I Am a Friend of God - Morning Studies With My Kids

Today the  kids and I were having a bible study in the morning which we try to keep as a normal routine.  Lately, I've been so excited to share with the kids when I have been learning in the scriptures.  The mood of our studies have definitely changed over the last few months and our talks much, much more meaningful.

We always start our studies off with praise songs but usually just with us singing together.  I realized I should put my smart tv to use and find praise songs for kids on YouTube.  We could all sing together.  I found the song I am a Friend of God by Israel Houghton. 

John 15:15 ESV          

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.


James 2:23 ESV        
And the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God.
  
Sometimes I try to be a bit sneaky by throwing in a lesson about what we are currently dealing with behavior-wise.  Today, we just started out with praise songs and when I saw this song I just had to share with the kids some things on my heart about this subject.  It a fun interaction with each other and ended up going for an hour.  That's great!  That means everyone was into the discussion.  Otherwise it is sometimes only 15 minutes.  Each day is different.  :)

An issue I've been really dealing with is sibling rivalry.  Me and the rest of America.  More importantly, the subject of forgiveness.  Many of my kids in the past have said they don't know if God forgives them and they are scared.  I saw them pray to God, confess things to Him, and really pour out their heart.  Yet, they still felt fear.  I really feel that it's hard to give forgiveness when we don't feel forgiven.  It's hard to give love when we don't feel love.  Hurt people hurt others.  I held a lot of bitterness in my heart towards people the last few years because I really didn't understand God's love.  I didn't really believe he forgave me. I didn't UNDERSTAND forgiveness.  So how could I give it?  We've been really, really, really focusing our morning studies around this area.  

  What a blessing it is I get to have all my babies with me throughout the day!  My life is so ABUNDANTLY blessed.  Kyle, my 10 year old, walked up to me today while I was doing my chores asked me, "No really mom, what did you REALLY want to do when you grew up?"  I told him I always wanted to be a mommy.  He was like "yeah right."  For real!  I told him in elementary school we had to stand up and say what we wanted to be and that's what I said.  A mother.  To me that was the best, awesomest, coolest job I could ever have.  :D

Finding Time Alone With One Child for a Date

I had a GREAT night!  I took my second son out on a date.  Just him and I.  You know how you can just tell that a kid needs some time alone?  I have been going through some behavior issues with three of my kids so those three are the ones I am focusing on.  That doesn't mean the good ones are being ignored because they earn really awesome things for their good behavior. 

Over time I've loved observing how large families operate.  I even watch smaller families.  One of the biggest frustrations to me is mom making their kids doing EVERYTHING.  Sitting down while their kids do the work.  I remember when I had a lot more time for reading and I had read some advice from James Dobson.  He said that kids will resent watching their mom sit down while giving out orders to their kids to clean.  Every since I read that I've made it a point to be working on my chores the same time as them.  Even if I've finished my chores, I'll get up and find something to work on.  Our job never ends anyway.  I remind the kids when they complain about their chores that I'm always working alongside them.  Never standing over them.  I know exampleship is really important to my kids and they aren't slow to point out discrepency in things.  I'm glad we all hold each other accountable.  ;)

Over the last few years, maybe 3 or 4, I have worked on and perfected a chore list for my kids.  One that I feel is fair per age.  I've had to switch them around many times in order to find which chore fit which kid.  I feel like I have to assign chores because if I just tell everyone to clean then some of the kids, particulary one I can think of, will hide somewhere.  Or I'll have the kids that work ultra fast while the others are turtle slow and get away with picking up very little.  When I assign chores, I'm able to see each of their work and know who didn't do theirs.  Works great!  I was one of those kids that would hide somewhere while my older kids did the work.  I tell my kids that I tried getting away with a lot as a kid so they aren't gonna get things passed me very easy. 

There is one kid I have who is generally pretty good but he is like a volcano.  If he erupts and starts being very naughty and defiant then there is a reason behind it.  After I figure out what's really going on, I try to find what their needs are and fix them.  At least what I am able to do.  I took Ryan out to dinner tonight.  We had dinner and then shared an oreo shake.  I took him out alone to pick out a new pair of shoes and a couple other treats.  He left very happy.  So did I with my New Balance Heart Rate Monitor S4.  Heh heh.  I also got Charles his Father's Day gift but shhhhhh.... don't say anything.  Ryan and I did a little couponing at the store and had a fun time goofing off.  I couponed for very little since the night was supposed to be for Ryan.  However, since some of the couponing benefited him, he walked out with a smile.  On the ride home he told me what a wonderful time it was together and that made my heart happy. 

