When a Spiritual Attack Comes On Your Family

These last couple of weeks were unbearably hard as I felt my patience level had dwindled.  I began to feel like a shadow of my former self.  It was rough.  In fact, I had extreme headaches every day, shaking, pains shooting up my side, and pressure from my throat up to the top of my head.  It almost felt like someone was choking me.  Very scary.  The other day was Ivy's birthday and I was trying to put on a smile for her sake as not to be selfish and ruin her day. Yesterday I texted my husband at work and said "I need you."  I was laying in the dark at 8pm and just felt I couldn't take it anymore.  The pressure in my head and the pains were difficult.  I needed him to come take over for a bit so I could rest.  

My sweet, amazing, almost 16 year old son Chaz walked in the dark room and asked, "Mom, have you prayed lately?"  I replied, "No."  I wasn't in the mood and I certainly didn't feel it mattered at the moment.  Of course it does but it was just the mood I was in.  He asked if we could pray together.  I hesitantly got up as the pressure in my head was thick.  My thoughts were foggy.  We sat in his room and he started to pray with me.  When he was done he asked me to pray.  I prayed while I fought to hold back my tears. I didn't pray that God would take away my pain.  I began to pray against spirits causing division and strife. Against confusion and contention.  I prayed that if there are any curses being prayed over us that it would be sent back to hell where it belongs.  I was taught growing up that you pray that a curse be sent back on the one who sent it.  That's biblically incorrect.  The bible says to bless our enemies and pray for those that curse you. I prayed that God's peace would reach every corner of the house. At that moment I felt like hands came off my head and it physically felt like pressure was draining out and off my body.  Hard to explain.  It was instant. I sat there in shock.  All those days of pain, fogginess, and shaking instantly left. All I had to do was ask my Father to intervene.  The room got quiet. I didn't even know what to say because I had never so quickly seen a prayer answered in an instant and feel like something released it's choke hold.

I sat with my teen boys and we hugged and talked.  We talked about our failures that week, what we learned from them.  We talked about things we felt we succeeded and and what we were grateful for.  The peace in the house was so noticeable that when my husband came home from work he said he felt it.  

The bible says, 

"For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in the this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."  Ephesians 6:12  

A few years back, as I said earlier, I was taught to send curses back on people.  Sometimes people mean well when they pray to God asking that He "shake up the nest" and cause difficult things to happen so someone will turn to Christ.  I didn't realize that if I'm not careful, I was praying curses on people. I was praying to God but I was praying the wrong way.  This is why when I prayed that any curse prayed would be sent back to hell where it belongs.  Not sent back on the head of the one who sent it.  

Here is an article link about why returning curses is biblically forbidden. Click here.

"Bless those who curse you.  Pray for those who hurt you." Luke 6:28

Nowhere in scripture does it say to curse back or even send it back on the head of the one who sent it.  

Praise God He has power over an already defeated satan.  Thank you, Jesus for your mercy and grace.

Excellent Christian movie to see about the spirit of divination in homes  

Am I Serving God or a Set of Standards?

I go through these really, really bad drag down phases where my past beliefs come back and haunt me.  It's almost paralyzing because I didn't even go to church yesterday and I was really looking forward to it. My husband very well knows these phases I go through because I'm usually in tears and curled up on the couch almost the entire day.

Even though my family went ahead to church without me, I looked up some of my favorite preachers that I recorded and picked a couple of sermons.  Something that really stood out to me, and it's weird that I just happened to watch it on that day...

"There are many gospels out there, be careful which one you listen to.  There is a gospel that tells you to go by your morals (by your works) to stay saved.  I believe in good morality but I believe good morality is a byproduct of right believing.  When you believe the true gospel, there will be a fruit of the spirit."

I can absolutely, 100% testify to how true this is.  Of course it's not gonna be a breeze to serve God in this day and age but when you put your focus on Christ, falling in love with Him, rather than on what you should and shouldn't be doing, those things fall into place on it's own.  Before, I felt like I had to try SO HARD to keep making right decisions.  I felt guilty over tiny things which led to condemnation, which then led me to feeling like not even trying anymore.

