The Truth About Birth Control

Warning: Please do not continue to read if this is not a subject you like to talk about.  Many women get offended about this.  I've had some people who are curious about it and so I'm just reporting the facts.  I know I just talked about birth control pills the other day jokingly in my post but this is something that I found out about 7 years ago.

If you want to know..... read on.

Several years ago I was talking to my sister-in-law about the pill in general.  She told me that she doesn't believe in it but didn't want to tell me why.  I'm a super curious person so I just had to know.  She warned me that once she told me, it could change my beliefs about it so I had to be sure I wanted to know.  OF COURSE I want to know.  Basically, chemicals like the pill, IUD, Depo-Provera cause abortions really early on in the pregnancy.  If you are like me and you believe life begans at conceptions then this can really hurt your conscience.  My sister-in-law gave me the actual medical report on it. I read it completely and I was extremely shocked to say the least.  I then asked my doctor, and I really had to probe her, and she confirmed it was true.  I have never touched it since.

Well, I'm scared to just have one baby after another even though I believe the bible that children are an inheritance from the Lord.  I'm a chicken pants.  If I were a super mommy, believe me, I would have 20 kids.  I love them like crazy.  Nothing, nothing in this world could replace the treasures God gave me.  Not a career....nothing.  Having said that, I had 3 boys at the time and I was quite hesitant about trying for a girl.  Well now that I no longer believed in the pill, I started to look for other forms of birth control.  The older pills that were more powerful allowed you to ovulate up to 10% of the time.  They rid of that because it was too harmful to women.  The new mini pill that is popular allows you to ovulate 50% of the time but aborts baby early on so you don't carry baby.  Yikes!  So I began to look for other ways. This is what I found:

Breakthrough Ovulation Estimates for other "Birth Control" Methods:

1) Norplant has breakthrough ovulation 50-65% of the time.

2) Depo-Provera has breakthrough ovulation 40-60% of the time.

3) The IUD has breakthrough ovulation 100% of the time. (What???  Wow!)

4) With over 17 million American women using the Pill and other chemical abortifacients, it is estimated that breakthough ovulation and pregnany occurs so often . . . that between 7 to 12 million newly conceived children are killed by chemical abortions in the womb each year. And most of these women never even knew they were pregnant.

You can read more at this Pro Life website for tons of information.  So, finding this out and not really knowing what I was going to do, I became pregnant with baby number 4.  Oh man, she is so cute.  Then baby number 5 and 6.  They are so cute and such blessings from God!  I can't imagine them not being here.  There are no regrets there.  But I can tell you that although it kind of frustrated me having this information in my hands, I know it's only right to pass the information along.  I hate the idea that Satan has this kind of stronghold in our lives and even good Christians are somehow involved unintentionally.  It's not like they post it boldly in waiting rooms of pharmacies. It's not even in small print.  Just brushed under the rug.  It hurts to know I took the pill for the first few years of my marriage.  :(

From Birth Control Advocates

Lawyers from organizations that promote abortion have admitted in print and in legal briefs that these products cause abortions. A Tulane Law School Professor wrote:

...nearly all birth control devices, except the diaphragm and the condom, operate between the time of conception and implantation... (Emphasis added)

Attorney Frank Sussman argued in the U.S. Supreme Court:

...IUDs [and] low dose birth control pills...act as abortifacients

If you read this and you are now mad....

I WARNED YOU

Ran Out of Gas!

