Living a Purposeful Life and Living with a Terrorizing Toddler

I'm sure there are lots of parents that see things I post about and say, "she'll learn", and, boy, I have and still am!  Parenting has been such an amazing journey for me and through blogging I can see how wildly my views on it have changed.  Back in the early days I used to parrot what other people said about not being your child's friend but their parent.  Well, till my husband told me he'd rather I know my kids than bark orders at them from a distance.  I wasn't a mean parent but I was definitely afraid to build a relationship because I thought it'd be crossing that parent line into friendship.  (Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.)  Now I can honestly say I am enjoying a deep friendship with each and every kid. I might have to hold back on saying that about two year old Juliet for now. She just wants hugs from mommy in between all her terrorizing. 

I'm holding newborn Juliet and Ashley is copying me. Soooo cute.

 I want each day with my kids to be purposeful.  Every day is a new day to learn about stories in the bible and/or something new about God's amazing creation.  A new day to build on the friendships with each other. One of my boys has been extremely hard to train about matters of the heart.  He tends to hold onto things that people did to hurt him.  I realize before I would always focus on the negative when correcting.  This last few months I've turned it around to focusing on all his positives. To show him scripture on the right response rather than using threats and intimidation. Sadly, I've even used the bible as a weapon to scare him into doing what is right.  There is a time and place to talk about the scary stuff but it shouldn't be used in that way.  He would lay awake at night afraid at times.  Makes me sad.  I've gone through a huuuuuge life changing journey in my own faith and personal walk with God.  Now that I see God as an amazing loving father who wants to spend eternity with me rather than this angry being that is on the verge of wanting to flick me into hell, it's completely caused me to change my approach in teaching my children.  The result?  AMAZING!!!!  I saw this boy of mine go from a depressed individual to someone truly learning about love and forgiveness.  Someone who's wanting to help his siblings get closer to God as well.  I mean, it's shocking to see the transformation.  I was depressed and burnt out spiritually and was putting that off onto my kids as well. Thank goodness for new beginnings, right? 

See that mischievous look?  Haha

Juliet the terrorizer is by far the hardest toddler I have ever had.  She makes a beeline for either cat litter, cat food, cat water, toilet A, toilet B, getting on a computer, pouring water on a remote, escaping into the garage, pouring out the bathroom garbages onto the floor, climbing onto the dining table, then back to the cat litter and the toilets.  I mean, she really rotates all of those with no rest in between.  When her nap time comes, and trust me I know when that is, I have to actually sit down with a new cup of coffee in my hand and just breathe. I spend an hour of staring into nothing and sipping my coffee and then the next hour doing laundry because she's not awake to dump my newly folded clothes all over the floor.  Oh, and by the way, she dumps out all of our drawers in our bedrooms as well.  I just know that if I hadn't been raising toddlers for the last 13 years straight I'd be a much heavier woman.  Need exercise? Get a toddler!!  Haha.  Seriously, she's so cute though when she's sleeping.

Speaking of.....Guess who turned 2 today?  Juliet!!!!

Happy birthday, my sweet snuggle muffin!!!

My little innocent newborn Juliet.  :D

Delivered from Depression

This past week has been an amazing week.  My son Ryan has been going through a rough time since going to a new church.  He was told his best friend is never allowed to see him again since his parents changed churches.  It really, really hurt Ryan.  He had been pretty moody lately.  Not just these last couple of months but really for awhile.  I hadn't really seen the evidence of him having a relationship with Christ.  I have been praying for him that he will.  But since losing his closest friend, I could tell he was hurting even more.  He became even moodier and in turn was taking it out on everyone around him. Well, our church youth invited my boys to a youth convention.  I guess our youth leader knows the singer that sings on the radio. Well, when they had the concert, the guy pulled the alter call and my son said his heart hurt.  He prayed the sinners prayer.  He said, "Mom, I just felt reborn!"  The changed I've seen in him is drastic.  The depression has lifted, the moodiness is gone, and he has had joy I haven't seen in a long, long time.  I'm amazed! 


Today at church my family went up for prayer.  My son Chaz who is 13 got a word.  That God hears his prayers every day.  That he delights in him and has favor on him.  That God not only loves him but likes him just as he is.  I tried so hard not to cry hearing that.  Chaz DOES talk to God every day.  Without asking he will pray, do his homeschool, chores, and without complaint.  I mean, he amazes me.  Okay, one down, six more to go!  Ha! 

