Thursday, November 10, 2011

How Impossible Standards Can Discourage Moms

Although I have been battling fatigue and morning sickness, it was around midnight last night that I just got really frustrated with myself.  I was about to go to bed when I told myself I couldn't till I completely cleaned the kitchen and at least decluttered something.  I was tired but I'm mostly just tired of excuses.  I have an obligation and being pregnant isn't a ticket to laziness.  Don't get me wrong, there is not stuff on my floors and crazy stuff happening.  I get mad at the piles on my table, a counter, dressers.  Things like that because it makes it feel cluttered.  Anyway, After I got the kitchen clean I started decluttering one certain area and was just so happy when it was done. I guess I'm mostly surprised how many dishes this family can dirty in one day.  Should I be surprised?  No.  I am going to go buy some paper plates though to combat some of it.  Another thing is we need to label cups each day because all of us are guilty of going through several cups a day.

This is how perfectionist people
make me feel. No Joke.  Like bullies. 
I need to wake up and get on the ball.  Need to get back into my wonderful system that has always worked for me.  Having only 2 computers in the house with 4 homeschooling kids definitely get me behind because not only do they do book work, but they also do online work.  Well, sharing just gets all of us behind.  I put their education absolutely first and so by the time I get to my cleaning, it's easily later in the day.  I will get my head back together.  My body is just having too much fun creating this new life and draining my energy but I know it'll come back.  My husband is amazing at letting me take a nap when he's home.  The only thing is he won't wake me up and I sleep like a submarine.  I asked him to please not give me that much mercy.  Wake me up after an hour!  Haha.  He's too good to me and completely an understanding guy.

So today, I AM GOING to become faithful once again to my own personal chore system that I set up for myself back in 2009.  I kept up on it for a long time but slacked off some these last 2 months.  I won't let discouragement overcome me. It's a fantastic system so I will find bits of time in between homeschooling to tackle items on the list.  :)

I do have to say though that perfectionist people tend to be people I stay away from. For some reason I know an awful lot of them and I feel like no one can measure up to their standards.  I've always, always been the kind of mom that would much rather do this.....

....than be the mom that can only seem to focus on the perfect house. I guess maybe a good example of the perfectionist mom would be Kate Gosselin.  I had a chance to see one of her shows and she was panicking because her kids were carving pumpkins in the garage, on a table, with plastic covering it. Even though everything was protected, she could not stand the fact that a mess was being made. They could hardly relax and just have fun.  Sometimes sitting in the church nursery I'll hear women compare who cleans more than others (in fun, friendly way), it just seems odd to me.  "I mop my floor 3 times a day."  But then another says "Well, I mop mine 4 times a day."  I'm like really?  Oh wait, they have 2 kids.  What happens though when you have more like an army to care for?  You have to let one of your high standards go in order to really spend time with each kid. I do know one spectacular woman that truly is a perfectionist and has a fantastic relationship with all 10 of her kids (name starts with  "P").  She truly is the only perfectionist I've ever looked up to because she has a wonderful balance between her family, cleaning, and is even a pastor's wife.  That's one woman I would take advice from.  I guess what kills me more is some that truly turn their nose down on people that don't live up to their standards.  You know, sometimes it's the creative moms, the fun ones that love adventure and seeing the world, that don't have the perfect house. That is no excuse for a disgusting house or unsanitary one.  

Have you ever seen the show Clean House?  There was a difference between the lazy wives vs. the creative ones.  Their houses weren't filthy, they just had so much stinking fun being creative with their kids they didn't know where to put it all.  Instead of trash talking them and telling them they are disgusting, the people on the show worked around it and help them create a system where they can keep up on everything AND be creative.  The ones they harped on were the ones that were just filthy and could give a crud about cleaning.  They were lazy.  My mom is not a perfectionist but she's also not lazy. She's a very creative person that loves to learn and make things.  Her house is in no way dirty, but you can tell she's the creative type. She's one of those woman that can walk into your house, completely redesign everything to look better and make an old house look new. If she wasn't a mommy first, that would've been her other calling.  Buying homes, fixing them up, and reselling them.  She's extremely talented.  

I'm not trying to down perfectionist people, but after reading this article last night that promoted insane cleaning over having some balance... it frustrated me.  That's like having a legalistic person turn their noses down on people that maybe aren't the perfect Christian.  We are saved by grace, not by works.  It should be the same mindset for housewives.  

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