When the World Shakes Their Fist

Agh!  Sunday was my blogoversary and I spent it in church. It was a great day! :)  This will be my 1,656th post.  Holy cow, that's a lot of posts.  That's how you know you enjoy writing.  I must've only took weekends off from blogging.

I have sooo much to be grateful for in blogging land.  Seriously, it's been a positive thing in my life and I've met some amazing blogging moms.  I love down to earth mamma's that tell it like it is rather than always sugar coat things.  I've met some amazingly smart ones that make me feel pretty "duh" in comparison.  I've met some that amaze me how many kids they have and they have the joy and stand up for what they believe in.  Children are a blessing no matter what the world says.  The world will mock you, spit at you, tell you that you're flat out nuts.  But remember, Jesus was mocked at and called crazy. He was crucified.  However, even His last words were of forgiveness.  So what if I feel "persecuted" by words for what I believe in? Every time I get down for how someone talks to me about my large family I have to remember that the world ISN'T going to agree and THAT'S THAT.  Even when we had to sell everything, move into a tiny apartment, just so I could stay home, the people shook their heads thinking it was nuts.  Why wouldn't I just get a job?  I had only $100 at the best for groceries every month.  No car.  It was a tough time but some of our very BEST memories.  Did the world agree?  Of course not.  But I had my babies and I knew they'd grow up fast.  Can everyone do that and stay home?  Of course not.  

Today I was  thinking about how grateful I am for my own mom that stayed home with us.  I know not everyone can do that.  Some, no matter how hard they try, have to work to make it.  I will never, ever take it for granted though that I was one of the lucky ones.  Every single one of us in this world can find something to be negative about in our pasts, make excuses because of them, find reasons to never trust again, but that's not a great way to live.  Who wants to live like that?  Sadly, a lot.  Bitterness, sadness, hurt, anger is what makes pharmaceutical companies so rich.  I choose to be grateful for the positives, learn from the negatives, and live for the here and now and of course the future.  The world hates a successful story, at least one lived for Christ.  Hollywood is praised but missionaries, working dads supporting their family, firemen, doctors, soldiers seem to be forgotten.  The real heroes.

Blogging has helped me pull out the positives by sharing my stories.  It's helped me to find the humor in tough day. It's been even better to receive encouragement and even reproof from other blogging friends.  Was a fun 6 years of blogging!

Does God Still Heal?

Every morning my favorite thing to do is get my hot cup of coffee, kiss all the babies that are awake, check my email, and blog.  Don't worry, I only drink one cup of caffeinated coffee a day being that I'm pregnant. If I want any more I just do decaf.  Drinking decaf is like hunting with blanks.  There is just no point.  But, I guess the hunt is still fun.

The weekend was great because we were back in church and I could put baby Caleb in nursery.  I even got to volunteer to watch the little babies in the Sunday morning service.  Unfortunately, because of all the sickness issues my kids have missed every Christmas practice up until Sunday night.  The kids' play is this next Sunday!  Oh man.... it should be interesting to watch.

I had a friend that is moving out of town.  Her son is best friend's with my oldest.  Well, I wanted to come over and help her sort through her stuff and pack.  So Monday I woke up feeling some pain thinking maybe a bladder infection had started. I felt GREAT the night before so this was a surprise.  Wanting to keep my promise to my friend, I just ignored it in hopes it would go away if I drank enough water.  When I got to her house, right away I started sorting and packing.  A couple hours later the pain was so intense I just couldn't work anymore.  I wasn't showing it to her but I was so upset because I made a promise to help her all day and I knew I was gonna have to quit and go to see the doctor.  With a promise I was gonna return a couple days later, I headed to Urgent Care.  I stopped to pick up my other friend along the way to go with me.  The doctor said the infection was off the charts bad and prescribed me some medicine.  I was SO HAPPY!  Do you KNOW what this means?  For years my kidneys were getting so bad that I could no longer feel any bladder infections because it would go straight to my kidneys and I'd end up in the hospital.  The doctor told me my kidneys were so bad that as soon as I felt a bladder infection I had to go straight to the ER.  Don't call the doctor.  JUST GO AND CHECK MYSELF IN.  That's how bad my kidneys were.  In fact, I would just be doing something around the house and fall over in horrendous pain from my kidneys.  Well, 2 1/2 years ago I was hospitalized and unconscious for a week it was so bad.  I'm only telling you that to understand why I'm so excited that I actually felt this bladder infection and it didn't go to my kidneys.  Not long after my last hospital stay (2 1/2 years ago) an evangelist came to my church.  He called out for someone that has bad kidney issues.  I went up immediately  for prayer.  In fact, I was in bad pain that night.  Not only did I have kidney pain but I was scheduled for surgery because I had Endometriosis.  God healed me that night.  Surgery was cancelled and I have not had any kidney problems since.  That is a miracle. So when I found out that I had a bladder infection starting yesterday, I felt panicky at first.  However, I didn't want to just go and get help like usual because I wanted to see what would happen.  The infection was only in my bladder and didn't spread.  That has not happened to me in about 7 years.  I was able to just get some antibiotics yesterday.  No hospital stay.  Nothing.  I feel like crying because I'm still so grateful God healed my kidneys.  That doesn't mean I can't go and ruin them again.  LOL.  That comes from not taking care of a bladder infection when it starts. If you let it go too long it'll hurt your kidneys eventually.  My kidneys had been so bad I wasn't supposed to have any more kids.  I am soooooooo grateful for God's healing grace.

