I'm in such a weird stage of my life. I never thought about it coming. EVER. I'm 35 and I've been blessed with 7 beautiful, fun, amazing, challenging, heart wrenching, adventurous kids. One is in heaven, although it's heartbreaking, I'm excited to meet someday. ;)
Last week I dismantled the crib for the first time in 14 years. Not super excited about it. Why am I feeling that way? Aren't some parents happy to get out of those diaper and crib stages? Doesn't it mean less physical slavery work but more drama? (Older kids come with more drama.) Ha. I wasn't happy about putting the crib in the garage. I was sad. I love the little pitter-patter of the feet across the house. I love the kisses and babbling. I don't care about all the diaper changes. I've never had a break so far for 14 years and that's just fine with me.
On the other side of it, no more babies means less work, less sleepless nights, no strollers, no diapers, no crib, no packing a diaper bag, no nursing, no binkies, no bottles.....
I don't know...... I'm extremely content. The weirdest thing is before I got pregnant with baby Genesis that we lost, I constantly was setting out 10 dinner plates. We'd be sitting at the table and I'd look around to see who was missing. It would dawn on me that we are only a family of nine. I'm talking about for months I did this. Once I got pregnant and lost the baby, I've never accidentally done this again. Weird, huh? My heart hurts thinking about never, ever having a little baby in my tummy again. Never again experiencing the miracle of birth. I don't mind waking up to those newborn cries a zillion times a night. I'm so used to it now. And believe me, it's not baby fever. I have person fever. Every single kid I have is so uniquely different that I just love learning about each one of them and I love their differences! It's so fun to see all the different personalities.
I'm sure lots of people go through these feelings. I just don't personally know anyone. If I express these feelings to people in my life they'd most likely say, "Well, don't you feel seven is enough?" When did it ever become a number? They are not a group to me. I know each and every kid personally. I make it a point to spend personal time with each one. And boy, I enjoy it! Yes, it's sooooo much work. Yes, housekeeping is a battle for me because it's getting messy as we're cleaning. Okay, so what? Who said a perfect house even matters? Good grief. I love toys strewn across my house. It shows we love living. A perfect house just feels unlived in and kind of empty. Besides, I have no friends that are perfectionists. I find that personality a bit annoying. (Sorry if I offended anyone). I'm not saying I like it messy but to me there is a balance. If you randomly show up at my house, it's gonna look lived in.
When is it time to move forward? I thought by now it'd be so obvious to me. People have told me many, many times that you'll always just know when you are done. Well, good grief, I'm still waiting for that definite feeling.
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