Tuesday night is always our library night and we look forward to it every week.  Once we ate dinner, we headed out.  I looked down at the gas gauge and noticed it was getting low but not too bad.  We would just get gas after we left the library because I needed to make it in time before the cafe closes there.  It's my favorite part of going there.  They have free wifi too but that's not why I go.  I go to get away into the land of books.  Not into more computer.  So on the way there I notice the van sputters a little.  I thought maybe I need to check the oil but I remembered that Charles put oil in it the day before.  I looked at the gas gauge and it was fine.  So we kept on our way driving to the library.  When we are just a few blocks away, the van sputters and stalls.  I am able to pull over in time to a side street.  We couldn't believe it.  I looked at the gas gauge. I was just hoping that there wasn't some serious van problems.  But when we tried to turn the van back on, it showed the gauge where it actually should have been.  Below the red line!  What???  No wonder we ran out of gas.  Gas gauge got stuck for some reason.  So this young guy walks right next to our van and says he has a gas can.  He lives a mile away though so Charles left with him and they walked there together.  We didn't want to wait in the van for a couple of hours so we got out of the van, held hands and prayed and walked the rest of the way to the library to get in the warm building.  I had six kids with me so I was nervous with the big street right there.  I have a couple of clutzy kids and I was scared they'd trip and fall in the street.  Sure enough, a couple trip a few times but I had them between me and the wall, away from the road.  I was freezing because dummy me wore shorts and a tshirt.  I thought I'd be going straight from warm house, to warm van, to warm library.  When we finally got inside the library, all my kids started thanking God and praising Jesus for keeping us safe.  It was so cute.  LOL.  Poor Charles walked for an hour and half in some really uncomfortable shoes and got blisters in order to get gas can and get it to the van.  It was really cold outside too.  When he finally got back to meet us at the library, it was closing.  Poor guy!  The kids and I had fun reading books together while waiting for Charles.  They have a toddler section with puzzles and toys so they can entertain themselves while you read.  It's such a calming place to be and we love, love going there.  After we got home, we went to our house alarm to punch in the code to turn alarm off.  For some reason it wouldn't work and the alarm just kept going off.  Nothing we did would work and it's really loud!  Finally we had to rip it out of the wall, no joke.  At that note, I got in a hot bath to relax and calm down after such an odd night.  Thank goodness for Charles that I wasn't alone when we ran out of gas.  There was no phone or gas station for quite a ways and I would have been trying to take six kids with me to get to one.  He's my knight for sure.  (Next time, honey, we'll just have to be more careful).  :D

Bridezilla!

I was in the bath tonight reading a magazine.  Ever in search of a birth control that is not conflicting with my comvictions, I came across an ad for one.  This is funny.  It's for YAZ it's called.  Here are some of the side effects.

• Irritability (Poor husband)
• Anger (Oh man, I bet that'll keep the guy away any day)
• Feeling anxious (why you pace sometimes)
• Fatigue (well, when you're tired you usually don't want to be with your husband.)
• Markedly depressed moods (Oh great.  Might this explain the rise in anti-anxiety/depression drugs?)
• Headaches ("Honey, not tonight.  I have a headache)
• Bloating (This explains the tight pants syndrome)
• Muscle aches (Now you don't have to work out to get this feeling)
• Changes in appetite (for the better or for worse?)

See, maybe guys this is why your wifee runs away from you.  Guys complain that they don't have enough romantic nights with their wife.  WELL, THIS COULD EXPLAIN WHY.  Here you go.  Maybe that information shouldn't be in small print.  Maybe that should be posted up in every pharmacy that sells this kind of stuff.  Do you know why birth control works so well?  Because of these symptoms right here.  I'm sure the reason birth control works so well is because, well, those kinds of symptoms would drive any two people apart.  Scary, huh?  I remember taking birth control pills way back in the day and I had all those symptoms.  I turned into a crazy lady.  Maaaaybe, this is why divorce in on the rise. YOU NEVER KNOW.  Just think about it.  A sweet fiance, looking forward to her wedding day.  She starts on this birth control stuff and all of a sudden you have a irritable, angry, anxious, overly tired, depressed, prone to headaches, weight gaining, achey, snack munching in the middle of the night, new bride.  Kind of like BANG, welcome to marriage baby.  Hmmmm.... maybe we ought to think of another route to birth control and see if possibly these rates of marriages that end before six months just might start going back down.  Annulments could go down!  "Whoa, who are you and what did you do with my wife?" kind of stuff.  Gives you something to think about.

12 Kids Christmas

Did you guys have an awesome Christmas?  Ours was smaller this year but we were happy to be able to visit with my sister and family from South Africa.  We all went to my mom's house and had a good time.  Just between Jodee and I there were 10 kids.  It was loud and fun!  Her kids are so funny and we were all laughing.  One of my nephews is good at doing impressions.  He was even immitating the Chipmunks.  Finally when my other sister showed up with her two kids, we tried to get a picture with them all together but Caleb was crying.  My mom has a condo so the dinner table was stretched all the way into her living room.  I love having a big family! 

It was hard getting pictures and any good ones we got, some kids accidentally got cut off in the frame. So here are mostly silly ones.  LOL.