For example:

Several years ago on our anniversary we were walking the mall.  My husband and I decided to go into the theater and watch an animation cartoon.  Totally innocent movie. We had no TV at home.  The next time I was at church a lady whispered in my ear that she caught me at the theaters and saw us go in.  I looked at her and replied that I watched nothing wrong and I wasn't worried if anyone saw me.  However, I felt ashamed.  Why did I feel ashamed?  Did I watch anything I shouldn't have put before my eyes?  No.  It was just a works based mentality that came with a set of rules. I broke a rule, not a biblical moral standard.  From that point on I slowly, very slowly began to see how I was following rules whether or not there was a biblical reason for it.  I wasn't serving God, I was serving a set of rules and if I broke those rules even without sinning, I felt ashamed.  Then I would think, what does it matter now? I broke a rule anyway.  I might as well give up.  

For so many years I went through these highs and lows.  When I was faithfully reading my bible, going to bible study, praying, attending church, following the rules, I felt like a super Christian.  I was making people around me happy and it turn it makes God happy.  If I missed a couple of services or I slipped and watched a movie, I would get depressed and just say I want to throw in the towel.  I would lay awake at night in fear that God was angry with me and I was gonna die and go to hell that night.  Let's just say I rarely ever slept good.  But now that I look back on it, how was I sinning?  I wasn't! I was condemning myself and Satan didn't even have to.  I was doing his job for him.  I was serving a set a rules.  I realized that I didn't even know if I was serving God.  I was serving A God but not the true God.

One day the sleepless nights and the weariness did me in.  I was completely and totally drained and I had no more strength to try anymore.  I told my husband I would never set foot in a church again and I meant it.  I went to another church with my husband but for several months I sat there and questioned whether or not God was even real.  I decided I was gonna quit all together and I wasn't gonna serve a God I didn't even know existed.  One night I begged God to save me from the brink.  I was finished but I needed God to make Himself real to me.  I begged Him to show me the truth in scriptures about salvation.  He did.  He answered my prayer just a couple days later through a friend that recommended Robert Morris' Overwhelmed by Grace series.  It thoroughly explained the purpose of the law and how grace works.  That burden was completely lifted.  I finally understood and for the first time I saw scriptures to absolutely back it up.  How was I so blinded to these scriptures before?  I saw what I wanted to when reading scripture.  I picked out things that proved that we stay saved by our works.  The sad thing is I when I did that I was completely taking it out of context rather than keep reading. 

I said all that to say this, be careful that you are serving God and not a set of standards.  Serving God doesn't have to be so tiring that you are dragging your feet.  Once I just put my focus on Him, knowing and loving Jesus, it's like those wrong desires that were tempting me before just faded away.  It wasn't nearly as strong as it once was because the Law arouses sin.  When you serve the Law, you will find that temptations are gonna hound you a hundred times more.  When you serve Jesus, those righteous desires fall into place.

Good morality is a byproduct of right believing.

Once Step Closer to Moving Forward- Leaving the Bullies in the Past

My boys recently went on a church teen cabin trip out of town.  I insisted they go so they can get last year's horrible camping trip out of their memory.  

Worst Camping Trip Ever

The one they went to last time was unbelievable. Basically they came home with broken spirits.  They went from loving camping to hating it and not wanting to ever go again.  Bullies were running rampant and nothing was done about it.  I'll never forget their faces when they came back home. Literally, you could feel the sadness in my boys for an entire month after that trip.  It was like a heavy depression was in the house.  My boys shared with me they felt unprotected, hurt, taken advantage of.  Worst of all, they felt the leaders protected the bullies.  Right then and there I said never again.  As long as it is in my ability as a parent, I will never allow bullies to get away with hurting others around me.  I told my boys I would never make them go back any situation like that again.  And they haven't.  

Teen praying before they head to camp

This time, I had found a new Christian camping trip.  I had gotten to know the leaders and these teens for about 9 months.  I was pretty confident in watching them that all the kids had respect for one another and there really was NO bullying allowed.  I was so grateful the leaders made sure it was a peaceful environment for everyone.  When a summer camp for 5 days was announced I knew it was my opportunity to give my boys a newer, better memory.  Even still, I was a bit afraid something bad would happen with other kids hurting my boys again.  I'm not the over protective type and it took me a really long time to finally see what my kids were going through.  I felt ashamed I had allowed them to get hurt for so long.

You can barely see Chaz and Ryan but they're there.  LOL

Today my boys came back encouraged, excited, made new friends, and came back even more closer to the teens they went with!  Praise God!  They had a church service every day and talked about how close they feel to God and what they learned.  Ryan came back on crutches but smiling and happy.  Chaz is burnt like crazy even after the leaders kept lathering him with high SPF lotion.  He is smiling from ear to ear.  Just all good memories and they couldn't wait to tell me about it.  I think this trip was like putting and keeping the past IN the past and moving forward.  

