Picking My Priorities: The Delicate Balance of Motherhood

I've been trying extra, extra hard to stay on top of my house work and get ahead before the new homeschool year starts. The hard part is staying balanced and not letting it overtake the time with my kids. I did make a schedule for myself that worked incredibly well a few years back but at times I kicked against it. I know that sounds odd but that's the little kid in me. When I follow the schedule, the house stays looking great. Well, I finally decided to woman up and try it again and the house is looking amazing. Even laundry piles shrinking. Boy, taking care of a big family is a lot of work but soooo worth it. I'm determined to not do any cleaning except for dinner cleanup after 5pm.  Mama has to have her breaks too. Sometimes I'm tempted to work on something but my grandmother (mother of nine) reminds me to not burn myself out. She's so right. I just need to enjoy my evenings. :D

I thought tonight I'd be helping out someone who's daughter got lice from a play center. (Totally keeping this anonymous.)  She called me up and asked for help, offered to pay, hearing that I knew how to get rid of it fast. I said no to the pay and just wanted to pay it forward. Awhile back my kids had gotten lice from other kids and I had poured money into trying to get rid of it. An angel lady just came to my rescue who gets rid of them for a living. She would accept no pay and totally wiped out the problem. Believe me, these places charge a lot. I learned from her and have had some opportunities to pay it forward and help others. What a blessing she was!  Turns out they can't come till tomorrow so I missed my session at the gym with my trainer. Well, Charles took 8 kids with him and I had the house alone for 3 hours. While he was GETTING HIS BUTT KICKED (haha) I didn't even know what to do with all the quiet! We were supposed to train together at the gym but since I wasn't there, he was the focus. Basically he came back and just collapsed in a chair. Haha!  He said, "Baby, she kicked my butt. She's your kind of trainer." I can't wait to get back to the gym for sure. ;)

P.S. If you see all my pics at the bottom of my posts that means I blogged from my phone rather than on computer. Blogger app needs to fix it and make options. ;)

Finding Time Alone With One Child for a Date

I had a GREAT night!  I took my second son out on a date.  Just him and I.  You know how you can just tell that a kid needs some time alone?  I have been going through some behavior issues with three of my kids so those three are the ones I am focusing on.  That doesn't mean the good ones are being ignored because they earn really awesome things for their good behavior. 

Over time I've loved observing how large families operate.  I even watch smaller families.  One of the biggest frustrations to me is mom making their kids doing EVERYTHING.  Sitting down while their kids do the work.  I remember when I had a lot more time for reading and I had read some advice from James Dobson.  He said that kids will resent watching their mom sit down while giving out orders to their kids to clean.  Every since I read that I've made it a point to be working on my chores the same time as them.  Even if I've finished my chores, I'll get up and find something to work on.  Our job never ends anyway.  I remind the kids when they complain about their chores that I'm always working alongside them.  Never standing over them.  I know exampleship is really important to my kids and they aren't slow to point out discrepency in things.  I'm glad we all hold each other accountable.  ;)

Over the last few years, maybe 3 or 4, I have worked on and perfected a chore list for my kids.  One that I feel is fair per age.  I've had to switch them around many times in order to find which chore fit which kid.  I feel like I have to assign chores because if I just tell everyone to clean then some of the kids, particulary one I can think of, will hide somewhere.  Or I'll have the kids that work ultra fast while the others are turtle slow and get away with picking up very little.  When I assign chores, I'm able to see each of their work and know who didn't do theirs.  Works great!  I was one of those kids that would hide somewhere while my older kids did the work.  I tell my kids that I tried getting away with a lot as a kid so they aren't gonna get things passed me very easy. 

There is one kid I have who is generally pretty good but he is like a volcano.  If he erupts and starts being very naughty and defiant then there is a reason behind it.  After I figure out what's really going on, I try to find what their needs are and fix them.  At least what I am able to do.  I took Ryan out to dinner tonight.  We had dinner and then shared an oreo shake.  I took him out alone to pick out a new pair of shoes and a couple other treats.  He left very happy.  So did I with my New Balance Heart Rate Monitor S4.  Heh heh.  I also got Charles his Father's Day gift but shhhhhh.... don't say anything.  Ryan and I did a little couponing at the store and had a fun time goofing off.  I couponed for very little since the night was supposed to be for Ryan.  However, since some of the couponing benefited him, he walked out with a smile.  On the ride home he told me what a wonderful time it was together and that made my heart happy. 