I had been battling depression for quite some time and really tried not to show it on my blog.  I worked so hard to put God and my family first.  In the process of that I was not always able to throw myself into ministries.  I always knew my family was my first ministry.  I just felt like I was on full blown burnout because I felt pressured to do more, more, more.  I couldn't! I knew I was at my limit.  A homeschooling mama is no joke.  It's hard work.  I've gone to college and worked before. Looking back, those jobs I had were a vacation compared to what I do now.  However, no matter how hard I worked at home training my kids up in Christ and academically, I felt like I wasn't doing enough for God.  I felt like I could never pray enough, read my bible enough, go to enough services.  I felt guilty if I was on burnout and had to skip a service.  Almost like I was displeasing God and that it meant I wasn't "faithful". That's further from the truth.  God sees our heart.  God saw those times that I would gather up my little ones in the morning and read the bible and pray with them.  He saw the tears of prayer.  He saw the witness in secret to someone who didn't know Christ.  He sees those things that no one else does.  I've learned that just because others might perceive me a certain way, they aren't God. They aren't the judge.  He is.  I live to please Him and Him alone.  Yes, it's good to have accountability but that can be abused when it's used to spy or make someone feel guilty. 

I've always seen God as someone who is watching me and just waiting for me to slip up.  Waiting to knock me into hell if I mess up too much.  There is a scripture that jumped out at me while I was sitting in church. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins."  Ecclesiastes 7:20

You probably think what's the big deal. Ohhhh, that's a big deal for me. I always put down myself for not being perfect enough.  I hated that I made mistakes.  Or that I gossiped when I shouldn't have.  Or that I thought a bad word.  I just hated that I couldn't be good enough. 

"His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime!..." Psalms 30:5

What?  That was news to me too!  Well, I guess that makes sense.  A GOOD father would forgive his son if he came to him and admitted a mistake.  A dad isn't gonna berate him for weeks on end and turn his back on him because of it.  (A normal, sane, God seeking dad of course). He will be happy his child repented!  It's not the other way around where He can't wait for you to make a mistake so He can flick you into hell.  Because of this thinking I just really had a bad view of God.  I feared him, which I should, but it was a very, very unhealthy fear.  A kind that kept me extremely depressed at times.  Since being delivered of that earning my way to heaven mentality, I feel such a freedom I have never felt before.  In that freedom comes joy.  Not a single day of that depression has come back in two months.  THAT IS A MIRACLE.  My husband has seen the difference.  Praise God!

Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on my even though I was beginning to.  Even though I was beginning to turn my back because I didn't believe you could love someone like me.  Forgive me for being incredibly judgmental of others when I had no right to.  You have forgiven so much of me and continue to do so.  Forgive me for my ungrateful heart in everything you have revealed to me in the past.  Not believing you when you revealed how much you loved.  I feel like I was going around the desert grumbling and never believing in Your promise.  I love you!

Was Motherhood Ever in Bondage? The Evil of Margaret Sanger

I watched a short documentary last night with my family about children being a blessing.  One part talks about Margaret Sanger, the evil that just dripped from her lips.  Whether or not you believe you should trust God with how many He gives you, there is never an excuse to kill a baby in the womb.  Ever.  There ARE other ways to prevent pregnancy without the act of murder that does not involve abortion of any kind (including chemical forms of contraceptives).  

"This is the dawn.  Womanhood shakes off it's bondage.  It asserts it's right to be free"

"The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children."

"The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the breeding into the world of large families."

"The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

1.5 million babies are surgically aborted each year

Sadly, as a result of the abortifacient effects of the pill and other "contraceptives," an additional 8-12 million babies are chemically aborted each year in the US alone. 

Click HERE to read The Truth About Birth Control

It breaks my heart to know I was on the pill (even though it was only for a couple of years) and I didn't know I could still get pregnant.  I had no idea the pill would cause my body to reject the baby and get rid of it.  Ack.  I hate thinking about it.  I haven't touched the pill since I found out about it in 2002.  

Newborn Caleb (2009)

Since finding out about the pill I started practicing a loose form of Natural Family Planning, yes, I've had a few "surprises".  So what?  What incredible blessings they have been to my life.  So did NFP work for me?  Yes, because I could easily get pregnant every year since nursing doesn't prevent ovulation.  I calculated it and I'd have at least 12-13 by now.  I only have 6.  Some believe you should trust God with how many children you have, some don't.  I guess that is something each person needs to pray about and come to their own conclusion.  Either way never involves murder though.

