Leaving a Legacy-What Others Say About You When You Pass Away

 My Uncle Ron's unexpected passing at 57 really got me thinking.  Since visiting with family and hearing what everyone said about him, I'm even more amazed.  Nobody had anything bad to say. He was an attentive father, loving husband, hard worker, and an equally amazing grandfather.  I love that he put family first and kept all his relationships intact.  Not letting outside forces break each other apart.  Sometimes you have to fight for what you really care about.  Many times, not all the times, but many times it's your blood family that will stick with you whether or not you are super likable.  I tell the kids all the time that although they fight, they are learning how to work through problems that will help them as adults.  It's worth working through.  It's worth learning how to apologize and forgive.  Not to waste these opportunities by holding grudges.  I get sad when I hear that grown siblings are holding onto hurts from childhood.  Seriously, kids are immature and do and say stupid things.  Not worth holding onto. 

Talking to family the other day, they told me how Ron's co-workers could have went home earlier in the day.  When they found out Ron died on the job, they stayed till late that night all sitting together still at work.  They said he was the sunshine of the company.  That he brought joy to the workplace and was always the first one in with a smile.  I love that.  Will my kids remember me as stressed, contentious, and grumpy when days are hard?  Or will they see that even if mommy is having a hard day, she didn't take it out on everyone around her?  I think about things like this every single day.  EVERY DAY.

I loved how Ron had his grandkids over often and welcomed his home to them.  Here they are grown, all done raising kids, and he still loved the busyness of it. That's gotta be a tad tough I would think.  But that kind of unselfishness and patience is an amazing quality.  They traveled together as a whole family unit even though their kids are all raised. 

When someone passes on and they leave this kind of legacy behind them, what a testimony to have.  You won't be remembered just by what you say you believe.  You will be remembered by how you treated others around you and how you lived on a daily basis. 

 

"Lord, please help me to leave this kind of impact on my family and friends as Uncle Ron did.  I want to strive every day to be a leader to my kids and people around me.  Someone who lives it and loves.  Not just talks about what's wrong with the whole world around me.  I can't change the whole world.  I can only have an impact on the world around me so that they can learn and impact the world around them.  Help me to love by accepting people as they are and not what I want them to be. Amen."

Second Day in Vegas

Forgive me for not posting much! My computers stink and I'm having so many problems with them. It gets so irritating that I'm resorting to blogging from my phone again. I don't like it because it pushes all my pictures to the bottom of my posts. Oh well. I'm such a busy mom it's hard to find time to sit at a computer anyway. :P I'm writing at the dentist office while my kids are getting their checkups.

Our second day in Vegas we were feeling like we didn't get to see enough and had a family discussion about staying longer. So when my sister Jodee asked if we wanted to come visit their church. I was like yeah! Jodee and Dan have always amazed me because ever since they got married, even before, they just had a vision to reach souls for Christ. They haven't looked back since. They even built a church in South Africa for several years and did a really good work there. So we were excited to see them while visiting in the area. The kids got to see their cousins. That's all the pictures you're seeing on here. ;)

After church we went to the Bellagio and watched the fountains. It was around 11pm but we didn't care. Vegas is fabulous at night! The fountains were so beautiful and are synchronized with music.

It is super fun to shop in Vegas. I've always loved bling on everything and that's where I can find it real easy and not overly expensive. Charles is stinking awesome because he kept making me go into stores to buy all my favorite stuff. Even if I was holding back he would tell me to find stuff because it's harder to get where we live. :D Yay for guys that love to give to their wife!

Thanksgiving 2013- Changing Up the Norm This Year

It's been really hard for me to want to do blogs since my camera broke several months ago.  Cell phone pics just aren't the same and lose their vibrancy.  I finally broke down and bought a new camera.  I got the Nikon Coolpix S9500 18MP because its has built in GPS and wifi.  Soooo, that is perfect for me.  Finally, finally, finally.

My family with friend Heidi

Usually I have Thanksgiving in my house and invite family over.  We also try to invite people over that don't have any family so that they aren't just sitting home.  This year, since we'll be gone for Christmas, we agreed to change things up and have Thanksgiving with Charles' family.  Usually we do Thanksgiving at our house and then Christmas Eve with Charles family.  Then Christmas day with my family.