With having pain meds and antibiotics, I think we'll go to the zoo today with the kids.  Today we have some extra kids with us so it'll be fun to take them all.  Tomorrow I'll be back at my friends house helping her pack. I'm so grateful for medicine and doctors!

When God Gives Back

We're starting all over and laying good soil down because the
soil you see here isn't too great.  So, no more grass for a bit
till the new soil is laid.

Recently I had a neighbor who went to have surgery.  She didn't come back for 2 months because she almost died!  I couldn't believe it.  Well, she needed me to run her some errands, go to doctor's appointments, etc.  It took several hours but she was just really in a lot of pain and the poor gal had to get in and out of my tall van.  It LOOKED painful.  By the end of the day we drop her off and she can't barely get out because her body was really hurting. It was towards the evening when I get a phone call from her and she says, "I'm sending over a landscaper to do your front and back yard and clean it up really nice."  Wow, what a blessing!  We really spend no time out there during the heat of the summer so it was just looking really bad.  This guy was so fast he had it done in an hour.  An hour!  We take so much longer when we work outside.  I went outside in amazement and the beauty of our backyard and couldn't believe she gave us such a blessing.  It was not cheap to hire him but she did it as a gift.  

What's really crazy was before she called, I was talking to Ryan and telling him thanks for being so patient riding around for so long (along with the other kids).  I told him that we don't do things for a profit or to get something back.  It should just come from our heart and caring for people that need help.  Literally, my neighbor called 15 minutes later with a lovely gift of landscaping for free.  Ryan was so grateful he grabbed a shovel and went outside to work with him.  That boy amazes me.  God amazes me.  It's amazed how He knows your needs, the desires of your heart.

My Boys Got Baptized!

My two oldest boys were baptized last night at church! I'm so proud of them and know they were being brave by going up in front of 300 people. They have both been asking me for over a year but I just wanted to make sure they knew what they were doing and be ready.

Nowhere in the bible does it say to baptize infants but only when they understand what they are doing.  When they have accepted Christ and make a choice to be baptized.

In the mic Ryan said, "Hi, my name is Ryan for those of you that don't know me.  I asked Jesus into my heart and now I just want to obey God and get baptized."

I thought the first part was cute since everyone there has pretty much known Ryan since he was born.  Many changed his diaper in nursery.  :)  Soooo cute.

Charles and I were super proud!

Chaz gave a great testimony too but he was SUPER nervous up there.  I'm so proud of him though because it's not easy standing up with a ton of people staring at you.  He kept his short and sweet.  :)

By the way, my boys don't normally dress that casual in church.  They just had to change into something they could get wet in.  :D

Chaz coming back up after being baptized.

Chaz and Ryan are just so close in age that they tend to do everything together. They are my Irish twins.  :)  They are 12 months apart in age.

Proud mommy and daddy!

How I Had Lost my Faith

These days I've been only able to blog late at night because of the busy, busy days.  Even with working a full day with very little breaks, I'll lay awake late at night not able to sleep.  I guess more in wonder lately.  Just thinking about the day.  Thinking about issues on my heart.

In the last couple of years my faith had really been shaken.  There were definitely some trials.  Several times God has proven to me that He is real and he does care about the big things AND the little things.  I feel like the Israelites in the desert going round and round and forgetting about each miracle.

My kids got to visit me one time but I don't remember much
of them being there.  They camped out for a few hours.

