Perfection is for Guest Visits Only - Not Everyday

Recently someone contacted me about possible being in a TV show and wondered if I was interested.  They were looking for families that feel like they don't have enough time together and would like to work on being closer together.  I thought about that and realized we don't qualify at all.  I constantly have thought about this and tend to evaluate where my relationship is with my husband and kids often.  I don't feel that I have any regrets in the area of spending time with my kids or husband.  No, I don't revolve everything around my kids but we do try and stay really connected.  I know, I know, I know that the key to being close with my kids when they are older starts when they are young.  I'm not going to wait to build a close relationship till they are adults.  I realize that now some of their concerns or small talk may be silly but it's important to listen because it'll gradually mature. I want them to know that if I'll listen now, I'll listen then.  I get sad when I hear people blow off their little one because the concern little Johnny is having seems silly.  It's important and really big to them. 



Most of my days consist of spending time with my kids and training them.  Often I won't blog or do anything else until I feel like I've met the needs as much as possible.  Ahem.  Hence the reason I tend to not blog AS often as I used to.  Sometimes at night when I'm thinking about getting on the computer, there has been several times that a kid needed to talk to me about something personal to them.  As much as I wanted my free time, I knew they really meant it.  I have a teenager in less than a month and another one in a year.  It's snowballing on me since I had three kids in three years when first starting a family. Their talks are getting more serious about issues of the heart.  I'm SOOO glad they feel they can open up. 

One of my three sons come up to me recently and told me they are experiencing thoughts in their head that are not good.  He said he fights them but they come back sometimes.  I asked in general what I thought it might be.  He looked embarrassed to tell me but did.  I said, "Well, I figured out the problem.  You are turning into a man.  You aren't there yet but what you are experiencing is temptation.  It's not a sin to be tempted.  Only when you let your thoughts dwell on them or you act on it."  He looked relieved and gave me a hug.  See?  It's stuff like that! I'm so glad they know they can trust me.  That they can openly talk to me.  Some day they will be grown up and out of the house.  I will make the time to be available because some day they won't be here and I can have all the time to do whatever I want.



My days can be sooooooooo hard at times and there are days I fall back in bed at night and just fall asleep almost before my head hits the pillow. It's a good kind of exhausted.  The kind that no matter how hard a large family can be, it is worth every minute of it.  My laundry piles rival the mountains and the dishes never, ever, ever end.  As soon as we clean it starts to fall apart but I'd rather just be happy for our two chore times a day than yell at them all day to quit messing up the house.  Yeah, it can get frustrating to have it look like it does at times but I realized that I was always going in circles after them to pick up, pick up, pick up.  I started to sound like a mean ol' broken record.  I finally settled on the fact that two chore times a day to pick up are sufficient and we can always do a perfect, to the T clean, if we have visitors.  So, if you walk in and my house looks perfect, you are the only reason why.  Perfection just isn't my cup of tea and couldn't be even if I wanted it.  Unless I want to go nuts.  Ha.

Was Motherhood Ever in Bondage? The Evil of Margaret Sanger

I watched a short documentary last night with my family about children being a blessing.  One part talks about Margaret Sanger, the evil that just dripped from her lips.  Whether or not you believe you should trust God with how many He gives you, there is never an excuse to kill a baby in the womb.  Ever.  There ARE other ways to prevent pregnancy without the act of murder that does not involve abortion of any kind (including chemical forms of contraceptives).  

"This is the dawn.  Womanhood shakes off it's bondage.  It asserts it's right to be free"

"The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children."

"The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the breeding into the world of large families."

"The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

1.5 million babies are surgically aborted each year

Sadly, as a result of the abortifacient effects of the pill and other "contraceptives," an additional 8-12 million babies are chemically aborted each year in the US alone. 

Click HERE to read The Truth About Birth Control

It breaks my heart to know I was on the pill (even though it was only for a couple of years) and I didn't know I could still get pregnant.  I had no idea the pill would cause my body to reject the baby and get rid of it.  Ack.  I hate thinking about it.  I haven't touched the pill since I found out about it in 2002.  