Kid's Christmas Play 2009

Ivy is the one in the front with the gold dress and Kyle with the blue shirt.  Ryan is in back with orange shirt and Chaz right behind him with red shirt but he's hard to see.  Later Ryan comes out as Joseph and Chaz as one of the wisemen.  There is a great gospel message at the end!  It's always so incredibly cute seeing all the kids up there.  At one point you can see my daughter crying and holding her arms out to me.  I can't wait to see Ashley in the play next year.

Click on any of these pics to view bigger.

Above: Ivy in gold dress.

Ryan as Joseph.  He was bummed he didn't get to hold baby he said.

Chaz as wiseman in center

My goofy Kyle dancing in blue shirt. He's such a ham!

Can We Get An Award For Numerous Visits?

Chaz had gotten a red bump on his arm a month ago and it just kept growing and growing. Well, one day is started bleeding. It bled so bad Chaz started freaking out. We all were because there was blood everywhere! No joke. We couldn't even get it to stop. We went to the ER and they had to burn it and then send us to a specialist to have it removed and sent out for a biopsy. Since this family never separates for any reason, we all crammed in the little room as you can see! :) Caleb was in back of stroller and hidden to keep germs away. We have come to the ER so many times that I'm surprised we don't have some sort of an award on the wall. I don't remember what that thing is called on Chaz's arm but it's a long word. I can tell you that.

Chaz's boo boo below.  Or you can call it an ouchie.  That'after it got burned.  It bled every day and when it got bumped, it would start to bleed again really bad and soak his blankets. 

Also!  Wanted to let you know about a giveaway HP Touchscreen giveaway!

Going Rogue

Going Rogue by Sarah Palin was one of the best books I've ever read.  She really shocked me.  Media said so much garbage against her and they tried really, really hard to make her look like she didn't know anything and had no right to be running for VP.  Man, if she took the same ideas that she implemented in Alaska and did it for America, it would be awesome.  This book answers many questions that were important for me.

1.) What did she do for Alaska while Governor?
2.) What are her family values?  How well is she able to juggle politics, marriage, children, etc.?
3.) What about all the things the media spewed out about her?  What's the truth?
4.) Why did she step away from Governor after running for VP?
5.) What's her next plans?

I also enjoyed reading her history and how she came about to be in politics.  I love how down to earth she is and I really enjoyed reading her journey in running for vice president.  She even talks about finding out she's pregnant and her reaction to finding out she was going to have a down syndrome baby.  Did you know that 90% of down syndrome kids are aborted?  Media spewed so much garbage and twisted so many things about her. Sadly, but not surprising, people bought into all the lies as usual.  Another reason why I never listen to biased news media.  You can't get a true and straight story from them.  One quote she said in the book really, really touched my heart and I'd love to share it with you. 

Criticism is something we can avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. -Aristotle

I can't tell you how much that spoke to me.  Sadly, I get criticism at times because I'm married with six children.  Some people just can't imagine how I can enjoy living my life with little ones around me.  They assume because they wouldn't like it, that everyone else must feel the same way.  I got criticized for marrying at 19 years old, I got criticized for getting pregnant by the age of 20.  Then for having them so close together. Then because I had 3 kids and it's so unfair to the others.  Then I got criticized for not having the perfect kept house.  For being a Christian.  For being too much a Jesus fanatic.  For not having a TV.  For not traveling with them enough.  For not making enough money to have so many.  On and on and on.  I could just hide in my house.  Never get out or go anywhere. Never speak from my heart.  Never try to truly live my life for Christ, which by the way.... the most criticism I get is from people who say they love God.  (I once heard someone say a fanatic is someone who loves Jesus more than you. :D )  I could never share my faith because I would be worried about "pushing it in their face".  Seriously, eternity is a long time.  Can you imagine standing before God and having that explanation as to why you didn't share your faith with your mom, your brother, you cousin, your teacher, your classmate?  Because it's my personal business and I'd rather just let my light shine.  I'm so, so, so glad that Jesus ministered to many instead of sitting in his carpentry shop just letting his light shine.  I don't want to hide in a hole just because I don't want to receive criticism anymore.  Someone close to me recently told me, "why don't you stop popping out babies and go get a job?"  It was like saying, "how could you possibly find any value in God's creation?  In that little soul?  How can you possibly want children over money?  What value is that?"  Well, to me, comparing money to a child is like comparing a plastic ring to a the read thing (gold).  You just can't compare.  Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

It is better to use things and love people rather than to use people and love things.