How I lost my faith?  A couple of years ago my husband had lost his career.  I had just found out I was pregnant with my 6th child.  I don't believe any forms of birth control except NFP (The truth about Birth Control).  So although I was surprised by that pregnancy, we knew it was bound to happen.  :)  On top of if, with no income, our house payments were just too much for us.  I lost some friends because they were angry I was having "yet another kid".  ("Don't make friends with someone who easily gets angry. Don't spend time with someone who has a bad temper. If you do, you may learn to be like him. Then you will be in real danger." Proverbs 22:24-35)


It just felt like a disaster at that time.  I went into a depression and didn't really let anyone know about it.  The worst thing I did was stop praying.  Maybe in the bitterness of things crumbling around me, I was blaming God.  Why?  I don't know.  I told my husband over and over I didn't care about the material stuff.  If we lost it all, so be it.  We'll move somewhere.  Anywhere.  I just wanted us to be together.  Then at 27 weeks, as I was getting ready to go somewhere with my family, I doubled over in pain.  It was like going from no pain at all to the pain equal to labor full force.  Except it wasn't labor.  It was my kidneys.  They had been going bad over the years the doctors said.  To top it off I had just had dental surgery a month before and had some bad complications.  I was rushed to the hospital where I was unconscious for 6 days.  I couldn't eat or barely drink. I didn't even know they put me in an ice machine from a very bad fever while I was out. To top it off, my new OB I found accused me of only coming to the hospital for drugs since I had no fever to prove an infection.  That night my fever soared dangerously and that was why they put me in the ice machine.  (Read about nightmare OB here)

3D Ultrasound of Caleb at 28 weeks

Through all of that, I had almost no family around me or friends for support.  It was just my husband and I so he couldn't be with me in the hospital.  My mom mercifully took care of me for a time after I was released.  She is always amazing when she takes over and I remember that about her when I was little.  Even though I was released, the pain in my kidneys was still bad and it puzzled the doctors.  They told me if I couldn't get off the pain killers, my baby would be born addicted to them.  I stopped using the medicine and just endured the pain till a miracle happened (will tell you below).  I wasn't gonna risk my baby.  Finally he was born healthy and we breathed a sigh of relief.  After months of not finding work, Charles was able to find a part time job to hold us up.  He had to look completely outside his line of work but we were just happy he found something.  Anything.  Charles is a very smart guy and it just happened to be that his field was one of the first to go when the economy fell.  When Caleb turned 1, I found out I needed surgery because I had endemetriosis.  It was to be scheduled within a week.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with Caleb

I had reached an all time low in my spirit through it all.  I had no prayer in me.  No faith.  I just piled the load on my own shoulders and kept my lips silent to God.  Sure I believe in Him.  80% of America says they do.  I was forgetting all the miracles along the way just like the Israelites were in the desert.  Instead of going to the promise land, they went round and round.  God performed miracles right in front of them and they eventually forgot about them and would complain.  I had forgotten my miracles too.

*Sometimes when we lose a friend over something that is completely biblical you believe in, maybe a purging is needed of those types of friends.  (What is real forgiveness?)

*While in the hospital, when I was pregnant and having kidney trouble, the main doctor of the hospital found out of my OB's abuse and came to talk to me.  He said I needed to release her (get rid of her) and they assigned me one of the top notch OB's in the state.  She quickly took me in for the rest of my pregnancy and was just amazing.  I didn't know till later that she is a highly wanted OB but only certain cases she will take.

*God provided a job.  Maybe not in the way I expected but the one he was given happens to be one of the most stable out there and said to be for the future and has GREAT insurance plans.  

*Our house payment was lowered drastically and just so happens to be lowered to the exact amount needed to fit in our budget.  Only 2-3% of anyone who applied were able to get our new interest rate.  We were one of the lucky few.

*When one person stopped giving me their hand-me-downs out of anger of our 6th child, 5 more people stepped in their place.  Every time I've said, "We need to head to the store this week to get this person some pairs of pants", no kidding, someone in church will come up to me THAT week and hand me over the exact items I said to Charles we needed.  

*Caleb was born completely healthy when they said that I could of birthed him at 27 weeks because of kidney trouble.  They were able to get my contractions to stop.

*An evangelist called people forward one service who had kidney issues and THAT night my kidneys were healed.  THAT is a huge miracle for me since they said I would need surgery and if I didn't I would be on kidney dialysis.  (Story here of that night)

*The next night that same evangelist called women forward who had endemetriosis.  Man, God had my number. I went forward and that night my pain completely left. Surgery was cancelled.  God had healed me. 

*Even through all the financial crazy stuff that happened to us, somehow we've been able to make it. I know it's not just by some chance.  God made a promise to us back in 2002 that He was gonna provide and He has a blessing on families. He also made a promise to us in 2004 that if we just pray and ask Him, he will guide us in our important decisions.  He will put the right decision in our heart and just be patient.  We will start to see what God is going to do in our family.  