A Detailed Chore Chart for Large Families-Works for Us!

I've had some people ask if I would show what kinds of chores each kid does everyday.  So I figured I'd take a picture of the cards and post them here.  I really believe that each child should have a specific chore because if clear lines aren't drawn then the older could end up doing the bulk of the work. Then I'd see the younger trying to get away with a lot.  This way I can see who did their chore and who did not.  It starts every day in the To Do folder and as each chore is done they go down into the Finished folder.  :)



Starting with youngest to oldest.  Here is 3 year old Caleb's card.

 

 

Here are 5 year old Ashley's cards below:

 

 

7 year old Ivy's chore cards below:

 

 

9 year old Kyle's chore cards below:

 

 

11 year old Ryan's chore cards below:

 

 

12 year old Chaz's chore cards below:

 

 

If they don't finish their chores and homeschool by 3:30pm then they get to pick from the Extra Chore list to add to their regular chores:

 

 

Here is another list we have posted.  The two top ones are for me.  I have a schedule for clothes being washed.  They know to have the clothes they need washed in the hamper by their scheduled day or mama doesn't wash it.  The weekly chores is the extra chores I do on top of my regular daily chores.  The bottom is Saturday chores for all of us. :)

 

 

Hope this helps!

 

We have been following this system for five years and absolutely love it. Each kid is held accountable for their own area.  We pay for the chores they do to understand working.  They aren't paid a lot because I really feel these things should be done to be taught responsibility.  The other part of me wants for them to understand the reward of hard work and how someday they'll be working for money.  That's why we don't pay a lot but enough to help them see the reward.  They get paid biweekly like daddy does.  Some kids spend it right away and others save it for bigger things. :)

 



Don't Judge a Parent by a Picture

Negativity can wreak havoc on people like you wouldn't believe. Sure, I've been one of the people that think I know everything about parenthood. I had plenty to say back when I had no kids. "My kids will never do this and my kids will only act like that. I will dress them perfectly at all times. My kid will be extremely well behaved and will be the best kid in church and the store."



Well, I had kids! Agh! Very little went as planned. Some days I had to walk out of a store because my kid was embarrassing me and throwing a fit. No matter how much I train I still have to deal with attitudes every now and then. I still have toddlers to teach basic self control skills to.  I have preteens to STILL teach self control skills too and also managing their thoughts.  What we allow to nest in our minds. 

Kyle fell sleep at store window during photo session. View from outside mall store.



No way am I a perfect parent. Yes, I still have kids that love to wear their costumes to a store.  Yes, the costumes can get completely worn out and look like they should have been thrown away a year ago.  Have you ever had a little 4 year old beg for you not to throw out their favorite Batman costume?  Have you wondered how people would look at you because your kid wants to wear a Batman costume to the store?  One that's been worn so much that the yellow Batman logo is completely worn off?  I have.  My son Kyle used to have this favorite costume and I wouldn't throw it out till I found another to replace it.  The costume wasn't dirty.  Just worn. 

As I'm typing this I have a 5 year old playing on the piano and an 11 year old practicing on his drums for his upcoming band concert.  Lots of noise everywhere.  It doesn't mean my kids are out of control.  Kids come with noise.  I can't expect them to sit down and shut up like some would think I should do.  If it bothered me so much to have kids and noise I would just go buy some ear muffs and happily be about my business caring for them. 