Watch Out For This Guy!

No joke.

If I am not careful he will go make me take a warm bubble bath with a book and a candle.  Either that or he'll let me steal a delicious midday nap while he makes the kids do their chores and gets things back in order.  He'll stop everyday at the little store to buy me a drink before he comes home from work.  He'll lay the kids down every night and pray with them so I can have a break and he can spend time with them.  Imagine that!  He'll never complain to me that the house needs cleaning or that the laundry needs to be done.  He'll always point out my strengths and never point a finger at my blaring weaknesses.  He can be so darn supportive.  I just don't know what to do with him.  Ha.

Seriously though.  I think there are so many gripes we can have about our spouses but we forget to think about what they are doing right.  Sometimes I see dads that are so uninvolved or into their own things.  Heck, I can't even go to the grocery store alone!  Charles wants to be there right along with me pushing another cart.  He even makes sad faces while sitting somewhere watching a movie (like when we're in a waiting room somewhere).  If it's a happy part in a movie he'll be smiling away.  If it's sad, he'll make a sad face.  He DOESN'T believe me.  TILL NOW.  You want to see some proof?  Here's the pic below.

I Think I Can!

I started working out gain.  Not the same ol' usually workout.  I'm applying a much harsher workout on myself and I do it five days a week  verses how I used to only workout 2-3 time a week at best.  Biggest Loser said obese people have to work out at least 1 1/2 every day to keep the weight off once they get it off.  I'm not obese but I figure if I work out everyday I will have a good chance of losing some weight.  I have 17lbs to lose.  It's really annoying because I can't fit any of my clothes.  So I was excited to finally be back at the gym.  I LOVE to workout.  So last night I RAMMED my foot into one of the kitchen chairs.  My whole foot went really warm for awhile.  So now I have it wrapped and I can hardly walk on it.  NOT GOOD. So tomorrow I will be working out on the bike instead.  My foot isn't gonna take me down, darn it!  I hate having something always get in the way of working out.

Wanting Weight Loss

My boys hear me talk all the time about weight loss and how much I want to work out, be careful what I eat, and lose weight.  Well, it was one of those nights where I showed them some clips online of the Biggest Loser and some of the stuff they had to go through to lose weight.  Well, Chaz went and put on a head band and him and Ryan got to work doing push ups in their bedroom.  They kept coming out to have me check their muscles to see if there was any improvement.  Ha ha!  So they just want to show you here.  I don't know.  Do you think they should be the next Biggest Loser?  I personally think they can put on some pounds. 

Today, Ryan was playing on the trampoline. When he tried to do a flip he landed on his head.  Well, his chin went into his chest and bruised it.  It was causing him a lot of pain and so I took him to the children's hospital just to make sure everything was okay.  Turns out that he is just bruised and it'll take a week or more for the pain to go away.  We LOVE the trampoline but we've had a few accidents with it.  Yes, it has a net but so far this is the third injury.  The doctor told that most of the accidents come from there being no net and kids falling off and getting a broken arm.  This is major entertainment for my kids so I would be sad for them if I took it away.  Since there is a net, I won't for now. But goodness. He said another big accident prone device causer is the ATVs.  He said he gets TONS of kids in the ER because of that. I know my little cousin and her father were in ER with bad concussions, with broken collar bones and he had to have his ear sewn back on.  I asked if it made a difference that kids ride the ones meant for them but he said they still have lots of injuries from it.  Hmmm..... We have talked about taking a trip to the Zion National Park again in Utah.  That is one of our favorite things to do but I'm just not sure about it since the injury statistics are so high. 

Chores Without Whining

My pastor says we're as lazy as we dare to be. I believe it. 

My kids on a daily basis tell me how hard their chores are.  It's actually really easy.  BUT.  They make their chores SO much harder because they make such big messes.  For example:  Ryan's chore is to clean the living room, make his bed, and make sure all kid shoes are in the basket.  Easy breezy.  They make such big messes so it makes their job harder.  Chaz's chore is to feed the dog, make his bed, and put clothes in dirty hamper.  Well, if they put their clothes in the hamper rather on the floor, that chore would be nonexistant.  Kyle's is cleaning kid's table, making sure there is toilet paper in the bathroom, cups are put away in sink (because they are plastic), and put toys away.  Ivy is just responsible for her room.  On and on.  I think those chores are really fair and easy for them to do but because they make such huge messes throughout the day, some of those chores become much larger.  That's when they get upset.  They think they are working too hard.  Well hey, I asked them if they want to trade chores with me cleaning the kitchen, cooking, dishes, laundry, mopping, teaching, making a zillion appointments, etc.  They were like "no thanks."  I think my kids have it good and they even get chore money after they finish their Saturday chores.  I think whining is a big no no so we made the rule that during chore time, there is no talking aloud and they are given 30 minutes and these chores are done twice a day.  Once at 10am and then at 5pm.  What do you guys do in your family?  I love ideas.

