I'm a soft mommy. I'm the kind of mom where kids want to come over and spend the night because we make it a party every time. Literally. We stay up all night playing games. Whenever we go to church we have kids coming up to us wanting to come over. You know how some people get hangovers from partying all night? Well, I wake up extremely tired the next day after we stay up all night because I've had so little sleep. We end up walking around in our pj's for half the day with me sipping coffee to stay awake. How I went from a kid hater to and all night kid partier is beyond me. Actually, it was a painful process.
|Me on the right in white dress at 17. Selfish|
as all heck.
When I got pregnant with my first, I was terrified! I don't remember ever changing a diaper, never was sleep deprived, and certainly wan't sure about giving up my freedom. We ate out all the time and did whatever we wanted with no strings attached. It was the easy life. I remember laying awake at night wondering how different my life was going to be with a baby. Thank God it was 9 months away because I needed a miracle in my heart till then. I didn't know it then but it was my selfishness that needed to die. I can't believe how much selfishness was bound up in me. Little did I know that having a baby would not only change my life, but it would literally beat the dickens out of my selfish and tiny little heart.
When Chaz was born I felt like I went numb. I was scared and how no idea where to begin and how to care for a baby. To top it off I had very bad Post Partum Depression and no one to share with about it. I would cry and cry having no idea what to do. How often to feed my baby. I literally went back to the hospital and asked a worker if I could talk to a counselor. I was extremely engorged so badly that Chaz couldn't get any milk. An angel of a woman in her 60's sat me down, let me cry it all out, and let me pump my milk out. Then she showed me how to properly breastfeed and explained why I was in so much pain. She told me it was okay to nap in the day with my baby. I'll never forget that woman. I left the hospital feeling like everything was going to be okay. I wiped the tears from my eyes and left feeling renewed.
6 kids later I feel like my selfishness was not only beat out of me, but ran over by a semi. Thank God for that. It has been a joy having my kids. Poor Chaz had to be my first but I love him like crazy. Each and every one of my kids has been a gift that I never want to take for granted. Last week I found myself inviting 2 extra kids over for an entire week just for fun. Last night I made plans for a different kid to come over every night since it's Vacation Bible School week at church. What's wrong with me? I don't know. I just really like kids now and what's one, two, or three more when I already have six? :) I guess I just love having a full house.
If selfishness is bound up in your heart and you find that kids are nothing but a burden, I feel sorry for you. I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet.