That was a few days ago. Now I'm being told that my van probably won't make it another few months without getting a whole new engine in it. I can't break down and go find a van where we have to make payments. I need to save, save, save till this one dies. We've only been using cash to buy cars for a really long time and I really don't want to get stuck in a payment as that wouldn't be very wise.
I know what I write below might step on some toes of dear friends I love but I just write how I feel. Personal experience and opinion.
Well, this is exactly what I have been studying as of late in scriptures. I used to believe I could lose my salvation at the drop of a hat. One mistake and, darn, there goes my salvation again. I guess I maybe had a Catholic-Christian mentality. Always have to run back to church and ask for forgiveness and never having an assurance of salvation. Basically, a life of fear. In my recent studies I have been surprised to learn it is not at all like that. We are sinners saved by grace and sustaining grace. Well, what happens when someone blatantly lives in sin, unrepentant, for years and years on end? Like someone who lives with their boyfriend, never marries? Okay, well, I don't know. I have been studying and studying about it. Those two ladies told me that no matter what a person does, once they ask Christ into their hearts, they could go on a murder rampage for 30 years or until they die and they are destined to heaven.
After these ladies left, I just felt a heaviness. They told me it was from God they came since I just happened to be studying about this. However, I wasn't so sure. Could it have been a total blow to discourage my studies? That's exactly what happened. I was discouraged because where I once had joy in what I had been learning, I was now told that since I doubt eternal security, I'm going to hell. My gosh. Well, I can't just buy whatever someone sells me at the door. I need time to study the truth in the scriptures. I have not once found what they are saying is true so that must mean I'm doomed. I'm sure God's grace and mercy doesn't throw people into hell for loving, believing Him, living for Him yet they are just unsure of small parts of doctrine. Goodness.
That was about a week ago and talk about total joy ripped from my heart. I've been really struggling since. I did do some studying after they left and I can't find any scripture to back it up. I do believe I would be wrong to believe I keep my salvation by my works. Yes, I found many, many scriptures that say we cannot trust in keeping our own salvation. It's completely by grace alone. I also did some study work about "blotting the name out of the book of life" and was SURPRISED I had believed so wrong about that all my life as well. So yes, I do my own study work. It's important to know scripture for myself. But what an extremely discouraging experience to go through.