Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Am I Any Wiser at 32?

I hope at least a little bit!

Today is my 32nd birthday and I'm so grateful that I'm still living and breathing to enjoy all of God's creation and His precious gifts in my life.

I can't believe I'm 32. Time flies so incredibly fast.  I feel like I wake up, drink coffee, make lunch, homeschool, have dinner time, blog, bedtime.  The times in between all that is a blur.  I'm sure the in between are kissing boo boos, cleaning up, writing a friend, organizing something, mopping up a spill, going through mail, putting a load of wash in, etc, etc.  The list goes on.

I remember the day I was examining my life.  Was I putting first things first?  I remember getting lots of compliments on how tidy I kept my apartment (back when I had 2 kids and pregnant with the 3rd) and feeling proud about it.  But then feeling sad inside because I didn't truly have a relationship with my boys.  Sure I changed diapers and did all the mundane work... but I didn't play with them, listen to them.  I mean stop and REALLY listen.  I felt like I was missing the whole purpose.  I told myself for years I would try and change that.  It was easier said than done because I constantly got caught up in the work.  

Me in the center.  My mom made the dresses.
One day I decided it was time for a change.  It was only about a year ago.  (Sadly) I finally said enough was enough.  My oldest was 10 and Caleb was just born.  For the first time I looked beyond the nursing, diapers, and all the other mundane work and truly enjoyed my newborn.  I remember sitting on the couch playing with his tiny fingers, watching the kids play, and the house falling apart around me.  But I was happy.  Here I was with 6 kids, our income slashed by 3/4's by the fall of the economy and I was truly, truly happy.

I had made my purpose all about the weeds and paid so little attention to the flowers growing up beside me.  Those weeds will always be there.  But the flowers are seasonal.  They will not always be in my care and they are ever so fragile.

Please God, at 32, let me have learned something valuable besides about materialism and shallow things that fade.  I want to be teachable, humble, honest, clean of heart, and have joy.


This is a poem I wrote on my other blog called Meet Chaz.  Would love to share with you.  

Celebrating 32 years
...  of still living and breathing.  Still loving each and every day.  

Even the ones that had tears.  
The ones with the mop in my hands. 
Even the days where my sweat drips doing loads of laundry
The ones in the counselors office
The days I scratch my head with no answers
Even the ones where no one calls
Even on birthdays forgotten
I love each and every day 
because I'm still breathing
and that means I get to touch a flower
watch a butterfly flitter about
I still get to kiss my kids goodnight
and repeat each and every morning
I get to celebrate each step forward
whether or not it came after two steps back
I love each and every day
Because someday there will be no tomorrow
I'll take the tears, the sobs, the pain, the hard work
if it means I can have the laughter, pitter patter of little feet
and a kiss from my husband each day.  
Thank you, Lord, for each and every day
of the 32 years you have given me
You gave me the gift of Life
and I'll take each and every day with a smile
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