Vacation Bible School 2014

Ivy doing a team dance to the song Jesus, What a Friend

 When I heard my church was going to be having another Vacation Bible School this summer, I couldn't wait!  I've always, always wanted to work with kids and especially it's been a huge desire to help with VBS.

Here is our VBS video! 

VBS 2014 - Jungle Safari from New Heights Church on Vimeo.

You can see Ryan and I at the end of the video dancing with the kids.  Ryan is just scooting along in his scooter keeping up with all the kids.  He had such a  good attitude being a leader with me.  I'm the second person in the video to get a pie in the face.  LOL.  There was actually someone getting something for those 5 days.  It was an offerings contest and the money was counted every night to see if the boys or girls one.  Well, the girls only won the first night with the most money given.  Well, I got pied on the Tuesday night!  It was so gross and fun at the same time.  

 

Me in the back and Ryan as a team leader in the black shirt

Working with kids is a big deal for me because it's been my desire for many years.  I know I have my own kids.  Ha ha.  What I mean is, working with kids to teach them like I was taught many years ago.  I have very, very good memories of learning while young in sunday school and children's church.  Kids have very soft hearts and this is the time to reach them. 

My cute Caleb (4)

Little Caleb was in mine and Ryan's class.  Boy, he's such a cutie.  

Ashley (6)

My little Caleb on the right and me in the background holding our team flag

Kyle reading a scripture to the VBS kids

I'm getting a pie in my face here.  :D

Kyle reading a scripture to the kids

It was an amazing time!!!

The Curse of the Law

Sometimes I still can't believe all that God is doing in my mind and heart.  It's like I've woken up and saw that life is beautiful.  It always has been but I had been in a sad slumber.  At one time I felt like life was too burdensome and by the age of 34 I was done.  I was weary and didn't want to keep "fighting the good fight and keeping the faith."  It was just too hard. I never knew I wasn't meant to carry the burden of my own "humanness."  Hope that makes sense.

• Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20

• For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all  of God's laws. James 2:10
  

• But those who depend on the law to make them right with God are under his curse, for the Scriptures say, "Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the commands that are written in God's Book of the Law." Galatians 3:10

• The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. Romans 8:3

• Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us. Galatians 3:13

Get it?  It's incredible! Because I only believed in saving grace but not sustaining grace, I believed my good works was what was keeping me saved and in right standing with God.  Well, of course I tried with all my might but to my HUGE disappoint, I failed often.  I thought maybe I was failing because I didn't go to enough church services or because I wasn't praying hard enough.  Now I understand why a perfectionist mindset was killing me.

Legalism = Perfectionism

I had a legalistic mindset.  No one could do it and no one before me could do it except Jesus Christ.  THAT'S why he came and  became the perfect sacrifice for us.  We are no longer held under this perfectionist mentality.  Thank God.  Before if someone asked me if I believed in sustaining grace.  No way.  Yes we are saved by grace but we are on our own after that.  Boy, I was wrong and definitely still put myself under the curse of the law.  This is what explains my spiritual exhaustion.  

• Legalism- Thinking we are made righteous because we live righteously.

• Grace- Living righteously because we've been made righteous.

• Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

What?  God's throne of grace?  Where has this scripture been all my life?  I've aways looked at it as the throne of judgement or throne of condemnation.  Never, ever as the throne of grace.

When Jesus died on the cross He not only gave us the gift of saving grace but of sustaining grace. 

Insert taken from webpage: Laws on Top of Laws

"The problem with the Pharisee’s is that they had, over centuries and centuries of following God’s Law, added their own laws on top of God’s Law. Breaking God’s Law was so abhorrent to them that they added more laws to keep them from the things that would keep them from the things that would tempt them to break God’s laws. In many ways, it is not a bad idea. If I have an alcohol problem, I should not drink, but having alcohol in the house is a bad idea, and even going to a bar with friends should be out of the question. Constantly surrounding myself with temptation is a bad idea. If A leads to B which leads to C (and C = sin), then don’t do A or B. Take away the temptation that leads to the sin, right? So, by that logic, if working on the Sabbath is sin, maybe I should cease from doing any labor, any “work”, anything physical, right? 

Nope. Taking your traditions and beliefs and elevating them to be equivalent to God’s Law is wrong, but holding others accountable to your traditions is wrong too, according to Jesus. Even more than that, withholding good on the Sabbath is a sin, as Jesus has shown.

 

God is after my heart, and He is after your heart. He doesn’t admire your laws, standards, rules, righteousness or holiness. Your righteousness is like filthy rags to Him. No. He wants to save you from yourself. He want to see Christ in you, your only hope of glory. He wants us to behold the glory of the Lord, and therefore be transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. Jesus is your only hope, He is my only hope. Only Christ pleases God. Only Jesus lived a perfect life that I could never live and died the death I should have died because of my sin. Only He is worthy. Only His righteousness will cover me."

When we constantly focus on sin and don't do this don't do that, it actually can cause our minds to focus exactly on those things!  Rather, let's put our focus on Christ.  I'm amazed that now I completely put my trust in Christ, in His grace, those temptations aren't nearly like they used to be.  I was told, "well, that's because the devil is done with you and has no reason to fight you."  Nope, there really is such an amazing freedom and peace when we put our trust in Him rather than in ourselves.  When we understand we are no longer living under the law.  When I decided to stop living under the law, it took the power away that sin had over me.  Yes, I'm human.  Yes, I'll make mistakes.  It was never about perfectionism.  It's about our heart.