UPDATED! Why Do I Struggle So Much with Decluttering?

Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!  Aggghhhhh!  It kills me out much I constantly have to declutter.  Sniff... Just because I'm not a perfectionist doesn't mean I'm okay with clutter.  I HATE clutter.  Let me put it this way, I love going into a hotel and only having to do basic straightening up.  I don't leave anything for the maids unless it's deep cleaning.  It EASY to straighten up.  THAT'S exactly how I want my house.  That's how it was when I was single.  I have two forks, two spoons, two plates.  You get what I mean.  I don't mind more but I don't need everything multiplied by 10.  I'm not a shopaholic and I only go shopping for what I need.  I avoid stores actually and prefer nature.  So HOW in the world do I keep getting more?  Can you tell I'm frustrated?  I think it's because I don't declutter as things come in for Christmas, birthdays, random gifts, a bag someone gives me.  I just forget and don't think about it.  Before I know it I have a big project on my hands.  :(  My husband says he thanks God I'm not a perfectionist and says he would never have wanted to marry a woman that puts house before kids.  That's nice and all but I would like a nice balance.

Last night I did it again where I had everyone empty EVERYTHING onto the living room red rug.  We call it the Red Carpet Treatment.  Everything comes out of their room except furniture.  We put back what we want and donate the rest. I have to have some compassion and let them keep some toys.  Duh.  It's just not an excess of it.  Also, the girls have been finding spots to hide garbage in rather than walk over to the kitchen and throw it away.  One day I went to put some clean clothes away but I couldn't because it was full of hidden random stuff that should be thrown out.  Not food but like paper scraps and wrappers.  Argh.



I see these pics of blogging mamas and wish my house could look like that.  I work hard every day to train the kids.  I was a little bit encouraged recently after watching some kids because I couldn't get those kids to clean for nothing.  My kids will clean as asked and even without complaining.  It's just that they are very messy.  Bless my wonderful, awesome, compassionate, sweet, amazing husband.  The other day I told him my frustrations.  I told him I want a cleaner house. I was practically in tears because I had worked all day.  He looked around and said, "It looks great to me."  Ummmm....what? He asked if I homeschooled and took care of kids.  I replied with an emphatic yes.  He said that was most important to him.  I told him that it was so sweet but I feel happy in a decluttered and somewhat of a neat home.  It makes me feel at peace.  Amazing man.  Seriously.  He always, always reminds me that God is first, homeschooling second, and house cleaning third. 



I know lots of kids come with more messes.  I know laundry piles are much more than people with smaller families.  I know that cleanup is multiplied and I guess I'm not the best one for the job.  I did fantastic at taking care of myself or when my family was small.  I just have to come up with a better plan, work even harder, and pray that God will give me the strength.  It's not he energy level because I have a TON and I can go from morning to late night in whatever I am doing.  I won't even sit down to read one of my books till everything is done for the day and kids are laid down.  I guess I would just like to be a bit more successful. 



I do TONS of stuff with my kids.  I put a LOT of time into them.  I could tell you each and every kids favorite color, their dreams, their likes/dislikes, their favorite foods and what they hate.  I love taking them on fieldtrips.  I will never replace any of that for a perfect house.  I guess I'm just the type of person that has to have less stuff to keep up on.  How these moms do it on a consistent basis without the ups and downs I have is beyond me.  If you are like that, pray for me!  I would like some of it to rub off.  I was the baby of the family and I read the book Birth Order by Dr. Kevin Leman.  VERY good book and it has me down to the "T" with my personality type.  Oh well, here is to keep on keepin' on!  I won't give up.  I'm heading back over to my decluttering pile now....

Don't get me wrong, if having a lot of kids means I have a much bigger mess to clean up then it's worth it.  I love these kids so much and yes I have to work so much harder because of it.  I'm one blessed lady when it comes to that.  Just would like to know how some of those other large family mamas do it.  :D

*** UPDATED! ***

 

So a frustrating day turned GREAT!  My husband came home from work.  I talked to him about all this.  He immediately took charge and directed all the kids to help me move things to donation boxes and put things away.  He gave a couple of them new chores that he wanted to get covered.  Within one hour I was amazed and was smiling all night.  Then he lit some vanilla candles around the house.  My mouth just dropped open watching everyone work so fast together.   I was so happy!  It's so nice having a man around here FO SHO!  I had to show this picture because that is the red carpet we put everything on when we are decluttering. I'll have them empty everything in their room onto that carpet, put back what they want to keep and donate the rest.  I emptied 3 rooms on that carpet the other day so you can imagine how this space looked just prior to this picture.  EEK!  Much, much went into donation bins.  :D

 

 

As Lazy As We Dare To Be

Yesterday was one of those really rough days.  I mean the one where every ounce in your is fighting for patience.  You hand is shaking holding onto it yet it feels as if you can't hold on it much longer.  I know in time like these it's helping me to stretch just a little more.

Well, it really started the night before.  Caleb is just liking his freedom out of a crib way too much.  He will get up in the middle of the night and stalk the house.  I've actually had to put a gate up just to keep in the back part of the house where he can't get into any trouble. He only has access to our bedrooms.  So of course he liked to go and wake everyone up. Well, last night I woke up at midnight hearing a baby in a tricycle.  Normally that's pretty cute but I was exhausted and he woke up and was wide awake!  I laid him down at least 10 times.  Over and over and over.  I just would get up out of bed, pick him up, tell him it was time to sleep, and lay him back in his car bed.  This happened several times till I heard Ryan getting up complaining that Caleb was crawling all over him.  Finally, so they could rest, I laid him down with me.  He laid awake about an hour till he finally fell asleep.  Well I didn't because I was worried about him rolling off my high bed.  Eventually around 2:30am I was able to transfer him to his bed.  Back in the day, when I had only a couple of kids, this would've frustrated the dickens out of me.  learning patience is not just a chore, it will keep your sanity as you learn it.  


I woke up tired and got a cup or coffee.  I tucked my bible under my arm and went into the school room to study.  My coffee can get cold really fast for some reason but as I was reaching down to grab only my 3rd sip, it was gone!  Then I hear a gulp "Ahhhhh..."  I turn to my side and see that Caleb had grabbed my cup while I had turned my back and completely downed it. That little booger.  He was even licking his lips.

My heart was kind of heavy hearing about people around me getting abortions and that's how I wrote the abortions post.  However, when I went to go view my blog yesterday, another page pops up saying my blog was blocked because of malware!!  What???  I ran a diagnostics test through Google and it said my blog was totally clean.  However, I have to have my site submitted to Google for review just to have warning removed.  It also said it can take several weeks.  I was so sad thinking no readers would come.  That process took me around 2 hours so we were already starting homeschool late.

Starting homeschool late is NOT good because last week my K12 computer, that is protected by Norton, got a virus and was wiped clean.  Until K12 sends me a repair disk, we are working from one computer.  That is not easy when you have 4 kids doing some of their work from the computer.

Finally about midway through the day I was tired of hearing arguing going on in the house, plus I was discouraged at the mess around me so we took a break from learning and had a family meeting.  I grabbed my notebook, pencil, and bible and we gathered in the living room.  It was hard to get 6 squirmy kids to settle down and be quiet so we could have a discussion.  I read out of Matthew 18:15.  I read it from the children's bible to make it as simple as possible.

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him what he did wrong.  Do this in private.  He he listens to you, then you have helped him to be your brother again."

I told them that before they come to me they need to work it out with each other. If your brother or sister does something to you that offends you, you need to tell them and work it out before coming to me.  If I have to get involved then it'll change how it's handled.  Like when two kids were fighting over the toy, the offended one ran to me and I reminded her to work out something with her sister.  Since they couldn't, I took the toy away for several hours from both of them.