I was a little sad not cooking the full Thanksgiving meal myself.  I enjoy every single bit of it.  It's even hard for me to let my mom help out because I love to cook it so much!  Some day I hope its a big affair at my house.  As my kids grow up and have their own families, I hope to host it!  It's such an important day to me.  I actually prefer it over Christmas because presents aren't expected.  We just visit together and maybe play board games after.



To be fair though, I don't get a chance to see Charles' family often.  It's definitely hard when you're married because you have to be sure to split the holidays up without anyone getting offended.  It was good to see all his family.  Charles' grandma had 10 children so you can imagine how the family has gotten huge.  I love it and am excited about my own large family.  I hope, I hope, I hope we all stay near when they are grown.  It would break my heart to have a kid move away.

 Family was shocked that my oldest is 13.  Heck, I'm still shocked!  People warned me time would fly but I didn't really believe it.  18 years of raising a kid sounds like a really long time.  It's not.  Sniff.

Where I live the whether is so much better come November.  It's cooler and we're not retreating indoors to be in A/C.  Ahhhh... while others are in snow, we are finally feeling FREE again.  I guess it's just opposite here.  We retreat indoors in the summer rather than the winter.

Our 15th anniversary is in about a week!  Wow!  Time has flown! 

Ryan is right underneath Chaz as he is only 12 months younger.  He's 12!

Caleb is only interested in trucks.

 Ivy and Ashley have become close friends.  They are two years apart and it's so cute to see them play together!

Anyhow, I haven't went on friends' blogs too much because the kids just did a hayday on our computers.  Just to use them I had to do a lot of work on them.  Man, oh, man.  I'm excited to be blogging more again and visiting other blogs!!!





I'm No Supermom...Not by a Long Shot

I'm doing some research before I make a final decision about this upcoming school year. Basically, my kids are spoiled.  I think they are spoiled rotten at times.  Deprived you say?  Bwahaha!  My kids have memberships to the huge 3 story science center, a zoo membership, gym membership.  They don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn and they get to leasurely eat breakfast every morning.  While they lazily sip on their morning hot tea, they are either listening to a family bible study by me or watching an educational video.  School comes some time around 10am or maybe starts at 11am.  Depends on when mom's brain wakes up.  That only comes after a good dose of coffee.  They get done in a few hours, maybe only two if they really concentrate, and then they start their chores.  If they are lazy about it they finish in an hour.  When they are really good at it they are done in only a half hour.  Yeah, young ones have dissected and learned the insides of some animals before most kids ever get to.  It's weird having a five year old depressed because her older brother got to dissect a frog before she could.  Yeah, my kids have it amazingly good.  I don't have to worry about late nights at church and having to rush them to bed because of school in the morning.  We have such a good life. 

Do you think my kids would be at my feet thanking me for the good life they have?  Noooooo.... they think schooling takes too long and chores take to long.  They've completely forgotten their days of public school that they hated, hated, hated.  They hated the long days, hunger, and bullying. They hated getting lost in the system because the teacher had moved on before they were ready.  They hated the hurried lunches and the lame 5 minute recess.  Did you know they've cut recess waaaaaay down?  When I was a kid we had a good 20 minutes-30 minutes of recess.  I needed to get all that energy out.  I'm sure my teacher begged the principal to give me Benadryl each day.  Something to knock me out so she could peacefully teach the rest of the class.  A week ago I told them I wasn't sure about another year of homeschooling because they aren't appreciating it.  They all cried and hung on my leg.  Please noooooo!  I took a deep breath.  I thought about it while doing cardio at the gym, I thought about it while lifting weights.  I thought about it while swimming my midnight laps.  I thought about it while showering, eating, and just before dozing off.  I ran into a book that just made my heart leap for joy....

Click here to see on Amazon

Wow!  This is about 15 different families that are all in different situations and all homeschool differently.  I needed a way to keep the attention of my kids and it seems what I'm doing isn't working.  It's just not as exciting for them.  I've been devouring this book and can hardly put it down.  There are those perfect parents who seem like they have it all together and their three year old is learning calculus and then there are the ones.... like me.... that give so much to the kids that I'm just happy to shower that day.  Do you know why I go to workout at the gym after the kids are asleep?  Because that's when I have the time.  When I go it's usually 9:30pm-12:30am.  No, I don't sleep in all day.  Heck, I'm writing this at 2am because it's the only time I've had yet I still have to get up with the early risers.

