If you get a chance, view this song called Lead Me. Everything this song says is what my heart cries out for. I'm sure many, many women and kids desire the same. I find myself just longing to be led, hungering for God more than ever. I know that as a single person I had way less distractions. Now as a married person and mom to many it's easy to forget my daily devotions. However, when I don't take that time with God I feel like I'm trying to do everything on my own strength. Well, me all wrapped up makes a pretty small package. I need Him. I am so grateful for a husband that really listens to me, hears my heartbreaks. He doesn't just listen, he'll do something about it. He doesn't brush things under the rug. I long for him to lead me but at the same time he is not God. He can't be my everything. He can't be perfect. He is my friend and partner.
There has been some pretty significant changes in my life recently and I feel like I'm learning the Bible in a completely different way. This time around I feel like a child trying to navigate and understand things again. It's hard for me to explain. Kind of like seeing things through a different shade of glasses. I'm excited but frightened. I'm used to going in one certain direction and used to just following. Well, it works for some or even many but somehow I got lost in the midst of it. I felt like I didn't know God personally. I just got used to making other people happy. This was a personal battle I was having spiritually and had to do something about it. I think each church can have different goals. Some more evangelical, some more about bringing families closer, and some more about in depth scripture study of biblical history. So many different styles but yet pointing to Christ. It's easy to point fingers and say that place isn't doing enough. While some are all about Evangelism, they might neglect their very own. On the contrast, other might be all about family and the church community and forget to reach beyond the church walls. Sharing the gospel to people who otherwise may never have stepped foot in church is crucial. Both are vitally important and neither should be neglected. Me making some changes has nothing to do with finger pointing but just spiritual survival. What works for some might not work for another. I was so distracted I didn't see the condition of my soul, I had to stop and evaluate. I hadn't realized how much I was spiritually starving. I was starving because I was just BUSY. Too busy. Just because someone is busy doing good works doesn't mean our soul is healthy. It can be starving and lacking. That was me. In the process I feel like I have become less judgmental and more longing to be an encouragement to others. Thank goodness for God's grace.