My friend and I drove a ways to visit her cousin getting married in Sierra Vista, Az. We had such a fun drive together! We had to drive to the base for the wedding practice and then the actual wedding. Well, I didn't think about how I had a gun under the seat and that I might get questioned about it. Should I say anything? What do I do if they ask? I was one of the only ones pulled over and asked additional questions. I had to show my car registration, insurance, ID. Well, I didn't know where my husband put the paperwork so I was digging around. Through all the fluster of trying to figure it out, they forgot to ask me about my weapon. Ha! Everyone else told me they were asked. I held up quite a line of cars trying to figure all that out. I fell in love with the beauty of the base. The hills, green grass, tree all around it. The wide open fields. It was beautiful. We made sure to leave the gun behind before heading to the base the next day.
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| Haely and Joe |
At the wedding I absolutely loved the message the Chaplin put into it. It was super convicting. It's not like I don't already know these things, I just forget over time. He talked about unconditional love. That when you marry someone, it's like you're in this euphoria and the love is more shallow. Overtime you began to see the flaws. How do we handle them? "Well, if he's not gonna change, then I'm not." When he does the same thing it can be this cycle. The Chaplin said that you are to worry about working on yourself, WHETHER OR NOT your spouse works to change his wrongs. That hit me right in my soft spot. It CAN be a vicious cycle that just goes round and round. Of all the times I've seen marriage break up, this was often one of the reasons. The fingers that point at each other. He talked about the big words RESPECT & SUBMISSION. Probably one of the most shunned words in the feministic world we live in today.
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| Me, Michele, and David (her brother being goofy) at reception |
Well, what happens if we respect him but he does not love us back like Christ loves the church? What if he's a big jerk who doesn't take care of my needs? That gets me off the hook, right? Nope. He said we are to pray for him while we continue to show our unconditional love.
What is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one's qualities or actions. The paradigm of unconditional love is a mother's love for her newborn.
Eek.... Maybe I haven't really understood unconditional love. Of course I love my husband. But would I give that love and respect whether or not I feel he deserves it? When I came home from my trip I took my husband's hand in mine and said, "Honey, if I haven't given you the love and respect owed to you I am sorry. In our vows we said for better or for worse. I want to keep my promise".
6 comments:
What a lovely couple...and the message on unconditional love is so very true!
Unconditional love is a nice, fluffy ideal, but that's all it is. People change over time and when people change, relationships change. Sometimes people fall out of love. Sometimes best friends stop being best friends. These are facts of life and to pretend otherwise is to blind oneself to the experiences and changes which occur every day to every person. I'm not saying that this is true for every relationship, I'm just saying that you can't force yourself to love someone and trying to preserve a failing relationship can be more painful than ending one.
Unconditional respect and submission are unhealthy ideas. In my experience, the healthiest relationships are the ones in which both parties treat each other as equals. Relationships are partnerships; how can two people truly be partners if one holds "unconditional" power over the other? And although respect may be an essential for a relationship, it's literally impossible to give unconditional respect. For respect to be given, there must be something to respect. Respect given to someone who has done nothing to earn respect isn't really respect at all, it's a hollow lie.
Not to mention that encouraging unconditional submission in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Otherwise my sister would still be unconditionally respecting and unconditionally submitting to the man who broke her arm.
I am not a fan of humanist psychologist A.Maslow's teaching of unconditional love that I have heard preachers teach. The Tolerance activists(homosexuals,transgenders,etc.) like these phrases(Augustine of Hippos rendition of Hate the sin not the sinner,etc.). There is a good book called The Marketing of Evil(2005) that says more about this. Did that preacher talk about submitting to each other or wife submission-there is a difference. I like hearing about marriage being a lifelong covenant and divorce(and remarriage) is not allowed in the King James Bible. It should be mentioned that the modern corrupt Bibles say that a divorce is allowed if adultery takes place.
Blondee, it was wonderful! It was so refreshing too to hear to such a good message. Living this way has kept my husband and I close. We'll be married 13 years soon and I'm only 32. That's such a feat this day and age of selfishness.
Virginia (Jenny)- Oh, I am sure it was!
It was just over a year ago that my husband and I crossed a very hard bridge in our own relationship. It took all of my faith to stay respectful and loving toward him as he dealt with his own demons. I found myself beginning to be resentful of his every move, not realizing that if I could bring myself to pray for him, it would give me grace and compassion for him,. A good friend told me not to pray for the situation to be resolved, but to pray for him, for his own healing and peace. The changes it brought about in both of us was remarkable.
I agree with the other poster that people can change, relationships can change, and you find yourselves not being friends....but from my experience that is from your own doing. And it can be undone to His glory.Our relationship has never been stronger, I've never felt closer to him, and we both thank Him for it. ;)
Have a blessed day and thank you for sharing!!
I am convinced God uses your posts to answer questions I have sent to Hiim. This post was convicting (in a good way) and really made me think about how I view my husband sometimes. I needed to be reminded that Christian marital love is unconditional.
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