I love to glean wisdom from people. I think people get confused with "giving wisdom" and just being "overly critical."  I'm a very teachable person.  In fact, any time I get around people that grew up in a large family, get ready for it because I will ask a lot of questions.  I want to know how they did their daily work, how mealtimes went, handling the laundry demon, and how the older ones interacted with the younger ones.  I tend to find two different extremes.  One extreme is the mom who expected their older ones to care for the little ones.  Even going to friends' house they were expected to bring the little siblings.  Mom was off in the laundry room, cooking, or cleaning all the time.  The way she had a perfect house was her taking care of all that while the other cared for each other.  That's one extreme.  The other extreme I've seen is to where the mom does EVERYTHING and kids just play, play, play.  You'll literally see the kid throwing stuff over their shoulder and the mom behind them picking it up and putting it away.  Mom sacrifices sleep in order to do it all and make sure her kids completely enjoy the innocence of their youth.  Not really training them to one day be adults but instead trying to completely preserve their childhood as long as possible.  Mom is completely worn out and kids grow up not knowing how to care for their own household.



Okay, so I've taken those two extremes and figured there had to be a happy medium.  So, how to do I this?  Well, I figured that although it's good to care about each other as siblings and do kind things for one another, I've never put them in charge.  Because I've made sure they know that I AM mom, they tend to beg to have the opportunity to mommy a little one out of their own desire, not something I force on them.  I use the Buddy System in order to teach them to show sibling love and care about someone besides themselves.  This means when we are out, just keep an eye out for their chosen buddy and make sure they stick together.  The older ones are not asked to take over for me and take care of all the little ones.  They are only given one buddy and the buddy system is only used when we are out and about. It means if 3 year old Caleb needs to go potty, 11 year old Ryan is the one that takes him.  Ryan loves it and each kid had a choice of their buddy.  Someone they got along with well.  You should see the wonderful bond that has formed between Ryan and Caleb. Ryan isn't resentful because he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING. 

Caleb sitting next to big brother in church



Chore time?  That's easy.  The house is split up into sections.  I know it's tempting to just have the older ones take over since they tend to clean up right.  I can't let that happen.  I give each kid a chore I think they can handle for their age.  That means 3 year old Caleb's chore is just to pick up shoes and put them in the bucket.  That's what he can handle.  It doesn't mean I have Chaz and Ryan doing everything because it's easier than finding where the younger ones are hiding because they don't want to do chores.  It's WORTH training each and every child.  None of my kids put away my things.  I don't use having kids to be my maids.  I take care of my own stuff and plenty, plenty more.  I don't do chores for kids just to make their life harder and mine easier but because I want them to not be afraid of work when the time comes for them to have to work a job.  It BLESSES me greatly when someone tells me that my kids did a fantastic job helping out somewhere and they don't seem to be afraid of work. That they worked with great attitudes.  Then I KNOW I'm doing something right.  Recently the boys had to do some landscaping to earn their way to a Navy Seals Base in a different state.  Rather than just pay the money from mom and dad, they were proud to have worked for it.

 



Of course I will make mistakes.  I'm human.  I know it's easy for people that don't have kids to feel like they have it all together or for parents of parents to have tunnel vision and criticize. Don't you think it's better to encourage?  To show by example rather than send hate mail?  Believe me, I have lost sleep over trying to make sure I raise my kids right.  I've read over a hundred books.  I've asked grandparents. I've asked grown children.  I've prayed about it.  I've searched the scriptures.  I've researched the history of different styles of parenting.  Most importantly, I learn each day in each circumstance.

I may be biased but I don't feel like a neglectful parent who can't care for her own kids.  I can't help if in the hate mail people say they feel sorry for my kids.  I can't help that they only know my family through pictures, or through my blog, or watch from a distance.  They don't live in my house.  No, my children are not starving Africans.  No we are not on government assistance.  On that note, stop attacking families that are.  You don't know their situation.  Especially as a Christian we should be praying for families going through financial hardship.  It has not been an easy economy.  Maybe, just maybe, a family started out great and then a job fell through.  You must think, "There go I but for the GRACE of God."  Pray for families, pray for parents.  Don't sit back in the computer chair and spread gossip and hate disguised as knowledge and concern. 

 

By the way. I'm new on Instagram!



My Unpredictable Life

Wow, life has been crazy unorganized, stressful, surprising, painful, and yet it still a good life.  :D  Here is why.

Well, my husband is on his fourth week of no work.  He is a contract worker so if there is no work, he doesn't go into the office.  Yep, every day we are all PRAYING that work just comes flooding in to the office.  It's actually there waiting for signatures to be released.  This is typically a slow time of the year for the company but we didn't know in advance and found out when it was too late.  We would love your prayers!