Chaz after his fun in mud pit.  :)

We can never let bullies win.  No matter how popular they are or how popular their parents are. Bullying is bullying and it does break precious spirits.  Every kid and adult is equal in God's eyes and we need to prove it by how we treat others.  Especially as representatives for who we serve.  I know I can't prevent all bullying, that's impossible.  However, I can do whatever is in my ability to stop it when I see it.  Whether it's my kids or someone else's.  No, it's not JUST WHAT KIDS DO.  All kids learn it from others.  Either they are learning it from home or from their peers.  Just because adults bully doesn't make it okay.  

Teen leader show how to jump in the mud pit!  

I really feel like this trip for my boys was like saying we're leaving the past in the past and moving forward to what God is holding for us in the future!  :D  To the ones who brought my boys, thank you so much for being amazing teen leaders.  I can see the difference and impact you are making on the kids around you. 

Delivered from Depression

This past week has been an amazing week.  My son Ryan has been going through a rough time since going to a new church.  He was told his best friend is never allowed to see him again since his parents changed churches.  It really, really hurt Ryan.  He had been pretty moody lately.  Not just these last couple of months but really for awhile.  I hadn't really seen the evidence of him having a relationship with Christ.  I have been praying for him that he will.  But since losing his closest friend, I could tell he was hurting even more.  He became even moodier and in turn was taking it out on everyone around him. Well, our church youth invited my boys to a youth convention.  I guess our youth leader knows the singer that sings on the radio. Well, when they had the concert, the guy pulled the alter call and my son said his heart hurt.  He prayed the sinners prayer.  He said, "Mom, I just felt reborn!"  The changed I've seen in him is drastic.  The depression has lifted, the moodiness is gone, and he has had joy I haven't seen in a long, long time.  I'm amazed! 


Today at church my family went up for prayer.  My son Chaz who is 13 got a word.  That God hears his prayers every day.  That he delights in him and has favor on him.  That God not only loves him but likes him just as he is.  I tried so hard not to cry hearing that.  Chaz DOES talk to God every day.  Without asking he will pray, do his homeschool, chores, and without complaint.  I mean, he amazes me.  Okay, one down, six more to go!  Ha! 

I had been battling depression for quite some time and really tried not to show it on my blog.  I worked so hard to put God and my family first.  In the process of that I was not always able to throw myself into ministries.  I always knew my family was my first ministry.  I just felt like I was on full blown burnout because I felt pressured to do more, more, more.  I couldn't! I knew I was at my limit.  A homeschooling mama is no joke.  It's hard work.  I've gone to college and worked before. Looking back, those jobs I had were a vacation compared to what I do now.  However, no matter how hard I worked at home training my kids up in Christ and academically, I felt like I wasn't doing enough for God.  I felt like I could never pray enough, read my bible enough, go to enough services.  I felt guilty if I was on burnout and had to skip a service.  Almost like I was displeasing God and that it meant I wasn't "faithful". That's further from the truth.  God sees our heart.  God saw those times that I would gather up my little ones in the morning and read the bible and pray with them.  He saw the tears of prayer.  He saw the witness in secret to someone who didn't know Christ.  He sees those things that no one else does.  I've learned that just because others might perceive me a certain way, they aren't God. They aren't the judge.  He is.  I live to please Him and Him alone.  Yes, it's good to have accountability but that can be abused when it's used to spy or make someone feel guilty. 

I've always seen God as someone who is watching me and just waiting for me to slip up.  Waiting to knock me into hell if I mess up too much.  There is a scripture that jumped out at me while I was sitting in church. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins."  Ecclesiastes 7:20

You probably think what's the big deal. Ohhhh, that's a big deal for me. I always put down myself for not being perfect enough.  I hated that I made mistakes.  Or that I gossiped when I shouldn't have.  Or that I thought a bad word.  I just hated that I couldn't be good enough. 