•  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So do not be attracted by strange, new ideas. Your strength comes from God’s grace, not from rules about food, which don’t help those who follow them. Hebrews 13:8,9

 God bless!!!

Bowling Sunday With Friends

 

Lately its been so cool because we have been getting Groupons and having more family adventures at a better price. Last Sunday we took our family bowling for more than half the price it would have cost for our family. Man, the month of June has been so fun and it's also been a very long month because of everything we have been doing.

 In one month we have gone ice skating, the teams have gone to a team camp out of town, We went to the lake, Ryan had surgery on his foot (not fun), we went bowling, and we went on family camping with the church.  This week we are having Vacation Bible School and Ryan and I volunteered as one of the leaders. I have been having the worst headaches ever because of the wildness from it but I love it and I'm having a blast. Of course Ryan's surgery wasn't fun but its definitely shaken things up a little bit for us. I am proud of the good attitude Ryan is having still being he has to be in a cast during the fun month. 

 

When some people from church wanted to go bowling together, I was excited to take my family to bowl with them. Sometimes I'm still so amazed at the friends I have gained in the last 10 months. I feel so blessed and sometimes I still can't believe it. This year has definitely been a new year for us and much, much needed spiritually and emotionally. I feel God has definitely led us to where we are and I have seen the evidence of it in my personal walk with God, which has grown significantly, and joy that I have not seen in myself for many years. Seeing the change in children and in my family as a whole. The fruits is what I'm looking at.

Anyway, here are some fun pics!! 

Once Step Closer to Moving Forward- Leaving the Bullies in the Past

My boys recently went on a church teen cabin trip out of town.  I insisted they go so they can get last year's horrible camping trip out of their memory.  

Worst Camping Trip Ever

The one they went to last time was unbelievable. Basically they came home with broken spirits.  They went from loving camping to hating it and not wanting to ever go again.  Bullies were running rampant and nothing was done about it.  I'll never forget their faces when they came back home. Literally, you could feel the sadness in my boys for an entire month after that trip.  It was like a heavy depression was in the house.  My boys shared with me they felt unprotected, hurt, taken advantage of.  Worst of all, they felt the leaders protected the bullies.  Right then and there I said never again.  As long as it is in my ability as a parent, I will never allow bullies to get away with hurting others around me.  I told my boys I would never make them go back any situation like that again.  And they haven't.  

Teen praying before they head to camp

This time, I had found a new Christian camping trip.  I had gotten to know the leaders and these teens for about 9 months.  I was pretty confident in watching them that all the kids had respect for one another and there really was NO bullying allowed.  I was so grateful the leaders made sure it was a peaceful environment for everyone.  When a summer camp for 5 days was announced I knew it was my opportunity to give my boys a newer, better memory.  Even still, I was a bit afraid something bad would happen with other kids hurting my boys again.  I'm not the over protective type and it took me a really long time to finally see what my kids were going through.  I felt ashamed I had allowed them to get hurt for so long.

You can barely see Chaz and Ryan but they're there.  LOL

Today my boys came back encouraged, excited, made new friends, and came back even more closer to the teens they went with!  Praise God!  They had a church service every day and talked about how close they feel to God and what they learned.  Ryan came back on crutches but smiling and happy.  Chaz is burnt like crazy even after the leaders kept lathering him with high SPF lotion.  He is smiling from ear to ear.  Just all good memories and they couldn't wait to tell me about it.  I think this trip was like putting and keeping the past IN the past and moving forward.  

Chaz after his fun in mud pit.  :)

We can never let bullies win.  No matter how popular they are or how popular their parents are. Bullying is bullying and it does break precious spirits.  Every kid and adult is equal in God's eyes and we need to prove it by how we treat others.  Especially as representatives for who we serve.  I know I can't prevent all bullying, that's impossible.  However, I can do whatever is in my ability to stop it when I see it.  Whether it's my kids or someone else's.  No, it's not JUST WHAT KIDS DO.  All kids learn it from others.  Either they are learning it from home or from their peers.  Just because adults bully doesn't make it okay.  

Teen leader show how to jump in the mud pit!  

I really feel like this trip for my boys was like saying we're leaving the past in the past and moving forward to what God is holding for us in the future!  :D  To the ones who brought my boys, thank you so much for being amazing teen leaders.  I can see the difference and impact you are making on the kids around you. 

How Church Became My Idol

Whenever something is heavy on my heart I always have to come to my blog.  My blog always has helped me think through tough times or just changes in my life. 

My spiritual and physical life has changed in so many ways that I can't even begin to count my blessings.  I mean, I try to but it's soooo much!  I still deal with old fears but it's lessening as the months go by.  Whenever I talk to old friends that think like I used to, the fears come back.  It's such a heaviness that my heart almost can't carry the weight.  I finally understand the scripture...

"Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

I know to many people they've heard this a thousand times.  To me it's life changing, powerful, and freeing!  Jesus wasn't just throwing out a nice phrase.  It's literal!  Stop focusing on trying to fight your flesh with works.  Focus on drawing nearer to Him and see what happens.  I love this scripture.  :)

I used to hear "my yoke is easy" and think it wasn't easy at all.  I had so many things I had to do to make God happy with me!  To make it to heaven.  Gosh, it was so hard and with my large family I just couldn't do enough things to make God happy.  I began to mentally break down and have serious bouts of depression. I don't mean feeling sad here and there. DEPRESSION where getting out of bed was a chore.  The burden of my works was so heavy that my spiritual back was breaking.  

It's much harder fighting for righteousness when I'm living my life based off of works.  Here is a silly but important example.  The other day I was watching a show on TV while the kids were sleeping.  A part came on that I didn't really feel was good for me to see.  Without even thinking I just got up and got something to eat in the kitchen to let whatever it was pass by.  I mean, I didn't even have to think about it.  To avoid it, I automatically just got up and walked out the room.  While in the kitchen it dawned on me how much something inside of me is beginning to change.  Before, I would have felt much more temptation to see what it was and maybe even fought myself for a bit to watch it.  I was so confident in my works based mentality that I trusted in my own strength to fight against temptations.  I was sure that if I made a mistake I was going to go to hell.  Therefore, when I made a mistake, I felt so condemned I just wanted to give up.  Since I have began to focus on just drawing closer to Jesus, that it's by grace we are saved (not just saving grace but sustaining grace) temptations haven't been able to hit me nearly as strong.  Of course I'm human and humans face temptation but it's almost like the blows are softened.  I always thought that if I had believed in "greasy grace" then I would just fall into every sin possible.   When you truly accept Jesus as your savior, not just for fire insurance (although that'd be my very first reason) but because you have a longing to draw closer to Him and know Him, you'll find that Jesus really didn't intend for serving Him to be heavy and burdensome!

 In fact, before I felt guilty if I missed a church service.  In a way, church became my idol.  I went to church not to make Jesus happy, but to please others around me.  I was going so many times a week because I felt if I didn't, God would be displeased with me or people around me.  I didn't go because I was excited to hear from God.  I went to please man.  I even felt pride in the fact I went so many times a week. That made me holy, right?  At times I snubbed my nose at people because they weren't as faithful as me to all the weekly services.  Yet, I felt horrible guilt if a kid was sick and I couldn't go, I felt an urge to call people around me or post on facebook why I wasn't there. I really, really think "church" can be an idol.  Since I have removed myself from that mindset I have had such a renewing and longing to not only learn about God at church but to study at home.  Yes, I did it at home before but this time was different.  Sometimes I can't wait to sit down study scripture, watch a sermon or listen to one.  Church now isn't the only place to receive but GLADLY in my own personal time.  Now, instead of praying once in the morning and "getting it over with", I find my self praying throughout the day as I see the needs or just want to praise Him!  Once you LOSE THE RULES, you find that relationship you've been longing for all along.

My prayer is that friends or people out there struggling with legalism or a works based mentality might be free from those chains.  I only share because I'm excited for what God is doing in my life and I so long to see others be free!  :)

Mother's Day Antics, Financial Surprises, and Letters to Genesis

Mother's Day went kind of decent. I didn't get to do some big huuuuuuuge celebration like go to Disneyland a restaurant but I still had a great day. :) I have to admit the highlight of the day was at the Sunday morning church service.  They made mamas feel extra special when coming into the church with muffins, chocolate covered strawberries, coffee, and other yummy treats. They showed a video of them interviewing some kids in the church talking about their mothers.  My daughter Ivy was so hilarious Charles and I were cracking up!  I need to some how get my hands on the video.  All the kids were just sooooo funny!  Some of them I have in my class and even my favorite little redhead was interviewed.  I love these kids.  They are all so amazing.  The message that day was on parenting and he majorly hit it out of the ballpark.  I could barely keep up with writing notes and I filled up the entire page.  Here was something that really stuck out to me.  There are 3 different parenting styles.  1. Authoratative. 2. Permissive. 3. Biblical. I never saw it that way.  I loved it!  I would like to choose biblical.  :)  Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.  My favorite thing he said was (when talking about media), if what we are watching on TV is not something we'd want our kids to watch, should we be even watching it?  I love that because my kids are very sensitive to moral issues and I never want to ignore them when they point out something they see that isn't right.  I love that my kids all turn their eyes away when they see kissing because they know those actors really aren't married.  Stuff like that!  I don't even want to tell them to stop because why would I want to desensitize them?  Kids are very sensitive to God and I don't even want to get in the way of that.

My Mother's Day collage.  Me with all my loves!!!

My huge Mother's Day plans fell through because some crazy financial stuff happened all in one week.  You know, like when you have a blowout and your van tires are so crazy expensive that it feels like you are paying for it by selling your arm or a leg?  Or when you realize that your 6 months insurance plan is up and you didn't see it coming so you have to plunk down money for another 6 months?  Or that summer camp money is due? Yeah!  I need to write that down so I'm not surprised again!  I hate paying monthly insurance because in the end you always pay so much more. It's just more cost effective to pay in advance for it. You get a huge discount.  I was just so happy to have all my kids happy, healthy, and our family doing well.  I had nothing to really even complain about! It's so funny because my husband offered to make lunch for us so I wouldn't have to but he forgot to actually do it. I finally got up and did it when the meat started burning.  Daddy was running around trying to take care of things for me, changing diapers, etc, so he was running in all different directions. He said, "boy, this homemaking stuff is hard!"  Tee hee.... it was so cute I had no problem getting up and just taking over the lunch.  Next year, this mama is eating out for Mother's Day!  Haha.  (In the meantime I'm gonna not forget important financial events so it can happen.)