It's been painful because I've been waking up with headaches almost every morning and pain in my feet when I walk.  It's only for a bit after I wake up but it's like the joints are hurting.  I wonder if I'm missing some sort of nutrient that I need in my body?  I don't know.

I'm still working on the decluttering process in my house but it's a slower process this time because we are pretty busy.  I wish I just had hours to do it really fast like last time but I don't.  I just want a simple, simple, simple house and the TIME to make it that way.  I don't need a lot.  I'm not into figurines and collecting stuff.  However, when you have 8 other people in the house saying they want this and that, it's harder to rid of it.  Ivy likes to have her 5 backpacks and 7 purses.  

Homeschooling has been going well!  Ivy has really struggled in the past but she is picking it up quick now.  I really have finally accepted the fact that my kids are staying home with me.  You have no idea (well, Christine does) of my ups and downs with wanting to homeschool.  I remember my first try back in 2005.  It was the worst 5 minutes of my life.  Later on I tried again. I would homeschool one year and then put them in school the next year.  I've finally gotten used to the idea and truly love having them at home, EVEN THOUGH I have two boys right behind me arguing as I'm writing this.

Good news!  I've lost 10lbs in two weeks!  Whoo hoo!  I'm really loving the Paleo Diet.

Rocket Experiment and Boys with an Attitude

Today I took the kids to the science center to learn how to make rockets.  It was so neat!  

This is a class of all homeschool kids and the local science center offers experiments for them.  This time it was about making our own rockets.

We learned about Sir Isaac Newton and about action and reaction.  We only needed cardboard, cups, soda bottles, water and air from a bike pump. It was awesome.

This is Chaz's rocket.  Who knew we could shoot the rocket high in the air using only water and air?  How well you made your rocket determines how high it goes.  Obviously it's best to make everything symmetrical 

Ivy is getting ready to shoot her rocket

Ashley was pretty excited to put on her science glasses and do her first experiment.  So cute.

This guy has it set up to where you have your rocket (20 oz soda bottle) filled halfway with water.  He made a thing where you hook a tube up to it, turn it upside down, clamp it with an attached string, and pump air into it. When Ryan pulled the string, it made the clamp let go and the rocket shot really high into the air.  

Once we were finished we went back into the science center for awhile.  A nine year old built this ferris wheel and donated it. It was going round and the boys were amazed a little kid built it.

Caleb

Chaz and Ryan

Ashley weighing herself on the weight wall.

We didn't stay for very long because while the boys were on the bed of nails, they got in a punching match.  NOT JOKING.  I was so embarrassed and upset with them I calmly walked up to them and said we are leaving.  I cancelled the McDonalds trip, Game Stop trip, and put them to work with chores at home.  They were NOT happy but hopefully they learned their lesson.  They were all in tears.  I kept a notebook in hand and whoever complained about their chores got another one added to it.  They learned real quick to work in silence AND with a good attitude.

Summertime Messes and Girl Huddles

It's been tough keeping up on the house lately.  I think when I get out of my routine it throws me off big time.  I do spend a lot of time feeding Juliet and the summer has kept us busy.  I'm a routine person, not by nature, but out of necessity.  I tend to just want to play with my kids, hang out, have some adventures and forget about my boring work.  :P  I don't always sleep very good because I wake up all night with my little princess Juliet.  You know you're tired when you go to church with your shirt inside out and never realize it till afterwards.  Ummm.... yeah, a little embarrassing but oh well.  Ha ha.

Ryan is 10 here in this picture but he is always quick to remind me he'll be 11 in two months.  Heh heh..  Then Chaz pipes up and reminds me of his birthday.  Then they all want to remind me.  That's what happens when you have your kids' birthdays all two weeks apart.  It's one birthday and then BAM, another, then another, then another. Before you know it, we've gained 10lbs from all the cakes we've had.  LOL.  Seven babies in 11 years.  Not bad.  :D

The girls and I have been working on our "girl huddles".  I told them we need to have our own established team now that we have an extra girl in the family.  I pick up Juliet and we put our heads together, say something really silly in whispers, then say "one, two, three, break!"  When the boys ask what the secret was the girls always tell them.  Then the boys laugh because the girls can't keep secrets.  Silly girls.