"His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime!..." Psalms 30:5

What?  That was news to me too!  Well, I guess that makes sense.  A GOOD father would forgive his son if he came to him and admitted a mistake.  A dad isn't gonna berate him for weeks on end and turn his back on him because of it.  (A normal, sane, God seeking dad of course). He will be happy his child repented!  It's not the other way around where He can't wait for you to make a mistake so He can flick you into hell.  Because of this thinking I just really had a bad view of God.  I feared him, which I should, but it was a very, very unhealthy fear.  A kind that kept me extremely depressed at times.  Since being delivered of that earning my way to heaven mentality, I feel such a freedom I have never felt before.  In that freedom comes joy.  Not a single day of that depression has come back in two months.  THAT IS A MIRACLE.  My husband has seen the difference.  Praise God!

Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on my even though I was beginning to.  Even though I was beginning to turn my back because I didn't believe you could love someone like me.  Forgive me for being incredibly judgmental of others when I had no right to.  You have forgiven so much of me and continue to do so.  Forgive me for my ungrateful heart in everything you have revealed to me in the past.  Not believing you when you revealed how much you loved.  I feel like I was going around the desert grumbling and never believing in Your promise.  I love you!

Was Motherhood Ever in Bondage? The Evil of Margaret Sanger

I watched a short documentary last night with my family about children being a blessing.  One part talks about Margaret Sanger, the evil that just dripped from her lips.  Whether or not you believe you should trust God with how many He gives you, there is never an excuse to kill a baby in the womb.  Ever.  There ARE other ways to prevent pregnancy without the act of murder that does not involve abortion of any kind (including chemical forms of contraceptives).  

"This is the dawn.  Womanhood shakes off it's bondage.  It asserts it's right to be free"

"The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children."

"The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the breeding into the world of large families."

"The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

1.5 million babies are surgically aborted each year

Sadly, as a result of the abortifacient effects of the pill and other "contraceptives," an additional 8-12 million babies are chemically aborted each year in the US alone. 

Click HERE to read The Truth About Birth Control

It breaks my heart to know I was on the pill (even though it was only for a couple of years) and I didn't know I could still get pregnant.  I had no idea the pill would cause my body to reject the baby and get rid of it.  Ack.  I hate thinking about it.  I haven't touched the pill since I found out about it in 2002.  

Newborn Caleb (2009)

Since finding out about the pill I started practicing a loose form of Natural Family Planning, yes, I've had a few "surprises".  So what?  What incredible blessings they have been to my life.  So did NFP work for me?  Yes, because I could easily get pregnant every year since nursing doesn't prevent ovulation.  I calculated it and I'd have at least 12-13 by now.  I only have 6.  Some believe you should trust God with how many children you have, some don't.  I guess that is something each person needs to pray about and come to their own conclusion.  Either way never involves murder though.

My sixth (Caleb)

Ever since I got pregnant with my 6th (in 2008) I have been attacked mercilessly.  Within a week of finding out I was pregnant I had attacks that blew me away.  Online and even in my personal email box.  A friend even spread lies for everyone to see.  They later said they didn't know the details, but just had some "assumptions" about our life.  It still hurt very bad and bad enough that we left out of state for a week to get away from it.  You can imagine how scared I was to share when I became pregnant with my 7th in 2011.  I had miscalculated my ovulation and it had been a year and a half since my last baby.  I was surprised but yet again I had the attitude and understanding that children are a gift.  I was still terrified to share knowing that with each one I had would come with more persecution from every side.  Online and in my personal life and surprisingly even from Christian folk from church.

8 months pregnant with
baby #7 (Juliet)

This whole pregnancy I've received about 80% negative from people. This time I'm putting my foot down.  I'm not gonna allow myself to be bullied any longer.  I'm not gonna allow my heart to be sad nor will I let anyone make me feel ashamed.  Sure, I worry about what people think.  Don't we all?  I have to be stronger is standing up for what is holy and righteous.  Even Christians attacking large families is wrong and completely unbiblical.  I've been cornered (literally) with accusations, assumptions, and anger from people.  This precious child in my womb is a gift from God and I won't allow her to come into this world wrapped in shame and negativity from others.  If you don't want kids, that is your life and no one is forcing you to have any.  Welcome to the land of the free.  Are you able to murder your own babies here?  Yes, and the government and even your friends will back you up.  But don't attack those that choose to cherish life.  Enough with all the Save the Whales and Hug a Tree.  Those are nice but what about Protect Human Life?  I've yet to see a film like that in the theaters.  If it seems I am upset in writing this post, I am.  This world is so backwards in how it thinks and I am tired of seeing what is pure and clean be so attacked.