I woke up to this the other day. Juliet trying to figure out how to get
out of her crib.  Okay, she's 12 months! Help!

I get excited when I find a book that just lifts my spirits when I'm lagging inside.  I don't have a homeschool co-op or a support group.  I wish I could have those cheer leaders on the sidelines but I don't.  I have to just keep my faith in God, relying on His strength, my mind in constant study, and my heart resting in God's grace.  That is the only way I can give sooooooooooo much of myself every day without cracking.  I'm no supermom.  Ha...  By a long shot.  I'm related to some but I'm not one.  I just have to work super hard.

 

Good news!  I'm down 10lbs!!!  Aaaaaagh!  NO CARBS and lots and lots of juicing and vegetables.  White meat more than red meat.  I'm learning to make really yummy food and I can eat LOTS of it!  I will share soon on a great Souperman food I now make. Get it?  It's a soup but man, oh man, is it packed of good stuff.  Superman himself might be knocking on my door soon for the recipe. 

Don't Judge a Parent by a Picture

Negativity can wreak havoc on people like you wouldn't believe. Sure, I've been one of the people that think I know everything about parenthood. I had plenty to say back when I had no kids. "My kids will never do this and my kids will only act like that. I will dress them perfectly at all times. My kid will be extremely well behaved and will be the best kid in church and the store."



Well, I had kids! Agh! Very little went as planned. Some days I had to walk out of a store because my kid was embarrassing me and throwing a fit. No matter how much I train I still have to deal with attitudes every now and then. I still have toddlers to teach basic self control skills to.  I have preteens to STILL teach self control skills too and also managing their thoughts.  What we allow to nest in our minds. 

Kyle fell sleep at store window during photo session. View from outside mall store.



No way am I a perfect parent. Yes, I still have kids that love to wear their costumes to a store.  Yes, the costumes can get completely worn out and look like they should have been thrown away a year ago.  Have you ever had a little 4 year old beg for you not to throw out their favorite Batman costume?  Have you wondered how people would look at you because your kid wants to wear a Batman costume to the store?  One that's been worn so much that the yellow Batman logo is completely worn off?  I have.  My son Kyle used to have this favorite costume and I wouldn't throw it out till I found another to replace it.  The costume wasn't dirty.  Just worn. 

As I'm typing this I have a 5 year old playing on the piano and an 11 year old practicing on his drums for his upcoming band concert.  Lots of noise everywhere.  It doesn't mean my kids are out of control.  Kids come with noise.  I can't expect them to sit down and shut up like some would think I should do.  If it bothered me so much to have kids and noise I would just go buy some ear muffs and happily be about my business caring for them. 

I love to glean wisdom from people. I think people get confused with "giving wisdom" and just being "overly critical."  I'm a very teachable person.  In fact, any time I get around people that grew up in a large family, get ready for it because I will ask a lot of questions.  I want to know how they did their daily work, how mealtimes went, handling the laundry demon, and how the older ones interacted with the younger ones.  I tend to find two different extremes.  One extreme is the mom who expected their older ones to care for the little ones.  Even going to friends' house they were expected to bring the little siblings.  Mom was off in the laundry room, cooking, or cleaning all the time.  The way she had a perfect house was her taking care of all that while the other cared for each other.  That's one extreme.  The other extreme I've seen is to where the mom does EVERYTHING and kids just play, play, play.  You'll literally see the kid throwing stuff over their shoulder and the mom behind them picking it up and putting it away.  Mom sacrifices sleep in order to do it all and make sure her kids completely enjoy the innocence of their youth.  Not really training them to one day be adults but instead trying to completely preserve their childhood as long as possible.  Mom is completely worn out and kids grow up not knowing how to care for their own household.



