Visitors From Heaven or Hades?

Just when we are looking forward to some amazing events coming up, our van decides to just fall apart.  On Ashley's birthday the van wouldn't start.  I literally have everyone loading up and excited to spend the day at Amazing Jakes.  The van won't even start.  I am sitting there lightly banging my head on the steering wheel with my eyes tearing up because I have to go in and tell Ashley that we are going NOWHERE for her birthday.  Turns out our alternator died and killed our battery on the way down.  On top of that our head gasket is blown, need new spark plugs (not a big deal but the head gasket is) and it's gonna be a lot of money.  Thankfully I had some savings but the head gasket is gonna be huge so that's gonna have to wait.  So basically I'm told I can take my van very short distances only.  Ohhhh man.  Stuff happens and that's why I'm finally starting to understand that it's always good to save for emergencies.  I've been taking a class by Dave Ramsey called Financial Peace University.  So far it's been amazing and now I especially see the need for big emergency money.

Sigh.  

That was a few days ago.  Now I'm being told that my van probably won't make it another few months without getting a whole new engine in it.  I can't break down and go find a van where we have to make payments.  I need to save, save, save till this one dies.  We've only been using cash to buy cars for a really long time and I really don't want to get stuck in a payment as that wouldn't be very wise.

I know what I write below might step on some toes of dear friends I love but I just write how I feel.  Personal experience and opinion.

Last week I had a knock on my door from a couple of ladies.  They were very nice and wanted to share the gospel of Jesus with me.  Well, that's good.  I never have that happen so I was open to listen even though I very much have Jesus in my heart.  It was great until they told me that because I believe it's possible to lose my salvation, I'm already going to hell.  Then I can't be saved and they wanted to pray the sinners prayer with me.  I was taken back a bit.  You mean, I'm considered to be on my way to hell even though I've devoted my life to Christ and I believed I'm saved by grace and not by works, all because I'm unsure about eternal security?  Then that leaves about 95% of the world on their way to hell with no hope.  Forget all the Christians that serve Christ with all their hearts.  If they believe it's possible to lose their salvation, they are hopelessly lost.  This is very, very harsh.  She showed me tons and tons of scriptures but none of them straight out said that what they were saying is true.  Nothing. 

Well, this is exactly what I have been studying as of late in scriptures.  I used to believe I could lose my salvation at the drop of a hat.  One mistake and, darn, there goes my salvation again.  I guess I maybe had a Catholic-Christian mentality.  Always have to run back to church and ask for forgiveness and never having an assurance of salvation.  Basically, a life of fear.  In my recent studies I have been surprised to learn it is not at all like that.  We are sinners saved by grace and sustaining grace.  Well, what happens when someone blatantly lives in sin, unrepentant, for years and years on end?  Like someone who lives with their boyfriend, never marries?  Okay, well, I don't know.  I have been studying and studying about it.  Those two ladies told me that no matter what a person does, once they ask Christ into their hearts, they could go on a murder rampage for 30 years or until they die and they are destined to heaven.

After these ladies left, I just felt a heaviness.  They told me it was from God they came since I just happened to be studying about this.  However, I wasn't so sure.  Could it have been a total blow to discourage my studies?  That's exactly what happened.  I was discouraged because where I once had joy in what I had been learning, I was now told that since I doubt eternal security, I'm going to hell.  My gosh.  Well, I can't just buy whatever someone sells me at the door.  I need time to study the truth in the scriptures.  I have not once found what they are saying is true so that must mean I'm doomed.  I'm sure God's grace and mercy doesn't throw people into hell for loving, believing Him, living for Him yet they are just unsure of small parts of doctrine.  Goodness.  

That was about a week ago and talk about total joy ripped from my heart.  I've been really struggling since.  I did do some studying after they left and I can't find any scripture to back it up.  I do believe I would be wrong to believe I keep my salvation by my works.  Yes, I found many, many scriptures that say we cannot trust in keeping our own salvation.  It's completely by grace alone.  I also did some study work about "blotting the name out of the book of life" and was SURPRISED I had believed so wrong about that all my life as well.  So yes, I do my own study work. It's important to know scripture for myself.  But what an extremely discouraging experience to go through.