Thursday, July 19, 2012

Learning From Bad Mistakes

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It's been soooo wonderful with my husband finding a job back in his career field.  I knew he was a hard worker before and he missed working in his field he went to college for.  Seeing him at it again reminds me what an incredibly smart guy I married.  Still, he showed his love to us but working at whatever job he could find while the economy was struggling for the last three years.  Of course before I took the money for granted and threw it around like nothing bad could ever happen.  When his company went under and we saw no one else hiring, that sinking feeling came. It's tempting to live stupid like we did before but, yikes, the last three years were like swimming against the current.  It was hard.  This time I wanted to do it right so I got the book by Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover.  Just reading it makes me so wish I knew this stuff a decade ago.  How could I have been so foolish?  I can't change my past but this time I'm not making the same mistake and will plan the best I can for the future.  I know my future is in God's hands but I can do my best to be a good steward of what He gives us in the meantime.  I will slowly go put away my list of wants.... :D He says in his book, "If you live like no one else, later you'll live like no one else."  Well said!

Ashley napping with Max
Right now I'm having some doggy troubles, as usual, and don't know what to do.  I've lost 3 chickens to my little black dog Max.  I now have one chicken left.  We are so sad! Those chickens were our egg layers.  No only was Max carrying off their eggs but he was also completely beheading the chickens.  I know, to much info.  Max is sooooo cute and I think we should just build a whole separate chicken area that Max can't get too but Charles likes that our chickens can walk around.  He's basically saying it's either the chickens or Max.  Argh...  I want both so I'm trying to convince him it's finally the time to build that chicken house we bought plans for.

I've been going through some serious mind battles about my faith. Actually, I've been going through it for at least six months.  Sitting in church was worse because I would have to hold back my tears through the songs because I would remember when I used to sing for Him.  Then my heart would harden when hearing the sermon.  It got harder and harder to look past people issues and just let things just bounce off me.  I would look around and see the faults of people rather than see that they need God just as much as I did and that's why we are all there.  I met with my pastor and he prayed for me.  That was three days ago.  Just last night during service it dawned on me that the dark cloud that had been over me had lifted.  Then a scripture came into my thoughts,

He who has been forgiven much love much, but he has been forgiven little loves little.  Luke 7:36

I had a hard time with forgiveness because I doubted that God had truly forgiven me.  I tend to lean towards the idea that God is up there just waiting and waiting for me to make a mistake so He can just be done with me forever.  I don't know why I think in such legalistic ways but I do.  I'm not taught that, (more in the past) it's just that my mind goes into this autopilot.  I almost always have to take the wheel and remind myself that God loves me and He has forgiven me like He promised.  People use the excuse to not find a church because "everyone there are just hypocrites."  Well, don't we go because we desperately need God?  Because we need to hear from Him?  Most of us don't come because we have it all together and we need some ear tickling.  We are leaky vessels.  I certainly am so I need a place to worship and hear from God.  
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