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What Happened To The Alarm?

This morning when I rolled out of bed for church, I noticed the alarm hadn't gone off.  My gosh, it was was 9am!  We have to leave by 9:15am in order to get there on time.  How in the world was I gonna pull it off?  Charles said, "Babe, we can do this!"  So I jump up, throw on my dress.  Put dry shampoo on my hair, put it up, pick out some cute shoes course (for you shoe lovers like me).  Then I looked at the kids and thought, "my goodness.  How in the world and I gonna get them all ready?"  So the boys took care of their clothes.  I did notice that Kyle had mismatching socks.  That was kind of embarrassing but oh well.  The girls, I did their hair real quick.  I didn't get to doll them up like I always do for Sunday mornings.  I insisted I HAD to have my coffee so we stopped at Circle K and grabbed some.  We ended up being 15 minutes late but we made it.  Phew!  I mean, talk about a record getting to church with so many of us in such a short amount of time.  I'll never complain about waking up so late as 8am ever again.  That was so crazy and I hope to never have that happen again.  We go to church 3 times a week but Sunday morning is our favorite because of Sunday school for the kids.  I remember growing up with sunday school and I knew how much it helped me and I have fond memories of it.  I hope you guys had a great Sunday!  I even took a 3 hour nap today.  Was awesome.

Decorating For CHRISTmas

I love decorating for CHRISTmas although I didn't really feel like doing the lights outside this year. :P I don't really feel like risking a ladder fall. I have to admit though that I love heights. So that part I'll miss. I love walking all over my roof and looking around the neighborhood. Gosh, now that I'm talking about it, I kind of feel like getting the ladder just to sit on the roof. How fun. Anyhow, the kids had tons of fun and although we have a tiny tree, the kid had fun putting bulbs on. We don't have any glass ones because it's no use. By the time Christmas comes, the toddler of the family has tested them all out. Now they just bounce. Works for me.

Baaaaaaaad Day...Sigh

              I had a bad day yesterday.

A really bad day.

Just a bad one in general but I'll highlight one portion of it.  I was cooking dinner and Caleb was crying.  I figured that I could go change his diaper real quick why dinner is on the stove.  So I took off his diaper and was wiping him down when he peed all over his face.  He just kept peeing and peeing while I was trying to block it.  So I set down his pacifyer, which is soaked in pee, on the changing table and I rush him to the tub.  He's screaming because I was stripping off his clothes real fast and giving him a bath. Well, he hates baths.  I look up and there is no towel.  I'm in the kids bathroom and since they never put their towels back up I had to yell for one.  Poor little Caleb, I was trying to keep him warm.  Ivy runs in with a towel and I smell dinner burning.  I wrap up Caleb and go to look for his binky so I can put him down and rescue dinner.  Well, the binky (pacifyer) is no where.  I finally just hand Caleb in a towel to Charles (with no diaper) so I can rescue dinner.  I find that dinner is ruined so I go to find the binky and it's in Ashley's mouth!  She saw the binky on the changing table and she grabbed it.  I hadn't had a chance to clean it yet!  I grab it from her and go clean it.  Well, I didn't have time to make more food so we just ate french bread and salad.  The other part of the dinner that wasn't ruined.  Then we had to get ready for church.  Something else really bad happened after we got back from church.  I don't even want to talk about it.  In fact, any time a person with 4, 5, 6 or 20 kids complains, someone will always say (or think), well, that's what you get for having all those kids.  I'm sticking my tongue out at them right now.  :P

Our 11th Wedding Anniversary!