Then we discussed new chores and how we can make it work more efficiently.  NOBODY was happy and every one moaned.  I again reminded them that if they only picked up after themselves the chores would be done in a snap.  I explained that if all of us left out just 10 items apiece in one day, that's 80 items left around the house.  Whether it's a dish, toy, shoes, clothes, toothbrush.  It adds up fast.  After I had a vote on the chores and who takes what I made a rough draft of what the chart will look like.  I also gave them breaks in their homeschooling so they can have more breathers.  Since we were talking about picking up after themselves, I decided that would be our character quality of the week.

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness

Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it.

Romans 12:21

There were still lots of moaning and complaining.  Little boogers.  If they had it their way, they would never do any work and would play all day.  Then again, I guess we are all as lazy as we dare to be.  We fight it till the day we die.  At least for me!

Even as frustrating as this day was I reminded myself to thank God.  We got to have a bible time together, memorize scripture, get that new chore list started, and I got to have a really great talk with Ryan about things on his heart.  In the end, his grouchiness disappeared and Chaz just needed something in his tummy.  :)

Learning Endurance Can be Exhausting

Ashley

In the pics below you can see mommy is having fun with Kyle's magnifying glass he got in his K12 materials.  Also, I told my little Ashley (almost 4) that she is homeschooling too to make her happy.  She's just really doing Starfall online.  Anyway, on with my blog post.

********

Today was a really tough day schooling at home.  Okaaaay, last year I said only crazy people use K12 because I saw how many hours they worked.  Well, call me crazy because I am this year!  Haha.  I thought I'd finally stop attacking it and give it a try.  Hold on a sec while I say this nicely.....

"HOLY COW, THIS IS A TON OF WORK!"

No joke!  Just like I thought, it's a curriculum that can take up to 9-10 if you are schooling multiples.  I talked with my son's online teacher today and told her my thoughts on it.  It's incredibly thorough but I'm not stupid.  I have a GREAT memory.  NO way did we do this much work in one day of school.  We had more breaks than this, recess, and just general goofing off in between subjects.  My kids get none of that.   Being that it's a public school brought home, I'm not sure if they are hoping the parents throw their hands up and just enroll their kids again but I'm not going to.  I'm gonna fight it through.  The house may be trashed till June and I may have bags under my eyes but I'm not letting this time of my life go down the toilet without learning something.  

Ivy

There is always something good to take from hard times.  Here are some.

     1.  My kids get to sleep till 8:30 every morning.  I hate early mornings too so I felt their pain last year getting on the bus.  It's not longer hard on the kids after those two evening church services in the week.  Going to bed late and getting up early was tough.


     2.  I know what my kids are learning.  No more embarrassing moments helping them with their homework saying "What the heck? I don't remember this!"  Haha.  I'm learning right along with them.


     3.  I'm finally figuring out how to use my commas!!!!! Hahahaha!  Yesterday while teaching Ryan I came across commas.  I was so excited to learn that it comes before conjunctions and between two simple sentences to join them together.  Whoopee!!  Now, if only I can get it right.  I, still, struggle, where, to, put, those, dang, commas.  Okay, so get this.  If any of my friends want to take one of my paragraphs, copy it comments, and show me where to put my dang commas, please do!!!!  Don't go overboard though because I'm sure you could show me tons.  I'm the dysfunctional comma placing challenged woman. However you put that.


     4.  Man, as HARD, and I do mean H-A-R-D, my days are now I still LOOOOOVE having my kids home with me every day.  I don't regret it one bit.  I just really need to figure out a new schedule.  My longtime readers know I always say it takes me a couple of months to figure out a new schedule.  When I finally get one figured out something new happens.  Like a baby comes or something.  Haha.  


     5.  I get to show off my skills to my kids  I know all the books of the bible by heart and in order along with all the states.  Ha!  That is fun.  I really want to get them to learn those things because it's super helpful.  Learning the books of the bible is a fantastic skill.  Heh, heh.  My favorite is beating my husband to find the scripture every time pastor calls out one.  Whyyyy is he not more competitive?  I don't know.  He just calmly looks while I'm racing and saying "mwahahaha!" inside when I win.  Not that he was trying or anything.