My mom, nurse, and I on my birth day. :D Thank you, mom!

I thought a lot about baby Genesis yesterday and how much I miss him/her.  I know I say it over and over but I'm just so happy and excited that he/she is waiting for me in heaven.  Even though I get sad at times, having that hope of a reunion just washes away that grief.  I know with Jesus as my Savior I can have that hope of one day meeting Genesis in Heaven.  Boy, I can't wait to buy the movie Heaven is for Real.  I have the book but it's just such a reassurance of what is to come.  I cried in the movie where the mom found out from her son that her baby was in heaven and it was a girl.  After reading the book I realized that she miscarried her baby the same week of pregnancy I did. Yet her son was able to see that not only was it a girl, but the girl knew who her family was and couldn't wait to meet them!  Genesis may not be here on earth but I'm a mom to 8!  So grateful.

"Genesis, after seeing the movie Heaven is for Real, I realize that I really, really, really do get to see you some day and RIGHT NOW you are playing in heaven and you know we are your parents. I only carried you for 9 weeks but I feel like the luckiest mommy in the world that you made me a mommy to now 8 beauties. I'm sooooo blessed to be your mama and I CAN'T WAIT to meet you. I love you like I could never express!"

Decisions on How to Spend 2 1/2 Hours of Quiet Time/Bliss for Any Mom

Tonight I had nursery at church with the babies, toddlers, and 4's and 5's.  Being that I have so many the same age, I always think about what life might be like for people that have like quintuplets or septuplets.  Haha.  I think, "Man, their days would be sooooo busy!"  Haha.  Then I go home to my nice quiet house of seven kids.  Seriously, it IS DIFFERENT.  I have kids from the ages of one to 13 so, yeah, it is different.  One or two in diapers at a time.  Not all at once.  I wish I could take pictures of all the cute little kids in nursery but I definitely have my favorites.  A little redhead boy that's a live wire is definitely one of my faves.  He's like a ball of energy.  Kind of like a super hero with coffee in his system.  Just a dash of mischievousness.  Love him!  My little Juliet is the known escapee of the group.  We have to have the door shut AND a baby gate put up for when she gets past the door.  You thought we had chain locks on all our doors at home to keep the boogie man out huh?  Nope, it's to keep the little curly blond in the house.

I added something into our day that really kind stretches me to my limit.  I seriously don't think I can mentally afford to do any more than what I'm doing right now.  When I say mentally afford I mean, if mommy can't teach and raise kids with joy, then whatever it is that is making mommy a grouch butt has to go.  Whether it's an outside activity or a time consuming person not part of the immediate family.  I don't know whether to rejoice or wince at times.  (It's kinda half and half depending on the day).  There is a church almost next door to us that does a fun after school program, complete with learning and bible study.  Well, that's double dose for my kids because we already hold our own bible studies at home every morning.  I just thought it'd be neat for my kids to meet other kids in the neighborhood.  Plus, they have the opportunity for volunteer work and gardening.  Once a week they are teaching them baseball and another day basketball. They are having so much fun.  However, we have to really be on the ball to get bible study, homeschool, and chores done before 3:30pm when they leave.  Four kids choose to go which means I usually have only one teen and two little ones napping during that time.  For 2 1/2 hours I can either choose to sit and sip coffee with a good book, mop the floor, or just work on dinner or chores.  I mean, seriously... 2 1/2 hours of options!  Haha.  Yes!  However, it's made my day tighter for the other waking hours and I have to stay on top of things big time.

Church Easter Egg Hunt 2014

We already did a huge Easter egg hunt last week with our church.  A friend told us to come early because parking would be limited.  So glad we listened!  We signed six up for the hunt out of seven kids.  Chick-Fil-A showed up and gave everyone free chicken sandwhiches... yum!!!!  I guess several companies supported it and gave away some cool prizes.  I'm sure the church bought some of them too.  Fun!  It brought a ton of visitors which is great!

Ivy (8) is in the middle in the blue jeans

Little Juliet won a sand play kit and Ivy won a dozen donuts, a Peter Piper Pizza party, a stuffed bunny, and cotton candy. Wow!  The Easter egg hunt began and it was wiiiiiiild!  The next day, visitors that had been invited to the hunt came to church the next day for the first time.  That is so cool.



Caleb (4) and Kyle (10)

We are soooooo not looking forward to the summer heat here.  No matter what event it is, we always get bad headaches and are in bed for some of the day after.  We all felt really sick and it's not even as hot as it's gonna get!  Argh!  Here I was born and raised here and can't get used to the heat.  I tell my husband all the time I'd be happier here if our backyard was a paradise but that comes with lots of money... Especially in the desert area. Water doesn't come easily around here.  It definitely doesn't come from the sky!  It rains so little here that when it does rain, people walk outside of their houses to see it.  It's so rare and passes so quickly, like in 10 minutes, that you are lucky if you get wet.  :(  I'm a green tree, rain, and hills kinda gal.  I love the city but would love more greenery.