Okay, so I've taken those two extremes and figured there had to be a happy medium.  So, how to do I this?  Well, I figured that although it's good to care about each other as siblings and do kind things for one another, I've never put them in charge.  Because I've made sure they know that I AM mom, they tend to beg to have the opportunity to mommy a little one out of their own desire, not something I force on them.  I use the Buddy System in order to teach them to show sibling love and care about someone besides themselves.  This means when we are out, just keep an eye out for their chosen buddy and make sure they stick together.  The older ones are not asked to take over for me and take care of all the little ones.  They are only given one buddy and the buddy system is only used when we are out and about. It means if 3 year old Caleb needs to go potty, 11 year old Ryan is the one that takes him.  Ryan loves it and each kid had a choice of their buddy.  Someone they got along with well.  You should see the wonderful bond that has formed between Ryan and Caleb. Ryan isn't resentful because he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING. 

Caleb sitting next to big brother in church



Chore time?  That's easy.  The house is split up into sections.  I know it's tempting to just have the older ones take over since they tend to clean up right.  I can't let that happen.  I give each kid a chore I think they can handle for their age.  That means 3 year old Caleb's chore is just to pick up shoes and put them in the bucket.  That's what he can handle.  It doesn't mean I have Chaz and Ryan doing everything because it's easier than finding where the younger ones are hiding because they don't want to do chores.  It's WORTH training each and every child.  None of my kids put away my things.  I don't use having kids to be my maids.  I take care of my own stuff and plenty, plenty more.  I don't do chores for kids just to make their life harder and mine easier but because I want them to not be afraid of work when the time comes for them to have to work a job.  It BLESSES me greatly when someone tells me that my kids did a fantastic job helping out somewhere and they don't seem to be afraid of work. That they worked with great attitudes.  Then I KNOW I'm doing something right.  Recently the boys had to do some landscaping to earn their way to a Navy Seals Base in a different state.  Rather than just pay the money from mom and dad, they were proud to have worked for it.

 



Of course I will make mistakes.  I'm human.  I know it's easy for people that don't have kids to feel like they have it all together or for parents of parents to have tunnel vision and criticize. Don't you think it's better to encourage?  To show by example rather than send hate mail?  Believe me, I have lost sleep over trying to make sure I raise my kids right.  I've read over a hundred books.  I've asked grandparents. I've asked grown children.  I've prayed about it.  I've searched the scriptures.  I've researched the history of different styles of parenting.  Most importantly, I learn each day in each circumstance.

I may be biased but I don't feel like a neglectful parent who can't care for her own kids.  I can't help if in the hate mail people say they feel sorry for my kids.  I can't help that they only know my family through pictures, or through my blog, or watch from a distance.  They don't live in my house.  No, my children are not starving Africans.  No we are not on government assistance.  On that note, stop attacking families that are.  You don't know their situation.  Especially as a Christian we should be praying for families going through financial hardship.  It has not been an easy economy.  Maybe, just maybe, a family started out great and then a job fell through.  You must think, "There go I but for the GRACE of God."  Pray for families, pray for parents.  Don't sit back in the computer chair and spread gossip and hate disguised as knowledge and concern. 

 

By the way. I'm new on Instagram!



Celebrating Ashley's 5th Birthday Party with Just Us Girls

We had to celebrate Ashley's birthday late but for this birthday it was just my mom, dad, Ivy, Ashley, and I.  My dad just met us for dinner and then us girls headed over to Chuck E Cheese.  

My dad is so good at winning these things and he got one of the first try.  Sheesh!  Isn't it funny though how the people tuck everything in so tight?  We were lucky to get that one because after that he couldn't get a second one.  I mean, nothing budged.  I seriously need to own one of those machines.

It is really, really nice to spend time with my parents.  I always wonder what life is gonna be like when all my kids grow up and I'm still here without them.  Are they gonna move far away?  Are they gonna want to bring their children here?  Charles and I have already planned out making one of the rooms a guest room and another one a nursery....just in case anyone will bring the kids by.  I know that's really thinking ahead but I love family around me so much.  It was even a little bit hard going to Chuck E. Cheese without the rest of my family.  We still had fun but I can't help feeling like that.  I think the hard part about being a grandparent would be knowing that you aren't the decision maker on raising the kids anymore.  Your job is done and however your kids decide to raise their kids, that's their choice.  

Have you ever been to Chuck E Cheese during the school year on a week night?  It's so empty AND wonderful!!!  We had the whole place to ourselves.  Usually the place with all it's noise can get really crazy but it was much more enjoyable with not having the over crowding.