Newborn Caleb (2009)

Since finding out about the pill I started practicing a loose form of Natural Family Planning, yes, I've had a few "surprises".  So what?  What incredible blessings they have been to my life.  So did NFP work for me?  Yes, because I could easily get pregnant every year since nursing doesn't prevent ovulation.  I calculated it and I'd have at least 12-13 by now.  I only have 6.  Some believe you should trust God with how many children you have, some don't.  I guess that is something each person needs to pray about and come to their own conclusion.  Either way never involves murder though.

My sixth (Caleb)

Ever since I got pregnant with my 6th (in 2008) I have been attacked mercilessly.  Within a week of finding out I was pregnant I had attacks that blew me away.  Online and even in my personal email box.  A friend even spread lies for everyone to see.  They later said they didn't know the details, but just had some "assumptions" about our life.  It still hurt very bad and bad enough that we left out of state for a week to get away from it.  You can imagine how scared I was to share when I became pregnant with my 7th in 2011.  I had miscalculated my ovulation and it had been a year and a half since my last baby.  I was surprised but yet again I had the attitude and understanding that children are a gift.  I was still terrified to share knowing that with each one I had would come with more persecution from every side.  Online and in my personal life and surprisingly even from Christian folk from church.

8 months pregnant with
baby #7 (Juliet)

This whole pregnancy I've received about 80% negative from people. This time I'm putting my foot down.  I'm not gonna allow myself to be bullied any longer.  I'm not gonna allow my heart to be sad nor will I let anyone make me feel ashamed.  Sure, I worry about what people think.  Don't we all?  I have to be stronger is standing up for what is holy and righteous.  Even Christians attacking large families is wrong and completely unbiblical.  I've been cornered (literally) with accusations, assumptions, and anger from people.  This precious child in my womb is a gift from God and I won't allow her to come into this world wrapped in shame and negativity from others.  If you don't want kids, that is your life and no one is forcing you to have any.  Welcome to the land of the free.  Are you able to murder your own babies here?  Yes, and the government and even your friends will back you up.  But don't attack those that choose to cherish life.  Enough with all the Save the Whales and Hug a Tree.  Those are nice but what about Protect Human Life?  I've yet to see a film like that in the theaters.  If it seems I am upset in writing this post, I am.  This world is so backwards in how it thinks and I am tired of seeing what is pure and clean be so attacked.

How to Hinder Your Prayers to God

I laid down the kids at night and as usual grabbed our Growing with Jesus Daily Devotional.  I told Ryan to pick a number from 50 to 200.  He picked page 176.  I skimmed through the pages till I found the right number and repeated the title out loud to the kids "God Forgive as You Forgive."  I smiled thinking this would be a good lesson for the kids.  The scripture it called for was Matthew 6:14-15 so I had Chaz read it aloud.  I'll give you the version that came from the kid's devotional book as they heard it.

"If you forgive others for the things they do wrong, then your Father in heaven will also forgive you for the things you do wrong.  But if you don't forgive the wrongs of others, then your Father in Heaven will not forgive the wrong things you do." 

I had to read that again.  Sigh.  I know, I know.  I've read it sooo many times. Then I went on to read this out of the kid's devotional.

"Did you know that God's forgiveness actually stops when you refuse to forgive others?  Your friendship with God is possible because of his forgiveness.  If God were unwilling to forgive your sins, your sins would build an invisible wall between him and you.  But God placed every sin you'd ever have on Jesus and washed them away at the cross.  Forgiveness is important because  IT COST GOD THE LIFE OF HIS VERY OWN SON.  Who do you need to forgive today?  A friend?  A schoolmate?  Your mom or dad?  Everyone makes mistakes.  Sometimes tese mistakes my hurt or disappoint you. 

Today: Don't build a wall of bitterness or anger around your heart.  Instead, choose to forgive."

Oh, that really touched my heart.  I still wanted to focus on the kids so after we talked about it I asked each one if there was someone they needed to forgive.  Knowing it was probably little stuff and nothing really big I knew they wouldn't be embarrassed to say it aloud.