Slavery to the Law- Falling Away from God's Grace

Lord, for so long I believed You loved me but with condition.  I thought that You waited impatiently to see when I'd slip up so you can flick me into hell.  I always saw you as a disapproving Savior who was always angry.  I thought I had to show through my works that I was saved and the more I did the more You approved of me.  If it's true in Your Word, that we are saved by grace and not by works, please plant this assurance in my heart.  I know, I know, I know it says it.  I am trying so hard to make my heart believe it.  I feel like this immature child asking You to teach me how to tie my shoes for the hundredth time.  I know it's so simple for others.  It's not simple to me when for so long I lived in fear I would displease people around me and displease you. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins." Ecclesiastes 7:20

 

Okay, I get that.  Everyone knows that's true.  How come it took me 34 years to find that scripture when I've been reading the bible ever since I could read?  Why is it that I try so hard to live for you yet I always feel like I'm looking over my shoulder?  That I'm about to get caught for doing something that I'm not doing wrong?  Feeling like I always have to be perfect or be kicked out?  When I have to stay home from church, the guilt eats me alive.  Don't we go to church to be taught and refreshed?  To learn more about You but not because we are trying to earn points with you?  Why is it that I feel like I've let you down when I can't do it all perfect?   Jesus, more than ever I need Your peace.  I pray for wisdom, discernment, and need to really, really know You.  Not what I thought I knew about You.  But to know Your heart.  I want to know You like never before.  Not as the punisher in the skies looking to see if I've earned enough points to maintain my salvation status.  I need to see clearly.

 

Recently a friend pointed out to me that the Christians are one body of Christ.  That we are not separated by fellowship of churches.  We are all ONE body of Christ.  Makes me sad when I hear Christians point the finger at each other and accuse the other church of not being as holy.  If a body attacks itself, won't there be less accomplished?  Won't there be injury to the body?  I wish we could work together and realize we have the same goals.  To make heaven our home and share the gospel message of Jesus Christ.  I'm going to leave the church judging of who is better and who is more righteous up to God.

"So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law. Listen! I, Paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God, then Christ will be of no benefit to you.  I'll say it again.  If you are trying to find favor with God by being circumcised, you must obey every regulation in the whole law of Moses.  For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ!  You have fallen away from God's grace.  But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us.  For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or being uncircumcised.  What is important is faith expressing itself in love." Galatians 5:1-6

I know this is talking a lot about earning our way.  I don't want to be a slave to the law.  I realize I am saved by God's grace.  Robert Morris said it really well in one of his sermons.  He said we don't earn our way to heaven but once we are saved by grace we do earn rewards in Heaven through our works.  Makes a lot of sense.  We sew seeds here and reap rewards in Heaven.  We are happy to do things for Christ, Jesus said to preach the gospel to the world.  That's important!  How selfish can I be to forget that at times?  I have heard God's message my whole life.  I need, need, need to spread the message.  But I know I wouldn't be doing it to KEEP my salvation.  I already am!  But how selfish would that be if I didn't? 

Jesus, please help me not to be a slave to the law.  Help me to enjoy life as you intended.  There is joy in living for you.  It shouldn't be this mind hassle I go through.  I pray that you would bring Your Word alive in me. Amen.

Large Family Laundry Catch Up and Annoying Ulcers

Yay... I love playing catch up. Not. However, knowing I can head to the nearest laundrymat and just do 27 loads at once makes it feel better. I brought two helpers and we knocked out those loads and folded in 2 1/2 hours flat. We walked out tired and happy. 

Recently I went to the doctor for severe stomach pain. At first they thought it was the gall bladder but turns out it's ulcers. Gee, I don't know what caused that. The doctor asked what's happened in my life that is causing major stress. Well, relatives I love passing away too early. Sometimes scared something will happen again, that the economy will crash. That my husband's job would be affected again. Another major change in my life that I can't discuss. Just that attending caused such major stress I had to remove myself before breaking down majorly. I have since remedied that but it is still an adjustment. Major. Each week though it's getting better and better. 

My own kids and husband are such a huge comfort. What incredible blessings God has given me. They bring joy to my days and I love, love, love waking up to them every day. Some tell me they don't understand how I could be with my kids 24/7 and love it every day. I don't know, I guess the attitude adjustment I got back when I had my third kid stuck. It wasn't all about me anymore. :D

On a sad note: I miss my uncle Ron. He didn't have to die. Still waiting to hear results from investigation. He's in heaven but my heart hurts for his family and my dad. His funeral was amazing. He left a big impact because of his amazing work ethics, and very good husband and father. Everyone said he was always happy and made everyone happy around him. He wasn't a big time evangelist or serving in a homeless kitchen but he showed Christ's love thru his actions to people around him. Being a person like that doesn't mean it'll make the papers but it matters in those people's lives. Imagine if everyone lived like that. ;) For others and not just for ourselves. It'd be incredible.