Baby Caleb safely arrives in September of 2009!

Even through all these miracles I was staying silent with doubt.  I was completely bearing the burden on my shoulders and I almost missed it.  Almost.  Finally, it was Michele Duggar's words in a testimony I recently showed on my blog that brought me to my knees. I was trying to bear it all on my own strength.  Sure we can do it for a little bit.  But it's not by might, nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord.  I was keeping a smile on my face but my heart was aching to talk to Him again and really trust Him.  Why couldn't I?  I don't know.  I know my heart was discouraged.  IF ONLY I remembered all His miracles along the way.  Every time I even thought about going and just working at night to get that second income, the door would be shut on me.  Not just shut, it would SLAM shut.  Once again I was trying to do it my way rather than give it to God.  (I'm very, very traditional in my beliefs and believe that the man provides and the woman cares for her household)

My faith was here

This week I am studying Faith.  What is faith?

Faith vs. Presumption
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.  Hebrews 11:1


I'm sharing this in hopes that if anyone is going through trials, this post can be somewhat of an encouragement and a reminder. sometimes it can be hard to remember what God HAS done.  We can quickly forget and complain.  God doesn't promise to give us what we want but He does promise to meet our needs.  Speaking life into your family and situation is sooo important.  Words are very powerful.  Thank you, Marla, for dropping me a note of reminder.  :)  A real friend won't just tell you what you want to hear all the time.  Since sending my prayers up to Him and having that faith again, it's like the burden has been lifted.  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to even just be able to give my day to God and ask for peace and the joy through the day.  I need that because working for 15 hours with small breaks can wear on any person.  But when God puts Joy, Love, Peace, Contentment, Tolerance, Patience, Endurance your heart, it makes the daily tasks so much lighter.

Have You Ever Heard Michelle Duggar's Testimony?

I never have!  I'm seen a lot of clips of her family but never heard how she came to know Christ.

Last night I ran into this video on Youtube and was surprised to see Michelle Duggar at a speech giving her testimony.  I've always wanted to hear her testimony.  She takes you on her journey from growing up, to asking Jesus in her heart, meeting Jim Duggar, miscarrying her child after Josh, and trusting in God about having a large family.  She shares scriptures that God spoke to her and also how she prayed that God would give her a love for children.  They only wanted 2, maybe 3 kids.  Whoa!  Big difference from what they have now.  But a lot of things she says really hit home in my heart so I would love to share the video with you.

My First Apartment

I was just thinking about how much God has blessed my life that I couldn't help of thinking how far I have come. Not because of me but because of God. Without him, my life was so empty before and no matter how much I tried to fill my life with my own rules, I was still lonely deep inside....
I lived there almost 10 years ago.

The other day I was driving and I went down an old street just to see what my first apartment looked like. It's so weird doing that too. It reminds me of how hard I worked to live there. First off, I worked at JCPenney only making $5.75 an hour. My one bedroom apartment cost me around $275 a month. Well, for one, just one of my paychecks was almost exactly that amount so I had to live off my other paycheck. I would pay all my bills and buy about $30 worth of groceries. Since I didn't have a car I would walk home from the grocery store with my back pack as full as I could get it and then bags all up and down my arms. It would be so painful on my back that I would have to stop every 10 steps and rest. I remember only allowing myself $1 a day for lunch at work and that was to buy a Cup O' Noodle from the machine. I had a bird in my apartment above my fridge that I loved. I had an old TV and since I had hardly any visitors I would just kick off my shoes after my bus ride home, make myself dinner, and then fall asleep on the couch watching Fresh Prince of Bell Air. You have to know though that I was so proud of how I was able to manage and care for myself on such a low income. Although it was tough at times, I felt excited that I was making it work and knew it was a good lesson for me. I lived there when I first got to really know Charles. He came by on my birthday once and gave me a CD. I was very grateful for this because I got pretty lonely at times living in that place. He didn't come into my apartment but we spent a few times talking outside on the patio. When I told him that I didn't have a stereo to play the CD's on, he went home and brought back his to give me. I couldn't believe he would do something so generous and from then on I started to pay more attention into getting to know him. I gave my heart back to Christ towards the latter end of me living there and I remember praying on my floor asking God to show me if this was the man for me. I was so very confused. I remember, like a vision, seeing clouds part as if the skies became blue again after so much darkness. Charles was pressed upon my heart. Although I was very scared to start into another relationship, I felt as if I just found my best friend for life. I'll never regret the day I met him.