33 Weeks Pregnant and Remembering God's Healing

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and so hoping the baby turns in the right position soon and does it on her own.  My acid reflux is under control because of Prilocec so I'm grateful.  ;)  MAJORLY grateful.  Who knew that acid was a big cause of my morning sickness?  I mean, I can still get worked up fast like if you mention something gross or if someone does a stinky right next to me.  Orrrr, riding in a car with a friend who does a tootie while I'm driving.  They're laughing while I'm gagging with my head out the window.  Haha.  My doctor said that most pregnant women don't realize that if they can get a control of their acid, it'll prevent some or all of their morning sickness.  It's gone down about 90% for me.  I'm eating better (meaning less) and not needing food to take away the nausea.  Now I have to remind myself to eat because I'm just so busy.  My energy level is awesome and this has been a fantastic pregnancy for me.  

My kids hanging out in my hospital room
while mom was very sick because of kidneys

Some people who are new to my blog don't know the miracle God did for me.  I wasn't supposed to have any more kids because my kidneys were so bad.  If got even the tiniest urinary tract infection I was to rush straight to the ER.  In my last pregnancy it hit me fast.  I was just bending over to put my shoes on so we could walk around the mall when the pain hit me so bad I fell to the floor.  I had no warning whatsoever and the drive to the hospital was agonizing.

 It was very much like giving birth, the pain was so bad.  I was hospitalized at 27 weeks and was unconscious for 6 days.  It was a horrible and scary time.  Somehow we made it safely to the 39 weeks and Caleb was born healthy.  However, I was to schedule surgery as soon as possible for my kidneys and could possibly end up on kidney dialysis.  A little bit after I had Caleb, an evangelist came to our church and called people forward that had kidney problems.  I was in pain that whole night while sitting in service.  I went up to get prayed for and the pain left.  Surgery was cancelled but the true test my doctor said was seeing how I was gonna do with this pregnancy.  Pregnancy can put a strain on everything, especially on my kidneys.  My doctor said it is truly a miracle.  She had been nervous this whole pregnancy.  I have been on bed rest at some point with every single one of my pregnancies (because of my kidneys) except this one.  God is real and He still heals.  We just have to ask.  :)

The revival service I attended

The reason I wanted to share that is because I needed to remind myself.  My faith has been at an all time low, more than ever.  In the last 3 years we were dealt a major financial blow, lost some friends due to their anger of me being pregnant with my sixth child (in 2009), and dealing with other issues.  Things done against me where no one else could see because this person was so secretive about it, literally for the last 3 long years.  In the end, this person getting told on, everything was denied to make me look like a fool.  Being I have to see this person often, it's very awkward for me.  It's caused such a weariness inside of me and a loss of another friend.  I stayed out of church for about a month because I was questioning my faith.  I do believe God is real.  I see Him all around me working in people's lives.  But was He still real to me?  These last 3 years were rough.  I just want to see a breakthrough.  I finally pulled myself into church last Wednesday but I felt so dead inside.  I wanted to cry the entire half hour song service as I just sat there listening to the singing voices around me.  I truly, truly need God's strength right now.  I can't forget that God does heal, does save, and is very much alive whether or not my faith is there.  

A Note From a Distracted Pregnant Lady

Boy, I've been in a different world it seems the last two weeks.  There has been so much going on and things to do with outside of my home that I haven't had much time at home.  Thankfully Charles and kids have been really understanding.  The pressures from it all had just zapped all my energy and I'm a really energetic person.  Charles said my "lack of energy" is everyone else's normal.  Really?  My friend says I'm unusually energetic but I think my sisters are also that way.  With having no energy right now I look at the work load around my house and it just seems a lot.  No wonder "normal energy" women look at me like I'm nuts.  I'm behind on everything.  I've gotten out a lot to deal with some issues and coming home was just too overwhelming.  Not because of my family but because I didn't have anything to distract my mind from it all.  It's hard to explain when I can't tell you the things that have been happening.  Anway...