We are trying to decide which homeschool program we want to use this year.  My friends and I are attending a conference.  Whatever I decide on we stick with for that whole school year rather than skip around.  I just want to touch and look through the books that I see rather than take someone's word for it or only see it online.  I really hope I make the right decision on one.  We shall see.  :D

First Doctors Appointment and Achy Body After Baby

Took pic on cell while waiting in doctors office
for Juliet's first appointment

Yesterday was Juliet's first doctors appointment and I really wanted to get her there to make sure she got her weight back up.  She was 6lbs 12oz when she was born but at the hospital went down to 6lbs 7oz even though I was feeding her on the hour.  At her appointment yesterday she was an even 7lbs at only six days old. That was a relief to me.  While we were waiting I was taking some cute pictures from my cell phone.

Whyyyyyy is it that when you make an appointment for a certain time they end up seeing you way later? I walk into the office and it's an adorable waiting room.  I like to always take a couple kids with me when I run errands so I had my girls with me.  The waiting room had cartoons playing and fun toys.  The girls only played for 5 minutes when they called us back to the room.  I was surprised at how quick there were but they left us in the empty and boring room for almost an hour.  No joke.  Why couldn't they have just let us stay in the front for awhile so we could be more comfortable and the girls could play?  I'll never understand that.

Last night there was a baby shower and since I had already gotten a gift for the mom and baby several weeks ago, I thought it'd be nice to get out of the house too.  My friend Michele met me there and she got to hold Juliet for the first time.  When I got home from the hospital Michele was really sick and couldn't get near her.  She was happy to finally get a chance.  Yesterday Juliet was 6 days old and the ladies were surprised we were out and about.  It truly, truly, truly is hard to just stay in bed.  I had her last Wednesday and we got out midday Friday.  I went home and slept through the rest of Friday and all of Saturday.  That was enough rest and the thought of staying in bed another day was just too much.  I missed my kids and they were sad.  They all kept asking when mommy was better and said they missed their baby sister so bad.  Sunday evening we got to go to church and although I spent most of the sermon time in the nursing room, it was so good to be there.  I am a leaky vessel and really wanted to be in God's house.  After all, all these gifts are from Him and I need all the strength and encouragement I can get.  11 years ago I begged for them to put a monitor in the nursing room so we could hear the sermons and they put one shortly after.  :D  It helps knowing even if I have to stay downstairs and nurse, we can all still hear the sermon.  

 

 

When I got home from the baby shower last night I couldn't believe how messy the house got from just the time I was away.  Wow!  I was kinda sad since I had worked 8 hours the day before to get the house back into shape.  My body was sore and I didn't want another repeat of that.  Instead of picking it all up myself I grabbed the broom and swept it all in a pile in the middle of the room.  It had been scattered everywhere.  I left it in a pile for the kids to pick up in the morning.  I've learned they need to be responsible for their stuff rather than me rescuing them all the time from putting it away themselves.  Then I cleaned the kitchen and finally got to bed around 1:30am.  It felt good to lay my tired and sore body in bed.  The achiness is from just having a baby and I keep forgetting to take my pain meds.  They gave me Percocet and it keeps me awake at night so I won't take it.  Instead, I'm just sticking with Motrin.  I can tell the difference in my body having babies in my thirties than when I was in my twenties.  Those after birth cramps used to be sooooo powerful and painful yet they would put my tummy back almost right away.  This time they were extremely mild which means it's probably gonna take longer. Phooey.  Oh well, Juliet is worth it.  :)

 

 

By the way, my husband came home from work today and had presents for Juliet!  A lady from his job got her several outfits and we were both so surprised!  Today is their last day so I don't have a chance to send something back in to thank them.  It truly was a blessing!

Juliet's Birth Story

What a great experience Juliet's delivery was and even a funny story.  My friend Michele and I headed to my doctor's appointment Wednesday morning at 10am to have the balloon inserted.  I had four ladies in there and after they inserted it they said it might take a full day to work and even over night.  I had doubted it would take that long since last time it worked within just a few hours while walking around the mall.  The balloon was to help me dilate so I had my friend drive for me in case it decide to work right away.  Within minutes I started to have contractions but they were mild and I had maybe a handful of them.  We stopped to get something to eat for about 20 minutes but I ate very little as I was soooo nervous knowing what's about to come.  When I got home I went to the restroom right away and thought something seemed odd so I checked.  My balloon fell out!  Ummmmm... I literally just walked in the door from my appointment and it had already fell out?  It must've been put in wrong or something.  It only falls out when you are dilated to a 4 or 5 and I was barely dilated to a 1 when they started.  The doctor told me to not walk around anywhere but come straight back to the doctor's office.  Michele was there to take care of the kids and so Charles took me back since we knew we'd be going to the hospital right after.