Guys, I totally forgot to mention that Saturday was our 11th anniversary.  I woke up to a dozen rozes next to my bed with chocolate and a card.  Charles got up real early to get it before I woke up. I wasn't thinking we were gonna go on a date because we hadn't planned anything and it's so hard to get a sitter with 6 kids.  The last time we went on a date was for our 10 year anniversary.  My husband surprised me with tickets to IMAX to see a little Christmas show.  It was so cute!  Then a dinner to the Hyatt where he first proposed to me.  It's a tall building with a restuarant on top that slowly turns so you can see the whole city by the time you finish eating an hour later. It goes really slow so you can hardly notice it turning.  Otherwise I'd barf.  Ha ha.  I got my original dish that I chose before.  Salmon and tiger shrimp.  My mom watched my kids so that was great!  I felt so bad because things took longer than we thought and we showed back up late.  Thank goodness for my mom's patience. :)  The picture I took from the restuarant isn't that great because I took it with my cell phone.  I wish I had my camera.  It was a beautiful and cold night.  :D

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Beautiful Sunsets and Christmas Plays!

I love our sunsets here. So pretty.  I'm so glad the weekend is over.  I'm always happy when I can go back into my comfort routine.  Ahhhh.....  Just something so comforting about it.  I used to love the busyness.  Not anymore.  It's busy at home all the time but there is a routine to everything.  You know, like chore time, homeschooling time, lunch time.  Then Monday also means a thorough cleaning of the Living room and it means all of Charles' clothes get washed.  Stuff like that. I love church on the weekends but by the end of Sunday night, I'm just so happy to put my feet up.  My feet are killing me right now.  I love seeing my friends and talking to them at church.  Especially the ones that come down in the nursing room. Those are my buddies.  :)  Caleb was fussy and they told me he might be gassy?  Ashley had green boogers stuff so I had to keep her out of nursery and with us. To top it off she was constipated. I know you guys allllll wanted to know that.  Glad to enlighten you.  Ha.  Kids are practicing for the Christmas play.  Ryan, my eight year old, told me he's gonna play Joseph.  I told him that he's not allowed to kiss Mary but he promised me he wouldn't.  Chaz is gonna be the shephard.  Please, oh, please don't pick the sheep's cotton off this year, Chaz.  I'm glad you didn't last year.  You did well playing Joseph.  You stayed so far away from Mary that I was wondering if you were scared of her. 

Parental Oopsies

I found these on Awkward Family Photos and I can relate to these oopsies.  I've done a few of my own.  Aren't we supposed to protect?  We usually do but... the other night at church I was holding the baby carrier and I couldn't see little Ashley so I was turning around with the carrier Caleb was in and saying "Ashley? Ashley?"  THONK.  "Oh, there you are."  I felt like bad as I bent down to give her a hug.  I didn't know she was right under the carrier and I thonked her in the head with it trying to find her. 

Or I've done the one where I am coming in from the garage where my washine machine is and I open the door right into one of my kids as I'm carrying in laundry.  They have quickly learned to just stay clear of the door and I have learned to open the door SLOWLY.  I've just taken too many pictures where there is an egg on my kids' head.

Whoa, What Have I Started?

Being that my 11 year anniversary is in two days I started looking through old pictures.  The first one was just a month before I got pregnant with my first.  I guess I didn't need those "pills" after all.  The one where I am holding my nephew, I was newly pregnant with my first.  I was totally tripping out right there.  Not on drugs.  Haha.  I mean I just couldn't believe I was going to be a parent.  In fact I didn't really believe it till I brought my baby home for the first time and walked through my front door.  I'm surprised I didn't faint I was so shocked from it all. I think the killer for me was being woken up every 2-3 hours in the night.  Wowza.  My husband said I looked like a zombie and I would cry a lot.  Yeah, the reason was because I was just to figure out what in the world I was doing and being that I never really took care of babies before, this was like rocket science for me.  Just trying to change a diaper without getting peed on seemed like I needed courses on it.  We were only married for 11 months when I got pregnant.  Someone told me that I had no need to worry.  It takes several months, even up to a year, to get pregnant after going off of birth control pills. Yeah.  Ummm.... it took me 2 weeks.  Wake up!  You're a mommy!  Having children was the best thing that could of ever happened to me, aside from giving my heart to Christ.  Talk about my selfishess nature having to be beaten right out of me.  I felt emotionally black and blue.  I grew up and it didn't happen over night.  Noooo.... Every day I had to die to my flesh.  It doesn't mean I didn't love my little baby!  I just liked my freedom and wasn't ready to give it all up.  Not to worry, I got over it because 3 months after I had Chaz, baby number two was on his way.