I'm 32 weeks now and I'm having some really bad acid problems still and laying down at night can be difficult.  When I lay down the acid tries to come up.  I'm downing Tums but my doctor suggests Prilosac instead.  I took my first pill today but it can take up to 4 days to start working.  Since controlling the acid also helps with nausea it should make it easier for me to cook and clean in the kitchen.  I also don't want to become a whiner.  What I'm wondering is, why are guys hitting on my so much  more now than I'm pregnant?  It is sooo strange to me and also very annoying.  Good grief.  It's not like I walk around immodest or anything.  Did you know this company wanted to have me take pictures every week of my bare belly to show pregnancy growth on my blog?  I declined because I'm not baring my stomach on my blog.  Only my husband sees my tummy like that.  :D  Other than the morning sickness and acid, this has been one of my best pregnancies ever.  Amazing being it's the 7th one.  I've gained 20lbs so far and hope not to go over 25lbs total. Crossing my fingers (and eating brownies).

The other night my husband was coughing and coughing.  He couldn't get any rest and had to get up at 4:30am.  Finally I went into the room, rubbed some Vics vapor rub on his feet, then put clean socks over them.  Then I got him his inhaler and some cough drops.  Finally he drifted off to sleep but it was a long night before I had thought of all that.  The next day he talked about it on his job and also to me telling me if felt so good to have his wife take care of him like that in the middle of the night.  Hmmm.... maybe I've been so focused on myself my poor husband is feeling left out.  He has been sooo supportive of me.  The nights I can't sleep and get sick, he always lets me sleep in the next morning since he gets home from work in the morning.  When he gets home the kids are still sleeping so he'll take care of them till I'm ready.  He has yet to ever complain about the lack of home cooked meals because of the morning sickness.  Geesh.  Do I really deserve this guy?  This week I am really gonna focus on him and find ways to make him feel extra special.

Has Michelle Duggar Ever Experienced Postpartum Depression?

My firstborn Chaz

I've been hearing some mommies talk about experiencing postpartum depression and feeling alone. It makes me sad because I know exactly what that feels like and very much went through it alone with my first child. I had never heard of it and had it so bad.  I really needed help but not a lot you can do when you've never heard of it before and you are afraid to tell anyone.  I would sit in our apartment while my husband was at work and the most horrible thoughts would go through my head.  Through encouragement from my husband somehow I got through it but it wasn't overnight.   Not only was I very alone in trying to figure out how to take care of a new baby, but there were major hormonal factors having a play in my body and mind also.  Now, when I see a new mom and she has the wild look in her eyes, I HAVE to walk over and encourage them.  I know that look from a mile away.  Of course postpartum depression doesn't happen to the mom with only her first baby, it can be with the 4th baby and happen more than once.  It's really tough.  I hope most people know not to judge moms like this as they often just need either a friend to help them through or help from a doctor.

Anyhow, here is a great article from Michelle Duggar.  Yes, she's experienced it too.  ;)

Has Michelle Ever Experience PostPartum Depression?

Where Are You God?

I have not blogged a lot because I am going through a tough trial right now.  One I can't talk of but just feeling lots of anxiety.  Tears come every day and I don't have the energy to clean or do much of anything.  But I save face for my little ones because they don't need to have that worry.  My husband is a sweetheart and holds me when I am down. When I am alone I cry, "where are you God?  Can you even hear me?"  I've prayed and asked for a certain thing for so long.  A situation that is greatly hurting me and has just reached a boiling point.  My heart hurts so bad.  I've tucked myself into a protective cocoon just to avoid any more embarrassment or hurt.  I hate that someone can have that kind of power over me.

God, I have asked, pleaded and cried

You said those that seek You will find You

Where are You?  

Where are You?

Why should I hang my head in shame

When I have done no wrong?

How did I become the liar?

My heart hurts yet I don't feel You

My heart used to be held in Your embrace

I don't want revenge

That is not what I am asking for

Where are You?

Where are You?

At least let me hold my head up high

I have done no wrong

I'm just asking that You remember me

In my distress

Please don't turn Your face from me

I only want to serve You and You alone

Even when I don't feel You

You must be there...somewhere

I am a nice person that doesn't like any controversy with anyone.  I'll do anything to avoid it, even to my own detriment.   There was a time in my life where I was in major distress. I walked into my dark room in defeat and for some reason hit the radio button on my alarm clock. This song was on and I felt a peace come into the room.  God doesn't always come down in a bolt of lightening but I know He speaks to us in other ways.  

When the World Shakes Their Fist

Agh!  Sunday was my blogoversary and I spent it in church. It was a great day! :)  This will be my 1,656th post.  Holy cow, that's a lot of posts.  That's how you know you enjoy writing.  I must've only took weekends off from blogging.