Our dog Henry

Ivy (6):  I forgive Ashley because sometimes she bothers me.
Ashley (4): I forgive because I want Jesus in my heart and I want to go to heaven.
Kyle (8):  I forgive Chaz for putting his underwear over my head. I forgive our dog Henry for making us walk through his farts in the living room.
Chaz (11):  Hmmm.... I really can think of anyone I need to forgive.
Ryan (10): No one has been mean to me mom.  (For some reason I felt like he was holding back but really didn't want to push him.

Then I looked towards baby Caleb and asked if anyone needed to forgive him.  Everyone giggled as they looked over and saw him rolling around in his bed completely oblivious to our study.  He was holding a muted megaphone up and talking through it.  Just entertaining himself.

After laying the kids down I got my tired self into the shower.  It had been a productive day.  Was able to homeschool 4 kids, make some good meals, organize two bedrooms, and had a great discussion with the family around the dining room table.  While in the shower my shoulders just hung.  I felt like my energy was drained.  

Thinking about the study with the kids I asked myself, "Is this why I felt like my prayers were reaching only about as high as the ceiling?  It just felt like my prayer life has been completely flat.  What is forgiveness?  Is forgiveness giving someone permission to hurt me again?  No, of course not.   Well, I can't just erase those bad feelings towards them so what do I do?  I don't exactly feel like taking them out to dinner just yet.  A pastor put it in the right perspective before that made perfect sense to me.  Forgiveness is when not only you forgive them, but you never speak of the offense again.  You don't keep that offense as a weapon for an argument.  You just don't talk about it no matter how mad you are.  I had done exactly that.  People that had really hurt me I not only closed myself off to them but I continue to talk about their offenses over and over.  Maybe not to them but in the privacy of my home with my husband.


How could I?  God gave His on son who was brutally beaten and killed for my sins, which are many by the way.  I couldn't forgive others?  After all the kids were sound asleep and my husband, I prayed to God and named every person before Him.  Then I asked God if He would forgive me for my bitterness.  He had forgiven my humongous debt and here I was holding others hostage in my heart.  

I want my prayers to reach heaven.  I had a peace in me after giving all that to God.  I don't want to grow old with a dried and twisted heart.  I want others to see joy and peace in me because of having Jesus in my heart. Not see an old lady flinging her cane around at people in the store because they got in my way and I had to get my bitterness out on everyone that passed by.

Often, when I see someone who has to constantly hurt others, be critical, judgmental, closed off, inconsiderate, I see a person who has a lot of hurt inside.  Like a ship that's been damaged from war but never rebuilt.  Who wants to live in a damaged ship till it sinks?  I don't.  

Courageous the Movie: Honor Begins at Home (Review)

We don't hit up theatres very often but today we did.  We wanted to support the movie Courageous that came out.  Not only to send a message that we are willing to pay for clean, family, Christian movies, but that we want more of them.  There is SOOOO much filth out there it's just sad.  Normally I would just wait for a Christian movie to come out on DVD or watch it in church but I knew numbers was important.  Sending a message to the box office that people will go to these kinds of films.  It's funny how people tell Christians to be quiet and they shouldn't offend others but it goes both ways.  I am offended when I go out and stuff comes from every angle.  We can't go into a mall without having to warn the boys constantly to not look at the windows of some of the stores.  Soft porn is thrown at my kids at what is supposed to be a safe place for families.  If you go in many stores or even eat at the food court you have to endure the big screens of dancers or even just the sound of filthy music.  Wherever we go in the food court my kids see these videos where women are prancing around in almost nude costumes.  So, don't be afraid to share your faith. The world may want to shut the Christians up but we don't have to go quietly.  This is a HUGE reason I wanted to support Courageous.

We were at the mall and I said, "Hey babe, there is this Christian movie that just came out.  Do you want to see it with us?"  He said yes.  ;)  I was excited that the Duggars played a small part in the movie and that it was for fathers.  We laughed and cried through the whole movie.  We brought all six kids, ages 2-11, and they thoroughly enjoyed it. Charles absolutely loved the movie.

