Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Changing My Attitude Towards Pregnancy

The kids and I were dancing around the living room on Valentines evening to a silly song Ice, Ice Baby.  We were running around in circles, jumping off the couch, dancing, and giggling. It was so fun.  I looked down and remembered that I have a little one growing inside of me.  I'm not worried about the dancing because the doctor says just to be as active as you always are before pregnancy.  At about 10pm we started to settle everyone down and get them to bed.  Charles says I don't know how to settle kids down, only how to make them more hyper.  So true.  When Charles wants the kids to settle down he talks softly to them, reads them a story, or prays with them quietly to help calm them.  Well, when I want to wear the kids down, this is what it looks like.....

Crazy, wild kids on Valentines day wrestling and
dancing to music.  Chaz is off playing games somewhere.
After I knew they were "settled" I went into my room to pick up.  I talked with a friend on the phone that just got out of surgery.  Her son is staying with us for a few days.  After I hung up the phone I realized how out of breath I was.  My husband was laughing about it.  He knows I go, go, go all day till I drop.  We got into the discussion of pregnancy and how much my thoughts and attitudes have changed towards it.

My first two Ryan and Chaz in 2002
10 years later....

Chaz and Ryan just baptized
My first 4 pregnancies I would tend to rush them on by.  I did a countdown of how many weeks and days left.  I would stare at the calendar in hopes that somehow staring at it hard enough would make them go by faster.  I absolutely loathed the beginning because it was mostly just morning sickness.  The middle felt like we were getting nowhere and then the end felt like the clock was laughing at me.  By 36 weeks I would walk the treadmill hoping to get baby moving and ready by the 38th week.  It was a rough 9 months with that type of attitude.   I often forget I'm even pregnant now because I just take each day as they come and cherish it. I've stopped dwelling on the uncomfortableness of pregnancy and embrace the miracle of it all instead. 

Holding Ivy, our fourth, in 2005
Something started to change when I saw how fast the older ones were growing up.  They weren't mixing up their words and saying "battabies" instead of "batteries".  They would wave goodbye on the school bus and there were no more sticky kisses.  Only clean and fast ones.  Then I was pregnant with my 5th child.  Something started to change in my heart.  I began to appreciate each day a little bit more carrying them inside of me.  Even more with my 6th.  Now, I feel like I'm trying to hold onto water.  Each pregnancy week keeps slipping through my fingers faster and faster.  What happened to my 1st trimester?  My 2nd trimester is almost gone now that I'm 26 weeks pregnant.  The "morning sickness" all day long isn't so bad.  My husband knows that when he offers me coffee in the morning I just need to go throw up first.  It's no problem and just feels like another routine of the day. 

Pregnant with my 7th now
I realize now that by wishing each pregnancy day away to make it to the finish was basically wishing away 9 months of my life.  In those 9 months lots and lots of wonderful things were happening, I was just too focused on hurrying the pregnancy to realize it.  In 9 months my kids outside my tummy were putting on weight, growing teeth, losing teeth, learning to walk, learning to ride a bike, learning to read, learning to add, saying their first words, and so much more.  The baby inside me growing is having her special time too.  She can hear mommy and daddy talk to each other. She is 14 inches long and weighs 1 1/2 lbs.  She may be a mellow one but when I'm laying down at night, she picks up her routine a little bit.  Her little thumps and rolls in my tummy should never be wished away and rushed.  Someday I'll get to hold her but this is the only time I'll get to feel her beautiful movements inside of me.  Nope.  I'm not wasting and wishing the days away anymore.  Each day is a gift and every night I feel that the day just went by way too fast.
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