I have sooo much to be grateful for in blogging land.  Seriously, it's been a positive thing in my life and I've met some amazing blogging moms.  I love down to earth mamma's that tell it like it is rather than always sugar coat things.  I've met some amazingly smart ones that make me feel pretty "duh" in comparison.  I've met some that amaze me how many kids they have and they have the joy and stand up for what they believe in.  Children are a blessing no matter what the world says.  The world will mock you, spit at you, tell you that you're flat out nuts.  But remember, Jesus was mocked at and called crazy. He was crucified.  However, even His last words were of forgiveness.  So what if I feel "persecuted" by words for what I believe in? Every time I get down for how someone talks to me about my large family I have to remember that the world ISN'T going to agree and THAT'S THAT.  Even when we had to sell everything, move into a tiny apartment, just so I could stay home, the people shook their heads thinking it was nuts.  Why wouldn't I just get a job?  I had only $100 at the best for groceries every month.  No car.  It was a tough time but some of our very BEST memories.  Did the world agree?  Of course not.  But I had my babies and I knew they'd grow up fast.  Can everyone do that and stay home?  Of course not.  

Today I was  thinking about how grateful I am for my own mom that stayed home with us.  I know not everyone can do that.  Some, no matter how hard they try, have to work to make it.  I will never, ever take it for granted though that I was one of the lucky ones.  Every single one of us in this world can find something to be negative about in our pasts, make excuses because of them, find reasons to never trust again, but that's not a great way to live.  Who wants to live like that?  Sadly, a lot.  Bitterness, sadness, hurt, anger is what makes pharmaceutical companies so rich.  I choose to be grateful for the positives, learn from the negatives, and live for the here and now and of course the future.  The world hates a successful story, at least one lived for Christ.  Hollywood is praised but missionaries, working dads supporting their family, firemen, doctors, soldiers seem to be forgotten.  The real heroes.

Blogging has helped me pull out the positives by sharing my stories.  It's helped me to find the humor in tough day. It's been even better to receive encouragement and even reproof from other blogging friends.  Was a fun 6 years of blogging!

Overruled: Government Invasion of your Parental Rights

This video really hits home for me since my parents and I experienced this when I was in school.  I was raised Christian.  Not just where we called ourselves Christians, I mean that my parents had higher standards than most but only to protect us.  Thank goodness.  Well, my school disagreed and forced me to go through counseling in middle school.  What was my parent's big offense?  We didn't have a TV and we weren't allowed to listen to any radio station that was offered.  Especially a particular one that was very vulgar.  Well, while sitting in one of my classes, I was surprised when the principal himself pulled me out for questioning. He said he had found out that I couldn't listen to that particular vulgar radio station.  He told me that he set up a meeting with the school counselor.  While in the counselor's office she found out that we also didn't have a TV.  So she wrote up a letter, I wasn't sure what for at that time.  When she found out I also got swats when I was bad, well, that made her really upset.  Never mind that it was perfectly legal.  What I didn't know was that she was writing that letter to CPS.  She talked to me about how my parents were abusive and over sheltering me.  She successfully turned me against my parents over time and I began to think of my parents as my enemy.  Eventually I ran away to seek a "normal" family that would let me do whatever I wanted.   Of course that "normal" family had much more freedom but I ignored the fact that the father was an alcoholic.  Sometimes the kids had to protect their mom from their dad.  Over and over I would run away looking for a family where I could do whatever I wanted.  However, each time I saw that it came with some major consequences having those freedoms.  Eventually, I fell into deep depression as I was constantly told my family were freaks.  The school had taken a confident girl on honor roll and made her into a grade failing girl with serious depression and suicidal tendencies.  I started cutting myself by high school and would burn things in my room.  I felt like I could find comfort nowhere.  Especially since the school told me my parents were my enemy.  "You have to go to church 3 times a week?  You have NO choice?"  When you have an authority figure constantly feeding this stuff into a kids brain, it's gonna do some damage.  It wasn't until I saw family after family after family who looked like they had it all and had all sorts of worldly freedom did I start to understand the love of my parents.  Those families had some major issues and weren't so happy after all. To this day those families are torn apart.  I began to find comfort in my parent's protective boundaries.  It was because they loved God and they loved me.  The scary part?  My parents NEVER knew the school did this to me until recently.  They had no idea why their honor roll daughter was spiraling down hill at an incredibly fast pace.  Don't think schools are out to protect parent's rights. I know.