Friday, July 24, 2009

Tough Times With Chaz
These last few months have been very hard with my oldest son. He is almost nine next month. He had been diagnosed with Aspergers a few years ago. He has his good days and his bad days. Lately, there have been a lot of bad days. I love him so much. He's very special to me. Sometimes you have to have so much patience to deal with him though that it can really wear you down. I called my pastor tonight, before church, and told him some things that Chaz has been doing. He's been punching himself in the face a lot. Calling himself names. When he really gets mad at his siblings, I have to always intervene because he can get pretty violent. His doctor had told me before that with Chaz you have to "unwind" him when he's upset. Don't get mad back. Take him aside, talk to him really calm while you have him alone. Give him a few minutes to relax. This is why public school isn't good for him. He already has a tough time being set in a big classroom. 

 I found out he was having outbursts again in his classroom. They told me they were dealing with it but later I found out he was just being put out in the hallway, outside his classroom and left there. They would take his whole desk and put him out there. Talk about rejection. My son LOVES music. He responds well to it. That was the class Chaz was excellent in. The music teacher could never understand why he was out in the hallway. The difference with this teacher was how he talked to Chaz. I've put Chaz in SO many schools and rarely have a found a place that works good with him. Everybody wants the funding they get from the government for him. He brings good money to a school because of his Aspergers. But they DON'T go out of their way to find what works for him. It's so frustrating.

After church tonight, my husband brought Chaz up to pastor so they could talk. My pastor knows how to talk to Chaz and they have a good relationship. Pastor told Charles that he really felt quickened to share a story to him about when he was little. When pastor was little was he would suffer from asthma attacks. The only way his father could calm him down to help him was by holding him and putting his ear to his chest. Hearing his father's heartbeat helped him enough to calm down and breathe. One time it saved his life. When pastor shared that, Charles got it. In Chaz's freak out moments, instead of getting frustrated with him, he needed love. He needed one of us to sit with him, hug him, and tell him everything is going to be okay. After church, there came our opportunity. Chaz started to flip out at the table. Charles at first responded like who would before. Of course it didn't work. Then he remembered pastor's words. He tried it with Chaz and instantly Chaz calmed down. It worked so well that Chaz was calm the rest of the evening. He just needs that extra love and patience. 

 Sometimes we can get so busy we don't want to stop what we're doing. But in real life, a counter can wait to be wiped, the phone can be left ringing, email can be checked later, the dishes can sit in the sink a little longer. Just stop and take time for a hug or something that will help someone. In reality, some things won't slow down for us. Our children growing up, our parents growing older, a friend that needs a good word. etc. You can't make those things stand still.


Anonymous said...

Oh what a beautiful post. It is so easy to forget that our children need our love above everything else. My mother keeps telling me that cleaning the house doesn't matter, but that spending time with my babies is what I need to do. You all are doing a wonderful job with your children. And what a blessing to have a pastor who is willing to listen and to share. Blessings--Bonnie

Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

OH WOW do I associate with your post. I'm so glad you found something that works for Chaz.

But it is so hard. It is just so hard. And it seems that parents like us are the ones with the least support sometimes.

I feel supported at church, too, because so far as I know, the people who work with the children seem to "get" that autism is real.

that TOPS lady said...

yikes...this is kind of freaking me out because yours is the 2nd post I've read in the past 24 hours or so that basically said "NOTHING is as important as your family and EVERYTHING can wait, except family...don't leave them waiting" I think I was supposed to get the message! I'm going to spend time with my kids today, enjoying them. Thanks for the beautiful post.

momto9 said...

So true! relationshops over things!!!

Chris H said...

Your son is so very lucky to have such loving, caring parents. {{{BIG HUGS}}}

Daddy Forever said...

I'm sorry your son has Aspergers. My youngest daughter doesn't have Aspergers (that I know of), but when she gets really upset, it's hard to calm her down. She just screams and screams and there's no reasoning with her. Maybe instead of getting mad too, I'll try a hug next time and see what happens.