    6. I'm learning....

Endurance

vs.

Giving up

The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God's best.

Galations 6:9

Anyway, at the end of a busy day I'm excited that I don't have to send them off in the yellow bus. :D  I'm hogging them all to me.  Mwhaha!  Such a lucky momma for sure.  I got to have a much needed break last year with all the health issues.  Now that I've caught my breath, we're taking a 3rd round of homeschooling.  Sometimes it's nice to sit in the stands and chill, other times I like to bat.  It requires a lot exercise, hard work, determination, and may cause bruises, but it's fulfilling and I learn a lot in the process.  My praying and bible reading is like my inhaler. Thank goodness for God's strength or I would just pass out flat.

Back to School... Hmph!

I really enjoyed the summer with my kids even though we didn't get to do as much with them as we hoped.  We still had fun around the house playing and hanging out.  I dreaded hearing the word school and thinking about my kids going back to school and being gone ALL DAY.  (Do they have a part time school anywhere?)  So when the I started talking to the school about them coming back I cried.  Being gone from 7am-4pm is just a really long time.  Do they REALLY need the kids to be gone that long every day?  Just seems like overkill.  I don't know how many times I showed up and watched the kids have wasted time in the classroom.  BUT STILL, compared to other schools we've experienced, I really liked it.  So be it, my kids were having to go back even if I dreaded it.

Getting water balloon fight ready

The past school year (2010/2011) I was excited that I had found them a really good charter school that had a bus system.  I'm not able to choose any schools around me so my kids have to go farther to one.  As long as the it's not a long ride for them where there pick up tons of students or course.  Well, I had fully planned on them attending the same charter school this year and even had them register.  Then I found out that they got rid of one of the buses which meant Chaz's bus driver was going.  My heart sank.  She was the only one that understood Chaz and knew what he needed to help keep him calm on the bus.  That also meant they were gonna try to cram more kids on just one bus and one route.  So I called them several times in the summer to find out if they figured out the new bus schedule.  They kept putting it off and putting it off. Finally school was starting and they still didn't know.  I wasn't about to put my kids in school thinking they might have a decent bus schedule only to have to pull them a week later when I find out what it was.  Then finally a little birdie let me in on the schedule and I found out that even though school gets out at 3pm, my kids would not be home till 5pm.  NO way!

We took water balloons out front!  :D

I tried to see if I could get them back onto Switched on Schoolhouse which I really love because of the bible teaching all throughout it.  Being that it's around $370 per grade to purchase, I was not able to do it.  I will be saving and purchasing it for next year. In the meantime we are using K12. Their alarm gets them up at 8:30am (nice mommy) and they eat breakfast and start schooling at 9am.  So far we only have 2 computers but one more is coming provided by K12.  

The living room area was just way too loud with the dogs barking every time someone even made a tapping sound.  They always figure someone is at the door.  It can be really frustrating every time I have to get all three dogs to stop barking every 30 minutes throughout the day.  My husband was heading to the back room while we were discussing the noise level of the house.  He came out 15 minutes later and I had completely cleared Caleb's room and had the two tables set up with two computers.  He was so surprised. He said, "we were just discussing this 15 minutes ago and you just whipped it together".  Yep, I don't play around.

We haven't received the materials yet so the room is pretty bare.  They still have them printing materials and doing online work.  We are usually done between 6 or 7 hours with the four kids. We'll see how it is when the materials come in.  Then our days will be pretty heavy with work. I decided to keep Ivy on Compass Learning since she does well on it and K12 is requiring way too much of her.  I know how much she can handle.  

Anyway, so busy with that and very little time for cleaning, laundry, or other things.  Whenever there is a huge change in our routine, it takes me a bit to evaluate the need again and write out a new system.  I have some of it down but a lot more that has to be evaluated and changed.  Right now the house is just a mess from trying to figure it all out.  But my husband agrees that their schooling comes absolutely first.

*Thank God*

I'm off to nap with my little ones.  :)