My sixth (Caleb)

Ever since I got pregnant with my 6th (in 2008) I have been attacked mercilessly.  Within a week of finding out I was pregnant I had attacks that blew me away.  Online and even in my personal email box.  A friend even spread lies for everyone to see.  They later said they didn't know the details, but just had some "assumptions" about our life.  It still hurt very bad and bad enough that we left out of state for a week to get away from it.  You can imagine how scared I was to share when I became pregnant with my 7th in 2011.  I had miscalculated my ovulation and it had been a year and a half since my last baby.  I was surprised but yet again I had the attitude and understanding that children are a gift.  I was still terrified to share knowing that with each one I had would come with more persecution from every side.  Online and in my personal life and surprisingly even from Christian folk from church.

8 months pregnant with
baby #7 (Juliet)

This whole pregnancy I've received about 80% negative from people. This time I'm putting my foot down.  I'm not gonna allow myself to be bullied any longer.  I'm not gonna allow my heart to be sad nor will I let anyone make me feel ashamed.  Sure, I worry about what people think.  Don't we all?  I have to be stronger is standing up for what is holy and righteous.  Even Christians attacking large families is wrong and completely unbiblical.  I've been cornered (literally) with accusations, assumptions, and anger from people.  This precious child in my womb is a gift from God and I won't allow her to come into this world wrapped in shame and negativity from others.  If you don't want kids, that is your life and no one is forcing you to have any.  Welcome to the land of the free.  Are you able to murder your own babies here?  Yes, and the government and even your friends will back you up.  But don't attack those that choose to cherish life.  Enough with all the Save the Whales and Hug a Tree.  Those are nice but what about Protect Human Life?  I've yet to see a film like that in the theaters.  If it seems I am upset in writing this post, I am.  This world is so backwards in how it thinks and I am tired of seeing what is pure and clean be so attacked.

Worst Homeschool Mistakes & Homeschool Sanity

Yesterday ended on a really good note after I found this fabulous link.  It's about Homeschooling--how to reduce stress and then I ordered this book called Homeschool Sanity to put on my Kindle.  The kids and I really had a rough day with homeschooling and I just felt like something needed to change.  I love what we use for Language Arts, Math, and Bible lessons but I felt like History and Science was a bit hum drum.  It's no fun learning those two subjects the way they were set up so we decided to pull both from their curriculum and make it more hands on.

I found another fantastic book to download onto my Kindle that only cost 99 cents.  It sounded interesting because it says, 


"We recently surveyed over 800 homeschooling families about what has worked well and not-so-well for them in their homeschooling activities. We got some remarkable answers from this survey. One of the most intriguing questions we asked was this: “What was your worst mistake in homeschooling your children... and if you could do it over again, what would you change about how you have homeschooled in the past?” We got some great responses to this question, with some tips and suggestions that are well worth considering by both newbie and veteran homeschoolers alike."

Hey, there is nothing wrong with learning from others who have gone before us.  Many, many said to not feel pressured into doing a particular curriculum just because someone says you should or because it's popular.  Learn what is good for your family, what works.  It's okay to mix it up a bit and that's exactly what we are doing.  We will be looking into getting a membership at the Science Center because I found out they have hands on classes for homeschoolers.  We already have a zoo membership and they have classes there for homeschoolers also.  I'm super excited and I feel like the weights been lifted off my kids.  When I told them we could drop two of the subjects and find something else that works they all cheered.  I'm cheering too.  :)

I can't believe how many fantastic learning adventures there are for kids who homeschool.  Sheesh!  I wish I had that experience rather than always sit in a really boring classroom.  I love having my kids with me every day and they get lots of time with other kids.  The difference is I get to pick the group of kids they are around.  They go a school every Friday that is only for homeschooled kids and the difference on the playground is shocking.  Have you ever seen a school playground where there is little to no bullying, kids say "please" and "thank you", and there is respect for the teachers?  Yeah, it's awesome.  So yes, my kids are socialized but with healthy kids I want them to be around.  

In the past I was so back and forth about everything because I cared about everyone's opinion of my life.  If people discouraged me or disagreed with me I worried about it.  Nope, not anymore.  I have a close relationship with each of my kids.  I know their strengths and weaknesses more than strangers or even family does.  I live with these kids.  They don't.  The day I decided to give all those worries to God rather than listen to all the negative is the day I started being stronger for my kids.  There will be bullies when you are young and unfortunately when you are old.  I have bullies send me nasty letters, hate mail, or anonymous comments on my blog.  Does it matter what they say from somewhere around the world?  No, it doesn't.  What matters is what God's Word says, what my husband says, and what my kids need.  Thank God I stopped allowing myself to be bullied.  There will always be people that disagree with you.  I think correction can be a good thing when it's done in a constructive manner rather than tearing someone down through insults.  That's not how God would want us to correct someone nor is it how we want to be treated.  More importantly, kids watch how we respond to bullies.  Actions speak so much LOUDER in how we handle a situation.  Life is full of lessons.  I never want to stop being teachable.  We make mistakes, says things we shouldn't say, stumble in our Christian walk.  It happens.  Instead of being self condemning, I've learned to just brush the dirt off and keep going. I'd rather finish the race with bruises and scars than quit in the middle.