Courageous is about not just being a "good enough" dad but being an extraordinary dad.  Someone that is more than just a breadwinner or someone that is just around.  A dad that is there spiritually, emotionally, physically.  Someone who won't just spend time with their kids in their own realm, but in their kids' where they can better connect.  Kids know when we're all talk.  If they see us one way at church but living another way at home, they are gonna think Christianity is a joke.  If they see us talk about forgiveness but we can't even get over the fact that someone said something bad about us, they are gonna follow our example.  If we talk about morality but sit them in front of movies that violate morals in the bible, who do you think they are gonna follow?    I don't know, Hollywood can paint a pretty picture of sin.  Kids aren't dumb when they are sent to bed and mommy and daddy are watching morally questionable content on TV.  Blasphemy, murder, and fornication seem to be a common theme for most movies from Hollyweird.

If we were to go back to the start of television and films, I don't think we could imagine it would go this far.  It used to be that you couldn't even show a couple sleeping in the same room.  Then it moved to double beds.  Then a single bed.  Now sex right in front of the cameras and pushed into every person's home.  They push the envelope and see how far they can go.  If you put a frog in a pot of cold water they won't jump out.  Slowly turn up the heat and their body temperature will adjust.  You could keep turning it up ever so slightly and they won't even notice they are slowly being cooked alive.  That's what has happened to us.  

God, please help me to not only teach my children what is morally right but to live it in my own by what I listen to, watch, and say.  I don't want my kids to take the bible lightly.  To think it's just an old book with old ideas.  God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  The morals He put in scriptures are the same morals we should have today.  Even in this generation.  It's not called old fashioned.  It's called living a holy and acceptable life before God, our children, and everyone around us.

Please, please, please take your husbands, brothers, dads out to see this movie.  It'll touch their heart.

Abortion's Heavy Price

I don't know why I've been thinking a lot about the tragedies of abortion lately.  Maybe it's because I knew of someone through someone that recently decided to go ahead and have one.  Even though others reached out and offered their help.  The promise of a boyfriend who says he'll stay if baby is aborted only to leave as soon as the deed is done.  That life is snuffed out FOREVER.  Boyfriend is gone.  Friend's disappointed.  At night, I wonder if a tear falls down onto her pillows?  If she ever thinks about how many weeks she would be?  I wonder when her due date comes if her heart will hurt.  My heart hurts for her.

By 3 weeks her heart begins to beat.  By 5 weeks, the baby's nervous system is formed.  What does that tell me?  That the process of an abortion is a painful one for her. By 7 weeks she's already moving around.  By 8 weeks all her vital organs are formed.  By 12 weeks her skin is already sensitive. 

Satan's lies that are so easily seen by some, have blinded others. Sin has blinded many.  My heart aches for those that truly don't know the heavy, heavy price they are gonna pay for the rest of their life.  Of course some hearts are so waxed cold they will never care.  But many, many, many regret that choice.  Some never even get to have children after an abortion.  

I am not angry at those that do snuff a life out but my heart BREAKS for them.  The act of taking a life into your own hands and silencing it, will never truly be silenced in their mind and heart.  No matter how much alcohol they down, how many drugs they use, how many sleeping pills they consume over the years. There will be thousands of reminders over their lifetime.  Satan didn't offer to give that information when thinking about the abortion, huh?  He never does.  Like any sin, we just hope we can do the deed and put it behind us.  

I thank  God I was raised by my Christian parents.  That they shielded me from being slowly boiled like a frog not knowing he's being cooked.  Sin is the same.  It starts out with a little lie.  Just taking one candy bar at the store.  Reaching into mom's purse.  Trying that drink.  Taking that hit.  Believing a boy's whispers of love (lust).  Then when an unplanned pregnancy comes, believing he'll stay if she just aborts.  "Friends" urging you to.  Family angry at you. Sitting on that table of cold doctors removing a life that's "just tissue".  Telling the boyfriend it's done.  He leaves.  You are alone in your tormenting thoughts, every day for the rest of your life.  So you drink to erase the memories.  Take a hit to make you feel happy.  Take sleeping pills to help you sleep to make those thoughts go away.  See how it progresses? Sin will eat away at your conscience.  It never comes without a price.  

There go I but for the grace of God.