I walked inside and the ladies at the front desk just stared at me with their mouths open.  One finally said, "That was fast!"  I know, I had just left!  The doctor checked and sure enough I was dilated to almost a 5 and was in NO PAIN whatsoever.  In fact, I had only had a handful of contractions and they sure were mild.  She knew I wasn't in any pain but she said I needed to go into the hospital right away.  However, since I was not complaining of any pains she asked me to fake it a little that the contractions were intense so I wouldn't be sent home.  Fake it?  Heh heh.... this was gonna be fun.

Charles and I walked into the hospital hand in hand and I was trying not to be too happy.  My husband thought that was gonna be impossible for me as I'm usually smiling and talking with everyone.  Sure enough when they called me back and asked me how I was doing, I quickly responded... "Good!  Um....well... under the circumstances."  I almost forgot I wasn't supposed to be so cheery.  The nurse hooked me up to the monitors and put a blood pressure on my arm.  I started to breathe heavy so she asked, "What?  Are you having a contraction?"  I responded, "No, the blood pressure band was too tight."  Charles was dying in the corner trying to not laugh.  Since she walked out for awhile, Charles and I were able to joke and talk together for awhile before having to act serious again.  They checked me again and I was dilated to a 5 and although the small contractions were painless, they admitted me and I was moved to the delivery room.  Whoa!  Things are moving and we were so nervous and excited.

When I dilated to a 6 I asked if they could just break my water since my water never, ever breaks on it's own.  My doctor right away did it knowing that sure was the truth!  Last time when they broke my water it hurt so bad she had to chase me up the table.  Over time my cervix has gotten so sensitive and it's extremely painful whenever they'd check me or break my water.  I asked for an epidural even though I was having no pain at a 6 so they went ahead and set it up.  I'm terrified of the epidural needle but I couldn't really complain since it was going to be a completely painless labor and delivery.

The nurse didn't hear the doctor tell her to give a little bit of Pitocin with the epidural.  She said because I've had so many babies my uterus was a bit lazy.  I guess that's why my contractions were so mild? I got to a 6 on my own but needed a little booster. After only 20 minutes of Pitocin I was ready to push.  Ohhh, I was excited!  3 pushes and she was out and we were already in love!  Wow!  It was a fantastic labor and delivery with no complications.

Juliet Desiree came May 16th on a Wednesday evening and weight 6lbs 12 oz, and 20 inches long.  The nurses kept telling me they loved her name and the funny comments were already coming in. One nurse came in and said "Don't worry little Juliet, we'll find you your Romeo."  LOL.  They kept coming in to make sure I was awake to feed her but there was no worry since I was feeding her on the hour to make sure she kept her weight up.  I've quickly (or over time) learned not to hope for deep sleep anytime soon and learn to soak up all the broken up sleep I can.  I think mommies learn to thrive off of  the short spurts they get with newborns.

I'm still in love and loving every single moment with her.  Loving every moment she is awake during the night.  I think I've just gotten way past the "I hate being woken up all night" phase and just enjoying each moment with them.  Four days after birth we got to go to church and have her first service.  We are all enjoying our time with her and she is doted on by her siblings.  What a blessing from God.  Wow!  I was nervous about welcoming our 7th child but all that fell away when we got to hold her for the first time.  Every single sacrifice we have had to make and will have to make is totally worth it.  Having kids, caring for them, and leading them to Christ is one of the hardest things we'll ever do but also one of the most enjoyable.  The selfishness of this world will never understand that but that's okay... we answer to God.  He created life.  Why should I listen to the world that constantly fights for the rights to extinguish it?


Anyhow, I loved sharing my story!  It's easy to forget all the little details over time so I like to write them down.  God bless!