Is Michelle Duggar Trusting God or Just Being Selfish?

Ever since the news came out about the Duggars losing their 20th child there have been some big online debates.  Some are sad for them, angry at them, don't give a crud, can relate, or are quick to judge and want everyone to know.  

I know everyone is entitled to their opinion.  This is America, right?  What happens when you get a lot of people who believe their way is right and that's that?  No arguing with them.  If you disagree with them they'll make fun of you, mock you, swear at you, insult you.  What causes this kind of anger in people over just a disagreement in beliefs?

I'm so glad I don't live in a country where how many kids I have is forced on me.  Whether I want one kid or 20, that is my business.  Not anyone else's.  Whether a doctor tells me it's healthy for me to have another one or not, that's my business.  Whether people think we make enough money or not, well, that's also our business.  Just as you have your own.  Welcome to America.  

Why is there such an anger towards large families these days?  People act like this is a new thing. Do people remember life before birth control pills?  My grandma remembers.  She had 9 kids and my husband's grandmother had 10.  She gave birth to her last child at the age of 45.  Having your last child at this age was common.  Yet, people are attacking Michelle Duggar for being pregnant at the age of 45.  Why?  Is it not Michelle's body as it was yours when you got your tubes tied?  Did the doctor force you to do that?  No, you were given a choice.  I think people who have such a dislike towards large families wouldn't of liked living in the days before birth control or the understanding of Natural Family Planning.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3

Remember when having kids was considered a blessing from God?  I don't know if maybe after reading the bible several times through I somehow skipped any scripture on limits but please correct me if I'm wrong.  Where in the bible does God give limits?  I know the world can give TONS of worldly advice on the matter.  Money, doctors, health, material things, age.  I'm still waiting, and have been for a long time, for someone to point out the only opinion that matters to me and that's from the Word of God that there is a limit.

My pastor said it well.  He said, "People who treasure things above children just can't understand how someone who puts children above things can enjoy it so much.  They just don't get it.  Your children are your treasures.  Not material things." 

Recently, I heard the argument that it's not fair to the siblings. That EVERY SINGLE person they've met from a large family hated growing up in a large family.  That they had to be the mom and ended up not wanting to have kids when they are older.  Really?  So those 2 people they met are now a blanket for all large families?  Sure you have the parents that try to turn their kids into their own personal slaves but I've seen this in small families as well.  I've even seen this from families with only 2 kids.  Even if you took a poll and found 10 people from large families to say they hated being in one, you cannot throw the blanket over millions that are in one.  My husband's family LOVE being apart of a large family and are all really close.

Living your life according to scriptures will always, always bring hatred from the world.  I've learned that when the world agrees with my way of living, I might need to reexamine my life according the scripture.  Usually, when you are living for Christ (not just saying it but living it), you will get backlash from the world.  Well, smile, because that usually means you're doing something right.  Jesus died on the cross with the world spitting on Him, mocking, cursing, and laughing at him. 

Another argument people use is that large families make their kids work too hard.  Really?  Let's look back and see how kids worked around In the late 1700's and early 1800's.  An article called History of Child Labor points out that a lot of children either worked on farms or in factories for very long hours every day.  Over the years it seems to have turned into the other extreme.  Kids shouldn't have chores, teachers blamed for bad grades, and never even think about asking the older ones to keep an eye out for the little ones while mommy works on some paperwork or makes some phone calls. That is child abuse these days.  Well, the only problem with that is now employers are saying that kids are coming to work expecting an easy day, minimal effort, late to work, early to leave, and is expecting high pay. Whatever happened to a balance?  There is nothing wrong with expecting kids to have some responsibility around the house and even learn some about caring for others.  

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Regardless with what you believe, I think we should all have respect for each other.  I disagree with women using chemical birth control but I don't write hate notes on their page, send them mocking emails, or laugh at them for what I think is a lack of knowledge.  Facebook, TLC, and Saturday Night Live isn't my idea of research. The best thing any of us can do is our own bible study on issues and our own health studies.  We have to come to our own conclusions for ourselves and for our family and bathed in prayer.   In writing this, I am just hoping someone, anyone, will just understand that the best way to win someone over is using some respect and understand that not every person will agree or think exactly alike.

