Monday, March 19, 2012

Where Are You God?

I have not blogged a lot because I am going through a tough trial right now.  One I can't talk of but just feeling lots of anxiety.  Tears come every day and I don't have the energy to clean or do much of anything.  But I save face for my little ones because they don't need to have that worry.  My husband is a sweetheart and holds me when I am down. When I am alone I cry, "where are you God?  Can you even hear me?"  I've prayed and asked for a certain thing for so long.  A situation that is greatly hurting me and has just reached a boiling point.  My heart hurts so bad.  I've tucked myself into a protective cocoon just to avoid any more embarrassment or hurt.  I hate that someone can have that kind of power over me.

God, I have asked, pleaded and cried
You said those that seek You will find You
Where are You?  
Where are You?
Why should I hang my head in shame
When I have done no wrong?
How did I become the liar?
My heart hurts yet I don't feel You
My heart used to be held in Your embrace
I don't want revenge
That is not what I am asking for
Where are You?
Where are You?
At least let me hold my head up high
I have done no wrong
I'm just asking that You remember me
In my distress
Please don't turn Your face from me
I only want to serve You and You alone
Even when I don't feel You
You must be there...somewhere

I am a nice person that doesn't like any controversy with anyone.  I'll do anything to avoid it, even to my own detriment.   There was a time in my life where I was in major distress. I walked into my dark room in defeat and for some reason hit the radio button on my alarm clock. This song was on and I felt a peace come into the room.  God doesn't always come down in a bolt of lightening but I know He speaks to us in other ways.  


Mindy Kennedy said...

Keep your chin up Ginny! I understand your feelings of being alone and wondering where God is. I had three years of some terrible personal trials, losing my mom to a terrible disease, issues with my kids and some friends too. All I can say is, just keep praying, just keep praying (like Dory on Nemo!) Our Lord said, "take up your cross and follow Me" and sometimes, that can be a lot harder than we thought it would be. Wish I had the magic words for you, to make it all go away and be instantly better, but if all the hard things were like that, gone with the wave of our hands, we wouldn't appreciate the true joys and good times. (man, that sounded kinda lame even when I typed it) Hugs to you, take care of yourself!

Unknown said...

Praying for you in this hard time. I, myself am feeling much the same. We must remember there is sunshimne behind the silver clouds.

Unknown said...

Whenever we stop and ask where God is, the answer is always He is right where we left Him. He doesn't move, doesn't change and never leaves us. Hang in there...we know Who holds tomorrow! :)

Anonymous said...

This World is not our Home, as you know. I am soooooo glad it isn't!! For one, there is too many monsters(if you know what I mean!). But God is Greater then any monster or trial we may be going through.
This too shall pass...
Right will always come out right!.
As you know.
Seems like when ever I encourage someone, then I go through a trial. oh well!
Dad and Mom Love You , More than Word's can express. And God has the altimate Love For You! Keep casting your cares upon Him, for He cares for You. And He promises to never leave You, nor forsake You.
Just thought I would support this Blog Post. I've wrote more to you, via email. But You need all the support you can get.
Thank God for caring friends...
Love, Mom

Kerrie McLoughlin said...

I'm praying for you. It's hard when blogging is your big outlet and you can't say what's going on ... that has happened to me a couple of times ... 2011 was a bad year. You'll come out just fine. If you want to talk, you have my email address. I'm here for you!

sunnylattegma said...

I will be praying for you. Whether or not you "feel" God's presence or help, he is still listening and available. Hang on tight, right always comes out right. I always find that listening to praise music helps me when situations are overwhelming. Remember Jer 29:11, Is 61:3,Ps 34:4,John 14:27. Keep yourself in God's word. Life is often not easy but Jesus is always faithful to walk with us in those hard places. You are precious to him, and others. I will be keeping your name before God's throne. ~Barb

BekLovesJeremy said...

Hope things start looking up for you soon! Sorry things have been so hard!