Chuckie completely caught me off guard.  I turned around, saw him, and almost fell over.  Sheesh.  Ha ha.

I think the girls cared more about winning tokens then anything.  Ashley was excited about her winnings!  She still carries them around everywhere.  She's so polite though so when we got home and the kids wanted to try out her things she said yes.  I told her to be careful because they break easy.  She shares everything.  Her toys, candy...  The wonderful thing about having several kids, they learn to share so much easier. :)

Happy birthday my sweet princess.  My 5th child turned 5.  You have been so easy to raise thus far and you always have such a sweet spirit.  You even skipped the terrible twos.... I need more of you.  Heh heh.

After Chuck E Cheese we headed to McDonalds so we could have coffee with the cake.  Boy, my mom is a night owl and we only left at 11pm because they were closing.  LOL.  I got my night owlness from my mom.  

So you know how I'm on a diet?  Seriously, I love my diet.  I basically eat only meat and vegetables.  I allow myself only 25 carbs a day MAX.  That's usually just from my milk and coffee creamer.  I ate two tiny bites of my cake.  Heh heh..... so proud.  Seriously though, we went to Denny's, Chuck E Cheese, then McDonalds and I still stayed within my diet.  I'm so proud.  Pat on the back, pat on the back.    :D

When Is Our Time of Death?

Oh man, as faithful as I have been on my Paleo diet I was getting frustrated that I couldn't lose anything passed the 10lb mark.  Ohhhh, so frustrating.  The rest of my family is only half Paleo so I have been having to cook them dinners that I can't eat.  It doesn't bother me because I like being skinnier more than eating a plateful of pasta.  After I cook for them I'll make what I want and then my husband will look at my food and want to eat it.  "I told you I can cook yummy and healthy!" Ha ha.  They never believe me.  Well, I've gone a whole week being 100% faithful to my diet and not losing another single pound.  Finally today I broke that darn 10lb mark. I stopped going to the gym after Ivy got burned.  I was at the gym when it happened.  It's not that I'm blaming anyone it's just that it was such a horrible experience I just lost my taste for going.  That and I have NOT found the time for escaping to the gym.  Having 7 kids is AWESOME and WONDERFUL but I put taking care of them first so if I don't have the time, I just don't have it.

You want to know another reason why I haven't gone back to the community center?  When we first joined a nearby community center, Chaz got hurt on the first day.  This was only two months ago.  Well, Chaz was going down the slide and the lifeguard let another kid start going down right after.  Chaz got kicked in the head and got a mild concussion.  I went and got a lifeguard who is also an EMT.  He was the nicest guy and spent time with Chaz making sure he was okay.  He told me if I ever needed anything just to come and get him.  Well, he recently committed suicide and he was in his early 20's with a 10 month old son.  When we went back to the center, it just didn't feel the same.  I walked into the pool area half expecting to see him there with his kind smile but he wasn't there.  My heart just broke.  I know I need to go back.  Life moves on.  The sun still sets, but it still hurts.  That was someones boy, someones dad, someones grandson.  :(  Life is short and he took it.  The rest of us don't know when it's our time.  It's foolishness to just hope eternity will take care of itself and it's not something we should think about.  If I were to die today, am I ready to meet Jesus?  Will Pershing, a blogger, didn't know this would be his last post. The very next day he died in a crash on his way to lunch with his family after church.  Will was ready to be with Jesus.  

On a lighter note we visited the zoo this past weekend and my mom came with us.  What a treat!  We never, ever get sick of the zoo because it's full of nature and animals.  The kids can run around and we don't have to worry about being quiet! Ivy wanted to wear shorts instead of pants over her swimsuit but I said no because of her burn.  She can't expose her leg to the sun for over year.   She wasn't happy about it but she got over it.  :)

My mom playing with Juliet near the giraffe area.

All of us rode the camel.  I was a little worried about getting on because I was worried my weight would deflate his hump.  Turns out Dale is pretty durable.  Ha ha.

Hi Dale!  You are such a patient Camel.

Juliet is 4 months now!  She is very social and likes to be part of the action.  If I try to put her in the baby swing she only stays happy for about 5 minutes.  She has to be sitting straight up to see what everyone is doing.

The kids checking out an exhibit