How Impossible Standards Can Discourage Moms

Although I have been battling fatigue and morning sickness, it was around midnight last night that I just got really frustrated with myself.  I was about to go to bed when I told myself I couldn't till I completely cleaned the kitchen and at least decluttered something.  I was tired but I'm mostly just tired of excuses.  I have an obligation and being pregnant isn't a ticket to laziness.  Don't get me wrong, there is not stuff on my floors and crazy stuff happening.  I get mad at the piles on my table, a counter, dressers.  Things like that because it makes it feel cluttered.  Anyway, After I got the kitchen clean I started decluttering one certain area and was just so happy when it was done. I guess I'm mostly surprised how many dishes this family can dirty in one day.  Should I be surprised?  No.  I am going to go buy some paper plates though to combat some of it.  Another thing is we need to label cups each day because all of us are guilty of going through several cups a day.

This is how perfectionist people
make me feel. No Joke.  Like bullies. 

I need to wake up and get on the ball.  Need to get back into my wonderful system that has always worked for me.  Having only 2 computers in the house with 4 homeschooling kids definitely get me behind because not only do they do book work, but they also do online work.  Well, sharing just gets all of us behind.  I put their education absolutely first and so by the time I get to my cleaning, it's easily later in the day.  I will get my head back together.  My body is just having too much fun creating this new life and draining my energy but I know it'll come back.  My husband is amazing at letting me take a nap when he's home.  The only thing is he won't wake me up and I sleep like a submarine.  I asked him to please not give me that much mercy.  Wake me up after an hour!  Haha.  He's too good to me and completely an understanding guy.

So today, I AM GOING to become faithful once again to my own personal chore system that I set up for myself back in 2009.  I kept up on it for a long time but slacked off some these last 2 months.  I won't let discouragement overcome me. It's a fantastic system so I will find bits of time in between homeschooling to tackle items on the list.  :)

I do have to say though that perfectionist people tend to be people I stay away from. For some reason I know an awful lot of them and I feel like no one can measure up to their standards.  I've always, always been the kind of mom that would much rather do this.....

....than be the mom that can only seem to focus on the perfect house. I guess maybe a good example of the perfectionist mom would be Kate Gosselin.  I had a chance to see one of her shows and she was panicking because her kids were carving pumpkins in the garage, on a table, with plastic covering it. Even though everything was protected, she could not stand the fact that a mess was being made. They could hardly relax and just have fun.  Sometimes sitting in the church nursery I'll hear women compare who cleans more than others (in fun, friendly way), it just seems odd to me.  "I mop my floor 3 times a day."  But then another says "Well, I mop mine 4 times a day."  I'm like really?  Oh wait, they have 2 kids.  What happens though when you have more like an army to care for?  You have to let one of your high standards go in order to really spend time with each kid. I do know one spectacular woman that truly is a perfectionist and has a fantastic relationship with all 10 of her kids (name starts with  "P").  She truly is the only perfectionist I've ever looked up to because she has a wonderful balance between her family, cleaning, and is even a pastor's wife.  That's one woman I would take advice from.  I guess what kills me more is some that truly turn their nose down on people that don't live up to their standards.  You know, sometimes it's the creative moms, the fun ones that love adventure and seeing the world, that don't have the perfect house. That is no excuse for a disgusting house or unsanitary one.  

Have you ever seen the show Clean House?  There was a difference between the lazy wives vs. the creative ones.  Their houses weren't filthy, they just had so much stinking fun being creative with their kids they didn't know where to put it all.  Instead of trash talking them and telling them they are disgusting, the people on the show worked around it and help them create a system where they can keep up on everything AND be creative.  The ones they harped on were the ones that were just filthy and could give a crud about cleaning.  They were lazy.  My mom is not a perfectionist but she's also not lazy. She's a very creative person that loves to learn and make things.  Her house is in no way dirty, but you can tell she's the creative type. She's one of those woman that can walk into your house, completely redesign everything to look better and make an old house look new. If she wasn't a mommy first, that would've been her other calling.  Buying homes, fixing them up, and reselling them.  She's extremely talented.  

I'm not trying to down perfectionist people, but after reading this article last night that promoted insane cleaning over having some balance... it frustrated me.  That's like having a legalistic person turn their noses down on people that maybe aren't the perfect Christian.  We are saved by grace, not by works.  It should be the same mindset for housewives.