, I know.  But a family member will call me up and say, "I got a phone call for so and so and she said you blogged about this."  Argh.  Drives me crazy. 

I'm taking a different direction in my life because I've been at a stand still for a very long time.  I want to talk about it without putting anyone or place in a bad light.  This place is a very good place.  VERY, VERY good place.  However, just because a place can function very well, doesn't mean it's perfect.  Hello!  What place is?  :)  Sometimes someone can be in the middle of a lot of people and feel completely lonely.  Watching people around you make plans with each other for 13 years yet never ask you.  Ministry wise, I've always had a strong desire to work with kids.  I love kids obviously.  I have very good memories of people giving their time and love to training me up in Christ.  They have had a huge impact on my life. I would love to give back or pay it forward.  I am 34 and still haven't been able to no matter how much I've tried.  I've never been a chair warmer.  I grew up learning to be involved and go getter.  To make things happen.  Not just to be an observer and receiver.  My parents taught me to be a giver, not just a taker.  So why did I feel like I do after 13 years of just being not much more than a chair warmer?  Because that's not the kind of person I am.  I have tried and tried to get more involved and there just hasn't been room for me to help. God knows I've desired to do more because He's heard my cries and seen my tears.  Fortunately, the place I'm going to now has been very, very blessed to have so many giving people that there isn't much room for me to squeeze in somewhere.  But I think that's a wonderful problem to have, right?  I'm just seriously lonely somehow in the midst of it.  I need to feel needed.  A part of something.  Like I belong.  Being a chair warmer has made me feel like an outsider.  Partly my fault because I'm not a pushy person that HAS to have my way.  I can't be like that.  Some women can be very vocal in wanting their way.  I will offer but if I get turned down year after year I finally just quit asking.  The problem is I feel like I'm fading away and I don't like that feeling. 

I'm searching..... waiting..... praying.....  Wanting to do what is right.  I want to make people happy and stay faithful but without sacrificing myself in the process.  If I'm dying on the inside I have to do SOMETHING.  In the light of eternity, my relationship with God is the most important ever and if I feel like that is in Jeopardy, I would be a fool not to stop and evaluate.  To make a change. Not because I feel like one place is bad and another better, but only because I feel like I fit in better like a puzzle piece that fits.  Hope that makes sense because it does to me.  :) 


Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...


You take in the homeless.

You save horses.

You provide for the hungry.

You provide for people in a rough spot with child care.

You give wise counsel to many ladies.

You make sure children who are abused have a good and safe home.
You teach your children Biblical truth.

DO NOT DOWN YOURSELF. You do more than you know, and if it's not in the church building, you are still part of the church. Love you and ((hug)) until next time.

Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

PS You do know that it is manipulative and controlling to be told what you can and cannot write about. If "Joe" is an alcoholic, maybe don't write, "Joe is an alcoholic." But why can you not write, "A family member is alcoholic, has had some issues with violence, and I am scared." or whatever the situation might be.

You should never be afraid to speak the truth in love.

Virginia Revoir said...

I was shocked reading your words because I never really thought I was doing much. Wow.... You are like a healing balm to my heart.

Anonymous said...

Just for the record, I am commenting anonymously not necessarily for your sake but for others, and I don't want to give you the opportunity to say things about me just because I disagree with you. I challenge you to post this comment and not just delete it or label it hateful because it doesn't agree with your ideas. I will say that I am highly offended that your last two posts have been so misleading and not the whole story. I am offended that you would damage the body of Christ by claiming that you are mistreated and bullied. I know personally That church and Those people and the ministry there and you are deliberately bad mouthing them and making them look like such insensitive and uncaring people, when they are faithful people of God who love him and try to serve Him and His people. You are so blessed to even be a part of that church and to have such Awesome Men of God Leading there, but instead you inadvertently come against their wisdom in your previous post. In love I ask you to lay down the criticism, lies, and humble yourself and repent. No people are not perfect . But I think you are so unfair to post your " inner" feelings one sided. I do not think God takes kindly when His people are being misaligned. If you have a problem talk to your headship about it, don't cause more problems because you have issues, that is wrong, and not the way the bible says to go about it. Its Gossip, and you're causing people who don't really know you to think badly about a Church and a place Where people really do love and serve Jesus.

Anonymous said...


I found your post interesting, but unlike one of your commenters, I have no idea where your church is or who these people are & quite frankly would not be able to tell who they are if I put some effort into knowing. I read about a person that has a plate that is incredibly full. A person that is trying to "keep all the balls in the air" without her kids noticing that you are also carrying an extra weight right now.

I actually went back through several of your previous post to see if I could understand what that person was talking about. I could not find the gossip that she was talking about.

This is your website & a place where you obvious post your feelings.

Finally, I don't think badly about your church. All churches run into a problem of this sort at one point or another. I related to you because of this. As Christians we believe in God's grace to help us through these difficult situations. Even if they seem trifle.Often times, they come about because of different perceptions of the same event. I read about your perception & your response to it because I was on your website.

I have no doubt that the people at your church like you & your family really do love & serve Jesus. When you can try to let it go & pray that others can to.


Virginia Revoir said...

Thank you for this comment! I DO LOVE this church and think they do so many amazing things. I simply miss my home church where I grew up and hope to be able to have more serving opportunities.

Virginia Revoir said...

I can understand your anger. It comes from not knowing the whole story and not knowing where my heart is. I love this church and in no way am I angry with them. They have been a blessing in so many ways. I was very careful in both my posts and made sure to post only accurate information without defaming anyone. The kids and I forgive those that hurt my kids on the camping trip. We've already let that go. We also do not hold any grudges about anything else. We simply miss our home church and would like more opportunities to serve. ;) I know you are defensive of the church and that is good. But please be careful in spreading any rumors that I have spoken viciously of anyone.

Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

Um, no. Chicky posts anonymously all this crap about you and tells you to repent? WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

If she were really all that holy (which obviously I doubt very much), she'da followed the advice in the book of Matthew and talked with you alone about the matter. Not as some anonymous troll on a blog. That's just for starters.

It's almost as though she feels Jesus Himself will get hurt if some lady with seven kids and a homeschool blog dares to say something that is not flattering, even if she gives no names or details away.

Eesh, and people wonder why no one wants to go to church any more.

Unknown said...

We all need to feel needed as women I believe. I support you in your decisions since I know you and I know you have prayed about it. Tough choices. Where God leads you to be is where you should be! May God bless your life in more ways than you can imagine!!! I love you my sweet friend!!

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure who Happy elf lady is but I like her already!! Wise lady! And I love your blog! What an inspiration to me you are each time I read your posts! And your job like any mother is to protect and defend her children! I don't blame you a bit! As for church, I feel your pain. Sometimes people had rather play church than hear the word of God! What should you repent for??? I'm not getting that! Maybe some of those people should try making things right instead of telling you to repent! God knows your heart!! Don't sweat it! The Christian thing wd be for this anonymous writer to reach out instead of downing you! You keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing. Inspiring and serving everyday! Blessings!!!!