Monday, August 29, 2011

When Critics Are At Their Worst

Yesterday at church Pastor Dodd preached on fear.  Towards the end of it he asked if people wanted to come down to pray about it.  I asked myself, "Do I have fear?  What am I fearful of?"  Then I realized I do have one.  The worry of what family or friends would say if I ever had another child.  I used to think I was alone in that but after talking with my group on Facebook I realized that it's a common fear.  Although there are those that are encouraging, the critics can be very loud.

Back when I discovered the truth about birth control pills, it radically changed my way of thinking.  I no longer could just take one pill a day to keep a baby away.  So what to do then?  I desperately searched every method.  Just when I thought one was safe or looked into someone's suggestion, I would find out that it also was another method of abortion.  TRUST me, I searched.  So many just trust whatever their doctor says without truly finding out for themselves.  What do you do when there are no pills (even implantations) of any sort that will not abort babies?  You use NFP (Natural Family Planning).

Because I had changed my method I also needed to change my heart.  I wasn't someone that considered having a large family.  The pressure from everywhere was to get my tubes tied, get my tubes tied, get my tubes tied..... I didn't want to do that because 70% or more of people who I've talked to always regretted it later.  Not only that, I felt like I was cutting God off from having any say.  Well, I needed a change in my heart.  I prayed and asked God to help take the fear away of not being a good enough mother. Could I handle more?  What would people say if and when I did get pregnant?  What about finances?  Although I have not tried to get pregnant (trust me I could have a baby every nine months), I've had 3 kids since using that method in the last 8 years.  EVERY SINGLE ONE is a joy to my soul.  I can't imagine what I would have missed out on.  The work God has done in my heart is a miracle.

Baby Caleb was born in 2009
The fear was not so much "How many kids will I end up having using that method?"  It was the critics.  Wherever we go in public, or people we know, what will they say?  The last baby I had brought more critics that I ever could imagine.  The stress was unbelievable.  By far that was the hardest pregnancy I ever endured because of the rejection.  Well, precious Caleb is now two years old and I don't have a baby on the way.  At times I have dreaded facing the critics again if I were to find out I were having another.  Could I handle it?  I've prayed about it, talked with mentors about it.  Finally I realized something.....

When the critics are at their worst,  the only one I need to be

worrying about pleasing is God. Obeying Him is what matters

most. Let God be true and every man a liar.

Have you ever had to face this fear?  How have you handled your critics?

This story really touched my heart

Also, here is a sweet post I read today:

Which Would I Choose to be Without?


Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling criticised. These are your decisions to make. If the people around you are negative about your choices, that's their problem. But I also think women shouldn't be pressured to have more children than they feel they can reasonably handle, either. That nasty peer pressure and shunning can work both ways.

Virginia Revoir said...

No, that's what makes my belief different from the ones that just have as many as God gives. NFP is 99% effective if done right. I didn't always do it right so I got 3 more. :) I don't do all the temperature checking, just basic tracking of ovulation. However, I don't feel it's a sin at all to tie the tubes. It's just a personal choice. If I had as many as God gives I would have a child every year. Although that would be a HUGE blessing, I know financially we can't do it. Yes, pressure can go both ways although I think the pressure is far more against having kids. Probably like a 20/80. Haha. I don't know. I just haven't felt God tell me that it's a sin to do NFP. I haven't found any scriptures on it. The only one I've seen being quoted was the one where God commanded the guy to impregnate his new(widowed)wife and he refused. I don't think God was angry because he withdrew, I think it was because he directly disobeyed what God commanded.

Patti said...

thank you for posting this!
don't give those critics a second thought, Virginia.

our favorite verses :(and also our email addy, and on the back of our van:))

Children are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Unknown said...

Don't take lightly that this is a God Given burden on your heart. It is so hard to live a life pleasing to God, following His will for your life when that usually leads to criticism from those around you. I find that any time you step outside of status quo you're going to face rejection, but I pray for the boldness to choose to live my life like the great men of faith such as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. I will Not bow to status quo, I will not bow to popular view even if my reputation or even my life is on the line. I will follow God. Praying for you!

Virginia Revoir said...

Wow, that was awesome, Melissa. Thank you for your comment. :)

Chris H said...

I had to listen to masses of critical people when I had my 6 babies in quick sucession... but it was our choice and we would never regret it either.
As to you and how many babies you have, I believe it is TOTALLY YOUR BUSINESS... no body elses!
And I believe no matter how many babies you have you can afford them somehow! If everyone worried about the costs of having a child every family would only have one!

Brooke said...

Virginia {or should I call you Jenny?},

Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I have to say that after visiting yours, we are quite a bit alike. I am 31, with 5 kids, homeschooling, and not using 'the pill'. Not that I think it's wrong to use the pill {or any other method} I just don't think it's right for ME! I figure, if Heavenly Father wants me to have another child {and possibly go insane ;)}, so be it! The NFP method has worked for us so far, although there have been a couple of surprises. So fun, so hard... but totally worth it!

Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts. You have a beautiful family.

I can't find your GFC button so I'm adding you to my reader. I'll be back for sure!

Thanks again.

Babblin' Brooke

Taryn said...

We didn't use any birth control. Now we have 6 children, 3 daughters-in-law and 5 granddaughters. We had 3 boys then 2 girls then a boy. Many people had something to say back then but now they don't say anything. For 16 years we had one bathroom and no dishwasher. Now I have a dishwasher and don't use it.

Taryn said...

I should add that two of our children are still at home. I homeschooled 1985-2011(our youngest is 18). I watch some of my granddaughters 5 days a week. We attend a Conservative Baptist church. Everyone smiles when they see how large our diningroom table is! PTL.

Taryn said...

On pages 126-129 of the book, A Full Quiver($ by Rick and Jan Hess the medical consequences of female sterilization are explained. It mentions hysterectomy may be a side effect. They say health risks are menstrual problems,etc. Another good book is,Be Fruitful and Multiply by Nancy Campbell($14 study manual at

Taryn said...

On page 35 of All the Way Home Mary Pride writes about NFP. Her book The Way Home( is great and it also discusses the subject of this post. Our last child was born when I was 38. I wanted to have a child in my forties because my mother(her 3 older brothers were grown and out of the house) was born when my grandmother was in her forties but that didn't happen. Nancy Campbell's book also discusses the negative side effects of sterilization.

Virginia Revoir said...

I will definitely check out those resources. Thanks, Taryn! :D

farnsworthfive said...

I will beat them down! I have before (verbally) and will again. None of anyones business. They can go hide in a hole. I wish I could have as many as you. It makes me sad knowing I can't have anymore. Makes me cherish my kids now.