Christmas Play 2013

I usually work with the preschool kids at church. Such a fun age because they are still young and cute but potty trained. Yeehaw!  I'm used to working with the babies and changing Diapers so I tend to tune out the Christmas rehearsals going on. The day before the play I took my kids to the last practice. I knew I'd be volunteering on Sunday with the little kids and didn't have a problem with it. So I'm just sitting in the chairs playing on my phone when the children's leader says,

"Hey Virginia. Can you stand on the stage behind the little kids for the play?"

"What? Uh-huh, sure."

Dang, if they had warned me in advance I would have learned the songs. Now I'm gonna stand on the stage lip syncing the best I can, trying to synchronize my movements to theirs, all the while acting like I know what the heck is going on.

I felt like a pole behind the little ones with spotlights on me. Uhhhhhh.....Uhhhhhh...

Well, I'm the Queen on pretending like I know what the heck I'm doing. It's called improvising. Having my first kid was the biggest act of improvising I ever had to pull off. So the play should be a breeze.

Well, last minute we realized that we needed two people to help with the little ones. Ones to stand behind them so they don't play with the instruments and another to stand off the stage but right up front to keep them from falling off the stage. Bing!  Heeeyyyy, I got an idea. I can be on the floor out of sight somewhat. So I volunteered my 12 year old son Ryan to stand up on stage instead. Whhhhheeee! They went with it and I saved myself from having to be the pole on stage. I've been wanting to help in children's church for years so my heart was happy, happy, happy. ;)

The night before I stayed up late sewing a wiseman costume. I went to a thrift store, found some shiny sheets, brought it home and went to work at it. Turned out great! ;)

Delivered from Depression

This past week has been an amazing week.  My son Ryan has been going through a rough time since going to a new church.  He was told his best friend is never allowed to see him again since his parents changed churches.  It really, really hurt Ryan.  He had been pretty moody lately.  Not just these last couple of months but really for awhile.  I hadn't really seen the evidence of him having a relationship with Christ.  I have been praying for him that he will.  But since losing his closest friend, I could tell he was hurting even more.  He became even moodier and in turn was taking it out on everyone around him. Well, our church youth invited my boys to a youth convention.  I guess our youth leader knows the singer that sings on the radio. Well, when they had the concert, the guy pulled the alter call and my son said his heart hurt.  He prayed the sinners prayer.  He said, "Mom, I just felt reborn!"  The changed I've seen in him is drastic.  The depression has lifted, the moodiness is gone, and he has had joy I haven't seen in a long, long time.  I'm amazed! 


Today at church my family went up for prayer.  My son Chaz who is 13 got a word.  That God hears his prayers every day.  That he delights in him and has favor on him.  That God not only loves him but likes him just as he is.  I tried so hard not to cry hearing that.  Chaz DOES talk to God every day.  Without asking he will pray, do his homeschool, chores, and without complaint.  I mean, he amazes me.  Okay, one down, six more to go!  Ha! 

I had been battling depression for quite some time and really tried not to show it on my blog.  I worked so hard to put God and my family first.  In the process of that I was not always able to throw myself into ministries.  I always knew my family was my first ministry.  I just felt like I was on full blown burnout because I felt pressured to do more, more, more.  I couldn't! I knew I was at my limit.  A homeschooling mama is no joke.  It's hard work.  I've gone to college and worked before. Looking back, those jobs I had were a vacation compared to what I do now.  However, no matter how hard I worked at home training my kids up in Christ and academically, I felt like I wasn't doing enough for God.  I felt like I could never pray enough, read my bible enough, go to enough services.  I felt guilty if I was on burnout and had to skip a service.  Almost like I was displeasing God and that it meant I wasn't "faithful". That's further from the truth.  God sees our heart.  God saw those times that I would gather up my little ones in the morning and read the bible and pray with them.  He saw the tears of prayer.  He saw the witness in secret to someone who didn't know Christ.  He sees those things that no one else does.  I've learned that just because others might perceive me a certain way, they aren't God. They aren't the judge.  He is.  I live to please Him and Him alone.  Yes, it's good to have accountability but that can be abused when it's used to spy or make someone feel guilty. 

I've always seen God as someone who is watching me and just waiting for me to slip up.  Waiting to knock me into hell if I mess up too much.  There is a scripture that jumped out at me while I was sitting in church. 

"Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins."  Ecclesiastes 7:20

You probably think what's the big deal. Ohhhh, that's a big deal for me. I always put down myself for not being perfect enough.  I hated that I made mistakes.  Or that I gossiped when I shouldn't have.  Or that I thought a bad word.  I just hated that I couldn't be good enough. 

"His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime!..." Psalms 30:5

What?  That was news to me too!  Well, I guess that makes sense.  A GOOD father would forgive his son if he came to him and admitted a mistake.  A dad isn't gonna berate him for weeks on end and turn his back on him because of it.  (A normal, sane, God seeking dad of course). He will be happy his child repented!  It's not the other way around where He can't wait for you to make a mistake so He can flick you into hell.  Because of this thinking I just really had a bad view of God.  I feared him, which I should, but it was a very, very unhealthy fear.  A kind that kept me extremely depressed at times.  Since being delivered of that earning my way to heaven mentality, I feel such a freedom I have never felt before.  In that freedom comes joy.  Not a single day of that depression has come back in two months.  THAT IS A MIRACLE.  My husband has seen the difference.  Praise God!

Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on my even though I was beginning to.  Even though I was beginning to turn my back because I didn't believe you could love someone like me.  Forgive me for being incredibly judgmental of others when I had no right to.  You have forgiven so much of me and continue to do so.  Forgive me for my ungrateful heart in everything you have revealed to me in the past.  Not believing you when you revealed how much you loved.  I feel like I was going around the desert grumbling and never believing in Your promise.  I love you!

Lead Me Please - Getting to Know Him Again



 

If you get a chance, view this song called Lead Me. Everything this song says is what my heart cries out for. I'm sure many, many women and kids desire the same. I find myself just longing to be led, hungering for God more than ever. I know that as a single person I had way less distractions. Now as a married person and mom to many it's easy to forget my daily devotions. However, when I don't take that time with God I feel like I'm trying to do everything on my own strength. Well, me all wrapped up makes a pretty small package. I need Him. I am so grateful for a husband that really listens to me, hears my heartbreaks. He doesn't just listen, he'll do something about it. He doesn't brush things under the rug. I long for him to lead me but at the same time he is not God. He can't be my everything. He can't be perfect. He is my friend and partner.

There has been some pretty significant changes in my life recently and I feel like I'm learning the Bible in a completely different way. This time around I feel like a child trying to navigate and understand things again. It's hard for me to explain. Kind of like seeing things through a different shade of glasses. I'm excited but frightened. I'm used to going in one certain direction and used to just following. Well, it works for some or even many but somehow I got lost in the midst of it. I felt like I didn't know God personally. I just got used to making other people happy. This was a personal battle I was having spiritually and had to do something about it. I think each church can have different goals. Some more evangelical, some more about bringing families closer, and some more about in depth scripture study of biblical history. So many different styles but yet pointing to Christ. It's easy to point fingers and say that place isn't doing enough. While some are all about Evangelism, they might neglect their very own. On the contrast, other might be all about family and the church community and forget to reach beyond the church walls. Sharing the gospel to people who otherwise may never have stepped foot in church is crucial. Both are vitally important and neither should be neglected. Me making some changes has nothing to do with finger pointing but just spiritual survival. What works for some might not work for another.  I was so distracted I didn't see the condition of my soul, I had to stop and evaluate. I hadn't realized how much I was spiritually starving. I was starving because I was just BUSY. Too busy. Just because someone is busy doing good works doesn't mean our soul is healthy. It can be starving and lacking. That was me. In the process I feel like I have become less judgmental and more longing to be an encouragement to others. Thank goodness for God's grace.

Refreshing in My Spirit - New Beginnings

I'm feeling hope rise up in me again that I had lost long ago.  I guess the best way to say it is I felt spiritually dead on the inside.  When you lose that first love and you only go to church because you have to, it becomes just another task.  Also, the longing to work with kids has been so big in my heart for so long that it was nagging me on the inside.  I'm 34 and have waited for 14 years to work with kids. Last Sunday I visited a new church and I was a bit nervous.  I don't skip around just over silly things or passing offenses so this was a big, big deal to us.  It's hard to not have a critical eye and start judging everything around me.  I decided to come with an open heart and was just aching to receive from God.  It had been so long since I really felt God tugging at my heart.  They showed me the kid rooms and I was excited to find out there were classes for ALL my kids!  My teen boys had their own curriculum.  My baby had a nursery.  My toddlers had their own room and the kids in between had children's church.  They were being taught at their level and their understanding which is huge because this is the developing stage.  A really important molding stage for my kids.  No longer would the teaching go over their head, it would be taught at their level of understanding and it's every service!  Beforehand, I had looked online to see if I agreed with their beliefs but I still had to see for myself.  Three things were really important to me on top of the doctrine.  They believe in tithes and offerings, outreach to invite people to church, and giving people at chance at the end of service to accept Christ in their heart.  Yes!  I was excited to see all three!  Another thing that bugs me is getting hugged.  LOL.  I don't like guys chasing me around for hugs and I've had that happen to me when I've visited other churches.  People only shook our hands.  Phew!  They told me in the future I was completely welcome to work with kids and my heart jumped for joy.  I've waited for 14 years to do that and finally I would have the opportunity!  Praise God!  It's obvious I love kids because I have many of my own but it'd be a pleasure to teach others too.  I was able to sit alone with my husband and not have any distractions.  Usually I spend a good amount of the sermon trying to correct a toddler, tell a kid to be quiet, or taking a kid potty.  This time I just got to sit down and really listen.  The sermon really touched my heart and I felt a refreshing in my spirit I hadn't felt for awhile.  Not anyone's fault but mine!  It's just that the sermon was at my level and easy to understand.  Not meaning to make myself sound dumb.  Haha.  I mean, it just met me where I'm at in the stage of my life now.  The kids learned a lot at each of their levels and they are excited to go back.  I hadn't heard them be so excited about church before.  That makes my heart happy.  :) When I had these kids I promised to give them to God, to give the best chance possible to get to know Him.  The molding stage is the most important and I'm so excited for them. 

For All to See - Mommies Online

It's hard for me to write when I'm told by people around me what I can and cannot write about.  Instead of it diverting my attention away from the matter, my mind constantly wants to put it all in writing.  This has always relieved my mind of any burdens even though I am super careful what I write about.  Sorry about writing about the camping trip.  I only wrote what happened and never meant any harm.  I never want to hurt anyone.  I guess maybe sometimes it might be hard for me to see the difference between just writing what happens in my life verses slander.  I really, really honestly didn't mean to slander anyone and that is why I wrote about the camping trip but gave no names. 

Since I was a little girl I loved to write.  I used to keep a journal all growing up since 5th grade.  I never wrote it for anyone to see but I also didn't write it to hide anything.  It was like having a friend that didn't judge.  Somewhere I could tell my thoughts without getting in trouble for it.  In 2006 I discovered blogging. I saw it as my online journal for my own eyes but still knowing others could see.  So I don't write to please others or to put up fronts.  I write for me and it happens to be public.  It was never meant to be a means of ammunition for others.  But if it is used in that way, I can't control it. My blog.  My writing.  My pictures. 

Moving on.  I've always had a pretty harsh image of God.  I'm not sure why but in some ways I do know why.  My parents didn't ever give me that image.  I tend to think God is waiting up in heaven, watching my ever move, and waiting for a fall so I can be flick away for all eternity.  Oh, how I hate my view of God.  I think there are just so many churches out there that preach so drastically different that it can be confusing.  Some that are harsh judgment all the time.  You never measure up.  God is always mad.  Then there are the greasy grace.  The kind where sin is never, ever confronted and open sin in the church is accepted and tolerated.  One thing that bothers me is each section of churches that put down each other's teachings. A lot like mud slinging.  I've been guilty of thinking that my church is the only way and all others are false.  I know, I'm so embarrassed to admit that!  I really think if we somehow just compared the doctrine to Gods' word, being careful we don't do our own editing and removing of the bible, and be kind to each other we'd be a much bigger force.  Rather than mud slinging, joining together and really pray for our country.  Pray for our president, whether we like him or not.  Pray for our schools.  Our kids.  Our unsaved loved ones.  Imagine if the born again Christians banded together, put away our petty differences, and worked together to see change in this country.  For 7 years I attended a Christian homemakers group.  Someone had told me it was bad to attend because it wasn't in my own church.  However, those 7 years I blossomed!  I was taught how to be a godly mother, wife, homemaker, etc.  Those weekly meetings did so much for my family I will always be so grateful.  Yes, it was a different church than my own but I learned so much.

 



I say us mommies need not worry about being judged for showing life like it is in our own homes.  Using our blogs as a ministry to show others our triumphs but not be scared to share our weaknesses.  Besides, only showing a perfect side of us encourages others very little.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  Blog for you but keep in mind those you may be encouraging (or discouraging) in the process.  Don't let anyone bully you or tell you what you can or cannot write about.  Be YOU. 

Christianity- Back To The Basics

Back to the basics.  My thought for today.  I think as Christians, as humans, we tend to worry more about other people's business than ourselves.  Are other people acting Christian?  Are they following the bible exactly?  Are they praying and reading their bible?  Are they outreaching?  Are they picking friends wisely?  It may just be me but I think if every person focused more on themselves rather than what other people are doing, maybe there would be less fighting in the church, in the home or among friends.  It's DIFFERENT when you're talking about your spiritual leaders (in my opinion).  That's a whole different ball game.  People that are supposed to be leading you in Christ, interpreting scripture, or counseling your family should have an open book of standards being held.  That said, how much is it my business where people choose to worship? 

pretty simple, right?

Back to the basics.  Choosing a place of worship based on the bible should be a careful thought out process.  It should be done with bible in hand, comparing the pastor's words with the scriptures.  Do they line up?  Is this where I want my family to worship?  Secondly, the people.  Do I want these people influencing my children?  Are they encouraging me to want to serve or are they busy bodies?  Do they focus more on people's faults rather than encouraging them?  NONE of us are perfect.  We all fall short.  We make mistakes, say things we shouldn't say, hold anger at times towards each other, struggle with forgiving, have times of needless bickering. So why should we spend so much time making sure other people are living for God the way we think they should?  Not to be extreme but if I were a sinner looking from the outside, this would scare me away!  I wouldn't want to touch it with a 10 foot pole!  No church should be a gang that jumps people in or out.  "Hey, if you don't go to my church, we're through."  That is a scary place to be I would think.  Would God judge me in the same measure I judge them?  On the other hand, when someone does decide to leave, I would hope they wouldn't try to take people out with them as revenge.  If they do, that's a different story and God will judge them.  We should never be a stumbling block to others.

 



Back to the basics.  Love God, read my bible, pray, attend services to learn, share Jesus with other so they might know Him.  That's pretty basic, right?  Not too hard.  Now, it will become much harder if I try to force other people to do exactly the same. Let God be their judge.  Let God judge their heart. He knows better than we do.  It's not a sin to go on a week, or even two, long vacation.  Christianity isn't perfectly attending every service.  It's not how many doors you knock on.  Christianity isn't how perfectly you live your life.  We are saved by God's grace and his grace alone.  Not by our works.  We do these thing because we love Him.  Not because we want fire insurance so it keeps God from flinging us into hell.  Yes, we need church.  The bible says not to forsake it.  But it was never about being the perfect Christian that does everything to the rule book without mistake.

Maybe judge less.  Go back to the basics of what Christianity is all about. Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul.  Serve others.